Possible live-in nanny job vs. new apartment?
July 19, 2013 6:13 PM Subscribe
Following up on my loneliness question earlier this month, I might have found the perfect solution for it... just a little too late. A couple of hours after signing the lease to my new apartment right next to campus, I got the opportunity to work as a live-in nanny for a German family. Special snowflake details inside.
Thank you so much for all your great answers on my last question about loneliness. After posting that, I found a new apartment right next to campus (like, literally ten steps away) and a rent I can afford with the money my parents send me, although I'd have to save a little and work a little more. I signed the lease yesterday and paid the deposit, "thank you money" that's usually one month's rent in Japan and that you don't get back when you move out, insurance etc. and the rent for the end of August (I'm moving in on the 20th) and September. All in call, we're talking about almost 300.000 Yen, or almost 3.000 US Dollars.
Then, a couple of hours later, I got a message from a girl I know through my undergraduate school in Germany who told me that a German father in Tokyo is looking for a live-in nanny for his very sweet eleven-year-old daughter. My acquaintance would have loved to do the job herself and assured me that both father and daughter are lovely people, but she is living with her boyfriend and thus can't move in with them. She did help out for a week or so and had a lot of positive things to say about the family.
I am really, really considering doing this, especially because it means not being alone anymore and would also save me and my parents a lot of money. I know my parents are working very hard to provide me with the money I need for my M.A. now, and if I could, I'd love to ease their burden. Several problems, though:
1) Can I still get out of my contract now? Some companies might give you at least a partial refund if you back our before moving in, but I didn't dare to ask yet because I didn't want to make trouble before I'd actually met the family to see if we're a match.
2) If I do get out of my contract and start living with them, what if things don't work out? I'm not sure if I'll find such a great apartment again. Keeping the apartment for a while might be a good idea, but I'd hate to pay so much rent for a place I'd hardly use, and if I do decide to fully move into the family's place, a lot of money like the "thank you money" would have been wasted on a very short gig in that place. (I'm already doing this with my current place, I've only moved into here in May, but then got too lonely so far from campus.)
3) Is being an M.A. student even compatible with being a live-in nanny? I'm already a part-time live-in nanny for another family (although they seem to need me less and less, which means less money for me!) where the mother is away as a flight attendant several days a week and I stay over there, and I don't really get much work done when the kids are at home. Of course, I can study while the kids are at school, and at the new job, I would have days off, mostly during the weekend.
It is important that I have enough time to study, but I have friends here who work five days a week and still manage to study, so I don't think why I shouldn't. If anything, I was probably spoilt before because my parents help me so much I only have to do a bit of TA work and babysit two or three days a week.
4) Their place would be further away from campus, but only by about half an hour or so. (My current place is located over an hour away.) Also, I could probably not have my boyfriend over, and I can't go to his dorm either, so alone time would be... difficult. (Then again, if I got the job, I'd have the cash for love hotels because I wouldn't have to pay rent.) I cannot build my life around him, though. There's no guarantee I'll see him more often once I live in walking distance to his place, or that we'll not break up within the next few months. Plus, he'll leave Japan next year anyway. While I told lots of friend they could always stay over at my place once I'll move to campus, I'm not sure how often that would actually happen, so I might still be lonely. (And my friends would all understand my decision!) Living with a German family sounds sooo appealing to me at the moment. I do realise that I would live a rather odd grad student life, and maybe I should just try living alone for a while longer, but I also feel like I shouldn't let this opportunity slip away from me, especially since I love kids. (Also, these bigger apartments tend to be a lot more soundproof than any one-rooms you can rent here, and I love to sleep at night!)
My mother is against this, by the way, and my boyfriend voiced concerns about my living with a man I don't know very well.
What do you all think? Thank you in advance for any answers, and I'm so sorry to post two big questions so soon after joining.
Thank you so much for all your great answers on my last question about loneliness. After posting that, I found a new apartment right next to campus (like, literally ten steps away) and a rent I can afford with the money my parents send me, although I'd have to save a little and work a little more. I signed the lease yesterday and paid the deposit, "thank you money" that's usually one month's rent in Japan and that you don't get back when you move out, insurance etc. and the rent for the end of August (I'm moving in on the 20th) and September. All in call, we're talking about almost 300.000 Yen, or almost 3.000 US Dollars.
Then, a couple of hours later, I got a message from a girl I know through my undergraduate school in Germany who told me that a German father in Tokyo is looking for a live-in nanny for his very sweet eleven-year-old daughter. My acquaintance would have loved to do the job herself and assured me that both father and daughter are lovely people, but she is living with her boyfriend and thus can't move in with them. She did help out for a week or so and had a lot of positive things to say about the family.
I am really, really considering doing this, especially because it means not being alone anymore and would also save me and my parents a lot of money. I know my parents are working very hard to provide me with the money I need for my M.A. now, and if I could, I'd love to ease their burden. Several problems, though:
1) Can I still get out of my contract now? Some companies might give you at least a partial refund if you back our before moving in, but I didn't dare to ask yet because I didn't want to make trouble before I'd actually met the family to see if we're a match.
