How best to capture childhood

May 13, 2013 4:19 PM

Singlefatherfilter: I am soon to be a divorced father to a 3 year old son and a 5 year old daughter. After the initial shock of separation a routine is thankfully starting to be enacted. As you can imagine the time I spend with them is incredibly precious to me and I would appreciate some ideas on how I can record this best. I enjoy photography but there are two issues i) My daughter specifically is at that age where she knows when a photo is been taken and will pull a face, of course her brother follows suit. ii) Whilst I can take photos of them, it is nigh on impossible to take one of all of us together. As I get older rather than rely on my memory I would love to have some beautiful shots detailing this all too short period of childhood. I have had an idea about asking a photographer to take some photos but I do not want a set of posed photos. I cannot imagine I am the first to find themselves in this situation but I would appreciate any hive-mind suggestions.
posted by numberstation to Human Relations (27 answers total)

Embrace the pulled faces! It's who they are now, and that's what you're trying to capture. Take pictures with a timer with all of you pulling faces. The occasional nice one will happen too, and after a while they'll be used to dad taking pictures all the time and stop pulling faces. And then you'll be nostalgic for those pictures!
posted by headnsouth at 4:24 PM on May 13, 2013 [8 favorites]

I have several friends who are semi-pro family photographers and take really awesome quasi-candids - the kids are dressed up a little, but really you're all just going to an interesting outdoor area, so lighting isn't necessary, and you guys are goofing off while the shooter works quietly. Usually the camera-aware kids get bored after a while and stop paying attention, or at least get more interesting with their pulled faces.

You can also do deliberately goofy or fun repeating themes - maybe there's a landmark or family artifact (tall clock, weird chair, garden gnome) where you can do photos every 3/6/12 months in perpetuity.
posted by Lyn Never at 4:26 PM on May 13, 2013 [1 favorite]

Yes, I have two childhood family photos on my fridge, and both of them involve at least one kid in the photo "pulling a face".

I also feel like the nostalgia of looking at old family photos is all about the silliness. For instance my dad used to always make us pose in front of stupid stuff (the "Welcome To Arizona!" sign, stuff like that), and every time I come across one of those pictures I smile. It's just... who we were.

One of the photos on my fridge is of my brother and I mugging in the family kitchen on a random Tuesday or whatever. My hair is all messy from swim practice, he's wearing an old t-shirt of my dad's and the kitchen itself is a mess. That photo captures so much of the essence of my childhood that I wouldn't replace it for a nice photo of us looking civilized with combed hair and matching clothes in a clean house.
posted by Sara C. at 4:28 PM on May 13, 2013 [4 favorites]

But if you're looking for other ways to record your time/feelings/experiences with them, then I recommend keeping a journal. Take an hour to write a few reflections after each visit and any other time. My kids are now 17/19 and they've asked me some questions over the past year or two that I can only answer from memory. It comes out like Cliffs Notes. I always intended to keep a journal but never did, and I regret it.
posted by headnsouth at 4:29 PM on May 13, 2013 [2 favorites]

Give them the camera from time to time - collages of each pair of you ...
posted by tilde at 4:31 PM on May 13, 2013 [1 favorite]

A journal seems like a good idea, and one that I came across that looks interesting (read: I should start using it too) is Penzu. It's sort of like having a private blog, but it looks more like a journal. There's the main notepad, and you can easily insert photos. With the paid plan ($19/year) you can use their mobile apps and you can email entries to your journal.

I don't think that solves your problem of how to take more photos, but it might be a good way to record memories, including with photos attached to them.
posted by Dansaman at 4:37 PM on May 13, 2013

I was really spoiled: My sister and her husband were good (semi professional) photographers and, unlike my ex, she actually liked me. So I had some really great photos of me and my small kids as seen through the eyes of my sister. (Photos by my ex invariably made me look hideous. This is why I mention that piece of it -- it impacts photo quality.)

