Toddler hunger strike
November 4, 2013 3:23 PM Subscribe
I know that picky toddlers are so common they are a cliché, but I really need help with mine. He has nutritional deficiencies that have disrupted his sleep (and therefore his daytime mood) due to his unwillingness to eat anything but cheerios, crackers, and fruit. We've tried different strategies but nothing seems to work. Advice?
He used to be such a good eater, but now just won't eat anything but crackers and fruit. He doesn't even taste what's on his plate, he either ignores it or shouts "NO!" and throws it off the table.
In terms of food options, we've tried:
1) Giving him what we are eating (roast beef and cauliflower, salmon soup, etc)
2) Making a special meal for him (pb&j sandwhiches, chicken nuggets, cheerios for dinner)
3) Pureeing food and putting it in a squeezie so he can self-feed easily (fruit smoothies with hidden veggies, or pureed main courses with apple sauce added for sweetness)
4) Putting food (egg salad, tuna) ON crackers. Whoa that was a meltdown I will not soon forget.
In terms of location we've tried:
1) At his high chair (which he now refuses and tantrums at the suggestion)
2) At a booster seat at the table (he loves sitting at the table, but doesn't eat)
3) At a child's chair at a child's table (he loves this but doesn't stay put and doesn't eat)
Routine strategies:
1) Snack before bed (doesn't eat dinner, will eat snack if it's fruit)
2) No snack (wakes up hungry all night)
3) Eat together and he's allowed down when he signals "all done" (he tries to pull us away from the table too)
4) Eat together and he has to stay at the table until we're done (he screams and pushes himself away, throws things)
I know that the parent's job is to offer healthy food and the child's job is to decide if and how much to eat. Considering that none of the strategies we've tried have enticed him to even TASTE any food (even foods he's had and enjoyed in the past), what should we stick with in the hopes that it may eventually pay off? Any other ideas that we haven't tried yet?
His daycare teachers tell me that he eats his lunch, but when I pressed for details I learned that he eats the (you got it) fruit and crackers in his lunch and ignores the rest.
He used to be such a good eater, but now just won't eat anything but crackers and fruit. He doesn't even taste what's on his plate, he either ignores it or shouts "NO!" and throws it off the table.
In terms of food options, we've tried:
1) Giving him what we are eating (roast beef and cauliflower, salmon soup, etc)
2) Making a special meal for him (pb&j sandwhiches, chicken nuggets, cheerios for dinner)
3) Pureeing food and putting it in a squeezie so he can self-feed easily (fruit smoothies with hidden veggies, or pureed main courses with apple sauce added for sweetness)
4) Putting food (egg salad, tuna) ON crackers. Whoa that was a meltdown I will not soon forget.
In terms of location we've tried:
1) At his high chair (which he now refuses and tantrums at the suggestion)
2) At a booster seat at the table (he loves sitting at the table, but doesn't eat)
3) At a child's chair at a child's table (he loves this but doesn't stay put and doesn't eat)
Routine strategies:
1) Snack before bed (doesn't eat dinner, will eat snack if it's fruit)
2) No snack (wakes up hungry all night)
3) Eat together and he's allowed down when he signals "all done" (he tries to pull us away from the table too)
4) Eat together and he has to stay at the table until we're done (he screams and pushes himself away, throws things)
I know that the parent's job is to offer healthy food and the child's job is to decide if and how much to eat. Considering that none of the strategies we've tried have enticed him to even TASTE any food (even foods he's had and enjoyed in the past), what should we stick with in the hopes that it may eventually pay off? Any other ideas that we haven't tried yet?
His daycare teachers tell me that he eats his lunch, but when I pressed for details I learned that he eats the (you got it) fruit and crackers in his lunch and ignores the rest.
If you think your child is suffering from nutritional deficiencies, I think you should consult your pediatrician at once.
He or she can give general advice on eating/feeding for your child, as well as test for and provide advice on how to treat any specific deficiencies which may be occurring.
posted by Juffo-Wup at 3:31 PM on November 4, 2013
He or she can give general advice on eating/feeding for your child, as well as test for and provide advice on how to treat any specific deficiencies which may be occurring.
posted by Juffo-Wup at 3:31 PM on November 4, 2013
We've been letting ours eat while sitting on one of our laps - he's more willing to try our food that way, especially if he tries something off of one of our plates. Not sure if you would consider that as an option, as it doesn't work for everyone, and might just work for picky not really picky.
posted by lab.beetle at 3:32 PM on November 4, 2013 [1 favorite]
posted by lab.beetle at 3:32 PM on November 4, 2013 [1 favorite]
If you are giving juice, STOP.
And be aware that toddler tummies are very small. Make any portions tiny and go from there.
And yes, I would check with the pediatrician if for no other reason than peace of mind.
posted by St. Alia of the Bunnies at 3:44 PM on November 4, 2013 [1 favorite]
And be aware that toddler tummies are very small. Make any portions tiny and go from there.
And yes, I would check with the pediatrician if for no other reason than peace of mind.
posted by St. Alia of the Bunnies at 3:44 PM on November 4, 2013 [1 favorite]
And for what it's worth it is quite common for toddlers to hate meat.
posted by St. Alia of the Bunnies at 3:46 PM on November 4, 2013
posted by St. Alia of the Bunnies at 3:46 PM on November 4, 2013
He has nutritional deficiencies that have disrupted his sleep
Is this an observed thing or suspected thing or doctor-said type thing? Has his weight or body type changed?
Cheerios, crackers and fruit is not actually all that sucky for a little kid. Some milk might be nice, but overall it's not much different than what Little Llama ate.
