How do I respond to this?
December 2, 2013 6:21 AM Subscribe
I just received a probably inappropriate and drunken, certainly meddling message on FB from someone I don't know, but who has connections to my family.
posted by RedEmma to Human Relations (25 answers total)
I am a stepmom. My stepson is 17, and going through a mildly tough time. (Meaning he will not graduate from high school on time, has no job, he is drinking on occasion and probably smoking pot.) To avoid consequences or being told what to do in our household, he spends most of his time at his alcoholic and permissive mother's home and at his girlfriend's. Alcoholic Mom's roommate is a distant cousin who is also an alcoholic. Stepson has little respect for either of them, but uses them to his own ends. There is no doubt that he is openly disrespectful of Distant Cousin Roommate.
There is no custody arrangement, and we've done what we can do at this point to guide his behavior. We help him when we can and when he arrives at home, but we are aware that aside from keeping him safe, there is little we can do at this point. He has no access to a car, for instance. (We don't have the money or interest in incarcerating him, since his illegal acts are minor.) We communicate on a regular basis, and he doesn't hate us or disrespect us. He just wants to do his own thing, and he knows we disapprove.
Last night I received what was probably a drunken message from Roommate Cousin. I don't know her, have never met her, and only know of her from the children's reports of her behavior at Alcoholic Mom's home. They dislike her, mostly because she is encouraging Alcoholic Mom to party and drink even more than she would normally, and she has inserted herself into the family in a way they find off-putting. She is only the latest in annoying, drunken roommates of mom's.
Our relationship with Alcoholic Mom is distant but civil. We communicate as little as possible, because she believes she is Super Mom, despite the fact that she provides little in the way of food, finances or guidance for her children. (We both really despise her, but we are excruciatingly polite about it.) We have always picked up the slack. Luckily, during some of their formative years, she abandoned them utterly and moved away. But she's back. Other child is basically grown and spends minimal time visiting with Alcoholic Mom. But Stepson and Alcoholic Mom have a mutually user relationship: he uses her to avoid us, she uses him to babysit her 8yo.
Here's the FB message I just got from Distant Cousin/Roommate:
"I am interested to know if you two realize what [Stepson] does?...you 2 are. His parents and it doesn't seem like [Stepson's Dad] cares.SOS"
I have a number of responses floating around in my head, ranging from snarky to outright angry. Maybe I shouldn't respond at all. Bleah.
Anyone have any advice?