Looking for some kind of California/Nevada resort that has baby care
July 16, 2013 9:06 AM
So I'm dating this single mom with a 6 month old. It's been going well but all our dates end with her rushing to take care of her baby - as a mom should. But she clearly needs a rest and I'm trying to figure out if I can take her on a vacation anywhere. Is there somewhere in the Northern California/Nevada area that is some kind of resort with stuff to do AND offers babysitting for a six month old as part of the package? Is there a name for resorts or vacations or recreation options like this? As a single guy with no kids I have no idea what the options are here. So please...educate me.
Yeah, is she breastfeeding? If so then she HAS to get back to her baby, and maybe you should wait until after her baby turns 1 and is eating solids reliably, so mom can be away for a little while. It's not relaxing to be away from your baby when your boobs are getting uncomfortably full.
posted by rabbitrabbit at 10:03 AM on July 16, 2013
posted by rabbitrabbit at 10:03 AM on July 16, 2013
Single parent here (father, not mother), and for what it's worth, this seems sort of selfish to me. I understand why you'd want to do this and why she'd like to get away, but arranging childcare is always a pain, especially for a child as young as hers, and traveling with young children is generally not a ton of fun either. If someone I was dating told me, "Hey, I got us a stay at a place in Tahoe, the hotel staff can watch your daughter," I'd appreciate the sentiment but I'm not sure I'd actually want to go. You're foisting 8-ish hours of handing an infant in the car on me, as well as dealing with having the kid sleep in an unfamiliar location and deal with unfamiliar people. It's a lot of extra work. I'd really rather stay home, and get a babysitter who can watch my kid in her own home while we stay out late, because it's a *lot* less stuff to deal with.
And my daughter's almost two, making her a lot easier to leave with other people than a 6-month-old.
Realistically, this is how I date: my mother babysits my daughter on Wednesday nights. She comes over to my house and watches my daughter after work and puts her to bed and stays until I come home (I have a weekly activity I do Wednesdays, which is where I met my girlfriend).
Then, if my girlfriend and I want "alone time", she comes over to my house and we hang out after my daughter is asleep.
Vacationing with small children is hard even with two parents who are both participating fully, and if you're not being an acting dad, but rather just sort of hanging around while your girlfriend does all the child-related stuff on this trip, I'm not sure how much fun she's likely to actually have.
posted by tylerkaraszewski at 10:15 AM on July 16, 2013
And my daughter's almost two, making her a lot easier to leave with other people than a 6-month-old.
Realistically, this is how I date: my mother babysits my daughter on Wednesday nights. She comes over to my house and watches my daughter after work and puts her to bed and stays until I come home (I have a weekly activity I do Wednesdays, which is where I met my girlfriend).
Then, if my girlfriend and I want "alone time", she comes over to my house and we hang out after my daughter is asleep.
Vacationing with small children is hard even with two parents who are both participating fully, and if you're not being an acting dad, but rather just sort of hanging around while your girlfriend does all the child-related stuff on this trip, I'm not sure how much fun she's likely to actually have.
posted by tylerkaraszewski at 10:15 AM on July 16, 2013
I don't agree that it's a totally bad idea. I actually liked getting away for short jaunts at that age and found it pretty easy and enjoyable to be away for a couple hours at a time. That does not make me a bad mother. You gotta make time for yourself somehow!
The only caveat is that you really have to reduce your expectations of how many activities you'll be able to do and be super flexible in case the baby is having a difficult time and needs to be with mom. And yeah, of course, involve your girlfriend in the planning and follow her lead.
posted by otherwordlyglow at 10:35 AM on July 16, 2013
The only caveat is that you really have to reduce your expectations of how many activities you'll be able to do and be super flexible in case the baby is having a difficult time and needs to be with mom. And yeah, of course, involve your girlfriend in the planning and follow her lead.
posted by otherwordlyglow at 10:35 AM on July 16, 2013
If she knows someone who fits the bill, the easiest way to do this is to take a babysitter/nanny with you and get two rooms or a suite (or skip the resort and VRBO a condo or vacation home with a kitchen and stuff). It's not cheap, obviously - you need to pay the nanny along with room and board. Even if the "nanny" is her mother or someone like that, you should compensate them along with taking care of accommodations. Alternately, go with another couple with a young child and trade off.
Anything outside of using your own carer becomes too complicated and stressful. With school-age kids, there are resorts that have day camps and evening activities, but you're not going to find anything like that for a baby.
On the upside, doing it that way so she has total control/access/assurance means she can truly relax.
posted by Lyn Never at 10:37 AM on July 16, 2013
Anything outside of using your own carer becomes too complicated and stressful. With school-age kids, there are resorts that have day camps and evening activities, but you're not going to find anything like that for a baby.
On the upside, doing it that way so she has total control/access/assurance means she can truly relax.
posted by Lyn Never at 10:37 AM on July 16, 2013
I've seen ski areas that had child care during the day for 6 month olds.
