Help me give my first blowjob.
November 18, 2013 8:46 AM Subscribe
I'm a gal in my late 20s and I've never given a blowie before. Give me some tips on how to try it out without embarrassing myself too badly.
There's no particular reason why I've never done this before, except that my one long term relationship was with the rare sort of guy who just didn't care for them at all. Besides that my sexual experience is largely limited to a smattering of random hookups, which never felt like the right moment for "hey, want to enjoy my first-ever shitty blowjob?" so I just avoided them altogether. I'm sleeping with a new guy now and I think he's great and I'd like to get over this hurdle with him.
I've tried watching pornos for this but they all just seem so...ridiculous and performative, I guess. I suppose I'd have to talk this through with my guy first and I'm honestly really embarrassed about being pushing 30 with no oral experience when it seems like most girls nowadays are experts at half my age. I am otherwise enthusiastic about sex and I'm pretty sure I'd enjoy giving BJs once I got used to doing them. I mostly don't want to be terrible and don't want to hurt him. I also have an exceptionally small mouth according to my dentist, which isn't particularly reassuring. Also have a pretty bad gag reflex so I think deep throating will be out of the question.
Any tips/advice/resources on getting over this and giving my first blowjob?
There's no particular reason why I've never done this before, except that my one long term relationship was with the rare sort of guy who just didn't care for them at all. Besides that my sexual experience is largely limited to a smattering of random hookups, which never felt like the right moment for "hey, want to enjoy my first-ever shitty blowjob?" so I just avoided them altogether. I'm sleeping with a new guy now and I think he's great and I'd like to get over this hurdle with him.
I've tried watching pornos for this but they all just seem so...ridiculous and performative, I guess. I suppose I'd have to talk this through with my guy first and I'm honestly really embarrassed about being pushing 30 with no oral experience when it seems like most girls nowadays are experts at half my age. I am otherwise enthusiastic about sex and I'm pretty sure I'd enjoy giving BJs once I got used to doing them. I mostly don't want to be terrible and don't want to hurt him. I also have an exceptionally small mouth according to my dentist, which isn't particularly reassuring. Also have a pretty bad gag reflex so I think deep throating will be out of the question.
Any tips/advice/resources on getting over this and giving my first blowjob?
Honey, do not over analyze this. Just grab it and go for it!
posted by ouke at 8:57 AM on November 18, 2013 [4 favorites]
posted by ouke at 8:57 AM on November 18, 2013 [4 favorites]
I had the same issue but it went a long way to getting over it for me to realize that just having my mouth there was great for a guy. Just don't, like, bite, and you'll be good. Do what feels ok. Use your hand on the bottom if you are worried about choking. Ta-da!
posted by chainsofreedom at 9:00 AM on November 18, 2013 [1 favorite]
posted by chainsofreedom at 9:00 AM on November 18, 2013 [1 favorite]
You can ask the gentleman in question for a lot of detailed guidance based on it being the first time you're giving this partner a blow job, without tipping your hand about the full extent of your inexperience. Male preferences about technique are about as varied as men in general so there's no danger of giving yourself away by not knowing "the obvious."
posted by telegraph at 9:04 AM on November 18, 2013 [10 favorites]
posted by telegraph at 9:04 AM on November 18, 2013 [10 favorites]
Finally, a question in one of my areas of expertise! I'm a woman so mileage may vary and I don't have direct experience RECEIVING a blowjob, but the techniques detailed below have led to some very positive reviews:
Especially if you are nervous, start with a lot of licking, particularly around the base. From there, start giving little licks up the shaft until you reach the head and then do a nice, long lick from the very base all the way up the shaft to the head. Do a lot of licking before you ever take it in your mouth; this will acclimate you and also is, I am told, very enjoyable. You will also probably get a lot of positive feedback in the form of moans and sighs. If you want, you can take just the head into your mouth for a moment. You can do this a couple of times if it is well-received.
