Movin' on up - What do I need to know?
August 2, 2013 12:25 AM Subscribe
I'm about to go through some serious life changes (first "real" job, first time living alone, etc.) and could use some advice seeing as I don't really feel like an adult...
I recently graduated and got a job in the field that I wanted (still don't know what position I'll be in though). While I've held some jobs before, they were always short-term, with clear endpoints going in (longest was for a year). This will be my first "career" job.
In addition, the job requires me to move to a new city and will mark the first time I have not lived at home. While my family is very close, it is most DEFINITELY time for me to move out - having stayed as long as I have without a doubt stunted my growth (e.g. I pretty much don't cook).
So, although by age I am technically an adult, I don't really feel like one. And this has made me worry that I may screw-up in a major way that is no longer acceptable at my age (late twenties) because of the assumption that certain things are "old hat" to the average person at this point in their life.
With all of that said, here are my questions:
1. What are mistakes that would be considered ok for a first-timer to make (either professionally or personally), but would not be seen as ok for a late-twenties adult to make?
2. What advice would you give to someone moving out and living on their own for the first time? Particularly for someone who had it pretty easy in terms of household responsibilities...
3. What should I be doing to ensure long-term career success? I should note- I've always done well at my jobs at first, but end up losing my initial momentum after a while (leading me to seek distractions). Is there a way to prevent this?
Please feel free to also give answers to any questions you think are relevant that I've missed.
Thanks Hivemind!
I recently graduated and got a job in the field that I wanted (still don't know what position I'll be in though). While I've held some jobs before, they were always short-term, with clear endpoints going in (longest was for a year). This will be my first "career" job.
In addition, the job requires me to move to a new city and will mark the first time I have not lived at home. While my family is very close, it is most DEFINITELY time for me to move out - having stayed as long as I have without a doubt stunted my growth (e.g. I pretty much don't cook).
So, although by age I am technically an adult, I don't really feel like one. And this has made me worry that I may screw-up in a major way that is no longer acceptable at my age (late twenties) because of the assumption that certain things are "old hat" to the average person at this point in their life.
With all of that said, here are my questions:
1. What are mistakes that would be considered ok for a first-timer to make (either professionally or personally), but would not be seen as ok for a late-twenties adult to make?
2. What advice would you give to someone moving out and living on their own for the first time? Particularly for someone who had it pretty easy in terms of household responsibilities...
3. What should I be doing to ensure long-term career success? I should note- I've always done well at my jobs at first, but end up losing my initial momentum after a while (leading me to seek distractions). Is there a way to prevent this?
Please feel free to also give answers to any questions you think are relevant that I've missed.
Thanks Hivemind!
With the caveat that I am almost 40 and still don't feel like an adult:
With all of that said, here are my questions:
1. What are mistakes that would be considered ok for a first-timer to make (either professionally or personally), but would not be seen as ok for a late-twenties adult to make?
-------------
Getting too drunk to show up to work is something a 21 year old intern can get away with, but probably not someone near 30.
2. What advice would you give to someone moving out and living on their own for the first time? Particularly for someone who had it pretty easy in terms of household responsibilities...
Don't charge anything that you can't pay off in three months if you really needed to. Never charge groceries, food or gas if you are not paying off your credit card in full every month. Have enough money in the bank so you can pay rent for two months. Don't buy a new car. Don't pay more than a quarter of your take home pay in rent (a third is doable but pushing it). Buy stuff for the house if you actually NEED it. Don't buy food for meals that you are not planning to make in the next day or so. Basically, all of this comes down to: Do not get in debt, don't waste money and have money set aside for emergencies.
3. What should I be doing to ensure long-term career success? I should note- I've always done well at my jobs at first, but end up losing my initial momentum after a while (leading me to seek distractions). Is there a way to prevent this?
When you get bored with a job, start putting out resumes before you get fired.
posted by empath at 12:46 AM on August 2, 2013 [3 favorites]
With all of that said, here are my questions:
1. What are mistakes that would be considered ok for a first-timer to make (either professionally or personally), but would not be seen as ok for a late-twenties adult to make?
-------------
Getting too drunk to show up to work is something a 21 year old intern can get away with, but probably not someone near 30.
2. What advice would you give to someone moving out and living on their own for the first time? Particularly for someone who had it pretty easy in terms of household responsibilities...
Don't charge anything that you can't pay off in three months if you really needed to. Never charge groceries, food or gas if you are not paying off your credit card in full every month. Have enough money in the bank so you can pay rent for two months. Don't buy a new car. Don't pay more than a quarter of your take home pay in rent (a third is doable but pushing it). Buy stuff for the house if you actually NEED it. Don't buy food for meals that you are not planning to make in the next day or so. Basically, all of this comes down to: Do not get in debt, don't waste money and have money set aside for emergencies.
3. What should I be doing to ensure long-term career success? I should note- I've always done well at my jobs at first, but end up losing my initial momentum after a while (leading me to seek distractions). Is there a way to prevent this?
When you get bored with a job, start putting out resumes before you get fired.
posted by empath at 12:46 AM on August 2, 2013 [3 favorites]
Just over 40 here...
- When you make mistakes, correct and move on. Don't waste time beating yourself up. Learning to do better is a lifelong pursuit, embrace this!
- A lot of things you think are morally or ethically OK in your youth, you'll (hopefully) wise up about as you get older. Plan accordingly. The longer you live, the less inclined you'll feel towards small dishonesties to keep a roof over your head, or the aggressions governments perpetrate with your tax dollars. Live your conscience. Thanks!
- Take up a practice: yoga, martial arts, jogging, hiking, gardening, meditation, church or similar, volunteering, cooking for others, a team sport, triathlon or marathon - and maintain it.
That's my big ones. Any bog can tell you how to live or organize your space. Organizing yourself is the true endeavor.
posted by jbenben at 1:44 AM on August 2, 2013 [5 favorites]
- When you make mistakes, correct and move on. Don't waste time beating yourself up. Learning to do better is a lifelong pursuit, embrace this!