She might not find a vacation as relaxing as you are hoping, packing everything you need to have for traveling with a kid that young is going to be a lot of work.
posted by yohko at 10:44 AM on July 16, 2013
She might not find a vacation as relaxing as you are hoping, packing everything you need to have for traveling with a kid that young is going to be a lot of work.
posted by yohko at 10:44 AM on July 16, 2013
You're going to have a hard time finding an all-inclusive with dedicated childcare options for a child that young; there's so much involved in taking care of babies. You should probably focus on resorts that have dedicated sitters on staff who will come to your room, if your girlfriend is comfortable with that idea.
posted by ThePinkSuperhero at 11:44 AM on July 16, 2013
posted by ThePinkSuperhero at 11:44 AM on July 16, 2013
Here's the thing, all new parents need a rest. Because they are new parents, they can't have one.
Sure, there can be respite, Grammy takes the baby for the night, or Auntie comes by and watches baby while Mom gets some sleep. A vacation is just not a thing with an infant.
Most mothers would not be comfortable separated from their babies for a couple of days and would not relax or enjoy a vacation. A lot of new mothers would not trust a babysitter a resort recommended.
I know you want to spend time with your girlfriend without the baby. You may have to wait a few years for that to be feasible.
Perhaps you can arrange for a 'Stay-Cation'. First take all the laundry to fluff and fold. Have some folks come to the house to provide spa services. A massage, a mani/pedi, etc. Next, cater in nice meals. Most of the good part of this is not having anything to clean up.
The whole movement of an infant, complete with gear, will outweigh any 'relaxation' a vacation may bring.
posted by Ruthless Bunny at 1:05 PM on July 16, 2013
Sure, there can be respite, Grammy takes the baby for the night, or Auntie comes by and watches baby while Mom gets some sleep. A vacation is just not a thing with an infant.
Most mothers would not be comfortable separated from their babies for a couple of days and would not relax or enjoy a vacation. A lot of new mothers would not trust a babysitter a resort recommended.
I know you want to spend time with your girlfriend without the baby. You may have to wait a few years for that to be feasible.
Perhaps you can arrange for a 'Stay-Cation'. First take all the laundry to fluff and fold. Have some folks come to the house to provide spa services. A massage, a mani/pedi, etc. Next, cater in nice meals. Most of the good part of this is not having anything to clean up.
The whole movement of an infant, complete with gear, will outweigh any 'relaxation' a vacation may bring.
posted by Ruthless Bunny at 1:05 PM on July 16, 2013
Having a child changes a person's status. A woman with a baby is first of all a mother, or else she is not taking proper care of the baby. Your intentions seem good, but perhaps you have not realized that being some degree of exhausted is the condition of the mother of a baby. Allowing time for the baby to become less dependent is a better cure than trying to separate the pair.
posted by Cranberry at 2:11 PM on July 16, 2013
posted by Cranberry at 2:11 PM on July 16, 2013
I'm a single mom of a 1.5 year-old, and I am going on a vacation this summer with him and a friend, and I am totally stressed out about it. The only thing that is not stressing me out about it is that my son will be with us the whole time, so at least I don't have to worry about him being with people I don't know.
Now, of course, other parents are not me and maybe don't have my level of anxiety about our child's caretakers, but I would agree with those who say check with your girlfriend to see how she feels about the whole idea. She might be game; she might be filled with dread. Or maybe she'll have another suggestion.
posted by newrambler at 2:55 PM on July 16, 2013
Now, of course, other parents are not me and maybe don't have my level of anxiety about our child's caretakers, but I would agree with those who say check with your girlfriend to see how she feels about the whole idea. She might be game; she might be filled with dread. Or maybe she'll have another suggestion.
posted by newrambler at 2:55 PM on July 16, 2013
My friends did a giant cross-country road trip with their infant, and from all accounts they had a blast. I don't think it was relaxing, though, more of an adventure they decided to go on together. :) Anyway, it's just to say that not EVERYONE would think travel with a baby is such a horrible thing. For some, I'm sure it would be really stressful, for others, it could be fun. Similarly, some moms I know hate going back to work and being separated from their baby for many hours every weekday, while other moms I know will admit that they were going crazy at home with the baby during maternity leave and could not wait to get back to their jobs even if there was a somewhat sad element of the separation. Every mom is going to be different. I think the key would be to talk to your girlfriend about it in a non-pressure way and see what her feelings about it are. Try to focus on what would be relaxing and fun for her - whether it's a vacation, a staycation, or something else.
posted by rainbowbrite at 3:47 PM on July 16, 2013
posted by rainbowbrite at 3:47 PM on July 16, 2013
I'm not comfortable with someone I don't know watching my kid, even for brief periods of time. I second the advice to ask her what she would find relaxing. I would be careful of wording. It seems like you are genuinely concerned with caring for her and helping her find a break, but it could easily come off as "I want to go on vacation and do stuff with you without your kid, who is a drag."
posted by purpletangerine at 6:38 PM on July 16, 2013
posted by purpletangerine at 6:38 PM on July 16, 2013
I'm a single mom of an 11 month old. You're a sweetheart to attempt to figure this out. Maybe start with a relaxing day trip to Sonoma or something with a spa massage? Overnights just add a lot of complexity, and daytime dates can be fun in their own way...
posted by judith at 10:51 PM on July 16, 2013
posted by judith at 10:51 PM on July 16, 2013
This thread is closed to new comments.
posted by otherwordlyglow at 9:35 AM on July 16, 2013