In need of resources to help get through a relationship crisis.
July 24, 2013 7:52 AM Subscribe
Hi AskMefi folks.
I am in need of resources and reading materials for a relationship crisis - things I (we?) can read, things I (we?) can consider, worksheets I can use to help guide conversations with my partner.
The long story short: a very loving relationship has lacked passion and sexual desire has dwindled. Despite (partner's) dwindling sexual desire, (partner) slept with a friend while away on a work trip: sudden rush of mutual attraction too (partner) by surprise. (Partner) disclosed immediately and how is in an intense mode of figuring things out. This is happening less together than I would hope. IE: I'm worried our partnership is dissolving.
Any resources for getting through (nonconsensual) infidelity, restoring passion and sexual desire, making the most of counseling (hopefully including couple's counseling), relying on commitments, keeping the love if not the form - all this would be most appreciated.
Thank you.
The long story short: a very loving relationship has lacked passion and sexual desire has dwindled. Despite (partner's) dwindling sexual desire, (partner) slept with a friend while away on a work trip: sudden rush of mutual attraction too (partner) by surprise. (Partner) disclosed immediately and how is in an intense mode of figuring things out. This is happening less together than I would hope. IE: I'm worried our partnership is dissolving.
Any resources for getting through (nonconsensual) infidelity, restoring passion and sexual desire, making the most of counseling (hopefully including couple's counseling), relying on commitments, keeping the love if not the form - all this would be most appreciated.
Thank you.
I strongly suggest watching this TED talk and then purchasing Esther Perel's book Mating in Captivity and reading it together. Her countless years counseling couples gives her a perspective that brings simplicity to making a relationship work. (Spoiler alert: it is Work, but rewarding work).
Perel's worldview may not aline with yours, but her wisdom is more than worth overlooking possible differences.
And please post back your thoughts.
P.S. According to Stumbling Over Happiness couples are more likely to forgive infidelity than they are dirty dishes left out (insert your pet peeve here). I attribute that to having a partner that wants to work thru it and make changes. Use this time and be patient.
posted by mttdpp at 8:26 AM on July 24, 2013
Perel's worldview may not aline with yours, but her wisdom is more than worth overlooking possible differences.
And please post back your thoughts.
P.S. According to Stumbling Over Happiness couples are more likely to forgive infidelity than they are dirty dishes left out (insert your pet peeve here). I attribute that to having a partner that wants to work thru it and make changes. Use this time and be patient.
posted by mttdpp at 8:26 AM on July 24, 2013
I like John Gottman's books and would recommend 10 Lessons to Transform Your Marriage, but probably any of the relationship books your library has would work just fine. (I know this one had a chapter on infidelity, I don't see why they all wouldn't.) Good luck.
posted by Margalo Epps at 4:34 PM on July 24, 2013
posted by Margalo Epps at 4:34 PM on July 24, 2013
Hold me tight by Dr Susan Johnson is based on emotional focused therapy which has good research support.
posted by SyraCarol at 6:36 PM on July 24, 2013
posted by SyraCarol at 6:36 PM on July 24, 2013
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posted by Lescha at 8:01 AM on July 24, 2013