It's worth noting their stomachs are the size of golf balls. They don't eat much, and that's sort of nerve wracking sometimes. Is this a medical condition or is it mainly a household concern?
posted by A Terrible Llama at 3:51 PM on November 4, 2013 [14 favorites]
Is this an observed thing or suspected thing or doctor-said type thing? Has his weight or body type changed?
Cheerios, crackers and fruit is not actually all that sucky for a little kid. Some milk might be nice, but overall it's not much different than what Little Llama ate.
It's worth noting their stomachs are the size of golf balls. They don't eat much, and that's sort of nerve wracking sometimes. Is this a medical condition or is it mainly a household concern?
posted by A Terrible Llama at 3:51 PM on November 4, 2013 [14 favorites]
Best answer: I saw a show called Fast Food Baby that featured couple had a kid that was really stubborn about eating and every mealtime ended in yelling and tears. Anyhow, they had this food therapist sort of woman come in, and one of the things she did was make the parents try stuff they had never seen before, like it wasn't clear if it was food or not, so they would sort of know how their toddler felt.
In the end, just getting the kid to taste something or poke at it or whatever or smell it or whatever he felt like doing was the goal, and after a few times of doing that, he seemed to develop a better appetite or was willing to try new things. They also took him to a kid's cooking class, where he and he his dad learned to cook things and where the food came from.
The therapist type person said it really takes about 10 times of eating something to like or hate it, but letting your kid play with his food isn't bad, it is sort of how we learn what stuff is.
Fast Food Baby on Youtube: Part 1, Part 2, Part 3, Part 4. (has some other cases in it that don't really apply to your situation.)
posted by katinka-katinka at 3:55 PM on November 4, 2013 [6 favorites]
In the end, just getting the kid to taste something or poke at it or whatever or smell it or whatever he felt like doing was the goal, and after a few times of doing that, he seemed to develop a better appetite or was willing to try new things. They also took him to a kid's cooking class, where he and he his dad learned to cook things and where the food came from.
The therapist type person said it really takes about 10 times of eating something to like or hate it, but letting your kid play with his food isn't bad, it is sort of how we learn what stuff is.
Fast Food Baby on Youtube: Part 1, Part 2, Part 3, Part 4. (has some other cases in it that don't really apply to your situation.)
posted by katinka-katinka at 3:55 PM on November 4, 2013 [6 favorites]
Aside from, yes, getting the advice of your pediatrician, have you considered making crackers for him? If you're doing your own baking, it's pretty easy to puree something nutritious and introduce it into the recipe (my current favorite, garbanzos in drop biscuits).
posted by mittens at 4:01 PM on November 4, 2013 [2 favorites]
posted by mittens at 4:01 PM on November 4, 2013 [2 favorites]
Response by poster: I have seen a paediatrician, that's how we found out about the deficiencies. She prescribed some supplements for us and sent us on our way.
posted by arcticwoman at 4:03 PM on November 4, 2013
posted by arcticwoman at 4:03 PM on November 4, 2013
I've got a picky eater too, though he has about 15 foods that he will eat. Our saving grace is Pediasure. We give him a whole bottle every night on the recommendation of his pediatrician. There's not much else you can do other than consult a professional. Maybe call your pediatrician and ask for a referral?
posted by PorcineWithMe at 4:09 PM on November 4, 2013 [1 favorite]
posted by PorcineWithMe at 4:09 PM on November 4, 2013 [1 favorite]
Best answer: So you walked out with some citrus flavored chewables or something? She didn't seem alarmed?
Is he underweight? How's his energy level?
If there's no...physical impact? is it possible that it's just that toddlers are sort of assholes? Not your toddler--obviously!--but mine was. Rigid sleep schedule helped, eating as much as we could get her to eat helped, but she was sort of a stinker and we had to live with that for a while. Is there any possibility that the two things are being conflated?
The pickiness you're describing is pretty routine. I would love to have had one of those kids whose parents are walking around bragging about how they loved sashimi at 18 months, but I think Little Llama was still knocking down formula for an alarmingly long time and right now, at five, she's living on pretzels, chicken nuggets, yogurt, and apples.
At that age, from what I remember, which isn't much because thank God for suppressed memories, we were very casual about food. We had little bowls of things around all the time. We didn't try to schedule meal times. She got most of her calories from milk or formula until she was around three. She liked fruit, and cheerios. Later we branched out into chicken nugget territory.
posted by A Terrible Llama at 4:18 PM on November 4, 2013 [11 favorites]
Is he underweight? How's his energy level?
If there's no...physical impact? is it possible that it's just that toddlers are sort of assholes? Not your toddler--obviously!--but mine was. Rigid sleep schedule helped, eating as much as we could get her to eat helped, but she was sort of a stinker and we had to live with that for a while. Is there any possibility that the two things are being conflated?
The pickiness you're describing is pretty routine. I would love to have had one of those kids whose parents are walking around bragging about how they loved sashimi at 18 months, but I think Little Llama was still knocking down formula for an alarmingly long time and right now, at five, she's living on pretzels, chicken nuggets, yogurt, and apples.
At that age, from what I remember, which isn't much because thank God for suppressed memories, we were very casual about food. We had little bowls of things around all the time. We didn't try to schedule meal times. She got most of her calories from milk or formula until she was around three. She liked fruit, and cheerios. Later we branched out into chicken nugget territory.
posted by A Terrible Llama at 4:18 PM on November 4, 2013 [11 favorites]
I was also going to question if you'd been given supplements. If he's accepting the supplements, between that and the cheerios, crackers, fruit and milk of some kind, he should be getting a full nutritional load. Is there a specific shortfall you are left needing to deal with?
posted by DarlingBri at 4:36 PM on November 4, 2013
posted by DarlingBri at 4:36 PM on November 4, 2013
I was an extremely picky eater. Heck, I'm still an extremely picky eater. "Food exploration" activities and letting the kid make choices (like choosing how many crackers are going to go on his plate) seem to be the gate through which one must pass to get to them eating something different than the three things they want. Duke has a program to address severe selective eating, and some of the descriptions of their treatment strategies may be beneficial.