After your licking phase (think of this as basically blowjob foreplay), you are probably ready to take it into your mouth. If you'd prefer, start with just the tip and suck on that (not too hard! NEVER TEETH!), and lick with your tongue on the base of the head. There is sometimes a spot under there that is especially enjoyable but don't freak out about finding that. Lick a little circle around the rim of the head (assuming circumcision) maybe a couple of times. This is the part where I would recommend taking the penis into your mouth as far as you feel comfortable. Don't do anything with which you're not comfortable! Don't rush it! Don't make yourself choke! Just take it as far in as you feel like and kind of suck on it like a vacuum cleaner while you back off with your head. Do this a couple of times if it seems to be working.
The main thing that surprised me when I first started giving blowjobs is how much the hands are involved as well. After you first get as much of the head and shaft into your mouth as you feel like doing, kind of suck on the head while you rub the shaft with your hand. It should be nice and lubricated from your spit at this point and I recommend using the tips of your fingers on the underneath part of the penis because that's where it's particularly sensitive. Keep doing this, starting out slowly and getting faster, for as long as it takes.
Some general tips:
1) MAKE SURE YOUR MOUTH IS NOT DRY! Drink lots of water and be sure you have plenty of spit available for lubrication and your comfort.
2) Be aware of feedback! Listen to moans and be aware of when the penis twitches or whatever. These are good signs.
3) Decide whether you're going to spit or swallow ahead of time and maybe let the guy know. To be honest I've never spit so I'm not sure how that works but have a plan and don't be surprised if it tastes kind of weird.
4) I'll say it again: NO TEETH! Eventually maybe you can get there (gently) but don't start out that way.
5) Relax! If you're with someone who's not an asshole, he will be appreciative and understanding. You can get good at it with practice and I doubt anyone will mind being your partner in this.
Good luck! You can do it! Have fun!
posted by Mrs. Pterodactyl at 9:11 AM on November 18, 2013 [35 favorites]
Especially if you are nervous, start with a lot of licking, particularly around the base. From there, start giving little licks up the shaft until you reach the head and then do a nice, long lick from the very base all the way up the shaft to the head. Do a lot of licking before you ever take it in your mouth; this will acclimate you and also is, I am told, very enjoyable. You will also probably get a lot of positive feedback in the form of moans and sighs. If you want, you can take just the head into your mouth for a moment. You can do this a couple of times if it is well-received.
After your licking phase (think of this as basically blowjob foreplay), you are probably ready to take it into your mouth. If you'd prefer, start with just the tip and suck on that (not too hard! NEVER TEETH!), and lick with your tongue on the base of the head. There is sometimes a spot under there that is especially enjoyable but don't freak out about finding that. Lick a little circle around the rim of the head (assuming circumcision) maybe a couple of times. This is the part where I would recommend taking the penis into your mouth as far as you feel comfortable. Don't do anything with which you're not comfortable! Don't rush it! Don't make yourself choke! Just take it as far in as you feel like and kind of suck on it like a vacuum cleaner while you back off with your head. Do this a couple of times if it seems to be working.
The main thing that surprised me when I first started giving blowjobs is how much the hands are involved as well. After you first get as much of the head and shaft into your mouth as you feel like doing, kind of suck on the head while you rub the shaft with your hand. It should be nice and lubricated from your spit at this point and I recommend using the tips of your fingers on the underneath part of the penis because that's where it's particularly sensitive. Keep doing this, starting out slowly and getting faster, for as long as it takes.
Some general tips:
1) MAKE SURE YOUR MOUTH IS NOT DRY! Drink lots of water and be sure you have plenty of spit available for lubrication and your comfort.
2) Be aware of feedback! Listen to moans and be aware of when the penis twitches or whatever. These are good signs.
3) Decide whether you're going to spit or swallow ahead of time and maybe let the guy know. To be honest I've never spit so I'm not sure how that works but have a plan and don't be surprised if it tastes kind of weird.