- A lot of things you think are morally or ethically OK in your youth, you'll (hopefully) wise up about as you get older. Plan accordingly. The longer you live, the less inclined you'll feel towards small dishonesties to keep a roof over your head, or the aggressions governments perpetrate with your tax dollars. Live your conscience. Thanks!
- Take up a practice: yoga, martial arts, jogging, hiking, gardening, meditation, church or similar, volunteering, cooking for others, a team sport, triathlon or marathon - and maintain it.
That's my big ones. Any bog can tell you how to live or organize your space. Organizing yourself is the true endeavor.
posted by jbenben at 1:44 AM on August 2, 2013 [5 favorites]
I second the advice of taking care of your money. With your first "real" job you might feel like you suddenly have a lot of money compared to what you were making in the past, but that doesn't mean it's okay to spend it without always giving it some thought.
posted by Vispa Teresa at 2:51 AM on August 2, 2013 [1 favorite]
posted by Vispa Teresa at 2:51 AM on August 2, 2013 [1 favorite]
1) Consider using Mint.com. It's a easy/great way to keep a budget.
2) If your employer offers a retirement plan, start leveraging it immediately no matter what. For example if they match a percentage you invest, but require you to invest a certain amount--AND THAT CERTAIN AMOUNT IS PAINFUL TO YOU RIGHT NOW--do it anyway. Really. You'll be very proud of that decision later [and very embarrassed later if you don't]. This is excellent free money that you'll otherwise throw away.
3) Write a life mission and be responsible towards its execution. Let the buck stop here.
4) Be generous with other people. This is the best career hack I know. It's amazing how this comes back to help you over the long run.
posted by Murray M at 2:53 AM on August 2, 2013 [2 favorites]
2) If your employer offers a retirement plan, start leveraging it immediately no matter what. For example if they match a percentage you invest, but require you to invest a certain amount--AND THAT CERTAIN AMOUNT IS PAINFUL TO YOU RIGHT NOW--do it anyway. Really. You'll be very proud of that decision later [and very embarrassed later if you don't]. This is excellent free money that you'll otherwise throw away.
3) Write a life mission and be responsible towards its execution. Let the buck stop here.
4) Be generous with other people. This is the best career hack I know. It's amazing how this comes back to help you over the long run.
posted by Murray M at 2:53 AM on August 2, 2013 [2 favorites]
1. What are mistakes that would be considered ok for a first-timer to make (either professionally or personally), but would not be seen as ok for a late-twenties adult to make?
You should strive to do your best and let the mistakes happen when they do. Don't fall into the mindset of thinking about which mistakes are acceptable or not. Rather, have the mindset that mistakes are part of the process, and then correct them as they come up. If you have the mindset where it's ok to make certain mistakes because you are in your early 20s, for example, then those things really aren't mistakes. They are "bad" decisions you've given yourself permission to make. If you want to go out and get drunk on a Tuesday night, and make the decision whether or not to do it based on whether to get away with it, that's not a mistake. That's looking to figure out what you can get away with; how much trouble are you going to get in?
2. What advice would you give to someone moving out and living on their own for the first time? Particularly for someone who had it pretty easy in terms of household responsibilities...
Budget ruthlessly and stay within your budget. This means knowing what you like and want to do with your money. If you like going to concerts, make room in your budget for that. It isn't wrong or childish to indulge in the things you enjoy, but it IS childish to do so without regard for the costs.
3. What should I be doing to ensure long-term career success? I should note- I've always done well at my jobs at first, but end up losing my initial momentum after a while (leading me to seek distractions). Is there a way to prevent this?
Develop a more rational work ethic. Instead of looking for motivation in the pleasure of getting a job mostly completed, split that into finding pleasure in the minute machinations of the work, and then also in the higher order "knocking things off your list" kind of things. Instead of looking for motivation in wanting to do something, look for motivation in needing to do it, and then diving in and doing as good of a job as possible.
Analogy/metaphor: when it snows, do you shovel the walks because you like shoveling? Great, but what happens next time when you don't feel like it? You don't know how to motivate yourself to do the task for any reason but that you like doing it. Instead, find your motivation in the idea that it needs to be done, and you are someone who gets things done. THEN, while you are doing it, find some kind of pleasure/reward/enjoyment in the process of doing the work. Get zen about it. Make each shovelful the best you can, and before you know it, you will be done. Don't worry so much about how much time it's taking or all the other things you'd rather be doing.
Also, make time to plan. Short term, medium term and long term. It is easy to get busy and forget to make plans. Slowing down and taking a moment to contemplate your competing demands and rationally allocating your time and attention will pay you back over and over. Five minutes devoted to slowing down and making a list can save hours or even days of misdirected effort.
posted by gjc at 3:07 AM on August 2, 2013 [9 favorites]
You should strive to do your best and let the mistakes happen when they do. Don't fall into the mindset of thinking about which mistakes are acceptable or not. Rather, have the mindset that mistakes are part of the process, and then correct them as they come up. If you have the mindset where it's ok to make certain mistakes because you are in your early 20s, for example, then those things really aren't mistakes. They are "bad" decisions you've given yourself permission to make. If you want to go out and get drunk on a Tuesday night, and make the decision whether or not to do it based on whether to get away with it, that's not a mistake. That's looking to figure out what you can get away with; how much trouble are you going to get in?
2. What advice would you give to someone moving out and living on their own for the first time? Particularly for someone who had it pretty easy in terms of household responsibilities...
Budget ruthlessly and stay within your budget. This means knowing what you like and want to do with your money. If you like going to concerts, make room in your budget for that. It isn't wrong or childish to indulge in the things you enjoy, but it IS childish to do so without regard for the costs.
3. What should I be doing to ensure long-term career success? I should note- I've always done well at my jobs at first, but end up losing my initial momentum after a while (leading me to seek distractions). Is there a way to prevent this?
Develop a more rational work ethic. Instead of looking for motivation in the pleasure of getting a job mostly completed, split that into finding pleasure in the minute machinations of the work, and then also in the higher order "knocking things off your list" kind of things. Instead of looking for motivation in wanting to do something, look for motivation in needing to do it, and then diving in and doing as good of a job as possible.