But it's actually not that big a deal for him to have a restricted diet, if your doctor says it's mild (or if the supplements are working for him.) I go whole months eating only five or six things, and while it's not ideal, it's also not the end of the world.
posted by Fee Phi Faux Phumb I Smell t'Socks o' a Puppetman! at 4:41 PM on November 4, 2013
But it's actually not that big a deal for him to have a restricted diet, if your doctor says it's mild (or if the supplements are working for him.) I go whole months eating only five or six things, and while it's not ideal, it's also not the end of the world.
posted by Fee Phi Faux Phumb I Smell t'Socks o' a Puppetman! at 4:41 PM on November 4, 2013
Best answer: If there's any way to avoid making food a power struggle, that's key. Since your son doesn't mind sitting in a booster seat, start there. Take the focus off the food and put it on enjoying each other's company. Let him see you eating whatever you've prepared for you and your husband and enjoying it. If he expresses any interest at all in what you're eating, let him taste, but don't make a big deal of it one way or the other. Celebrate the fact he likes fruit. Will he dip it in yogurt? Softened almond or peanut butter? Will he eat chicken nuggets? Just pop a couple of those babies in the toaster oven or microwave and provide them as an option right along with what you're eating.
Set some basic guidelines - he sits at the table when he eats (I'm sure the temptation is strong to follow him around and try to shove food in his mouth while he's distracted or playing to get some nutrition in him. This will backfire down the line - trust me.) As soon as he throws the first piece of food, it gets removed. No electronics at the table while he's eating. A timer is a great tool - make it a game. "We're going to enjoy hanging out while we eat for 5 minutes. See this line? When the hand gets to that line, it will be 5 minutes."
When jr_rasclark was that age, salad bar restaurants were great for exploring different foods to see what she would eat. Something about the little trays with separate compartments helped, too.
Enjoy him. He won't be this age forever.
posted by ms_rasclark at 5:16 PM on November 4, 2013 [2 favorites]
Set some basic guidelines - he sits at the table when he eats (I'm sure the temptation is strong to follow him around and try to shove food in his mouth while he's distracted or playing to get some nutrition in him. This will backfire down the line - trust me.) As soon as he throws the first piece of food, it gets removed. No electronics at the table while he's eating. A timer is a great tool - make it a game. "We're going to enjoy hanging out while we eat for 5 minutes. See this line? When the hand gets to that line, it will be 5 minutes."
When jr_rasclark was that age, salad bar restaurants were great for exploring different foods to see what she would eat. Something about the little trays with separate compartments helped, too.
Enjoy him. He won't be this age forever.
posted by ms_rasclark at 5:16 PM on November 4, 2013 [2 favorites]
If he will eat crackers, and you want him to eat cheese, maybe try making him some of these Parmesan cheese crisps? They have the texture of crackers but they are just baked cheese.
posted by Night_owl at 5:28 PM on November 4, 2013 [4 favorites]
posted by Night_owl at 5:28 PM on November 4, 2013 [4 favorites]
Best answer: One other recommendation I am thinking of-get an old fashioned ice cube tray and just put little things in it-frozen peas, cheese cubes, cut up banana, cut up boiled egg-stuff like that, and a variety-and let Toddler try snacking from that. (At the table of course, unless you want it all smeared from pole to pole. )
posted by St. Alia of the Bunnies at 6:20 PM on November 4, 2013 [5 favorites]
posted by St. Alia of the Bunnies at 6:20 PM on November 4, 2013 [5 favorites]
Best answer: His lack of sleep and stress could be because he senses YOUR stress over his diet. How do I know this? I had one that lived from 18 months to 3 years off of peanut butter and cheese. Know what his pediatrician said? "Calm down. Do you know how long he can live off of Peanut Butter and Cheese?" I think SHE thought he was seeking comfort food because we were so up tight. I can't say that's the case with you but it certainly was for us. 21 years later I am inclined to agree. Listen... I know you want the best for your child.... but he/she is not living off of grape Kool Aid and Dum Dum pops ( we had neighbors whose kid DID). After awhile if you just chill for a bit... this will pass. Trust me. We have had 5 of them and they all do stuff like this. The human body (and psyche) is remarkably resilient and children for untold millennia have thrived off of far less.
posted by brownrd at 6:21 PM on November 4, 2013 [7 favorites]
posted by brownrd at 6:21 PM on November 4, 2013 [7 favorites]
Best answer: I think that pediatricians try and stay hands off of this stuff because they're really not given an extraordinary amount of training in nutrition. My experience talking to pediatricians about what my kids eat seems to reinforce this.
But the fact is that kids can do incredibly well with what seems like a very restrictive and nutrient-free diet, if you think about the long game rather than individual meals.
In terms of just numbers on a chart, Cheerios and fruit provide quite a bit of what a kid needs to thrive. Assuming your child will also drink milk or eat a little cheese or yogurt once in a while, you're very nearly golden.
No, that's not what I wanted to hear either. But after taking matters into my own hands and doing quite a bit of extensive research to make sure my daughter wasn't going to fall over dead or end up with spongy bones, it's what turned out to be more or less correct.