4) I'll say it again: NO TEETH! Eventually maybe you can get there (gently) but don't start out that way.
5) Relax! If you're with someone who's not an asshole, he will be appreciative and understanding. You can get good at it with practice and I doubt anyone will mind being your partner in this.
Good luck! You can do it! Have fun!
posted by Mrs. Pterodactyl at 9:11 AM on November 18, 2013 [35 favorites]
Meant to add: I have a small mouth and have never received any complaints.
posted by Mrs. Pterodactyl at 9:12 AM on November 18, 2013
posted by Mrs. Pterodactyl at 9:12 AM on November 18, 2013
If the guy is a decent person, it'll be fine. If the guy is an asshat, well, pick another guy? But treat it as a low-pressure thing. You're a real, live, warm person and this is something nice and fun that you want to do to make him feel good. (Also, blowjobs are fun for the giver, at least in my world. And sexy.) Most guys aren't going to be unkind about it. (Source: have had sex with probably thirty guys, blew most of 'em. Not a lot of complaining, there, and some of the blowjobs, to put it humorously, sucked.)
Some things I have found useful...
Take your time. You're not on the clock, probably there are other activities planned for after, so don't be all "My god, I've been down here two whole minutes and he hasn't come yet!" It's not like that. Relax.
Slobbery is mostly better. Slobbery on him, slobbery on your lips. This is not a neat activity and if your lips are dry, they drag more. Wet and slippery is really what you want, here. The drool running down the shaft? Awesome. Makes your hand slide better.
Many guys seem to feel the underside of the head of the penis is very sensitive, like, where the circumcision scar is a vertical line, kinda. If that makes sense. Use your tongue here and anywhere else interesting. Uncircumcised guys have foreskin, that you can run your tongue under and play with -- it's a different kind of interesting. Also, the head of the penis is more sensitive on the uncut guys I've been with.
Guys are (mostly) visual dudes and they kinda like looking at you with your mouth on their penis. So, y'know, look up at the dude and let him see you looking at him.
Most guys do not seem to feel the wet slurpy noises are gross. Similar for the gaggy noises. It's all good, apparently, so don't worry that much about having it be quiet.
Important: you're allowed to ask if he likes this, that, or the other. Ask for feedback. Ask for directions. If he isn't being very forthcoming, do something and then ask if he likes it or not. Sometimes "yes" or "no" is easier for a guy to say than "take your balls in my mouth and roll them around with your tongue". This is sort of assertive, but if he's not volunteering feedback, it's one way to get good information out of him.
On deep-throating: It is possible, by way of practice and acclimatization, to teach yourself to relax the throat and slide something all the way down it. Upside: guys like it. According to my fella "your throat is a lot tighter than your mouth". Downside: I find it impossible to breathe with a penis that far down my throat and I really, really like breathing. Also, since breaths take me longer than one blowjob-thrust-equivalent, I have not yet found a decent way to manage any sort of ongoing deepthroat-fucking without suffocation resulting. I'm working on it but I may just be stuck with crappy white-girl rhythm skills. Oh, well. It is entirely possible to have an enjoyable blowjob experience without the abililty to deepthroat. Should you be interested in learning how, though, I'd suggest a moderately-sized pretend penis (silicone is nice, appropriately flexible) and some quality time practicing your moves. Once you've got that working, you can move up to a flesh model and practice on him. I do not speak for all men, here (I am not a man) but basically, if the dude you are having sex with is presented with "Hey, I'd like to get better at blowjobs, can you kind of lie still and let me practice on you so that I can get better?" and he's all "EWWW! No. Get off me, you disgusting pervert!" instead of jumping on the bed so that you can get started right away, again, you might want to look at upgrading to a better class of dude.
Best of luck! I hope it goes well for you.
posted by which_chick at 9:26 AM on November 18, 2013 [5 favorites]
Some things I have found useful...
Take your time. You're not on the clock, probably there are other activities planned for after, so don't be all "My god, I've been down here two whole minutes and he hasn't come yet!" It's not like that. Relax.