Analogy/metaphor: when it snows, do you shovel the walks because you like shoveling? Great, but what happens next time when you don't feel like it? You don't know how to motivate yourself to do the task for any reason but that you like doing it. Instead, find your motivation in the idea that it needs to be done, and you are someone who gets things done. THEN, while you are doing it, find some kind of pleasure/reward/enjoyment in the process of doing the work. Get zen about it. Make each shovelful the best you can, and before you know it, you will be done. Don't worry so much about how much time it's taking or all the other things you'd rather be doing.
Also, make time to plan. Short term, medium term and long term. It is easy to get busy and forget to make plans. Slowing down and taking a moment to contemplate your competing demands and rationally allocating your time and attention will pay you back over and over. Five minutes devoted to slowing down and making a list can save hours or even days of misdirected effort.
posted by gjc at 3:07 AM on August 2, 2013 [9 favorites]
Firstly, I don't think most people ever really feel like they're adults. I don't now and I certainly didn't in my 20s!
Secondly, please don't make the assumption that you will screw up majorly. If you've gotten this far in life, you must at least have the basics of health and safety down. Outside of actively endangering your health and personal safety, there are very few mistakes in life which time or money or apologies cannot fix. Mistakes are part of life, and how we grow.
What advice would you give to someone moving out and living on their own for the first time? Particularly for someone who had it pretty easy in terms of household responsibilities...
Unless you're earning big bucks (and maybe even if you are), draw up a realistic budget and stick to it. There are likely to be expenses which you might have been insulated from by living at home - eg tenant's or contents insurance, cleaning products, utilities. Plus you might have some start up costs for furniture and appliances etc. So put a bit of time into your budget, at least at the start. People expect students to be poor, but once you have a real job, it'll really suck (and look a bit bad, but not unforgivable) if you eg can't afford to go out after work with the others.
There are a lot of resources on the internet regarding household chores. You should be able to get a checklist and then you'll have an idea of what you'll need to do... and then you'll need to budget your time to get it done. Unfortunately "growing up" means more responsibility.
Always have a meal in your freezer ready for you to heat and eat. Can be store bought, but even better if you can cook up a big batch of something and then freeze portions. That way if you're held back at work, or you're tired and can't face cooking, you won't go hungry and won't have to resort to fast food.
Speaking of cooking - learn to cook at least one or two dishes, really well, while you're still at home.
Lastly - it sounds like you have a stable and loving family. Ask them for advice!
posted by pianissimo at 3:16 AM on August 2, 2013
Secondly, please don't make the assumption that you will screw up majorly. If you've gotten this far in life, you must at least have the basics of health and safety down. Outside of actively endangering your health and personal safety, there are very few mistakes in life which time or money or apologies cannot fix. Mistakes are part of life, and how we grow.
What advice would you give to someone moving out and living on their own for the first time? Particularly for someone who had it pretty easy in terms of household responsibilities...
Unless you're earning big bucks (and maybe even if you are), draw up a realistic budget and stick to it. There are likely to be expenses which you might have been insulated from by living at home - eg tenant's or contents insurance, cleaning products, utilities. Plus you might have some start up costs for furniture and appliances etc. So put a bit of time into your budget, at least at the start. People expect students to be poor, but once you have a real job, it'll really suck (and look a bit bad, but not unforgivable) if you eg can't afford to go out after work with the others.
There are a lot of resources on the internet regarding household chores. You should be able to get a checklist and then you'll have an idea of what you'll need to do... and then you'll need to budget your time to get it done. Unfortunately "growing up" means more responsibility.
Always have a meal in your freezer ready for you to heat and eat. Can be store bought, but even better if you can cook up a big batch of something and then freeze portions. That way if you're held back at work, or you're tired and can't face cooking, you won't go hungry and won't have to resort to fast food.
Speaking of cooking - learn to cook at least one or two dishes, really well, while you're still at home.
Lastly - it sounds like you have a stable and loving family. Ask them for advice!
posted by pianissimo at 3:16 AM on August 2, 2013
2) If your employer offers a retirement plan, start leveraging it immediately no matter what. For example if they match a percentage you invest, but require you to invest a certain amount--AND THAT CERTAIN AMOUNT IS PAINFUL TO YOU RIGHT NOW--do it anyway. Really. You'll be very proud of that decision later [and very embarrassed later if you don't]. This is excellent free money that you'll otherwise throw away.
A thousand times yes! I made a deal with myself where I split every raise I got 50/50 between keeping the money and saving it for my future. It hurts a little but to get a 5% raise and immediately give up 2.5% of that to some nebulous retirement account, but remember that your life is long, and your earning power might not be quite so long. Double especially if you get matching money. Your 401k can lose money every year, but if you are getting a 25% match from your employer, you are WAY up.
I'm about 15 years into my "grownup" career, and I am starting to be amazed at how well this is paying off for me. (At least on paper.) It wasn't very long ago that I hit a milestone of having saved a year's salary for retirement. It took, not surprisingly, approximately 10 years of saving 10% of my income. But then like a year an a half later, I was up to two years of income saved. God willing, if that keeps up like that, I will actually have enough money to not starve to death in my elder years.
Remember, our lifetimes are pretty long relative to our ability to earn money. You've got 40-ish years of productive work time to pay for 80-ish years of food, clothing and shelter. And booze. The more you internalize the idea that your paycheck belongs not just to you, but to your future self, the easier it will be to save.
And don't fall into the mind trap that so many of us fall into- "i'm relatively poor, I can't afford to save." That's both true, and really, really wrong. The poorer you are, the more you need to save. If you know you can earn $250k a year, you are in a way better position to live paycheck to paycheck than if you make $25k a year. A $10,000 medical bill is a blip on the radar for someone making big money, but it can be a devastating hardship if that's half your annual income.
posted by gjc at 3:26 AM on August 2, 2013 [2 favorites]
A thousand times yes! I made a deal with myself where I split every raise I got 50/50 between keeping the money and saving it for my future. It hurts a little but to get a 5% raise and immediately give up 2.5% of that to some nebulous retirement account, but remember that your life is long, and your earning power might not be quite so long. Double especially if you get matching money. Your 401k can lose money every year, but if you are getting a 25% match from your employer, you are WAY up.
