Intangible gift

September 4, 2013 2:03 AM

What do I get as a "sorry I can't come to your wedding even though I really wanted to!" gift for a couple whose wedding is vegan, dry, simple, on relatively short notice, and the invitations specified "no gifts, please"?

My budget is around $50. I recently was chatting with the bride to be and she was regaling me with all the usual wedding woes, including how and why they ended up refusing to make a gift registry and asking for no gifts. Long story short, they are living with another couple and seriously have no room, in addition to being relatively anti-materialistic people. I mentioned again how sad I was that I couldn't make it, and how I'd had a brief moment of etiquette angst because you're supposed to send a gift if you can't make it to a wedding, but they said no gifts, but I wanted to send something anyway so she should expect some trees planted in Israel or a star named after the two of them, hahaha. Then of course she said, sincerely (she is very sincere) "I would love something like that!" So oops, I screwed up my out. Luckily I love giving presents, so this is not a big issue.

Normally in a case like this, I'd go to heifer.org, but this couple is vegan! I want to find something that isn't overly preachy, something that isn't just a cash amount (I considered a kiva.org card, but that strikes me as giving them work to do - finding people to loan to - when I'd like to keep it as simple as possible for them. They're busy!) something non-denominational and preferably totally religion-free (so please ignore the joke about Israeli trees), and something preferably a little charming or unique. I don't think that animal shelter type donations would be appreciated (I'm not sure what echelon of vegan they're on at any given moment, but they don't have pets.) They're both super smart, nerdy people, in addition to all their other qualities.

I guess my main problem in searching is that my price point is really low for gifts of charity, but honestly $50 is my absolute cap. I also want to keep it happy, in the spirit of a wedding, you know?

Thanks for any ideas you might have!

posted by Mizu to Grab Bag (28 answers total)

heifer.org has gifts that aren't animals - clean water, schooling for girls, farming supplies, etc.
posted by EndsOfInvention at 2:19 AM on September 4, 2013 [3 favorites]

Best answer: There's also Oxfam if you'd prefer to avoid Heifer.
posted by EndsOfInvention at 2:21 AM on September 4, 2013

Best answer: Oxfam charity gifts in this price range here, such as a grove of miracle trees ($35) or cultivate a field of organic cotton ($ 40)
posted by iviken at 2:22 AM on September 4, 2013 [6 favorites]

and the invitations specified "no gifts, please"?

One of the nicest wedding gifts I received was from a friend who took the invitation she received, added some hand-painted designs around the border, and gave it back to me in a frame. It cost time and not so much money.

I felt bad throwing it in the trash when that marriage failed!
posted by three blind mice at 2:47 AM on September 4, 2013 [2 favorites]

Donors Choose would be a good donation. And if you don't want to make them do any work, choose a project in their community.
posted by sciencegeek at 3:40 AM on September 4, 2013 [1 favorite]

Why not just give them $50? I always assume "no gifts" means "send money", and everyone can use it and it doesn't take up much space. I'm getting married soon and will ask for no gifts and I'd be real excited to get a check!
posted by masquesoporfavor at 3:49 AM on September 4, 2013

I got sick of getting presents for my friends they don't want and would never use. So I made my own hamper for each of my friends.

For my one friend, she likes sketching, so I got a drawer organizer to use as the tray, and filled it with cute stationary. For another friend, she drinks tea, so I got a small kitchen basket and filled it with various organic teas, ethically sourced, some shortbread and a cute tea strainer (which she'd mentioned she was looking for one for ages one time, and I took note of that). For my other friend (who's birthday is next year) I was going to buy her a baking tray, and fill it with various baking items, (flour, chocolate chips) and add a recipe card, because she likes to bake and cook and is always making stuff. For yet another friend, I was thinking of making her hamper filled with scrap-booking and card making goodies because she's into that kind of stuff.

You'd be surprised how much people like receiving very mundane things as a gift, when given thoughtfully and such. So, I mean, for a wedding present it'd be harder to think of something like that, but if you really listen to what people are into, you can usually come up with something that they would love to receive that they will actually use and isn't materialistic. They are still tangible, but more useful.

