How to improve memory issues
October 9, 2013 12:32 PM Subscribe
I am really forgetful. I have always been really forgetful, but as an adult with many balls in the air, my forgetfulness is starting to cause problems.
I have always been forgetful. I was the kid who forgot her lunch or forgot her textbooks or even sometimes forget her backpack. I am 33 now and I still forget my lunch sometimes, or my wallet. I have to do some things NOW because if I don't, I will forget. For instance, when I get an email I have to respond or act right away because otherwise I completely forget about it. So I try to keep on top of this at work, and I do an OK job, but there are days that stuff falls through the cracks. Or if I am cleaning up the kitchen, it suddenly pops into my head that I have to move that load of laundry from the washer to the dryer and if I don't do it NOW then the stuff stays in the washer for a few days because I've forgotten. But if I do remember to switch the stuff from the washer to the dryer then I'm down there and think, "Oh, I need to fold the dry stuff" and then I need to put it away and then there are still dirty dishes in the sink that I've completely forgotten.
Or if my husband is talking about Issue X and it reminds me of Issue Y, I have to tell him about Issue Y immediately or I will forget (and this bugs him because I interrupt, which is a fair point. I know I interrupt a lot because I am always so afraid I will forget what I'm about to say).
My forgetfulness also occurs when I go into the basement to get a new paper towel roll but by the time I've made it down there I can't remember why I went down there in the first place. Or when I pick something up and put it down later and then I have literally no idea where I put it.
Probably relevant:
1. I have two small children
2. My sleep is OK, not amazing. I usually average between 7 and 8 hours a night but I usually am woken up by some family member. I do feel tired almost all the time.
3. I have been tested for ADHD/ADD and was borderline.
4. I do have depression and anxiety, which my psychiatrist at the time thought could be causing any kind of ADD-tendencies I might have.
5. My thyroid levels were checked maybe 2 years ago and they were normal but I don't remember (ha) what the numbers were.
6. I am almost certain I have forgotten something on this list.
I have always been forgetful. I was the kid who forgot her lunch or forgot her textbooks or even sometimes forget her backpack. I am 33 now and I still forget my lunch sometimes, or my wallet. I have to do some things NOW because if I don't, I will forget. For instance, when I get an email I have to respond or act right away because otherwise I completely forget about it. So I try to keep on top of this at work, and I do an OK job, but there are days that stuff falls through the cracks. Or if I am cleaning up the kitchen, it suddenly pops into my head that I have to move that load of laundry from the washer to the dryer and if I don't do it NOW then the stuff stays in the washer for a few days because I've forgotten. But if I do remember to switch the stuff from the washer to the dryer then I'm down there and think, "Oh, I need to fold the dry stuff" and then I need to put it away and then there are still dirty dishes in the sink that I've completely forgotten.
Or if my husband is talking about Issue X and it reminds me of Issue Y, I have to tell him about Issue Y immediately or I will forget (and this bugs him because I interrupt, which is a fair point. I know I interrupt a lot because I am always so afraid I will forget what I'm about to say).
My forgetfulness also occurs when I go into the basement to get a new paper towel roll but by the time I've made it down there I can't remember why I went down there in the first place. Or when I pick something up and put it down later and then I have literally no idea where I put it.
Probably relevant:
1. I have two small children
2. My sleep is OK, not amazing. I usually average between 7 and 8 hours a night but I usually am woken up by some family member. I do feel tired almost all the time.
3. I have been tested for ADHD/ADD and was borderline.
4. I do have depression and anxiety, which my psychiatrist at the time thought could be causing any kind of ADD-tendencies I might have.
5. My thyroid levels were checked maybe 2 years ago and they were normal but I don't remember (ha) what the numbers were.
6. I am almost certain I have forgotten something on this list.
Best answer: write things down!
This is the best habit. I am constantly putting things into my iphone notes app.
It took Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade to be my epiphany about this. Indiana's father had extensive notes in his diary, which was stolen.
This is the best habit. I am constantly putting things into my iphone notes app.