Slobbery is mostly better. Slobbery on him, slobbery on your lips. This is not a neat activity and if your lips are dry, they drag more. Wet and slippery is really what you want, here. The drool running down the shaft? Awesome. Makes your hand slide better.
Many guys seem to feel the underside of the head of the penis is very sensitive, like, where the circumcision scar is a vertical line, kinda. If that makes sense. Use your tongue here and anywhere else interesting. Uncircumcised guys have foreskin, that you can run your tongue under and play with -- it's a different kind of interesting. Also, the head of the penis is more sensitive on the uncut guys I've been with.
Guys are (mostly) visual dudes and they kinda like looking at you with your mouth on their penis. So, y'know, look up at the dude and let him see you looking at him.
Most guys do not seem to feel the wet slurpy noises are gross. Similar for the gaggy noises. It's all good, apparently, so don't worry that much about having it be quiet.
Important: you're allowed to ask if he likes this, that, or the other. Ask for feedback. Ask for directions. If he isn't being very forthcoming, do something and then ask if he likes it or not. Sometimes "yes" or "no" is easier for a guy to say than "take your balls in my mouth and roll them around with your tongue". This is sort of assertive, but if he's not volunteering feedback, it's one way to get good information out of him.
On deep-throating: It is possible, by way of practice and acclimatization, to teach yourself to relax the throat and slide something all the way down it. Upside: guys like it. According to my fella "your throat is a lot tighter than your mouth". Downside: I find it impossible to breathe with a penis that far down my throat and I really, really like breathing. Also, since breaths take me longer than one blowjob-thrust-equivalent, I have not yet found a decent way to manage any sort of ongoing deepthroat-fucking without suffocation resulting. I'm working on it but I may just be stuck with crappy white-girl rhythm skills. Oh, well. It is entirely possible to have an enjoyable blowjob experience without the abililty to deepthroat. Should you be interested in learning how, though, I'd suggest a moderately-sized pretend penis (silicone is nice, appropriately flexible) and some quality time practicing your moves. Once you've got that working, you can move up to a flesh model and practice on him. I do not speak for all men, here (I am not a man) but basically, if the dude you are having sex with is presented with "Hey, I'd like to get better at blowjobs, can you kind of lie still and let me practice on you so that I can get better?" and he's all "EWWW! No. Get off me, you disgusting pervert!" instead of jumping on the bed so that you can get started right away, again, you might want to look at upgrading to a better class of dude.
Best of luck! I hope it goes well for you.
posted by which_chick at 9:26 AM on November 18, 2013 [5 favorites]
there ared some good pointers here: http://ask.metafilter.com/250098/He-loves-blowjobs-Im-disgusted-by-them-How-do-we-resolve-this
Say to your guy, I've never given a blowjob. Can I practice on you? I'd be surprised if the answer was No. Ask for feedback, but keep in mind that you don't ever have to do anything that feels bad to you.
posted by theora55 at 9:28 AM on November 18, 2013
Say to your guy, I've never given a blowjob. Can I practice on you? I'd be surprised if the answer was No. Ask for feedback, but keep in mind that you don't ever have to do anything that feels bad to you.
posted by theora55 at 9:28 AM on November 18, 2013
My husband says the sexiest thing a person can do while giving a beej is to enjoy it themselves. If the person giving him a bj is clearly enjoying giving it, that is the absolute sexiest thing ever and makes the beej a hundred times better. Looking up at the guy, while you do it and smiling while he is still, uh, in you, seems to be a good move.
posted by PuppetMcSockerson at 9:29 AM on November 18, 2013 [8 favorites]
posted by PuppetMcSockerson at 9:29 AM on November 18, 2013 [8 favorites]
While I agree with comments about hand use, above, I'd also say that if you're nervous, you can involve one hand in the stimulating-the-penis side of things, and keep the other hand wrapped firmly around the base of the penis, covering the lower, say, half of it. This means that even if he gets overenthusiastic and thrusts up into your mouth, you won't end up with a dick down your throat, you'll end up with your lips mashed against the hand holding the penis, which is, imo, the better option.