I recommend this book to ease your mind and give you some strategies for the coming years:
Child Of Mine: Feeding With Love And Good Sense
I have raised my daughters pretty much the same food-wise and they have entirely different ways of going about food. No matter what people tell you about picky eaters being made, not born, it isn't true. It's not your fault, just your thing you have to deal with.
posted by padraigin at 6:33 PM on November 4, 2013 [2 favorites]
But the fact is that kids can do incredibly well with what seems like a very restrictive and nutrient-free diet, if you think about the long game rather than individual meals.
In terms of just numbers on a chart, Cheerios and fruit provide quite a bit of what a kid needs to thrive. Assuming your child will also drink milk or eat a little cheese or yogurt once in a while, you're very nearly golden.
No, that's not what I wanted to hear either. But after taking matters into my own hands and doing quite a bit of extensive research to make sure my daughter wasn't going to fall over dead or end up with spongy bones, it's what turned out to be more or less correct.
I recommend this book to ease your mind and give you some strategies for the coming years:
Child Of Mine: Feeding With Love And Good Sense
I have raised my daughters pretty much the same food-wise and they have entirely different ways of going about food. No matter what people tell you about picky eaters being made, not born, it isn't true. It's not your fault, just your thing you have to deal with.
posted by padraigin at 6:33 PM on November 4, 2013 [2 favorites]
Best answer: The whole Ellyn Satter thing sounds lovely and wonderful, and probably IS for relatively-normal kids. Your kid sound a lot like Wee Thumbscrew: a sweet, adorable child who is a raging ASSHOLE about food. Most people don't understand how crazy-making this is.
What's worked for us? Smoothies. Sweeten 'em with Nectresse or Splenda or xylitol if you're worried about sugar, otherwise, use plain ol' granulated. You can toss in a banana AND some whey protein powder AND some liquid vitamins AND some peanut butter for fat, and so on... and if you toss in enough sweeteners and cocoa powder at the end, it's like YAY, CHOCOLATE SHAKE! and the kid gets a belly full of decent nutrition in spite of himself.
Smoothies were the only thing that kept Wee Thumbscrew ALIVE for several years, it seems. I realize this will be a minority viewpoint - "present all sorts of attractive, nicely-prepared whole foods in adorable little bite-sized pieces, sans pressure, and let your snowflake learn about the magic of food" seems to be the status quo - but the Waring Quick 'n Dirty Method WILL get sustenance in the kid, guaranteed.
posted by julthumbscrew at 6:53 PM on November 4, 2013
What's worked for us? Smoothies. Sweeten 'em with Nectresse or Splenda or xylitol if you're worried about sugar, otherwise, use plain ol' granulated. You can toss in a banana AND some whey protein powder AND some liquid vitamins AND some peanut butter for fat, and so on... and if you toss in enough sweeteners and cocoa powder at the end, it's like YAY, CHOCOLATE SHAKE! and the kid gets a belly full of decent nutrition in spite of himself.
Smoothies were the only thing that kept Wee Thumbscrew ALIVE for several years, it seems. I realize this will be a minority viewpoint - "present all sorts of attractive, nicely-prepared whole foods in adorable little bite-sized pieces, sans pressure, and let your snowflake learn about the magic of food" seems to be the status quo - but the Waring Quick 'n Dirty Method WILL get sustenance in the kid, guaranteed.
posted by julthumbscrew at 6:53 PM on November 4, 2013
Best answer: FYI, with my son, from toddler to today, if he doesn't eat early in the morning, he is a complete bear - to the point where he fights all attempts at getting nutrition in him and it spirals out of control. Early on, we added the phrase, "eat something, you'll feel better".
You may have a combination of behavior, allergy, or blood sugar issues.
We started getting in the trap of "if you eat x of this, you get y", but it became a non-stop high-stakes negotiation. My son at 3, and I swear I'm not making this up, started dinners with "This looks disgusting". It was at this point that we did three things:
I will tell you that the first week sucked and involved heavy tantrums. They abated in frequency. He doesn't always eat what's on his plate, but he knows he doesn't need to, but also knows that he always feels better when he has eaten. We do not reward bad behavior with meal alternatives, but if he decides that he's hungry and can't possibly eat what we serve and asks politely, we'll let him make a PB&J.
Be open to screwy meals now and again and don't forget about marketing. Stuart hated hamburgers until he helped make them and we cooked them on a pannini press. We call this meal "Stupanubers" which he devours. We have breakfast for dinner once in a while (waffles and eggs and bacon). We made him mashed sweet potatoes with lots of butter and grade b maple syrup, topped with chopped pecans also cooked in butter and maple syrup, which he LOVED. Then I started cutting back on the butter and maple every time I made it. Ta-da - nutrition. Mussels - loves. Sushi - hated nori, but liked bean wrappers; now likes nori. Hates most pasta. I offered him Hawaiian swordfish. That piqued his interest. "What makes it Hawaiian?" Hawaiian sauce. If I told him that it was swordfish en papillote with sweet and sour sauce he would have rejected it.
For example, tonight (age 6 now), he led with, "Dad, you *know* I don't like baked potatoes". Mrs. Plinth was ready to engage, but I sideswiped him with "you're starting to blame me for dinner. Before you do that, were you here when we picked meals?" Yes. "Did you have an opportunity to contribute?" Yes. "Did you choose to?" No. "OK, then it sounds like this has nothing to do with me. Why don't you sit down and have dinner with us?" And he did. Ate all but the skins, with fat free sour cream and some cheese without complaint, which I noted and praised.
Of course, you can't talk to a toddler this way, but separating behavior from the food makes it way easier for them to choose to eat and involving them will aid in the buy-in.
posted by plinth at 7:16 PM on November 4, 2013 [8 favorites]
You may have a combination of behavior, allergy, or blood sugar issues.
