Boyfriend & I have blow out fights every so often - what's going on?
December 15, 2013 1:46 PM Subscribe
We've been together for 6 months and things have generally been lovely. But on two occasions now we've had two big fights with a similar theme.
posted by Kat_Dubs to Human Relations (49 answers total) 8 users marked this as a favorite
We're both passionate/stubborn people but I feel my boyfriend takes things too far. The first time we fought I was talking about a favourite movie and said I liked the 'dry humour' in it. He then said he'd heard a lot of bad reviews from friends and also "really didn't think it was dry humour at all." He then went on to tell me the definition of dry humour as though I was stupid/which I found extremely patronising considering he hadn't even seen the film but was determined to disagree with my thoughts on it regardless.
The second fight was very recent and a lot worse. I had picked up a magazine and groaned when I saw comedian Frankie Boyle was one of the main people featured inside. My boyfriend asked why I was groaning as he "quite likes" the comedian & I told him I disliked the comment he had made a while ago about Katie Price's disabled son. I thought it was a step too far, ie. he shouldn't have been using a disabled, brain-damaged child who cannot defend himself as the butt of comedic joke.
However my boyfriend didn't see the problem citing free speech. But this descended into a big debate rapidly. He ended up saying I "really had to put it into context with what's happening in the rest of the world"- ie. children starving in Africa! This then turned to him saying that he thought governments should be looking after poorer people before we start looking after people with disabilities (as though they come second, because "disabiltiies are often linked to poverty" -where's the proof?) - instead of doing both at the same time as I suggested. "Well there are varying levels of disability" he says. "I could survive without having one hand, but life could be a lot worse for someone in real poverty." Eventually he started picking out words I was saying, while analysing them to death. And suddenly we both feel very disconnected despite having such a nice evening earlier on. Another time I was having a terribly stressful week and told him so (my relative was dying from cancer) and he responded with "well, everyone has varying degrees of stress in their life". He later apologised but I feel like he can't talk about one topic without having to discuss everything else on earth and it's frustrating. This doesn't happen often at all but when it does it's horrible and exhausting.
Don't get me wrong, he can be a wonderful guy. He is supportive, a great cook, funny and obviously intelligent and caring. But this has reared it's ugly head twice now and I'd like people to help me get to the bottom of it! I confided in a relative earlier (who likes him a lot) who said we might just have to agree to disagree sometimes, but I'm not sure...