posted by MeghanC at 9:48 AM on November 18, 2013 [1 favorite]
posted by MeghanC at 9:48 AM on November 18, 2013 [1 favorite]
If you do decide to spit, the easiest method for that is to keep the tip of his penis pointed towards your cheek when he tells you he's about to finish. Continue sucking/licking/ whatever it is you're doing - but aim him away from your throat. As he ejaculates, part your lips and allow it to flow out of your mouth. Then he gets to do most of the messy cleanup!
This requires gravity, so won't work if he's on top - but a dick-on-top BJ for your first time out is a terrible idea anyway!
posted by waterisfinite at 10:06 AM on November 18, 2013 [1 favorite]
This requires gravity, so won't work if he's on top - but a dick-on-top BJ for your first time out is a terrible idea anyway!
posted by waterisfinite at 10:06 AM on November 18, 2013 [1 favorite]
Everyone's given you really good advice so far; I'll only add a couple of thoughts about "tips to give a blow job without choking or gagging." (I have a REAAAAAAAALLY strong gag reflex.)
What MeghanC just said is absolutely true - if you wrap your hand around the lower half of the shaft and concentrate your attention on the upper shaft, you have a built-in safeguard to prevent him from jamming his penis down your throat if he gets overexcited, and a safeguard to prevent you from taking in more than you're comfortable with. So it'll feel like you're sort of giving him a combination hand job and blow job, but I'm fairly certain he won't care.
Also - if you also have a really strong gag reflex, and you know that one side of your mouth triggers it a little stronger than the other - using a hand can also help "guide" his dick to the "safe" side of your mouth. If I'm feeling especially cautious about not wanting to choke, I try to "aim" him so the head of his penis is actually jabbing the inside of one of my cheeks. Which probably makes me look like some sort of demented chipmonk, but I don't care.
But other than that - unless you actually literally bite his penis off of his body, pretty much anything you do to his penis is going to feel pretty darn good to him, so try stuff, stop if you're about to choke, and ask for feedback now and then ("you like that? Is that good?") That's easy to do in a way that makes it sound like you're doing sexy sex talk, too.
posted by EmpressCallipygos at 10:10 AM on November 18, 2013 [4 favorites]
What MeghanC just said is absolutely true - if you wrap your hand around the lower half of the shaft and concentrate your attention on the upper shaft, you have a built-in safeguard to prevent him from jamming his penis down your throat if he gets overexcited, and a safeguard to prevent you from taking in more than you're comfortable with. So it'll feel like you're sort of giving him a combination hand job and blow job, but I'm fairly certain he won't care.
Also - if you also have a really strong gag reflex, and you know that one side of your mouth triggers it a little stronger than the other - using a hand can also help "guide" his dick to the "safe" side of your mouth. If I'm feeling especially cautious about not wanting to choke, I try to "aim" him so the head of his penis is actually jabbing the inside of one of my cheeks. Which probably makes me look like some sort of demented chipmonk, but I don't care.
But other than that - unless you actually literally bite his penis off of his body, pretty much anything you do to his penis is going to feel pretty darn good to him, so try stuff, stop if you're about to choke, and ask for feedback now and then ("you like that? Is that good?") That's easy to do in a way that makes it sound like you're doing sexy sex talk, too.
posted by EmpressCallipygos at 10:10 AM on November 18, 2013 [4 favorites]
Lou Paget's "How to be a Great Lover" has very detailed, useful instructions. One key point, at least for the first few times, is to make sure he's really hot before you even get to that part of the festivities. It's very difficult to go wrong at that point.
posted by rpfields at 10:12 AM on November 18, 2013
posted by rpfields at 10:12 AM on November 18, 2013
I wasn't very good at bj's when I met Mr. Nerd. I wanted to get better at them. So, he showed me which spots on his penis were the most sensitive and gave me feedback as I was experimenting. As I kept giving him bj's, he'd give me feedback and I got better.
posted by luckynerd at 10:41 AM on November 18, 2013 [1 favorite]
posted by luckynerd at 10:41 AM on November 18, 2013 [1 favorite]
Most women are not "experts" on blow jobs unless they really invest in it for one reason or another.