So do you have a friend or relative that is genuinely fond of you and the kids who could sometimes be pressed into service?
posted by Michele in California at 4:42 PM on May 13, 2013

Set up a video camera on a tripod in the corner of the action. Get in there and play with them. After a bit, everyone will forget the camera is even there. You'll appreciate moving images later!
posted by clone boulevard at 4:44 PM on May 13, 2013 [2 favorites]

There are in fact digital cameras made specifically for young children (very sturdy) - if your kids got to take some of the pictures they might be more cooperative. Also, maybe they would participate more readily if they got some input as to the content of the photos - as in, showing off favorite outfits or pretending to be superheroes or performing a new balancing trick - something that seems worth photographing to them as well as you.

And yes, it is totally reasonable to ask a photographer to take candid shots of you and the kids playing together in a park. Or to ask friendly-looking strangers to take group photos of you and the kids when you're out together.
posted by unsub at 4:47 PM on May 13, 2013 [1 favorite]

When I look at old photos, I am often more interested in the backgrounds. I would suggest scrapbooking -- I do not mean the twee sort of "scrapbooking" that involves Martha-Stewarting-out and buying expensive stickers; I mean, photo corners and cheap spiral-bound newsprint scrapbooks, and junk like a take-away menu from your family's favourite restaurant, postcards from your town, any ephemera with meaning to the three of you.

My grandmother sent me letters with collages; she'd cut pictures out from magazines and glue them on to the letter -- advertising for toys I already owned, or food she knew I liked, that sort of thing. The collection of those letters is a fantastic documentation of the time and place in which I grew up. If a much-appreciated toy comes with a little booklet advertising itself and related toys, that's a good thing to scrapbook.

One thing I want to do is photograph the area my daughter is growing up in. The main street of the town, the recreation spots, the restaurants and stores we frequent. I find photographs of things as mundane as the interior of a newly opened supermarket from 1980 quite striking now -- so much has changed in what feels like such a short time -- and I think it would be interesting for her to have photographs to match to the vague memories of the mediocre local restaurant, etc. One thing I have had time for is pitching every ticket stub from every ticket-requiring thing we've done into a box. Bit of a mess -- I'll sort it when I'm retired; for now, nice to know it's there.
posted by kmennie at 4:49 PM on May 13, 2013 [2 favorites]

Nthing embracing their reaction to the photos as they are. Good chance that over time the camera will just become part of their time with you and a natural part of what happens when you are together. Showing your daughter the pics will also give her an appreciation of what is going on, and may make her more amenable to looking more like herself.
I was in your position a few years ago and took lots of stills. some of my favorites are candids of my son napping...he looks so innocent and peaceful.
Also....it's easy to find folks to take pics of you in public when you are with kids, just pic someone with a nice camera and ask.
posted by OHenryPacey at 5:01 PM on May 13, 2013

It looks like you're in England and I don't know how far you are from London, but one of my favorite photographers are there now doing family photos. They travel all around the world doing family portraits. Looks like they're having a shoot on May 19th in London. What I like about them is that they don't do the usual posed shots. Much more casual. You can check them out here.

Also, I've recently started taking more photos with my phone and what I try to do is capture when people are laughing...it's made a big difference in my photos. I just carry it with me and when people are in a silly mood, I snap away while people are laughing. I love looking through those photos.

I also like the idea of a journal. Since I find it hard to think of events or quotes, I like books where you ask a question and write down your child's answer. Kind of like this book or this book.
posted by biscuits at 5:11 PM on May 13, 2013

Tripod & remote. It feels a little stagey but the moment IS real. Sometimes I will set up the tripod and snap. Especially when we are not looking at the camera. I set it up, do what we are doing, and hold the remote. I forget I have it in my hand. Then I click. AND I click about 5 times. Set it up at bedtime when you are reading (you have to make it so your camera doesn't "auto-off" for a little while. Going fishing? Set up the tripod and when you think of it, snap. Holidays, dinner table. You can do a game with it too. See how far you can run from the camera once you snap it.
But MORE is better. I HATE asking people to take our pic BUT I have to or I just wont have any with me in them.