We started getting in the trap of "if you eat x of this, you get y", but it became a non-stop high-stakes negotiation. My son at 3, and I swear I'm not making this up, started dinners with "This looks disgusting". It was at this point that we did three things:
- Removed all high stakes negotiations and installed a 3 strikes you're out rule
- if you're rude, strike
- throw food/misbehave, strike
- mention dessert in any form, strike
- Modeled and expected appropriate manners
- Made meal planning/cooking an event that everyone participates in (it's harder to diss a meal if you've made it - my son wouldn't touch pizza until we made mini-pizzas together with english muffins, mozzerella and pineapple)
- Served a very wide variety of foods - including lots of vegetables, fruits, styles of food (my son refuses to each crunchy green beans, but will eat the canned variety by the cup - fine eat all you want)
I will tell you that the first week sucked and involved heavy tantrums. They abated in frequency. He doesn't always eat what's on his plate, but he knows he doesn't need to, but also knows that he always feels better when he has eaten. We do not reward bad behavior with meal alternatives, but if he decides that he's hungry and can't possibly eat what we serve and asks politely, we'll let him make a PB&J.
Be open to screwy meals now and again and don't forget about marketing. Stuart hated hamburgers until he helped make them and we cooked them on a pannini press. We call this meal "Stupanubers" which he devours. We have breakfast for dinner once in a while (waffles and eggs and bacon). We made him mashed sweet potatoes with lots of butter and grade b maple syrup, topped with chopped pecans also cooked in butter and maple syrup, which he LOVED. Then I started cutting back on the butter and maple every time I made it. Ta-da - nutrition. Mussels - loves. Sushi - hated nori, but liked bean wrappers; now likes nori. Hates most pasta. I offered him Hawaiian swordfish. That piqued his interest. "What makes it Hawaiian?" Hawaiian sauce. If I told him that it was swordfish en papillote with sweet and sour sauce he would have rejected it.
For example, tonight (age 6 now), he led with, "Dad, you *know* I don't like baked potatoes". Mrs. Plinth was ready to engage, but I sideswiped him with "you're starting to blame me for dinner. Before you do that, were you here when we picked meals?" Yes. "Did you have an opportunity to contribute?" Yes. "Did you choose to?" No. "OK, then it sounds like this has nothing to do with me. Why don't you sit down and have dinner with us?" And he did. Ate all but the skins, with fat free sour cream and some cheese without complaint, which I noted and praised.
Of course, you can't talk to a toddler this way, but separating behavior from the food makes it way easier for them to choose to eat and involving them will aid in the buy-in.
posted by plinth at 7:16 PM on November 4, 2013 [8 favorites]
Just to say, my take from Ellyn Satter was truly just to put food out there and not get bent out of shape if the kid didn't eat it. Which she didn't. And she's eleven now. And still doesn't. But she is fine, really fine. She is old enough to understand intellectually why she should try things she doesn't want to try, but she still doesn't want to, and whatever. We don't push it.
posted by padraigin at 7:18 PM on November 4, 2013
posted by padraigin at 7:18 PM on November 4, 2013
Speech therapist... it turned out my brother couldn't move his tongue from side to side and was having as terrible time moving food around his mouth to be chewed, especially small and/or mushy things. Peas, raisins, etc were all troublesome. Cheerios, if sucked on, sort of dissolved.
You may also want to look into ABA therapy...my mom does this, memail me if you want more info.
posted by jrobin276 at 7:33 PM on November 4, 2013
You may also want to look into ABA therapy...my mom does this, memail me if you want more info.
posted by jrobin276 at 7:33 PM on November 4, 2013
Are you sure that specific deficiencies are disrupting his sleep, or is he just hungry? If he's waking up because he's hungry, I'd say get him calories by any means necessary, then work on the disrupted sleep.
posted by yarly at 7:33 PM on November 4, 2013
posted by yarly at 7:33 PM on November 4, 2013
Seconding the ocupational therapist recommendation. My son was scared to death of eating anything but chicken nuggets, yogurt, bread and juice. We had a great OT help him and now he's able to at least try things, some of which he ends up liking. It was a very positive change in all our lives.
The Elks actually fund OTs, so it may not end up costing you a thing.
posted by DrumsIntheDeep at 7:37 PM on November 4, 2013
The Elks actually fund OTs, so it may not end up costing you a thing.
posted by DrumsIntheDeep at 7:37 PM on November 4, 2013
Years ago now I read an interview with a woman who writes on feeding children and one thing really resonated, which was: "There is no good advice on feeding that is not: give control back to the child."
Which is not to suggest that the optimal method is to ask your toddler if he would like Ritz or Triscuits and cater exclusively to his whims. The suggestion is more to remove yourself from it all a bit. I would suggest a trial period where you do nearly nothing about struggling to get food in there. Because it has been such a struggle. And all that struggle seems to've made it into a power struggle for your kid. If Mom/Dad decides to not care how much or what goes in, and just offers up food without any encouragement to do anything with it, all very low-key -- "I don't like this!" "Sorry to hear. Don't eat it, then." Pretend like you don't give a toss about what he does with food. This sort of 'reverse psychology' works really well, anecdotally, if the parents can manage to be chill and let the weirdness go on for long enough for a new normal to settle in. I would be tempted to let the kid eat all the crackers he pleased -- days and days of crackers -- without even mentioning anything else. I would bet that if crackers were all that was on offer for days, you'd get a request for a new thing.