Don't worry. It's not rocket science. Hopefully your partner will be honest with you about what feels good, but what you think you're supposed to do? Is probably what you're supposed to do.
There's this whole cottage industry around teaching women to give ~better blowjobs~ and honestly most sex just isn't that complicated. Magazines and blogs about THE BEST BLOW JOB EVER make it into this big performance-oriented activity that makes me feel unsexy and probably puts off a lot of women. It's like any other sexual thing, you try different things and read your partner and talk about it. There's no magic key. (Or... keyhole.)
If you want to become the Queen of Blowjobs, you can read up on techniques, but my guess is that probably just involves some teasing and some careful reading of your partner.
posted by stoneandstar at 10:43 AM on November 18, 2013
Don't worry. It's not rocket science. Hopefully your partner will be honest with you about what feels good, but what you think you're supposed to do? Is probably what you're supposed to do.
There's this whole cottage industry around teaching women to give ~better blowjobs~ and honestly most sex just isn't that complicated. Magazines and blogs about THE BEST BLOW JOB EVER make it into this big performance-oriented activity that makes me feel unsexy and probably puts off a lot of women. It's like any other sexual thing, you try different things and read your partner and talk about it. There's no magic key. (Or... keyhole.)
If you want to become the Queen of Blowjobs, you can read up on techniques, but my guess is that probably just involves some teasing and some careful reading of your partner.
posted by stoneandstar at 10:43 AM on November 18, 2013
To lessen your gag reflex, fold your left thumb across your palm, then fold your fingers over it. I don't know how or why this works, but it does. Tell your guy up front that you have a strong gag reflex, so he knows to keep still.
Take it slow. Use your tongue to lick all the various different bits of his penis. Some guys like having their meatus licked, some don't. Some like having their frenulum gently stroked with the tip of the tongue, and again some don't. I once was intimate with a guy who had a very sensitive inguinal cleft, who liked me to VERY gently lick it with the flat of my tongue, but not the tip. Different strokes for different folks, quite literally.
If you want to get fancy, try putting a strong mint in your mouth, or an ice cube. Don't, however, do this on your first try.
Also, don't worry if he doesn't ejaculate directly from oral stimulation. It's hard for some guys to do this, even though there's an expectation sometimes that he should. If it stops being fun for both of you, then stop doing it. It can be helpful to get him going first, if you want to make him orgasm using your mouth, especially until you get used to the whole thing.
I've often found that the taste isn't so bad until the semen hits the back of my tongue - if it's at the front of my mouth or on the tip of my tongue, it's not nearly so bad. Apparently eating a lot of fruit can help with the taste.
I'd suggest doing this ASAP after a shower. Having things as clean as possible is always good.
One word of warning: it feels very good for a guy when his glans starts to touch the back of his partner's mouth, generally. Unfortunately, this is also the point at which most people's gag reflex comes into play. I had a guy put his hand at the back of my neck and try to force his penis down my throat. I stopped and warned him that if he did that again, I would vomit on him. He stopped doing it. There's a natural impulse for him to do more of what feels good, but if you're not comfortable with it, don't do it. You can do a lot of fun and interesting things to his penis with your mouth without attempting to swallow his penis whole.
posted by Solomon at 10:44 AM on November 18, 2013 [1 favorite]
Take it slow. Use your tongue to lick all the various different bits of his penis. Some guys like having their meatus licked, some don't. Some like having their frenulum gently stroked with the tip of the tongue, and again some don't. I once was intimate with a guy who had a very sensitive inguinal cleft, who liked me to VERY gently lick it with the flat of my tongue, but not the tip. Different strokes for different folks, quite literally.