I'm about 15 years into my "grownup" career, and I am starting to be amazed at how well this is paying off for me. (At least on paper.) It wasn't very long ago that I hit a milestone of having saved a year's salary for retirement. It took, not surprisingly, approximately 10 years of saving 10% of my income. But then like a year an a half later, I was up to two years of income saved. God willing, if that keeps up like that, I will actually have enough money to not starve to death in my elder years.
Remember, our lifetimes are pretty long relative to our ability to earn money. You've got 40-ish years of productive work time to pay for 80-ish years of food, clothing and shelter. And booze. The more you internalize the idea that your paycheck belongs not just to you, but to your future self, the easier it will be to save.
And don't fall into the mind trap that so many of us fall into- "i'm relatively poor, I can't afford to save." That's both true, and really, really wrong. The poorer you are, the more you need to save. If you know you can earn $250k a year, you are in a way better position to live paycheck to paycheck than if you make $25k a year. A $10,000 medical bill is a blip on the radar for someone making big money, but it can be a devastating hardship if that's half your annual income.
posted by gjc at 3:26 AM on August 2, 2013 [2 favorites]
2.
Before you leave home, take some time to learn from your parents. Ask the parent who does most of the cooking to teach you a few dishes, if you like their cooking. Ask the parent who does most of the cleaning to give some advice about setting up your new place and maintaining it. (What are their laundry methods? A common on-your-own for the first time mistake is to shrink something you love!) If you don't already know, learn how to sew on a button and make sure you can use a screwdriver. Later you'll appreciate not only the household skills, but also the time you spent with your parents.
And hey, why not ask them about their budget strategies, if you think that would be a useful conversation, too. It seems like things have been okay for you at home, since you've stayed around. Take advantage of that by learning the skills your parents use.
posted by snorkmaiden at 5:06 AM on August 2, 2013
Before you leave home, take some time to learn from your parents. Ask the parent who does most of the cooking to teach you a few dishes, if you like their cooking. Ask the parent who does most of the cleaning to give some advice about setting up your new place and maintaining it. (What are their laundry methods? A common on-your-own for the first time mistake is to shrink something you love!) If you don't already know, learn how to sew on a button and make sure you can use a screwdriver. Later you'll appreciate not only the household skills, but also the time you spent with your parents.
And hey, why not ask them about their budget strategies, if you think that would be a useful conversation, too. It seems like things have been okay for you at home, since you've stayed around. Take advantage of that by learning the skills your parents use.
posted by snorkmaiden at 5:06 AM on August 2, 2013
I'm not sure I have much to say on (1), but on (2) realize that your parents have been working for years to achieve the standard of living they now enjoy. You're starting back at the bottom, and unless your parents are doing unusually poorly and you're doing unusually well salary-wise, you cannot afford to maintain the lifestyle that they enjoy. Reconcile yourself to buying cheaper, used, and flat-out less than you are perhaps accustomed to.
On (3), in a similar vein, realize that many parts of life are kind of a grind and that doing unpleasant tasks that you'd rather not be doing is part of being an adult. Decide what kind of person you want to be and what your values are going to be: if you decide you want to be a free-wheeling free-spirit, that's a valid choice, but if that's your choice you need to own up to it and understand how it will affect your career choices, romantic future, etc. If you envision yourself as an upstanding model citizen, then commit to that and use that commitment to power through the grinding, unpleasant parts of adulthood.
And to reiterate, I think everyone experiences "not feeling like an adult" sometimes.
posted by SomeTrickPony at 5:24 AM on August 2, 2013 [1 favorite]
On (3), in a similar vein, realize that many parts of life are kind of a grind and that doing unpleasant tasks that you'd rather not be doing is part of being an adult. Decide what kind of person you want to be and what your values are going to be: if you decide you want to be a free-wheeling free-spirit, that's a valid choice, but if that's your choice you need to own up to it and understand how it will affect your career choices, romantic future, etc. If you envision yourself as an upstanding model citizen, then commit to that and use that commitment to power through the grinding, unpleasant parts of adulthood.
And to reiterate, I think everyone experiences "not feeling like an adult" sometimes.
posted by SomeTrickPony at 5:24 AM on August 2, 2013 [1 favorite]
I assume from your questions that you're currently single. I'd suggest that you neither actively pursue dating nor close yourself off to the possibility (except with immediate coworkers) as you start your independent life. It's great to have some time to figure out who you are, independent of your parents and a SO. Part of that means spending time alone, creating a home for yourself and engaging in solitary activities. Some of it means making friends, engaging in group activities, dating as opportunities arise, and otherwise getting a feel for your new social environment.
Regarding your career question, if you find yourself getting distracted or bored in the job, the first step is to realize it's happening. Easier said than done, but you sound like you have good self awareness. The next step is to figure out what you still have to learn, or what challenges still await you, in your job. If part of your job (e.g., writing reports) is boring, perhaps you can find a book/class/tutorial on becoming a better writer. Suddenly, something tedious becomes a way of practicing and honing a new skill.
Finally, I agree wholeheartedly with this:
please don't make the assumption that you will screw up majorly. If you've gotten this far in life, you must at least have the basics of health and safety down. Outside of actively endangering your health and personal safety, there are very few mistakes in life which time or money or apologies cannot fix. Mistakes are part of life, and how we grow.
posted by maxim0512 at 5:28 AM on August 2, 2013
Regarding your career question, if you find yourself getting distracted or bored in the job, the first step is to realize it's happening. Easier said than done, but you sound like you have good self awareness. The next step is to figure out what you still have to learn, or what challenges still await you, in your job. If part of your job (e.g., writing reports) is boring, perhaps you can find a book/class/tutorial on becoming a better writer. Suddenly, something tedious becomes a way of practicing and honing a new skill.