It took Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade to be my epiphany about this. Indiana's father had extensive notes in his diary, which was stolen.
Indiana Jones: Can't you remember?posted by The Deej at 12:53 PM on October 9, 2013 [6 favorites]
Professor Henry Jones: I wrote them down in my diary so that I wouldn't *have* to remember.
Seconding habits and lists. No matter how good your memory is, writing stuff down takes it out of your head, making room for other things, which you can do in turn. Outlook's tasks is a great way to go directly from email to useful list.
posted by headnsouth at 12:54 PM on October 9, 2013
posted by headnsouth at 12:54 PM on October 9, 2013
I think this is ADD and meds would help more than anything you can do. If you're already anxious, forgetting important stuff isn't going to relieve that level of anxiety. I'd certainly try a low dose of Adderall and see if it helps you remember these tasks and if you do, maybe you'll be less anxious.
posted by Ideefixe at 1:00 PM on October 9, 2013
posted by Ideefixe at 1:00 PM on October 9, 2013
Best answer: The Clear app for iPhone (free) has been really useful because it just does not get any easier to make lists. I think "I need to buy cat litter! I'll forget that in 10 seconds!" so I whip out my phone and add it to my list. In your example, while you're cleaning up the kitchen you think "Laundry!" so you add it to your list and next time you look at your phone, there's a badge on the app telling you how many things are on the list. (It's also really satisfying to swipe to cross stuff off because it makes a bzzzzt noise.)
posted by desjardins at 1:01 PM on October 9, 2013 [1 favorite]
posted by desjardins at 1:01 PM on October 9, 2013 [1 favorite]
Do you have a cell phone with a calendar or alarm? Make a repeating appointment every hour, on your phone, to work on your to-do list for five minutes. What can you check off? What do you need to add? Get into the habit of doing this.
Your to-do list can be an index card, it can be a moleskine, it can be a scrap of paper, or there are a lot of to-do apps that you can get for your smartphone if you happen to have one.
Add everything you can think of to your to-do list. The idea of the to-do list is that you use it instead of your memory. You put stuff there so you don't EVER have to remember it.
Your to-do list should be tasks, not projects. "Write my novel" is a project -- it's not great for your to-do list because you'll probably never check it off. "Write 500 words of my novel" on the other hand is something you can knock off inside of an hour, so it should go on your list. The idea is that you want stuff on there that you can reasonably accomplish in a short-ish period of continuous effort and then cross off. "Do laundry" might be good, but "bring laundry downstairs; separate clothes; wash colored clothes; change to dryer; &c" might be better because you can cross off those tasks one by one and even if you get interrupted and don't run the washer you've still done some things. The idea is to reward yourself with continually writing tasks and crossing them off. "Make to-do list" is a great first task for your to-do list.
After a while, once you're in the habit of using your to-do list, maybe try contextual lists -- stuff to do at home; stuff to pick up; stuff to remember next time you're at your mother's house, &c &c. Take a little time on a day that you are using to recharge and examine your system. Maybe sunday afternoons, you take an hour to think about what's working and what isn't in your to-do list system. Did you capture all the tasks? Why or why not? What can you change about that? Did you execute all captured tasks? Why or why not? Did you cross off all executed tasks? Why or why not? What changes would you need to make?
The idea is that you are using technology (be it writing or a smartphone) to free up that part of your mind that is continually trying to remember things. Use habits, like people are saying above, to keep your keys and things in one place, and use these tools to free yourself from remembering all the little and big things. You'll get better at holding onto the momentary things and not having to interrupt your husband.
Remember, the human brain can only keep in short-term memory 7 things, plus or minus 2 on average. So clear your short-term memory out.
posted by gauche at 1:03 PM on October 9, 2013 [1 favorite]
Your to-do list can be an index card, it can be a moleskine, it can be a scrap of paper, or there are a lot of to-do apps that you can get for your smartphone if you happen to have one.