If you want to get fancy, try putting a strong mint in your mouth, or an ice cube. Don't, however, do this on your first try.
Also, don't worry if he doesn't ejaculate directly from oral stimulation. It's hard for some guys to do this, even though there's an expectation sometimes that he should. If it stops being fun for both of you, then stop doing it. It can be helpful to get him going first, if you want to make him orgasm using your mouth, especially until you get used to the whole thing.
I've often found that the taste isn't so bad until the semen hits the back of my tongue - if it's at the front of my mouth or on the tip of my tongue, it's not nearly so bad. Apparently eating a lot of fruit can help with the taste.
I'd suggest doing this ASAP after a shower. Having things as clean as possible is always good.
One word of warning: it feels very good for a guy when his glans starts to touch the back of his partner's mouth, generally. Unfortunately, this is also the point at which most people's gag reflex comes into play. I had a guy put his hand at the back of my neck and try to force his penis down my throat. I stopped and warned him that if he did that again, I would vomit on him. He stopped doing it. There's a natural impulse for him to do more of what feels good, but if you're not comfortable with it, don't do it. You can do a lot of fun and interesting things to his penis with your mouth without attempting to swallow his penis whole.
posted by Solomon at 10:44 AM on November 18, 2013 [1 favorite]
This Vice guide comes highly recommended. It's a good step by step if you don't mind the writing style.
posted by smartypantz at 10:45 AM on November 18, 2013 [2 favorites]
posted by smartypantz at 10:45 AM on November 18, 2013 [2 favorites]
I'd suggest doing this ASAP after a shower. Having things as clean as possible is always good.
Or just get your boyfriend to "spruce" (ie. give his junk a quick wash down with a wet facecloth and some soap) prior to the activity. My husband spruces prior to any sexy time activities, not just a beej. I do the same. Just a matter of courtesy. Ain't nobody got time for funky junk.
Some people might think our sprucing habit would take away from the moment, but it doesn't. It can actually be a nice little foreplay message. (ie. "Honey, I think you should go spruce... [sexy wink]") Plus, the smell of Irish Spring soap has some interesting associations for me now... :)
posted by PuppetMcSockerson at 11:02 AM on November 18, 2013 [1 favorite]
Or just get your boyfriend to "spruce" (ie. give his junk a quick wash down with a wet facecloth and some soap) prior to the activity. My husband spruces prior to any sexy time activities, not just a beej. I do the same. Just a matter of courtesy. Ain't nobody got time for funky junk.
Some people might think our sprucing habit would take away from the moment, but it doesn't. It can actually be a nice little foreplay message. (ie. "Honey, I think you should go spruce... [sexy wink]") Plus, the smell of Irish Spring soap has some interesting associations for me now... :)
posted by PuppetMcSockerson at 11:02 AM on November 18, 2013 [1 favorite]
99% of men would not know a good one from a bad one.
Just go for it.
posted by Flood at 11:14 AM on November 18, 2013 [2 favorites]
Just go for it.
posted by Flood at 11:14 AM on November 18, 2013 [2 favorites]
Word up, telegraph. I've found that purring "...so, tell me what you like" is rarely interpreted as "I don't know what I'm doing, help me out here" - even though that is sometimes what I mean. If you time it right - ie not when he's about to come - even stopping in the middle and asking for pointers (harder? you like that? tell me what you want) can be a sexy tease.
posted by hannahmae at 11:47 AM on November 18, 2013 [1 favorite]
posted by hannahmae at 11:47 AM on November 18, 2013 [1 favorite]
Also, try humming. Especially Largo by Dvorak.
posted by Solomon at 12:15 PM on November 18, 2013 [1 favorite]
posted by Solomon at 12:15 PM on November 18, 2013 [1 favorite]
My husband says the sexiest thing a person can do while giving a beej is to enjoy it themselves. If the person giving him a bj is clearly enjoying giving it, that is the absolute sexiest thing ever and makes the beej a hundred times better.