Finally, I agree wholeheartedly with this:
please don't make the assumption that you will screw up majorly. If you've gotten this far in life, you must at least have the basics of health and safety down. Outside of actively endangering your health and personal safety, there are very few mistakes in life which time or money or apologies cannot fix. Mistakes are part of life, and how we grow.
posted by maxim0512 at 5:28 AM on August 2, 2013
1. Make a chores schedule and try to stick rigidly to it as much as possible.
2. Be prepared for emergencies - have enough water and food that can be made edible without power for several days. Know where a flashlight with good batteries is. Check your smoke detector on a regular basis.
3. Educate yourself on different types of retirement funds. Roth IRAs can be a great option for early careers and have the advantage that you can remove the money you put in without penalty if you need it.
4. Have a plan to pay for six months expenses (including health insurance) without a job. This should involve having cash to do so for at least two months.
5. If you're in debt, pay it down as quickly as possible without making your life miserable.
6. Dental checkups every six months. No one likes them, but preventative care can save soooo much pain and money down the line.
7. Buy a large crockpot and learn several delicious recipes. Making a big batch of something Sunday or Monday and use the leftovers for lunch the next week is an excellent idea. Eating out is nice but gets expensive fast. I know a lot of young people who complain about not having money but spend an unneeded $50+/week on eating out.
8. Back up your hard drive(s) every week at the very least. One copy should either be in some kind of online storage or on a hard drive at a friend's.
9. Don't let people take advantage of you. Coworkers, bosses, lovers, friends, landlords - know what is reasonable and if they transgress against it, put a stop to it early.
10. Ask questions at work when you get stuck but make sure you've read the documentation first. I have no problem advising junior employees but if they keep asking me things where the answer is as simple as "open a book and read what it says" I'll get very annoyed.
11. Liquid dish soap can *not* be used as a replacement for liquid dishwasher detergent.
posted by Candleman at 5:54 AM on August 2, 2013 [3 favorites]
2. Be prepared for emergencies - have enough water and food that can be made edible without power for several days. Know where a flashlight with good batteries is. Check your smoke detector on a regular basis.
3. Educate yourself on different types of retirement funds. Roth IRAs can be a great option for early careers and have the advantage that you can remove the money you put in without penalty if you need it.
4. Have a plan to pay for six months expenses (including health insurance) without a job. This should involve having cash to do so for at least two months.
5. If you're in debt, pay it down as quickly as possible without making your life miserable.
6. Dental checkups every six months. No one likes them, but preventative care can save soooo much pain and money down the line.
7. Buy a large crockpot and learn several delicious recipes. Making a big batch of something Sunday or Monday and use the leftovers for lunch the next week is an excellent idea. Eating out is nice but gets expensive fast. I know a lot of young people who complain about not having money but spend an unneeded $50+/week on eating out.
8. Back up your hard drive(s) every week at the very least. One copy should either be in some kind of online storage or on a hard drive at a friend's.
9. Don't let people take advantage of you. Coworkers, bosses, lovers, friends, landlords - know what is reasonable and if they transgress against it, put a stop to it early.
10. Ask questions at work when you get stuck but make sure you've read the documentation first. I have no problem advising junior employees but if they keep asking me things where the answer is as simple as "open a book and read what it says" I'll get very annoyed.
11. Liquid dish soap can *not* be used as a replacement for liquid dishwasher detergent.
posted by Candleman at 5:54 AM on August 2, 2013 [3 favorites]
1. What are mistakes that would be considered ok for a first-timer to make (either professionally or personally), but would not be seen as ok for a late-twenties adult to make?
-Crying at work (and by this I mean visibly, especially in front of your boss, and especially for work-related reasons). I get called a big meanie/Vulcan for this all the time, and it's true that you probably would never get fired for crying at your work. But it's really hard to take people seriously when it seems like they crumble, publicly, at criticism.*
-Working with an obvious hangover. Calling in sick because you drank too much is not a great look either, but it's better than showing up with whiskey stink coming out of your pores and barfing in your trash can. Learn your limits and obey them.
-This depends on the office, of course, but dress code violations. It's definitely expected that someone in his or her late 20s will not show up to a business-dress workplace in flip flops. Do some research on the office culture and err on the side of caution.
*Of course, shit happens. I once walked a colleague through a timesheet process with tears streaming down my face, because my dog had just died. (I was in my own office, with the door closed, however. This coworker was either too dense to notice the crying, or too rude to excuse himself from my office once he did notice. I, uh, quit that job....)
posted by like_a_friend at 7:51 AM on August 2, 2013 [1 favorite]
-Crying at work (and by this I mean visibly, especially in front of your boss, and especially for work-related reasons). I get called a big meanie/Vulcan for this all the time, and it's true that you probably would never get fired for crying at your work. But it's really hard to take people seriously when it seems like they crumble, publicly, at criticism.*
-Working with an obvious hangover. Calling in sick because you drank too much is not a great look either, but it's better than showing up with whiskey stink coming out of your pores and barfing in your trash can. Learn your limits and obey them.
-This depends on the office, of course, but dress code violations. It's definitely expected that someone in his or her late 20s will not show up to a business-dress workplace in flip flops. Do some research on the office culture and err on the side of caution.
*Of course, shit happens. I once walked a colleague through a timesheet process with tears streaming down my face, because my dog had just died. (I was in my own office, with the door closed, however. This coworker was either too dense to notice the crying, or too rude to excuse himself from my office once he did notice. I, uh, quit that job....)
posted by like_a_friend at 7:51 AM on August 2, 2013 [1 favorite]
As you accomplish things at your new job, add them to your resume. This makes it far easier when your year end review comes around or when you change jobs.
Give yourself a set bedtime and follow it. When I lived alone, it was very hard for me to find structure. When to eat, when to sleep were all very fluid and I know my body and my work suffered for it.
Understand that your first week at work, you will be mind-numbingly exhausted. Even if its just a desk job, the very act of being on your game for a full eight hours will wear you out.
