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Wheelchair - is it important in JUST SEX relationship?
June 19, 2013 9:04 AM   Subscribe

So, this guy i know for 8 months and i started kinda heavy flirting 2 months ago. We both want casual sexual relationship, i told him bluntly and he is type of guy who does only sex thing.... He thinks i am hot, i think he;s hot blah blah.... he is always asking me to go to his place or somewhere to be alone but i always say 'no' bc....well, our situation is complicated so i am affraid to say yes even tho i want it sooooooooo much...

We were kissing and touching a bit last week...


OK so he knows i am in chair., i mean, after 7 month of seeing me in it i guess he figured out... I am like part time user, i don't have balance so i always use it on the move, but i never use it if i am standing and leaning against something, sitting, exercising....so i am very far from beiing chair bound...

So we havent had sex yet... and i always think he will chnage his mind after seeing me using chair... even tho he was inviting me on sex after seeing me in it too...

now, q FOR GUYS. do guys (ok, this type of guy, man whore basically) really cares if u use chair but u can leave it (i mean u dont have to be in it all the time) if ur good lay and can show them good time in bed?

personally, i dont seee why would they, its just sex, its not like we r gonna be in relationship, go out tgh, meet parents or stuff.
posted by Jasna88 to Human Relations (22 answers total) 3 users marked this as a favorite
 
What the fuck? This dude has known you for 8 months, thinks you're hot, makes out with you, and wants the same casual sex relationship that you do. He is obviously into you. He obviously does not give one tiny shit about your wheelchair.

What are you waiting for??? SEX THIS DUDE UP.
posted by phunniemee at 9:09 AM on June 19, 2013 [75 favorites]


He knows you use a wheelchair and still keeps trying to have sex with you, so I would say that there's a very good chance that he does not care that you use a wheelchair, or if he does care, it's not in a way that affects whether or not he wants to have sex with you.
posted by FAMOUS MONSTER at 9:09 AM on June 19, 2013 [7 favorites]


You're asking if this guy won't want to have sex with you after seeing that you use a wheelchair sometimes? And he already knows that you use a wheelchair, he just hasn't seen it yet? I'd say it is unlikely that actually seeing you in the wheelchair will make him change his mind. If you want to have sex with him, you should.

Also, it's offensive to refer to people who like sex as "whores" whether they are men or women.
posted by grouse at 9:12 AM on June 19, 2013 [15 favorites]


now, q FOR GUYS. do guys (ok, this type of guy, man whore basically) really cares if u use chair but u can leave it (i mean u dont have to be in it all the time) if ur good lay and can show them good time in bed?

Why don't you let HIM show YOU a good time in bed? You don't have to "make up for" using a wheelchair by being servile and ignoring your own needs in bed, you know.

This guy clearly wants you, and you want him. There are literally no problems here beyond the ones inside your head that are telling you you don't deserve sex.
posted by showbiz_liz at 9:15 AM on June 19, 2013 [4 favorites]


well i know it is offensive, but he told me long before he was sex with 7 girls and his 'gf;...

No he has seen me like million times using chair.... just not recently, we usually see each other in caffe where i sit in normal chair and my chair is somewhere next to me...
posted by Jasna88 at 9:17 AM on June 19, 2013


'You don't have to "make up for" using a wheelchair by being servile and ignoring your own needs in bed, you know.'

i wasnt even thinking about that lol, bcc i dont really class myself 'disable' even tho i have ataxia. But i am kinda submissive person, u know? I love more giving pleasure then getting it if it makes any sense at all. It turns me on to no end.
posted by Jasna88 at 9:19 AM on June 19, 2013


I'm really wondering why you don't take his words and actions at face value.
posted by Too-Ticky at 9:19 AM on June 19, 2013 [3 favorites]


Use a condom! Get going!
posted by thinkpiece at 9:20 AM on June 19, 2013 [1 favorite]


well i know it is offensive, but he told me long before he was sex with 7 girls and his 'gf;...

Look. If you are not cool with that, then don't hang out with the guy, and certainly don't be girl 8.

If you are making out with him and having casual sex with him, then sorry, you do not get to get all judgmental about his choices.

You really shouldn't be getting all judgmental about his choices anyway, since that's his own business. Whether you want to be a part of it or not is up to you.
posted by phunniemee at 9:20 AM on June 19, 2013 [9 favorites]


Your self-image is getting in the way of your ability to see what is clearly in front of you: a guy who thinks you are sexy regardless of the wheelchair he has already seen you in.