QFT. Best rule for sex generally.
Also, try humming. Especially Largo by Dvorak.
I prefer the 4th movement of the New World myself, but then I again I find triumph very arousing.
posted by Lutoslawski at 12:18 PM on November 18, 2013 [8 favorites]
QFT. Best rule for sex generally.
Also, try humming. Especially Largo by Dvorak.
I prefer the 4th movement of the New World myself, but then I again I find triumph very arousing.
posted by Lutoslawski at 12:18 PM on November 18, 2013 [8 favorites]
Enthusiasm will hide a multitude of sins.
posted by mani at 3:36 PM on November 18, 2013 [1 favorite]
posted by mani at 3:36 PM on November 18, 2013 [1 favorite]
All of the above is great. As in sex, it helps to have good rhythm. A gradual speeding up or slowing down is good, but don't change speeds erratically. Try counting in your head to establish a pace.
posted by Fig at 8:06 PM on November 18, 2013
posted by Fig at 8:06 PM on November 18, 2013
Haha! This is great.
I love going down on a man if I love him. Giving someone pleasure is a great feeling for the giver.. it's exhilarating knowing you're turning your lover on and making them squirm. That said, make sure he's ALSO a giver. If not, don't bother.
Honestly if he's a decent fella he won't take issue with your inexperience. In fact I would imagine it would be far better to admit to your naivety than to grab it and 'perform,' as you say, the ultimate BJ. Female sexual experts raise questions, although that's so sexist and absurd.
Just ask him to give you a bit of guidance (ask him what he likes) and make sure you don't scrape him with your teeth. Go slow at first and take your time. Tell him you've never done it before and you're excited to try.. he'll be as happy as a clam that dodged the diggers.
posted by OneHermit at 11:19 PM on November 18, 2013
I love going down on a man if I love him. Giving someone pleasure is a great feeling for the giver.. it's exhilarating knowing you're turning your lover on and making them squirm. That said, make sure he's ALSO a giver. If not, don't bother.
Honestly if he's a decent fella he won't take issue with your inexperience. In fact I would imagine it would be far better to admit to your naivety than to grab it and 'perform,' as you say, the ultimate BJ. Female sexual experts raise questions, although that's so sexist and absurd.
Just ask him to give you a bit of guidance (ask him what he likes) and make sure you don't scrape him with your teeth. Go slow at first and take your time. Tell him you've never done it before and you're excited to try.. he'll be as happy as a clam that dodged the diggers.
posted by OneHermit at 11:19 PM on November 18, 2013
If you end up not liking the taste of come (it makes me vomit instantly), use flavored condoms.
posted by FunkyHelix at 9:56 AM on November 20, 2013
posted by FunkyHelix at 9:56 AM on November 20, 2013
99% of men would not know a good one from a bad one.
Just go for it.
^I feel truly sorry for anyone receiving a blowjob from someone who actually believes that.
There has, however, been a lot of really good advice. I will again highly recommend enthusiasm and eye contact. Those two together are the beginnings of a great bj. After that, ask him what he likes. Ask for feedback. And while doing it, pay attention to cues both verbal and non-verbal. When you get things right, he won't be able to help but let you know.
posted by Vonnegut27 at 10:50 AM on November 20, 2013
Just go for it.
^I feel truly sorry for anyone receiving a blowjob from someone who actually believes that.
There has, however, been a lot of really good advice. I will again highly recommend enthusiasm and eye contact. Those two together are the beginnings of a great bj. After that, ask him what he likes. Ask for feedback. And while doing it, pay attention to cues both verbal and non-verbal. When you get things right, he won't be able to help but let you know.
posted by Vonnegut27 at 10:50 AM on November 20, 2013
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posted by showbiz_liz at 8:54 AM on November 18, 2013 [2 favorites]