Go to the dentist. Go to the doctor. This body is the only one you get, so take care of it.
posted by teleri025 at 8:10 AM on August 2, 2013 [1 favorite]
Give yourself a set bedtime and follow it. When I lived alone, it was very hard for me to find structure. When to eat, when to sleep were all very fluid and I know my body and my work suffered for it.
Understand that your first week at work, you will be mind-numbingly exhausted. Even if its just a desk job, the very act of being on your game for a full eight hours will wear you out.
Go to the dentist. Go to the doctor. This body is the only one you get, so take care of it.
posted by teleri025 at 8:10 AM on August 2, 2013 [1 favorite]
1. Be thoughtful about who you make friends with at work. It can be great to have friends at work, and/or it can be a major distraction and addition to drama in your life. Especially with the move to a new city, it'll probably be tempting to over-rely on work friends for social/emotional support. Put some energy into building non-work social groups.
2. Shadow whoever's doing the household chores/cooking and/or ask to take over those chores in the interim before you move. In your own place, set a cleaning schedule and stick to it (recurring reminders on your calendar or to-do list are helpful). Cleaning is less of a chore if it's done regularly. Most of your household cleaning can be done with baking soda and white vinegar, so keep those on hand. Laundry is not that hard if you separate lights and darks, and most of it can be washed in cold water, which further reduces the likelihood of major screwups. Your towels will be more absorbent if you launder them without using fabric softener. Get nice sheets.
3. Don't be afraid to be open about not knowing things. "I don't know, but I'll figure it out" is a perfectly good answer to a question.
posted by EvaDestruction at 8:37 AM on August 2, 2013 [1 favorite]
2. Shadow whoever's doing the household chores/cooking and/or ask to take over those chores in the interim before you move. In your own place, set a cleaning schedule and stick to it (recurring reminders on your calendar or to-do list are helpful). Cleaning is less of a chore if it's done regularly. Most of your household cleaning can be done with baking soda and white vinegar, so keep those on hand. Laundry is not that hard if you separate lights and darks, and most of it can be washed in cold water, which further reduces the likelihood of major screwups. Your towels will be more absorbent if you launder them without using fabric softener. Get nice sheets.
3. Don't be afraid to be open about not knowing things. "I don't know, but I'll figure it out" is a perfectly good answer to a question.
posted by EvaDestruction at 8:37 AM on August 2, 2013 [1 favorite]
A few additions to the excellent advice above:
Read Beth Kobliner's book Get a Financial Life and follow her advice, so that you can put aside an emergency fund, start saving, and generally avoid living paycheck-to-paycheck.
At work, dress appropriately. Figure out what others at your level are wearing, and dress like that, or slightly nicer, but not so much nicer that you seem out of place.
Take responsibility for your mistakes. Don't try to evade responsibility; it's usually futile, it makes you look bad, and it can result in a lot of hostility from those to whom you try to shift it. When you make a mistake, learn from it. At work, if you can figure out how not to make it again, let your supervisor know; if you can't figure it out, work with him or her to figure it out together. In the rest of your life, do the same: figure it out yourself or ask trusted friends for advice.
Be kind to your subordinates/support staff/etc. Don't be a pushover--don't do their work for them--but don't take them for granted, either. This is part of being a good human being, but it also makes it more likely that they'll pitch in when you really need a hand.
If you find things at work getting stale, and you have a good relationship with your supervisor, ask him or her about taking on additional challenges. This may not be possible, depending on the job, and you don't want to be seen to be shirking, so it can be tough to play, but it's better than slacking off and getting negative performance reviews.
Congratulations on getting a job in your field, and good luck! It's not as hard as it seems. Most of us just fake our way through things.
posted by brianogilvie at 9:14 AM on August 2, 2013
Read Beth Kobliner's book Get a Financial Life and follow her advice, so that you can put aside an emergency fund, start saving, and generally avoid living paycheck-to-paycheck.
At work, dress appropriately. Figure out what others at your level are wearing, and dress like that, or slightly nicer, but not so much nicer that you seem out of place.
Take responsibility for your mistakes. Don't try to evade responsibility; it's usually futile, it makes you look bad, and it can result in a lot of hostility from those to whom you try to shift it. When you make a mistake, learn from it. At work, if you can figure out how not to make it again, let your supervisor know; if you can't figure it out, work with him or her to figure it out together. In the rest of your life, do the same: figure it out yourself or ask trusted friends for advice.
Be kind to your subordinates/support staff/etc. Don't be a pushover--don't do their work for them--but don't take them for granted, either. This is part of being a good human being, but it also makes it more likely that they'll pitch in when you really need a hand.
If you find things at work getting stale, and you have a good relationship with your supervisor, ask him or her about taking on additional challenges. This may not be possible, depending on the job, and you don't want to be seen to be shirking, so it can be tough to play, but it's better than slacking off and getting negative performance reviews.
Congratulations on getting a job in your field, and good luck! It's not as hard as it seems. Most of us just fake our way through things.
posted by brianogilvie at 9:14 AM on August 2, 2013
Secondly, please don't make the assumption that you will screw up majorly. If you've gotten this far in life, you must at least have the basics of health and safety down. Outside of actively endangering your health and personal safety, there are very few mistakes in life which time or money or apologies cannot fix. Mistakes are part of life, and how we grow.
Seconded, emphatically. Everybody - even the most competent and mature of grown-ass adults - makes mistakes. Almost all mistakes can be fixed, smoothed over, or cured by tincture of time. Aside from death, permanent disability, a felony criminal record, or a child you are not emotionally or financially prepared to raise - what I call The Big Four mistakes that really do wreck lives - you can pretty much bounce back from anything. (The key is to not repeatedly make the same mistakes over and over without learning from them. If you burst into tears at work once, that isn't a career-ending bridge burner. BUT you don't want to develop a reputation as someone who is a chronic cryer. Make mistakes, but learn from them.)