The situation is not complicated; your inner dialog is.
posted by IAmBroom at 9:24 AM on June 19, 2013 [1 favorite]


I am not judgmental, i am completely cool with him sleeping with lots of others. He knows that, i mean he is even talking with then on the phone arranging to have sex. And i am cool with that. like i said to him, same as u said, if i wasnt, i wouldnt be hanging onto him. Its my choice and i am completly aware of all consequences and bad shit that can happen.

I am just saying why i used term 'men whore'. I mean, i can, well cant, imagine what guys would call some girl who sleeps with 7 different men...
posted by Jasna88 at 9:24 AM on June 19, 2013


I don't mean ALL OF THIS is complicated but our situation....other one.... he is coach of our disabled group and my ex-private-coach. He is only 30 mind u. i am 24. So its not he is some old instructor or something...
posted by Jasna88 at 9:26 AM on June 19, 2013


I mean, i can, well cant, imagine what guys would call some girl who sleeps with 7 different men...

Are you talking about guys? Or are you talking about shitty asshats?

Because I can think of lots of guys who call a girl that has slept with 7 people "girlfriend," "wife," "sister," "friend," and "awesome lady I know."

I can think of lots of shitty, shitty, asshats who call those girls something else.
posted by like_a_friend at 9:28 AM on June 19, 2013 [30 favorites]


I don't mean ALL OF THIS is complicated but our situation....other one.... he is coach of our disabled group and my ex-private-coach. He is only 30 mind u. i am 24. So its not he is some old instructor or something...

Like a sporting coach? Are you still being coached by him? Cause yeah, that might potentially cause issues down the line. Not necessarily, but possibly.

But, dude- he COACHES DISABLED PEOPLE. OF COURSE he isn't gonna be weirded out by you being disabled!
posted by showbiz_liz at 9:35 AM on June 19, 2013 [1 favorite]


Yeah, table tennis. He is not directly coaching me...he was, he was my private coach for like 6 months. I stopped practicing bc i noticed he might be interested in something else and i knew what i was interested it.... but i always hang around on group practices ofc..... u know, my other friends r there so....and i play sometimes ofc, i mean i love it. but never with him and nothing serious
posted by Jasna88 at 9:45 AM on June 19, 2013


[Jasna88 and everybody else, the when-to-call-someone-a-whore thing needs to stop being a point of discussion in here. Jasna88, Ask Metafilter really isn't a place for an on-going conversation; if there's something not clear about your question yet and you need to gather your thoughts and post a followup comment to clarify something important, it's fine to do that as an occasional thing but you need to stop doing this back-and-forth chatter.]
posted by cortex at 9:49 AM on June 19, 2013 [3 favorites]


sorry, was thinking i can respond to ppl here like add info on yahoo answers.sorry
posted by Jasna88 at 9:51 AM on June 19, 2013 [7 favorites]


In case you still need convincing: git yer freak on! Just do it safely and without regrets, ok?
posted by kavasa at 11:53 AM on June 19, 2013 [1 favorite]


And if he treats you bad, throw him out on his damn ear.
posted by kavasa at 11:53 AM on June 19, 2013 [2 favorites]


Jasna,

I have a two part answer for you. I am a guy and old enough to have some perspective on things like this.

First, he is a guy and if he thinks you're hot, believe him, he thinks you're hot. Who knows what he thinks of the chair. He may find it acceptably normal or he may find it kinky.

But more importantly, you need to help yourself to whatever you want in life. You sound like you have got your eyes open and see the relationship clearly. Be careful, be safe, but after dinner have some desert if you want.

Gnossos
posted by gnossos at 11:59 AM on June 19, 2013 [4 favorites]


As I say in other comments, I have a prosthetic leg. I think the wheelchair is probably not MUCH of an issue--obviously he's interested in a physical relationship with you--but I think it's a little disingenuous to assume it will be a complete and total non-issue. So maybe it will matter a little. Maybe it'll take an encounter(!) or two for him to get used to it. (Or maybe it won't matter a bit...but I don't think this is a worry to be totally dismissed.)

What I'd do, if he hasn't seen you in the chair very much, is say, "hey, you haven't been around me very much when I'm in my wheelchair, what do you think about it? What say we do x, y, or z light social thing, for which I'm usually in my chair?"

He could say, oh, whatever, I do not care about your wheelchair, so I am totally fine with doing activity x, it will be my pleasure.

Or he could say, let's hook up and forget about the chair-requiring activity.

Or he could say, without further elaboration, Sure! Let's do that activity. Sounds like fun.

Etc., etc. I neither think you should worry about this NOR do I think you should assume it's a total non-problem. Enjoy yourself!
posted by skbw at 5:46 PM on June 19, 2013


Male here. If I wanted someone who happened to use a wheelchair, that fact would make zero difference.
posted by ead at 11:54 AM on June 22, 2013 [1 favorite]


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