2) If I do get out of my contract and start living with them, what if things don't work out? I'm not sure if I'll find such a great apartment again. Keeping the apartment for a while might be a good idea, but I'd hate to pay so much rent for a place I'd hardly use, and if I do decide to fully move into the family's place, a lot of money like the "thank you money" would have been wasted on a very short gig in that place. (I'm already doing this with my current place, I've only moved into here in May, but then got too lonely so far from campus.)
3) Is being an M.A. student even compatible with being a live-in nanny? I'm already a part-time live-in nanny for another family (although they seem to need me less and less, which means less money for me!) where the mother is away as a flight attendant several days a week and I stay over there, and I don't really get much work done when the kids are at home. Of course, I can study while the kids are at school, and at the new job, I would have days off, mostly during the weekend.
It is important that I have enough time to study, but I have friends here who work five days a week and still manage to study, so I don't think why I shouldn't. If anything, I was probably spoilt before because my parents help me so much I only have to do a bit of TA work and babysit two or three days a week.
4) Their place would be further away from campus, but only by about half an hour or so. (My current place is located over an hour away.) Also, I could probably not have my boyfriend over, and I can't go to his dorm either, so alone time would be... difficult. (Then again, if I got the job, I'd have the cash for love hotels because I wouldn't have to pay rent.) I cannot build my life around him, though. There's no guarantee I'll see him more often once I live in walking distance to his place, or that we'll not break up within the next few months. Plus, he'll leave Japan next year anyway. While I told lots of friend they could always stay over at my place once I'll move to campus, I'm not sure how often that would actually happen, so I might still be lonely. (And my friends would all understand my decision!) Living with a German family sounds sooo appealing to me at the moment. I do realise that I would live a rather odd grad student life, and maybe I should just try living alone for a while longer, but I also feel like I shouldn't let this opportunity slip away from me, especially since I love kids. (Also, these bigger apartments tend to be a lot more soundproof than any one-rooms you can rent here, and I love to sleep at night!)
My mother is against this, by the way, and my boyfriend voiced concerns about my living with a man I don't know very well.
What do you all think? Thank you in advance for any answers, and I'm so sorry to post two big questions so soon after joining.
I agree with ThePinkSuperhero; keep your awesome new apartment and focus on developing your relationships with your peers at university.
posted by sevensnowflakes at 6:32 PM on July 19, 2013 [1 favorite]
posted by sevensnowflakes at 6:32 PM on July 19, 2013 [1 favorite]
3rded, pass on the job...you have a bunch of commitments already, I wouldn't push it.
posted by StrikeTheViol at 6:44 PM on July 19, 2013
posted by StrikeTheViol at 6:44 PM on July 19, 2013
Response by poster: Thanks, you three! (Although my new apartment isn't "awesome", it's just a small room right next to campus and, compared to the old one, has one more window because it's a corner unit, which means one less loud neighbour I might have to deal with, and more air.)
I have taken the boyfriend out of the equation for the moment (because I'm sure he'd do the same), but study time is valuable, that's true. Then again, so is not being alone to me, because I don't study well when I cry from loneliness.
posted by LoonyLovegood at 6:45 PM on July 19, 2013
I have taken the boyfriend out of the equation for the moment (because I'm sure he'd do the same), but study time is valuable, that's true. Then again, so is not being alone to me, because I don't study well when I cry from loneliness.
posted by LoonyLovegood at 6:45 PM on July 19, 2013
Being a live-in nanny is hard work, especially establishing and maintaining healthy boundaries.. It sounds like the head-space you are in would not be conducive to creating a good place for yourself. I would focus on diversifying your social circle with people that are neither twenty years younger than you or have an inherent financial/power imbalance.
posted by saucysault at 7:00 PM on July 19, 2013 [8 favorites]
posted by saucysault at 7:00 PM on July 19, 2013 [8 favorites]
I think it would be a bad idea to have loneliness as a reason to take this job. What if you don't click well with the father or he would just rather spend his free time at home with his daughter than with you? If you're lonely and relying on these folks for company, that will hurt.
It also makes you more vulnerable to being taken advantage of in a set-up that is already quite vulnerable-making.
I say give the apartment a shot. Don't feel bad about your parents - they clearly want to help you so that you'll have more time to study. If you feel like you need more to do with your time (and that may be legit - some people get more done when they're busier), then get a job in your department or get involved with on-campus activities. This will help you make more and deeper friends, and maybe even improve your academics.
posted by lunasol at 7:01 PM on July 19, 2013 [2 favorites]
It also makes you more vulnerable to being taken advantage of in a set-up that is already quite vulnerable-making.
I say give the apartment a shot. Don't feel bad about your parents - they clearly want to help you so that you'll have more time to study. If you feel like you need more to do with your time (and that may be legit - some people get more done when they're busier), then get a job in your department or get involved with on-campus activities. This will help you make more and deeper friends, and maybe even improve your academics.
posted by lunasol at 7:01 PM on July 19, 2013 [2 favorites]
Response by poster: lunasol (awesome name, btw!), I don't quite understand the first part of your post. I'm not looking to spend time with the father. I'm looking for a cheap place to live, ideally not alone. I don't always have to interact with someone, in fact, when I still lived with my parents I usually hung out in my room, which is why I thought I'd love living alone, but then I realised it helped that someone was just there. During my time off, I'd be busy studying or hanging out with friends.