I have seen more people stunted and rendered immature for their ages by NOT allowing themselves to take risks and fail. Someone whose first big failure occurs in their 40's is usually ill-equipped to handle it, to say the least. I could tell stories of elderly people I know of who lived out their lives as teenagers in aging bodies, and it was not pretty to see or be around. These were people who were terrified to risk making even the teensiest little mistake.
You've gotten some really good advice in this thread about the practical aspects of living. My own personal advice would be to take care of your health - physical, mental and emotional. If you start from a place of at least reasonable health, you can cope with the curveballs that life throws at you. Lose your job? You have the energy and resilience to search for a new one, or relocate to where there are better opportunities. Your SO abruptly dump you? Yes, that will suck, but you won't be unable to function. You need to set boundaries with your family of origin? Not being financially or emotionally dependent on them will enable you to do this.
posted by Rosie M. Banks at 10:04 AM on August 2, 2013 [1 favorite]
Seconded, emphatically. Everybody - even the most competent and mature of grown-ass adults - makes mistakes. Almost all mistakes can be fixed, smoothed over, or cured by tincture of time. Aside from death, permanent disability, a felony criminal record, or a child you are not emotionally or financially prepared to raise - what I call The Big Four mistakes that really do wreck lives - you can pretty much bounce back from anything. (The key is to not repeatedly make the same mistakes over and over without learning from them. If you burst into tears at work once, that isn't a career-ending bridge burner. BUT you don't want to develop a reputation as someone who is a chronic cryer. Make mistakes, but learn from them.)
I have seen more people stunted and rendered immature for their ages by NOT allowing themselves to take risks and fail. Someone whose first big failure occurs in their 40's is usually ill-equipped to handle it, to say the least. I could tell stories of elderly people I know of who lived out their lives as teenagers in aging bodies, and it was not pretty to see or be around. These were people who were terrified to risk making even the teensiest little mistake.
You've gotten some really good advice in this thread about the practical aspects of living. My own personal advice would be to take care of your health - physical, mental and emotional. If you start from a place of at least reasonable health, you can cope with the curveballs that life throws at you. Lose your job? You have the energy and resilience to search for a new one, or relocate to where there are better opportunities. Your SO abruptly dump you? Yes, that will suck, but you won't be unable to function. You need to set boundaries with your family of origin? Not being financially or emotionally dependent on them will enable you to do this.
posted by Rosie M. Banks at 10:04 AM on August 2, 2013 [1 favorite]
If you're new to cooking, don't get discouraged by trying to do too many involved, fancy recipes right off the bat. LEarn to appreciate relatively simple meals using fresh meats and produce with simple flavorings like salt and pepper, soy sauce, sriracha, etc. Teh most helpful started cookbook I've found is the Better Homes and Gardens ring bound Cookbooks. they all have charts of Vegetables, fruits, dairy, beans, and grains with how to store them and for how long and how they can be cooked plainly. THe recipes inthe book are approachable and pretty easy. Always keep something to eat in the morning before work be it cereal, yogurt, fruit, eggs, toast... Try to bring pack lunches. Not only is eating out for lunch expensive, but if you only get 30 min or an hour to leave for lunch, going somewhere and ordering takes up precious break time.
For work - If you have a question, try to think if there's any way to look up the answer before asking (i.e. software questions). Try to give honest estimates of when you can have tasks completed. Don't drink excessively or otherwise loose self control with coworkers.
For your first place - don't spen too much money or time buying knick knacks and decorations for it. Better to keep the money for when you have a more permanent living situation. Get rid of stuff before moving. Books are the biggest pain in the butt to move, so try to thin them out if you're a collector. Don't buy a lot of stuff and end up cluttered of unorganized. Be nice to your neighbors, but unless you have a lot in common, don't get too close to them or it can lead to wierdness or feuds.
For you- spend time on yourself. Groom yourself, style yourself, have a look thath is "intentional" and not just some outfit you threw on in the dark. Make hygiene enjoyable, use fancy soap or toothpaste or shampoo or whatever it is that makes you feel luxurious because sometimes it feels like your daily shower is the only peaceful time of day. Find some way to excercise and avoid gaining excess weight. You can combine cleaning and excercise if you spend a good hour or more doing a deep cleaning of your place (like move the furniture and vaccuum along the wall deep). Be cautious of keeping yourself safe. Don't freely tell strangers your exact address and such.
Money - get 2 credit cards. One is an emergency or extra specail purchase card. This card can be used in emergencies or for super extra special things thath you can pay off quickly, but not right away. Pay off the second card every month and use it interchangably with cash for essentials (of use it to auto-pay utilities or some such). Don't spend more than you make in any month. If something costs more than you have left over after essentials, save up for it. Make it a goal to save up a year's worth of living expenses in case you get laid off.
Sleep - do it. Prioritize it. Be boring. Don't go to that party. Go to bed. Stay in bed, because you can!
posted by WeekendJen at 11:30 AM on August 2, 2013
For work - If you have a question, try to think if there's any way to look up the answer before asking (i.e. software questions). Try to give honest estimates of when you can have tasks completed. Don't drink excessively or otherwise loose self control with coworkers.
For your first place - don't spen too much money or time buying knick knacks and decorations for it. Better to keep the money for when you have a more permanent living situation. Get rid of stuff before moving. Books are the biggest pain in the butt to move, so try to thin them out if you're a collector. Don't buy a lot of stuff and end up cluttered of unorganized. Be nice to your neighbors, but unless you have a lot in common, don't get too close to them or it can lead to wierdness or feuds.
For you- spend time on yourself. Groom yourself, style yourself, have a look thath is "intentional" and not just some outfit you threw on in the dark. Make hygiene enjoyable, use fancy soap or toothpaste or shampoo or whatever it is that makes you feel luxurious because sometimes it feels like your daily shower is the only peaceful time of day. Find some way to excercise and avoid gaining excess weight. You can combine cleaning and excercise if you spend a good hour or more doing a deep cleaning of your place (like move the furniture and vaccuum along the wall deep). Be cautious of keeping yourself safe. Don't freely tell strangers your exact address and such.