Add everything you can think of to your to-do list. The idea of the to-do list is that you use it instead of your memory. You put stuff there so you don't EVER have to remember it.
Your to-do list should be tasks, not projects. "Write my novel" is a project -- it's not great for your to-do list because you'll probably never check it off. "Write 500 words of my novel" on the other hand is something you can knock off inside of an hour, so it should go on your list. The idea is that you want stuff on there that you can reasonably accomplish in a short-ish period of continuous effort and then cross off. "Do laundry" might be good, but "bring laundry downstairs; separate clothes; wash colored clothes; change to dryer; &c" might be better because you can cross off those tasks one by one and even if you get interrupted and don't run the washer you've still done some things. The idea is to reward yourself with continually writing tasks and crossing them off. "Make to-do list" is a great first task for your to-do list.
After a while, once you're in the habit of using your to-do list, maybe try contextual lists -- stuff to do at home; stuff to pick up; stuff to remember next time you're at your mother's house, &c &c. Take a little time on a day that you are using to recharge and examine your system. Maybe sunday afternoons, you take an hour to think about what's working and what isn't in your to-do list system. Did you capture all the tasks? Why or why not? What can you change about that? Did you execute all captured tasks? Why or why not? Did you cross off all executed tasks? Why or why not? What changes would you need to make?
The idea is that you are using technology (be it writing or a smartphone) to free up that part of your mind that is continually trying to remember things. Use habits, like people are saying above, to keep your keys and things in one place, and use these tools to free yourself from remembering all the little and big things. You'll get better at holding onto the momentary things and not having to interrupt your husband.
Remember, the human brain can only keep in short-term memory 7 things, plus or minus 2 on average. So clear your short-term memory out.
posted by gauche at 1:03 PM on October 9, 2013 [1 favorite]
Best answer: I got this from another AskMe answer: TinyHabits is a easily-learnable way of breaking down complex systems into manageable habits, so instead of picking a larger, amorphous goal that you can approach from many directions (like "be neater" or "clean X room every week), you break your goal into tiny habits that are performed when an event happens. I wanted to hang up my damn coat every day, so one of the habits I learned was "When I close the front door, I hang up my coat."
They take the thinking out of little tasks - hope this helps!
posted by deliriouscool at 1:03 PM on October 9, 2013 [4 favorites]
They take the thinking out of little tasks - hope this helps!
posted by deliriouscool at 1:03 PM on October 9, 2013 [4 favorites]
I outsourced my memory to a PDA yeeears ago. I only rarely regret it, and even then, it's more "Why didn't I write that down, dammit?"
There are two things that help me most in the real short-term stuff: narrating what I'm doing and putting things in my own way to keep from forgetting them. For instance, when I need new paper towels:
"Hm, need some more paper towels up here. Better go do that. Going to get some paper towels. Opening the basement door to get some paper towels. Going down the steps to get some paper towels. Turning into the laundry room to get some paper towels. Getting some paper towels. Oh, the washer's finished. Okay, putting the roll of paper towels in the middle of the doorway so I'll trip over them. Moving the laundry to the dryer, putting in some fabric softener, turning the dryer on-- why is there a roll of paper towels in-- oh, right. Going up the stairs to replace the paper towels. Closing the basement door, but then I'll replace the paper towels. Replacing the paper towels... Is there laundry?"
posted by Etrigan at 1:05 PM on October 9, 2013 [1 favorite]
There are two things that help me most in the real short-term stuff: narrating what I'm doing and putting things in my own way to keep from forgetting them. For instance, when I need new paper towels:
"Hm, need some more paper towels up here. Better go do that. Going to get some paper towels. Opening the basement door to get some paper towels. Going down the steps to get some paper towels. Turning into the laundry room to get some paper towels. Getting some paper towels. Oh, the washer's finished. Okay, putting the roll of paper towels in the middle of the doorway so I'll trip over them. Moving the laundry to the dryer, putting in some fabric softener, turning the dryer on-- why is there a roll of paper towels in-- oh, right. Going up the stairs to replace the paper towels. Closing the basement door, but then I'll replace the paper towels. Replacing the paper towels... Is there laundry?"
posted by Etrigan at 1:05 PM on October 9, 2013 [1 favorite]
I would suggest reading the book "getting things done". It has a system of task lists which is designed specifically so that you don't have to remember things. This, in combination with having a smart phone with a good task app, will go miles towards keeping you in charge of your life.