What I'd do in your case though, is bake them a yummy vegan treat of some kind, and add one of the following ideas:
- The oxfam card mentioned above. OR;
- An adoption in their combined name. (eg, 'Bennifer'). Maybe a sea creature or an elephant or any animal they would like, really.
- Local tree dedication for the both of them
- Adopt an acre of land somewhere, or some rainforest
- A coupon for a couples adventure if they're the adventurous type. Bungee jumping, or a hot air balloon ride, or even low-key stuff like a spa day.
- A $50 voucher to somewhere like whole foods or an organic grocer like that.

Hope that gives you some ideas!
posted by Dimes at 4:13 AM on September 4, 2013 [1 favorite]

A personal, congratulatory card or letter is always nice.
posted by Cookiebastard at 4:51 AM on September 4, 2013

$50 to the Arbor Day Foundation would get you 50 trees in either Superior National Forest or Blackwater State Forest. They have other tree gifts too.
posted by katinka-katinka at 4:54 AM on September 4, 2013 [3 favorites]

Plant a garden for bees and butterflies. All natural, no pesticides, etc. Promise to keep it and tend to it for as long as they are married, which looks like forever as far as you can see. Keep your word.

Then they have a garden in their honor and you have a garden in reality.
posted by pracowity at 5:02 AM on September 4, 2013 [1 favorite]

You can actually have a tree planted in Israel for them, since she said she'd like that! It's easy, the JNF does it. They're $18 each, and come with a certificate. The JNF is a non-governmental non-partisan charitable environmental organization, and people of all religions and none at all help to plant trees there.
posted by juniperesque at 6:18 AM on September 4, 2013 [3 favorites]

A "gift voucher" to Kiva, a micro-lending organisation where they can choose who to lend the money to. And what is additionally nice about this is that the gift keeps on giving: once that person(s) has repaid, the money becomes available to re-lend again!
posted by Halo in reverse at 6:25 AM on September 4, 2013

What about a membership (or a non-membership gift to an organization in their names if membership costs more than $50) to a local museum or arts organization?
posted by *s at 6:27 AM on September 4, 2013 [1 favorite]

Carbon credits?
posted by bq at 6:45 AM on September 4, 2013

Dinner at a local vegan restaurant? $50 will probably get them a nice meal!
posted by barnone at 6:45 AM on September 4, 2013 [4 favorites]

The Seva Foundation does cataract surgery worldwide - a relatively "easy" thing to do that makes huge changes in people's lives.
posted by BlahLaLa at 6:48 AM on September 4, 2013 [1 favorite]

Also, normally I'd suggest a sponsored rescue farm animal from the Farm Sanctuary, but it looks like it's out of your price range. You get an amazing folio with a gorgeous color photograph of your sponsored animal, and you can visit the sanctuary and your animal anytime you like :-)

Actually, it looks like the annual prices are out of your budget, but you can sponsor one for a fiscal quarter. I'd be super excited to receive a beautiful photo of a rescued chicken or pig!

I'm pretty sure if they're vegan they are against factory farming practices, and it's so nice to get the tangible photograph along with the donation.

Alternately, what about a gift basket of food? It doesn't take up space and is consumable. A gorgeous bottle of olive oil and balsamic is the gift that keeps on giving.

Where is the couple located?
posted by barnone at 6:52 AM on September 4, 2013

How about Good Gifts? They're UK-based, but the work they do is international.
posted by Ziggy500 at 7:54 AM on September 4, 2013

masquesoporfavor: " I always assume "no gifts" means "send money", and everyone can use it and it doesn't take up much space. "

As someone who is getting married very soon, and someone who sincerely wishes he could have convinced his fiancee to allow "No gifts please" to appear on the invitation in big bold underlined letters, let me offer a contrary opinion to the rest of the thread:
Sometimes "no gifts" really means "Please, don't get us anything. At all. No, not even that. Just attend if you are able, and wish us well if you are not. Thank you."
posted by namewithoutwords at 8:04 AM on September 4, 2013 [3 favorites]

If you're seriously considering the "name a star" thing, you should be aware that it is usually a scam perpetrated by disingenuous, for-profit companies that do nothing with the money but line their own pockets.*

If the couple has a particular enthusiasm for astronomy, I can personally vouch for the following organizations: the American Astronomical Society, the Astronomical Society of the Pacific, and the Planetary Society, all of which fund astronomical research and public outreach. You might also find a museum or planetarium in their area.