Sorry -- late here (for me) and having trouble articulating. tl;dr: take the pressure off both of you, give as much control over feeding as you can to the kid, this too shall pass.
posted by kmennie at 7:40 PM on November 4, 2013 [2 favorites]
Which is not to suggest that the optimal method is to ask your toddler if he would like Ritz or Triscuits and cater exclusively to his whims. The suggestion is more to remove yourself from it all a bit. I would suggest a trial period where you do nearly nothing about struggling to get food in there. Because it has been such a struggle. And all that struggle seems to've made it into a power struggle for your kid. If Mom/Dad decides to not care how much or what goes in, and just offers up food without any encouragement to do anything with it, all very low-key -- "I don't like this!" "Sorry to hear. Don't eat it, then." Pretend like you don't give a toss about what he does with food. This sort of 'reverse psychology' works really well, anecdotally, if the parents can manage to be chill and let the weirdness go on for long enough for a new normal to settle in. I would be tempted to let the kid eat all the crackers he pleased -- days and days of crackers -- without even mentioning anything else. I would bet that if crackers were all that was on offer for days, you'd get a request for a new thing.
Sorry -- late here (for me) and having trouble articulating. tl;dr: take the pressure off both of you, give as much control over feeding as you can to the kid, this too shall pass.
posted by kmennie at 7:40 PM on November 4, 2013 [2 favorites]
Lots of good suggestions here. Just popping in to say the only form of solid protein my kid would eat until age 6 was cheese. No meat. No nuts. No eggs. Just carbs and dairy. Noodles and bread and jelly and cheese quesadillas and cereal.
He did eat fruit, thank goodness, and his vitamins tasted like candy so he would eat those.
This year he decided on his own that a little meat on quesadillas was ok, and peanut butter, and now he likes scrambled eggs too, and potatoes, and I finally feel like I'm cooking more than three things. Vegetables are still a big no, but I'm hopeful.
All this to say, it's normal but also maddening, but if your child is growing and your pediatrician is unconcerned, he's probably going to be ok.
The Zen headspace that we are in now is to simply offer things but be unconcerned when he says no. Or tries it and hates it. Because he has a whole lifetime to explore food. And now and then he will like something new.
posted by emjaybee at 7:51 PM on November 4, 2013
He did eat fruit, thank goodness, and his vitamins tasted like candy so he would eat those.
This year he decided on his own that a little meat on quesadillas was ok, and peanut butter, and now he likes scrambled eggs too, and potatoes, and I finally feel like I'm cooking more than three things. Vegetables are still a big no, but I'm hopeful.
All this to say, it's normal but also maddening, but if your child is growing and your pediatrician is unconcerned, he's probably going to be ok.
The Zen headspace that we are in now is to simply offer things but be unconcerned when he says no. Or tries it and hates it. Because he has a whole lifetime to explore food. And now and then he will like something new.
posted by emjaybee at 7:51 PM on November 4, 2013
For a year or so when I was three I ate nothing but canned chicken noodle soup and very occasionally, broccoli. The pediatrician told my mom to give me a kids' vitamin every day and not to fight me about food. If he doesn't have any physical oral or digestive issues, then.... Yeah.
posted by rtha at 8:11 PM on November 4, 2013
posted by rtha at 8:11 PM on November 4, 2013
Read Bringing Up Bebe and stop giving him this power. My parents were far from French but the advice in the book was v similar to their philosophy. This food fussiness is a very recent thing. Stop buying into it.
posted by 2soxy4mypuppet at 8:38 PM on November 4, 2013 [2 favorites]
posted by 2soxy4mypuppet at 8:38 PM on November 4, 2013 [2 favorites]
Best answer: My just turned two year old went through a real picky stage (he still doesn't like vegetables and only a small amount of meat so I guess we may still be in that territory) but what has worked for me is a number of different tactics. Taking him out of the high chair and having him sit with us has drastically increased how much and the variety that he will eat.
Food on my plate (even if it's exactly the same as his!) is always better than his own food. That's how I get him to try new things. Even if he tastes it and hands it back from his mouth (!!) I still count it as a win. When he goes to daycare, I also give him new food to try because the peer pressure of everyone eating there means he's more likely to give it a go.
Cooking together! He LOVES cooking. He can put toast in himself, scramble eggs, throw in cheese and stir it with supervision on the stove. If he can help make it, he's more likely to eat it. We have also just planted a vegetable garden (tomatoes, beans, lettuce) which he waters every day for the same reason.
Finally, the last tactic is to use his own stubbornness against him. He's going through a 'Mine!' phase. Everything is his. He would only eat a small amount of toast this morning, so I grabbed it off him, took a bite and said "mine!" And made like I was going to eat it all. Well, he'd show me! He grabbed it back, said "mine!" and kept eating. Ahhh toddlers. Good luck. Keep at it, it will pass and as my sister says, they will never let themselves starve to death.
posted by Jubey at 8:39 PM on November 4, 2013 [5 favorites]
Food on my plate (even if it's exactly the same as his!) is always better than his own food. That's how I get him to try new things. Even if he tastes it and hands it back from his mouth (!!) I still count it as a win. When he goes to daycare, I also give him new food to try because the peer pressure of everyone eating there means he's more likely to give it a go.
Cooking together! He LOVES cooking. He can put toast in himself, scramble eggs, throw in cheese and stir it with supervision on the stove. If he can help make it, he's more likely to eat it. We have also just planted a vegetable garden (tomatoes, beans, lettuce) which he waters every day for the same reason.