I always forget stuff, but ever since I started writing everything down on my phone as soon as I think of it, I don't need to worry about it any more. It is very freeing. It also has the side effect of helping me to actually do things, since I no longer have the excuse of not remembering. Before, if I needed to do 3 things at the mall, I'd end up taking several trips over the week, because I would never remember. Now, I get everything done in that one trip, and will also notice that I have to stop somewhere which is just down the block, so I end up being much more productive.
The system in Getting Things Done is well thought out, and while it may seem a little overkill to you (or maybe not), even just taking aspects of it will help immensely. The goal is to make sure you don't ever have to remember anything to do, your system will do the remembering for you!
posted by markblasco at 1:35 PM on October 9, 2013
I always forget stuff, but ever since I started writing everything down on my phone as soon as I think of it, I don't need to worry about it any more. It is very freeing. It also has the side effect of helping me to actually do things, since I no longer have the excuse of not remembering. Before, if I needed to do 3 things at the mall, I'd end up taking several trips over the week, because I would never remember. Now, I get everything done in that one trip, and will also notice that I have to stop somewhere which is just down the block, so I end up being much more productive.
The system in Getting Things Done is well thought out, and while it may seem a little overkill to you (or maybe not), even just taking aspects of it will help immensely. The goal is to make sure you don't ever have to remember anything to do, your system will do the remembering for you!
posted by markblasco at 1:35 PM on October 9, 2013
I am a lot like this too (except I wasn't when I was younger, and your #'s 1, 3, and 4 do not apply to me.)
I write everything down as soon as I think of it. I have different kinds of lists for different kinds of tasks - one on my phone, one in a notebook that stays on my desk, and one in a little notebook I keep in my bag. I'll also sometimes make a special extra list for a larger project that will only happen once, like moving or packing/preparing for a particular trip. Oddly, I never forget about the existence of any of these lists.
I have one other tip, for when you're cleaning and you want to remember to do 4 different things all at once, or if you stop in a store without a list and want to remember the 5 things you just realized you needed. Set the list in your head to a meter, like it's a line of poetry. Then as each thing is "crossed off," revise the line slightly with the items that are left. Anything I don't write down would drop out of my head instantly if it wasn't in dactylic hexameter or whatever.
posted by DestinationUnknown at 1:44 PM on October 9, 2013
I write everything down as soon as I think of it. I have different kinds of lists for different kinds of tasks - one on my phone, one in a notebook that stays on my desk, and one in a little notebook I keep in my bag. I'll also sometimes make a special extra list for a larger project that will only happen once, like moving or packing/preparing for a particular trip. Oddly, I never forget about the existence of any of these lists.
I have one other tip, for when you're cleaning and you want to remember to do 4 different things all at once, or if you stop in a store without a list and want to remember the 5 things you just realized you needed. Set the list in your head to a meter, like it's a line of poetry. Then as each thing is "crossed off," revise the line slightly with the items that are left. Anything I don't write down would drop out of my head instantly if it wasn't in dactylic hexameter or whatever.
posted by DestinationUnknown at 1:44 PM on October 9, 2013
Make conscious associations.
I get lazy, and don't want to remember stuff, so I ask my subconscious to remember it for me. So for grocery items, I will picture myself at the grocery store, and picture myself walking past the oranges and then imagined me suddenly remembers "don't forget butter and onions!"
So then in real life when I walk past the oranges, I go "hey, I should get butter and onions!"
This way you are pre-programming your mind to have stuff suddenly "pop in your head." Like I said, I'm lazy the subconscious is an amazing thing.