Also, I already have several TA jobs for different professors, and I still have too much downtime. I know I should be studying, but I feel like I can always do that "later" because I have a later. I do seem to get more done under time pressure, and I've also learned to live with a lot less sleep these past few months, so if things get really tough, I can take it.
What I'm worried about is the apartment. If things don't work out, but I've cancelled a perfectly good apartment, I might not find another good deal like it.
posted by LoonyLovegood at 7:07 PM on July 19, 2013
Also, I already have several TA jobs for different professors, and I still have too much downtime. I know I should be studying, but I feel like I can always do that "later" because I have a later. I do seem to get more done under time pressure, and I've also learned to live with a lot less sleep these past few months, so if things get really tough, I can take it.
What I'm worried about is the apartment. If things don't work out, but I've cancelled a perfectly good apartment, I might not find another good deal like it.
posted by LoonyLovegood at 7:07 PM on July 19, 2013
I employ a live-in nanny. I like her and we get along but we aren't really friends. I'm 10 years older than her and her boss. In fact, she doesn't actually stay here half the time, but at her boyfriend's, mother's, or friends' places.
If you take a job like this, do it because you love children and the living situation is convenient for you, not because you're looking for companionship, especially if this is a single father and you are a young woman, there are two ways that is likely to go: 1) he keeps extra distant to avoid any question of impropriety. 2) impropriety-ly.
posted by tylerkaraszewski at 7:26 PM on July 19, 2013 [1 favorite]
If you take a job like this, do it because you love children and the living situation is convenient for you, not because you're looking for companionship, especially if this is a single father and you are a young woman, there are two ways that is likely to go: 1) he keeps extra distant to avoid any question of impropriety. 2) impropriety-ly.
posted by tylerkaraszewski at 7:26 PM on July 19, 2013 [1 favorite]
Response by poster: tylerkaraszewski, thank you for your insight! I do love kids and I'd also love not to pay rent, so those are the two biggest factors. As I said, I don't really want to befriend the father (and I hope he won't try to hit on me - there is a mother somewhere in the picture anyway), I just like to live somewhere with people around.
posted by LoonyLovegood at 7:30 PM on July 19, 2013
posted by LoonyLovegood at 7:30 PM on July 19, 2013
This is not a good idea, and you know it.
Also, the mods are going to pop in any minute and tell you to stop thread sitting, do stop thread sitting!!
posted by jbenben at 10:36 PM on July 19, 2013 [2 favorites]
Also, the mods are going to pop in any minute and tell you to stop thread sitting, do stop thread sitting!!
posted by jbenben at 10:36 PM on July 19, 2013 [2 favorites]
Best answer: ...but I have friends here who work five days a week and still manage to study, so I don't think why I shouldn't.
From painful experience, let me tell you that this logic is flawed. You can't compare your insides to their outsides. People who work and study full-time almost certainly have someone else helping with their day-to-day needs like proper meals and a clean home. If not, look for them to be incredibly stressed and/or barely holding things together. I'm not calling you or your friends lazy or incompetent here -- it's just hard. There's a reason things get called "full-time", and several such tasks are very difficult to stack together without someone close by looking out for you. If I had to, I'd consider trying it again now that I live with my partner a short distance from campus, but honestly it sucked a lot and I've been tremendously more successful conscientiously limiting my commitments and developing the ability/habit of routine studying. You don't need the stress to study; you're just used to it and haven't been burnt badly enough yet.
As far as the lonliness goes: how much time do you spend outside your apartment? Going for walks around people and studying in the library both help me a lot with the desire for "passive" company you're talking about. Playing sedate talk radio (I like NPR or the BBC) quietly in the background at home can be nice too.
posted by teremala at 6:53 AM on July 20, 2013 [1 favorite]
From painful experience, let me tell you that this logic is flawed. You can't compare your insides to their outsides. People who work and study full-time almost certainly have someone else helping with their day-to-day needs like proper meals and a clean home. If not, look for them to be incredibly stressed and/or barely holding things together. I'm not calling you or your friends lazy or incompetent here -- it's just hard. There's a reason things get called "full-time", and several such tasks are very difficult to stack together without someone close by looking out for you. If I had to, I'd consider trying it again now that I live with my partner a short distance from campus, but honestly it sucked a lot and I've been tremendously more successful conscientiously limiting my commitments and developing the ability/habit of routine studying. You don't need the stress to study; you're just used to it and haven't been burnt badly enough yet.
As far as the lonliness goes: how much time do you spend outside your apartment? Going for walks around people and studying in the library both help me a lot with the desire for "passive" company you're talking about. Playing sedate talk radio (I like NPR or the BBC) quietly in the background at home can be nice too.
posted by teremala at 6:53 AM on July 20, 2013 [1 favorite]
This thread is closed to new comments.
posted by ThePinkSuperhero at 6:23 PM on July 19, 2013 [16 favorites]