*Sometimes reputable organizations will do a name-a-star fundraiser, but they are always very clear that it is just for fun.
posted by BrashTech at 8:29 AM on September 4, 2013

Why not just give them $50? I always assume "no gifts" means "send money", and everyone can use it and it doesn't take up much space. I'm getting married soon and will ask for no gifts and I'd be real excited to get a check!

Please note that "no gifts" is NOT universally interpreted as "give money"; because giving cash is considered to be tacky in some cultures, "no gifts" is often intended/interpreted as "give nothing."
posted by scody at 9:23 AM on September 4, 2013 [1 favorite]

If you want to be cute, put a picture of yourself in a pretty, clear, bottle of vodka. (or rubbing alcohol, whatev).

That way, you're there in spirits.
posted by PMdixon at 9:36 AM on September 4, 2013 [1 favorite]

Response by poster: To clarify:

-I, personally, really don't want to plant a tree in Israel for anybody ever; this was a joke stolen from my parents when I discussed it as that's their default intangible gift. Suffice it to say I really super duper extremely want to stay far far away from anything potentially slightly related to Israel when it comes to gifting things to others, and I regret putting that line in the question. (Yes, even the JNF chai trees.)

-I also have no space for anything so getting something that I'd have to keep in their name is out of the question.

-The whole point of that more inside explanatory paragraph was: She sincerely would appreciate an intangible gift from me as well as anybody who would like to give one, and I straight out told her I'd be sending them a gift already. This is not a "cash please" or a "no really we want for NOTHING" couple. This is a couple who can't put anything (even a gift basket) in their space (it's not their space!) who didn't want a large ridiculous wedding. They are not actually in need of cash at the moment, either.

Anyway, thanks for your suggestions. I really appreciate learning about some of these more focused, harder to google charities. If you've got any more you should definitely suggest some.
posted by Mizu at 1:37 PM on September 4, 2013

if they love animals, most animal shelters always need stuff, and you can buy cat food for a day in their name, or you can sponsor an animal. Their town might be willing to plant a tree in their name, or you could give money for landscaping flowers for a specific park.

Where did they meet? You could maybe have a flowering tree planted at their university. Pretty much any non-profit will be happy to take your money towards a specific need, and send a card to them, stating that, in their honor, the action has been funded.
posted by theora55 at 2:58 PM on September 4, 2013

I think a donation to water.org could be really awesome, too! They don't, like, give you a well or anything (even metaphorically), but I think that supporting clean drinking water for everyone is a cause most people can get behind. They have a pretty solid Charity Navigator rating, too.
posted by itsamermaid at 5:58 PM on September 4, 2013

Here in Massachusettes, there is an amazing organization called the Trustees of Reservations. They manage a bunch of huge parks and wetland areas, all with lovely trails and various amenities. It's somewhere around $50 for a couple to become a member for a year, granting them access to any of the parks, and parking at one of the best beaches in the area.

Where is the couple located? Are they into hiking or the outdoors at all? National Parks Pass?

If they like the performing arts, what about a donation to a local theatre? Sometimes donations come with a ticket or two to a show, or to a cocktail hour before the show.

Finally, super nice spices are not intangible, but they're a super useful and consumable gift, and most folks already have space set aside for spices. I've given a few spice packs as gifts, and they're always well received. Plus, you already have the punchline for a card: "to help with the spice of life!"
posted by barnone at 1:35 AM on September 5, 2013

Plenty Food is a great charity: Plenty Food supports socially responsible projects that provide aid to high need populations. We work to feed the starving without harming animals or the environment.
posted by blub at 4:56 AM on September 6, 2013

Response by poster: Hi people, in case people care, I ended up going for Oxfam and getting the building tools because it was thematically appropriate, what with them not having their own place to live right now, anyway. Unfortunately the more varied and lesser-known charities didn't seem like the right fit for these particular people, but thanks for anybody who suggested something - I'll keep this question in mind for future giving.
posted by Mizu at 6:55 PM on October 4, 2013 [1 favorite]