Also, slow down. Pay attention to where you are putting things. Use your left hand (if you are right handed). Use a different method to [whatever activity]. You are forgetting because so much of life is becoming rote that you don't have to think about it anymore, and that's not a good thing!
posted by St. Peepsburg at 1:44 PM on October 9, 2013
I get lazy, and don't want to remember stuff, so I ask my subconscious to remember it for me. So for grocery items, I will picture myself at the grocery store, and picture myself walking past the oranges and then imagined me suddenly remembers "don't forget butter and onions!"
So then in real life when I walk past the oranges, I go "hey, I should get butter and onions!"
This way you are pre-programming your mind to have stuff suddenly "pop in your head." Like I said, I'm lazy the subconscious is an amazing thing.
Also, slow down. Pay attention to where you are putting things. Use your left hand (if you are right handed). Use a different method to [whatever activity]. You are forgetting because so much of life is becoming rote that you don't have to think about it anymore, and that's not a good thing!
posted by St. Peepsburg at 1:44 PM on October 9, 2013
I am super forgetful. I have trained my family and myself to write anything important on the whiteboard on the fridge. If they need me to do something, it goes on the whiteboard. If I need me to do something, it goes on the whiteboard. If it's not on the whiteboard, it won't get done.
posted by Ruki at 9:56 PM on October 9, 2013
posted by Ruki at 9:56 PM on October 9, 2013
Write lists. Keep your list-writing and collecting materials in a very easy to reach place. You might want to have several. Set reminders on your devices.
Can I just say you probably don't need pharmacuetical or corporate (Google Calendar) intervention. And you probably don't need to buy any books or special products. This stuff is surprisingly simple to deal with once you understand you can.
posted by inkypinky at 10:34 PM on October 9, 2013
Can I just say you probably don't need pharmacuetical or corporate (Google Calendar) intervention. And you probably don't need to buy any books or special products. This stuff is surprisingly simple to deal with once you understand you can.
posted by inkypinky at 10:34 PM on October 9, 2013
Best answer: Can I just say you probably don't need pharmacuetical or corporate (Google Calendar) intervention. And you probably don't need to buy any books or special products. This stuff is surprisingly simple to deal with once you understand you can.
Guess how I can tell you've never had major problems with forgetfulness. This is totally true for some lucky people, and painfully false for others. Lists are a great tool, but for a lot of people, they are not enough. Not until we figure out a way to have lists flashing before our eyes 24/7 that can never be forgotten about, lost, or ignored. Even that won't solve the problem of being overwhelmed by the sheer number of things that need to be remembered. Lists don't work so well when you have 127 things on them that all need to be done sometime.
Anyway, the number one best thing that's worked for me is trying really hard to form a few key habits, including the habit of using a portable calendar/dayplanner/scheduler of some kind, religiously. If you can manage to always have it with you so you can immediately write down appointments etc., and get into the habit of checking it many many times a day, that solves a bunch of the things you need to remember.
Losing stuff - everything needs to have a dedicated place and things need to be ONLY ever in that place, in a bag if you've taken them somewhere, or (optional) in a "temporary sorting area" like a dedicated table/bowl/hook/even a floor area (NOT drawers, you'll never remember to empty it).
Catching thoughts that cross your mind - try to have a capturing system with you all the time - notebook, phone, etc. Write things down immediately and try to have somewhere to put them later (calendar, or can read GTD for more ideas here, I haven't yet).
If I have to remember something unusual in the morning, I leave a note to myself somewhere I will always see it.
Sleep is HUGE. It's hard to manage, but it does make a big difference in how spacey I am. When you're less tired, you're paying more attention to what you're doing so it's easier to remember later. Maybe look into some sleep hygiene tips/get a fancypants mattress so you can improve the quality of the sleep time you have available?
And since you said "psychiatrist at the time", it seems like you don't have one now - I'd suggest talking to one about your anxiety/borderline ADD - medication for either or both of these could make a huge difference for you. A new psych might also have a different idea of how "borderline" ADD you are - it's a very subjective diagnosis. You also might find some useful tips by searching for add organizing strategies, even if you don't have ADD - it's more of a spectrum than present/absent, anyway.