Finally, the last tactic is to use his own stubbornness against him. He's going through a 'Mine!' phase. Everything is his. He would only eat a small amount of toast this morning, so I grabbed it off him, took a bite and said "mine!" And made like I was going to eat it all. Well, he'd show me! He grabbed it back, said "mine!" and kept eating. Ahhh toddlers. Good luck. Keep at it, it will pass and as my sister says, they will never let themselves starve to death.
posted by Jubey at 8:39 PM on November 4, 2013 [5 favorites]
I don't have kids (sorry, you can ignore this from here...) but I was a really picky eater as a kid. To me, the things you are eating sound too complicated. Just give him cheese and crackers, celery and crackers, hummus (not garlicky) and crackers etc. I think I lived on jam sandwiches and bananas for awhile in there... I am now totally normal, good weight, good eater etc.
My friend who had a non-eating toddler had to chase him and try to get him to eat bites of hummus sandwiches ...she would sort of get him to bite things while he was playing and didn't notice too much.
And another mother I knew as a child (ie she is healthy and has her own kids now) basically ate crustless white bread sandwiches and chocolate ice cream the entire time (years) I knew her.
I think the important thing is to keep stress away from food otherwise all kinds of issues may develop later. No stress, no issues.
And make more plain food, tuna salad etc is too complicated for little kids, in my opinion.
posted by bquarters at 9:11 PM on November 4, 2013
My friend who had a non-eating toddler had to chase him and try to get him to eat bites of hummus sandwiches ...she would sort of get him to bite things while he was playing and didn't notice too much.
And another mother I knew as a child (ie she is healthy and has her own kids now) basically ate crustless white bread sandwiches and chocolate ice cream the entire time (years) I knew her.
I think the important thing is to keep stress away from food otherwise all kinds of issues may develop later. No stress, no issues.
And make more plain food, tuna salad etc is too complicated for little kids, in my opinion.
posted by bquarters at 9:11 PM on November 4, 2013
Maybe host a few play date with other toddlers and serve them some snacks that the other toddlers really like.
Or see if you can ease him onto bread by serving progressively larger crackers.
Or perhaps he'll be interested in dipping the crackers into something. That way he'll control how much fondue/soup/peanut butter/honey/whatever gets onto the cracker and he gets the satisfaction of dunking something into something else.
FWIW I have a brother who only ate carbs until the age of 8. He was a bread type of child. Eventually he started branching out on his own, most likely because he got bored of just having bread all the time. Today he has an extremely varied and healthy diet and he is physically fit.
posted by donut_princess at 5:22 AM on November 5, 2013
Or see if you can ease him onto bread by serving progressively larger crackers.
Or perhaps he'll be interested in dipping the crackers into something. That way he'll control how much fondue/soup/peanut butter/honey/whatever gets onto the cracker and he gets the satisfaction of dunking something into something else.
FWIW I have a brother who only ate carbs until the age of 8. He was a bread type of child. Eventually he started branching out on his own, most likely because he got bored of just having bread all the time. Today he has an extremely varied and healthy diet and he is physically fit.
posted by donut_princess at 5:22 AM on November 5, 2013
As a toddler, my kid was extremely picky, and he remains so at age 6. One thing that worked for me was to let him graze instead of giving him meals - put out some snacks, and then (try to) leave him alone about eating. Also, he really likes food on toothpicks - I would cube some cheese and ham and slice some grapes and stick them on toothpicks.
I mostly subscribe to the "if he's hungry, he'll eat" method of feeding. And no you can't have a treat if you haven't had dinner.
Finally I had much more success feeding him in the mornings, and at lunch - by the time dinner rolls around he just isn't that hungry.
Because I have a TON of food issues and am extremely overweight, I have been very lax in parenting as it relates to food, but that's a whole nother post.
posted by lyssabee at 6:17 AM on November 5, 2013
I mostly subscribe to the "if he's hungry, he'll eat" method of feeding. And no you can't have a treat if you haven't had dinner.
Finally I had much more success feeding him in the mornings, and at lunch - by the time dinner rolls around he just isn't that hungry.
Because I have a TON of food issues and am extremely overweight, I have been very lax in parenting as it relates to food, but that's a whole nother post.
posted by lyssabee at 6:17 AM on November 5, 2013
You don't say how you respond to the tantrums. That's likely to play a huge role in how long this goes on.
In terms of food options, we've tried:
1) Giving him what we are eating (roast beef and cauliflower, salmon soup, etc)
2) Making a special meal for him (pb&j sandwhiches, chicken nuggets, cheerios for dinner)
3) Pureeing food and putting it in a squeezie so he can self-feed easily (fruit smoothies with hidden veggies, or pureed main courses with apple sauce added for sweetness)
4) Putting food (egg salad, tuna) ON crackers. Whoa that was a meltdown I will not soon forget.
This seems like a lot of changes in routine/options over a short time period. Pick a thing and stick with it for a while. Let mealtime be predictable for him. He is just beginning to make sense of his world & doesn't know whether mealtime means something familiar & pleasant or something strange that stinks to high heaven. Plus he doesn't have the language to communicate his confusion. Just simplify it for him.
If cheerios, fruit, & supplements go down without a fight, put cheerios, fruit, & supplements in front of him - plus a few pieces of mild cheese because his little brain needs fat - and let him be. Once the mealtime tantrums die down, start putting something bland from dinner (cauliflower, fine, but skip the salmon soup) on his plate but let him ignore it.
posted by headnsouth at 6:20 AM on November 5, 2013
In terms of food options, we've tried:
1) Giving him what we are eating (roast beef and cauliflower, salmon soup, etc)
2) Making a special meal for him (pb&j sandwhiches, chicken nuggets, cheerios for dinner)
3) Pureeing food and putting it in a squeezie so he can self-feed easily (fruit smoothies with hidden veggies, or pureed main courses with apple sauce added for sweetness)
4) Putting food (egg salad, tuna) ON crackers. Whoa that was a meltdown I will not soon forget.
