Toddler not adapting to new age-group room at daycare.
June 12, 2013 1:38 PM Subscribe
I am worried about my 2.75 year-old daughter. Today is the 8th day she has been in the new, 3-ish to 4-ish age room at daycare. She is now crying really hard every morning when I leave here there (new behaviour, but still normal). But she is also refusing to go to sleep at night, throwing huge fits, jumping out of the crib, clawing at us to get away when we try to rock her, and basically forcing herself to be awake until she is so exhausted she can't stay awake any longer. She won't or can't give me a clear answer about what's wrong. How do I help her?
posted by kitcat to Health & Fitness (19 answers total) 2 users marked this as a favorite
So that there's no 'tease' here, I'll say outright that I'm going to ask them to put her back into the younger room. So my question is really: what can I do UNTIL there is space in that old room again?
Imagine a normally high-spirited, always happy girl. They started to introduce her slowly to the new room; she cried the first day and seemed fine the second. But on the weekend the refusing to sleep started, and so this has been going on for nearly two full weeks now. It's taking her 2 - 3 hours from the time we turn off the light and start rocking. Normally, we would wait until she was asleep or almost asleep to put her in her crib. My husband and I generally take turns on bad nights - he'll do a half hour, then I'll do a half hour, etc. I've described her new behaviour above. My mom was over and tried to put her to sleep last night (they have their own routine where mom cuddles her for 5 minutes, puts her in the crib and sits in the room with her until she falls asleep). This time, she clutched onto my mom like she was terrified, and my mom thinks she's too scared to fall asleep and is forcing herself to stay awake. This makes sense to me, and now I feel sorry for her instead of for myself.
In the morning, she has full on trantrums about waking up and putting her clothes on. She'll scream and try to get away and rip her clothes off. I've been late for work several days now.
While she's getting to the boundary-pushing age, I attribute this to the new daycare room. If I ask her whether she's had a good day, she either doesn't answer or shakes her head no. Sometimes she yells 'NO!' to indicate that she does not want to talk about it. When she was in the old room, she would always say that she had a good day.
Another problem I'm concerned about is that she might be holding her poo in. She is 75% potty trained, meaning she can and likes to pee on the potty but sometimes forgets and has an accident. As for poo, she's not good at that yet. I agreed with the very nice ladies in the room that we would let her poo in her pants until she got the hang of it (it's never bothered her at home to have an accident in her pants - we just say 'Oh well, you need to tell mommy or daddy if you need to poo' *hug*). She has been missing her second bowel movements of the day (at daycare, not at home) and yesterday did not have one at all, even at home. Maybe she is embarrassed? But how can it be a good idea to go backwards and start putting her in a diaper again?
The daycare staff say that she's occasionally been weepy, but is OK after I leave. They say she seems happy. I have been able to get one piece of information out of here, although I can't always trust what she says (she'll make stuff up; I think this is normal). She told me that the 'big kids' are taking her toys away and she doesn't like the big kids. So I called the daycare yesterday and asked if they could have a talk with the older children about not taking toys away from the littler ones (the right people aren't there when I drop her off and my mom picked her up yesterday). They said that they would do that; I don't know the results yet. But she wasn't any happier last night. A guess I have is that she has always been really adored and treated with kid gloves in her other rooms because she's really cute and always happy - an easy kid to look after. Now, she's probably getting some tough love in this new room. But hey, that's life; we all have to grow up, right? I don't know what to think.
tldr; My toddler is very unhappy in her new daycare room for reasons I can't tease out of here. Her new behaviour is alarming me. She's very smart, but she either doesn't have the language to explain what's bugging here, or doesn't want to talk about it (that scares me too, but reminds me of myself as a child. Great; I have depression...) How do I help her until she can be moved into her old room (assuming they will even agree to do this)? How do I get her to talk? How do I get her to sleep? Am I overreacting?