Money - get 2 credit cards. One is an emergency or extra specail purchase card. This card can be used in emergencies or for super extra special things thath you can pay off quickly, but not right away. Pay off the second card every month and use it interchangably with cash for essentials (of use it to auto-pay utilities or some such). Don't spend more than you make in any month. If something costs more than you have left over after essentials, save up for it. Make it a goal to save up a year's worth of living expenses in case you get laid off.
Sleep - do it. Prioritize it. Be boring. Don't go to that party. Go to bed. Stay in bed, because you can!
posted by WeekendJen at 11:30 AM on August 2, 2013
For cooking, I really like Healthy* Cooking for Two or Just You, because it starts from the assumption that the reader has minimal kitchen knowledge. It has advice on setting up/stocking your kitchen, detailed recipes (not every one is a hit, but at least if you don't like it, you don't generally have more than one additional portion to get rid of), plenty of vegetarian options, and her idea of a single portion is, if anything, fairly generous.
*According to what was thought to be healthy in 1997, i.e. low fat.
posted by EvaDestruction at 11:53 AM on August 2, 2013
*According to what was thought to be healthy in 1997, i.e. low fat.
posted by EvaDestruction at 11:53 AM on August 2, 2013
A lot of what you say suggests that there is fair gap between your concept of what adults should be like, and the actual reality of what adults are like, esp when we are talking about people in their late twenties in the present day.
For example, a lot of single people of all ages don't do much real cooking at all.
Tip #1 would be: Forget about how you think you should be at this age, or how you measure up against some imaginary norm, and focus on how you want to be.
If you want to teach yourself to be a good cook, great go for it. If you find that preparing elaborate meals from scratch every day doesn't really fit well into your lifestyle as a young single person, well you would be far from alone.
Tip #2: Don't be afraid to ask for help. (Esp a risk if you feel like you should know by now, and are embarrassed that you don't, so are embarrassed to ask.) For domestic stuff, I would imagine your parents esp will be delighted to answer any questions you have, and they're probably only a phone call away most of the time.
Careerwise, if you recently graduated, your employers will probably have a pretty good idea of what they can expect you to know and be able to do. They probably expect less from you than you might imagine, and in fact one of the ways you can screw up is to come over as an obnoxious smartass when you're trying too hard to prove "I know my stuff" and "I'm a real grown up".
posted by philipy at 12:46 PM on August 2, 2013
For example, a lot of single people of all ages don't do much real cooking at all.
Tip #1 would be: Forget about how you think you should be at this age, or how you measure up against some imaginary norm, and focus on how you want to be.
If you want to teach yourself to be a good cook, great go for it. If you find that preparing elaborate meals from scratch every day doesn't really fit well into your lifestyle as a young single person, well you would be far from alone.
Tip #2: Don't be afraid to ask for help. (Esp a risk if you feel like you should know by now, and are embarrassed that you don't, so are embarrassed to ask.) For domestic stuff, I would imagine your parents esp will be delighted to answer any questions you have, and they're probably only a phone call away most of the time.
Careerwise, if you recently graduated, your employers will probably have a pretty good idea of what they can expect you to know and be able to do. They probably expect less from you than you might imagine, and in fact one of the ways you can screw up is to come over as an obnoxious smartass when you're trying too hard to prove "I know my stuff" and "I'm a real grown up".
posted by philipy at 12:46 PM on August 2, 2013
Put all your bills on autopay, especially any credit cards you have.
Get your teeth cleaned every six months. If your medical insurance requires one, pick a primary care physician now rather than waiting till you have an urgent problem.
posted by nowmorethannever at 2:08 PM on August 2, 2013
Get your teeth cleaned every six months. If your medical insurance requires one, pick a primary care physician now rather than waiting till you have an urgent problem.
posted by nowmorethannever at 2:08 PM on August 2, 2013
My grandmother gave me two pieces of excellent advice.
The first was "make a nice bed for yourself."
When you think about this, it extends to caring for your home (and yourself) in lots of ways. Don't buy cheap crap (save up!) but get yourself a decent mattress, sheets and pillows. At the end of the day, you'll have something good to come home to.
The second (while waving a cigarette, and sipping a gin and tonic):
Never become an alcoholic, darling. Because if you become an alcoholic, you'll have to stop drinking. This advice works on several brilliant and funny levels.
I really miss my grandmother.
posted by 2soxy4mypuppet at 11:13 AM on August 4, 2013 [1 favorite]
The first was "make a nice bed for yourself."
When you think about this, it extends to caring for your home (and yourself) in lots of ways. Don't buy cheap crap (save up!) but get yourself a decent mattress, sheets and pillows. At the end of the day, you'll have something good to come home to.
The second (while waving a cigarette, and sipping a gin and tonic):
Never become an alcoholic, darling. Because if you become an alcoholic, you'll have to stop drinking. This advice works on several brilliant and funny levels.
I really miss my grandmother.
posted by 2soxy4mypuppet at 11:13 AM on August 4, 2013 [1 favorite]
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The more you do to take care of yourself, the more you will inhabit this new life you are starting. Oh, you can easily outsource your laundry, most cooking, most shopping, house cleaning, and other chores, if you make enough money to pay for services and meals made by others. But you miss the independence of doing those things yourself, for yourself; worse, you continue the pattern of having others do for you, rather than doing for yourself.
Moreover, if you ever want to take care of others, you have to build and demonstrate competency in caring for yourself. Until you have a family of your creation, not your parental family, all the world has to judge you by is how, and how well you care for yourself.
So, if you don't know how to cook, learn. Do the dishes, or at least load and unload the dishwasher regularly. If you haven't done food shopping and general marketing, start doing it for yourself. If you haven't bought your own clothes, or washed them, or pressed them, or gone to the dry cleaners, start doing those things. Make your bed. Take out the trash and the recycling regularly. Clean the bathroom regularly. Vacuum.
You'll feel better for it, because you'll be better for it.
posted by paulsc at 12:44 AM on August 2, 2013 [4 favorites]