This seems like a lot of changes in routine/options over a short time period. Pick a thing and stick with it for a while. Let mealtime be predictable for him. He is just beginning to make sense of his world & doesn't know whether mealtime means something familiar & pleasant or something strange that stinks to high heaven. Plus he doesn't have the language to communicate his confusion. Just simplify it for him.
If cheerios, fruit, & supplements go down without a fight, put cheerios, fruit, & supplements in front of him - plus a few pieces of mild cheese because his little brain needs fat - and let him be. Once the mealtime tantrums die down, start putting something bland from dinner (cauliflower, fine, but skip the salmon soup) on his plate but let him ignore it.
posted by headnsouth at 6:20 AM on November 5, 2013
I was a seriously picky eater when I was a child. We had several fruit trees and berries and a garden and I remember eating fruit all summer and berries and carrots from the garden. I don't really remember what I ate in the winter but it was not the food my mom cooked which was mostly tomato sauce and hamburger based meals with pasta or meatloaf with bread crumbs inside. I did eat a lot of apples and peanut butter sandwiches and I liked Reeses peanut butter cups. I drank milk. I think eating peanut butter saved my life. At one point they made me drink those nutritious canned drinks. But then they just kind of gave up because I was thin but never skeletal looking. Turns out when I was nineteen I was diagnosed with celiacs disease and at the same time I figured out that it was tomatoes that made every joint in my body ache. So you see if I had eaten the spaghetti or meatloaf that my parents offered for dinner it would have made me very sick. So now I always suspect that a toddler may know what is right for him.
Since you don't say he is dangerously thin I think you have time to relax and figure out what he can eat. I knew a girl who only ate cottage cheese and fruit and she grew up healthy. It seems like he needs a dairy product if he will eat it - for the fat as mentioned above. If he doesn't like cow milk you might try goat milk products.
posted by cda at 6:53 AM on November 5, 2013 [1 favorite]
Since you don't say he is dangerously thin I think you have time to relax and figure out what he can eat. I knew a girl who only ate cottage cheese and fruit and she grew up healthy. It seems like he needs a dairy product if he will eat it - for the fat as mentioned above. If he doesn't like cow milk you might try goat milk products.
posted by cda at 6:53 AM on November 5, 2013 [1 favorite]
My experiences with toddlers and kids and eating goes back to when I was a child. My mother always said very few kids will starve themselves. Usually the behavior is about control. In the end you want your child to be able to sit at a table and enjoy others company while eating properly. So you have tons of great suggestions here about that.
My youngest child was a difficult eater though. She went through phases where she ate only one thing...for weeks. I stuck to my mother's advice and just let it pass although the chicken tenders phase made me think she would be getting feathers...she is a lovely vegan now as an adult....and behaves at the dinner table as do all my other kids. Hang in there...
posted by OhSusannah at 1:41 AM on November 9, 2013
My youngest child was a difficult eater though. She went through phases where she ate only one thing...for weeks. I stuck to my mother's advice and just let it pass although the chicken tenders phase made me think she would be getting feathers...she is a lovely vegan now as an adult....and behaves at the dinner table as do all my other kids. Hang in there...
posted by OhSusannah at 1:41 AM on November 9, 2013
I'm late to this, sorry!, but I really like the advice per kmennie and others that if you chill out over the power struggle aspect, and is-he-going-to-starve-to-death aspect (he's not), it will likely make it easier for everyone.
Also, I know I am left of normal here, but I understand why you're worried he's only eating crackers and fruit. Fruit is good, crackers are pretty meh in my book. I know all Americans think children should eat organic pretzels and cookies and crackers and macaroni, and we have an entire supermarket aisle dedicated to feeding our children a bunch of processed carbs packaged in cutesy boxes, but the sad truth is that if you open the door to all that, kids will often eat it to the exclusion of everything else. If they naturally won't gravitate eggs and raspberries and avocados and roasted chicken, why throw a box of Nature's Best Organic Oreos into the mix?
So, could you just... stop buying crackers and cheerios? If it's not in the house, it's not on the table. And just make him a dinner with a food he will eat (fruit) included. If he only eats fruit, fine. If he wakes up hungry at night because he refused to eat anything other than the fruit, comfort him but say that [nutritious, cheerio-free] breakfast is nigh and he can eat again then. It sounds hardcore but I really think you need to be firm for a little bit in order to lower the overall drama surrounding food.
posted by zoomorphic at 7:38 AM on November 11, 2013
Also, I know I am left of normal here, but I understand why you're worried he's only eating crackers and fruit. Fruit is good, crackers are pretty meh in my book. I know all Americans think children should eat organic pretzels and cookies and crackers and macaroni, and we have an entire supermarket aisle dedicated to feeding our children a bunch of processed carbs packaged in cutesy boxes, but the sad truth is that if you open the door to all that, kids will often eat it to the exclusion of everything else. If they naturally won't gravitate eggs and raspberries and avocados and roasted chicken, why throw a box of Nature's Best Organic Oreos into the mix?
So, could you just... stop buying crackers and cheerios? If it's not in the house, it's not on the table. And just make him a dinner with a food he will eat (fruit) included. If he only eats fruit, fine. If he wakes up hungry at night because he refused to eat anything other than the fruit, comfort him but say that [nutritious, cheerio-free] breakfast is nigh and he can eat again then. It sounds hardcore but I really think you need to be firm for a little bit in order to lower the overall drama surrounding food.
posted by zoomorphic at 7:38 AM on November 11, 2013
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You might also want to have your child seen by a pediatric gastroenterologist and a pediatric allergist, just to rule out any possibility that your child has a digestive problem or a food allergy.
posted by BlueJae at 3:30 PM on November 4, 2013 [15 favorites]