Good luck. There are lots and lots of tools available that can help. It's still totally understandable to struggle - I have a hard time with this stuff too and I don't have kids, which I'm sure makes it a thousand times harder! It's great to improve but don't beat yourself up too much about being a little spacey, especially when you have so much on your plate right now.
posted by randomnity at 8:46 AM on October 10, 2013 [1 favorite]
Guess how I can tell you've never had major problems with forgetfulness. This is totally true for some lucky people, and painfully false for others. Lists are a great tool, but for a lot of people, they are not enough. Not until we figure out a way to have lists flashing before our eyes 24/7 that can never be forgotten about, lost, or ignored. Even that won't solve the problem of being overwhelmed by the sheer number of things that need to be remembered. Lists don't work so well when you have 127 things on them that all need to be done sometime.
Anyway, the number one best thing that's worked for me is trying really hard to form a few key habits, including the habit of using a portable calendar/dayplanner/scheduler of some kind, religiously. If you can manage to always have it with you so you can immediately write down appointments etc., and get into the habit of checking it many many times a day, that solves a bunch of the things you need to remember.
Losing stuff - everything needs to have a dedicated place and things need to be ONLY ever in that place, in a bag if you've taken them somewhere, or (optional) in a "temporary sorting area" like a dedicated table/bowl/hook/even a floor area (NOT drawers, you'll never remember to empty it).
Catching thoughts that cross your mind - try to have a capturing system with you all the time - notebook, phone, etc. Write things down immediately and try to have somewhere to put them later (calendar, or can read GTD for more ideas here, I haven't yet).
If I have to remember something unusual in the morning, I leave a note to myself somewhere I will always see it.
Sleep is HUGE. It's hard to manage, but it does make a big difference in how spacey I am. When you're less tired, you're paying more attention to what you're doing so it's easier to remember later. Maybe look into some sleep hygiene tips/get a fancypants mattress so you can improve the quality of the sleep time you have available?
And since you said "psychiatrist at the time", it seems like you don't have one now - I'd suggest talking to one about your anxiety/borderline ADD - medication for either or both of these could make a huge difference for you. A new psych might also have a different idea of how "borderline" ADD you are - it's a very subjective diagnosis. You also might find some useful tips by searching for add organizing strategies, even if you don't have ADD - it's more of a spectrum than present/absent, anyway.
Good luck. There are lots and lots of tools available that can help. It's still totally understandable to struggle - I have a hard time with this stuff too and I don't have kids, which I'm sure makes it a thousand times harder! It's great to improve but don't beat yourself up too much about being a little spacey, especially when you have so much on your plate right now.
posted by randomnity at 8:46 AM on October 10, 2013 [1 favorite]
Response by poster: I am checking back in here to say that this thread pushed me to get this issue of mine solved. I got a new psychiatrist and she re-evaluated me for ADHD. After I scored off the charts on her test, she put me on Concerta. It has been amazing! I am still a little forgetful, but I am able to focus a lot better now on any kind of particular task. For example, I am able to go down to the basement and get a roll of paper towels without getting distracted. I have also started using a Bullet Journal, which has helped a lot, especially with work.
posted by sutel at 3:40 AM on June 2, 2014 [3 favorites]
posted by sutel at 3:40 AM on June 2, 2014 [3 favorites]
This thread is closed to new comments.
As for bigger, longer-term things like projects at work, etc: write things down! Use Google Calendar or iCal or whatever you like. And don't just put in the absolute final deadlines, put smaller milestones along the way. Google Calendar can email you reminders of things (I have it do that for people's birthdays, to pay rent/bills, etc.) The point is that when you write stuff down, you free yourself from the responsibility of having to remember it.
This is less of a strategy to improve memory than it is a strategy to organize your life in such a way that it relies less on your memory and more on your habits.
posted by number9dream at 12:40 PM on October 9, 2013 [1 favorite]