I also take pictures of our shadows, our feet, etc, when we are all together...
posted by beccaj at 5:48 PM on May 13, 2013 [1 favorite]

I spend a lot of time with my son, and we do a lot of things together. I often have a reasonable point/shoot camera in my pocket, so I have lots of photos of him just doing things. I'm not too worried that we don't have photos of us together, as the photos themselves are enough as memories of things we shared doing. The mundane is just as meaningful and beautiful for me to look back on as more formal photos.

btw he is also going through a stage where he thinks poking his tongue out at the sight of a camera is absolutely hilarious, but that's okay with me.

Anyway, go out, do things, take a camera, take a lot of photos!
posted by carter at 5:49 PM on May 13, 2013 [1 favorite]

On the face-pulling point: when my daughter insists on doing this, I generally do the thing where you tell the kids to close their eyes and make the angriest (/saddest/scariest) face they can, and then when you count to three, open their eyes and smile. Gets rid of some of the silly face-making energy, and with luck keeps them too distracted in following directions to come up with anything creative on the final reveal.

For photos of you + kids-- I believe lots of modern video cameras will now pull decent-quality stills from their video footage. One option might be to take some video with a tripod, and later comb back through the footage for some sweet shots of all three of you. (This removes the extra pressure/extra opportunities for picture FAIL that you get when you're trying to shoot posed stills of three people with a tripod and timer. Bonus: pics would be much more spontaneous, and might show cooler actions/interactions than you would have thought of if you were posing the pictures yourself.)
posted by Bardolph at 5:58 PM on May 13, 2013

Take lots and lots and lots of pictures. You WILL get one where the fun, joy and energy of the face pull is present, but the face pull itself is not.
posted by infinitewindow at 6:15 PM on May 13, 2013 [1 favorite]

Something that I've just started with my kids is open journaling.
Get them each a nice hardcover sketchbook with blank pages and thick paper and once a week, take a morning to sit at the table with sharpies and pencil crayons and everyone gets to draw and/or write a bit of anything that comes to mind.
posted by tenaciousmoon at 7:21 PM on May 13, 2013

When my nephews (age 6 and 4) make funny faces, we say "ok let's do one where we all have nice smiles and then one where we all have scary/funny faces" and then follow through. I can tell you that the smiles are what get put in albums and on facebook, but the funny faces are the ones that get the laughs and nostalgic smiles when I go through my folders.
posted by Nickel at 7:31 PM on May 13, 2013

I've had several friends work with photographers who do the kind of thing that I think you're aiming for as a niche of their business. More time invested, perhaps several afternoons, to build up rapport, more ease, and less formality.
posted by desuetude at 8:03 PM on May 13, 2013 [1 favorite]

A collection of them making faces at you will be a far better memory than a collection of them posing nicely for the camera.

Having said that: if you really want to get some no-goofy-face photos, you can do something I do for safety and leverage it to get 'em: whenever you take them to a crowded public place like a mall, make them stand side-by-side, arms down, not overlapping, and not smiling. Let them know you're taking a picture of them in case they get lost, and they can't smile in the picture because if they're lost, they won't be smiling, and so they won't look like a smiling picture. Then take a picture.

One of two things will happen: either they'll dutifully stand there and let you get your shot, which will at least be a contrast to the goofy-face pics, or they'll have a hard time NOT smiling or laughing, but since they're trying hard not to smile or laugh for a legitimate reason, their expressions will be natural -- they'll be focused on trying not to smile, not on the fact that you're "taking their picture."

However you get the photos, do yourself a favor and back them up to a portable drive regularly, ideally one that you take to work, so that you never lose those photos. Even a collection of goofy-face photos is better than nothing at all.
posted by davejay at 9:00 PM on May 13, 2013 [1 favorite]

I'm a single mom, and sometimes I use a timer and we pose, a lot of times we do the extended arm self-portrait in front of stuff. Other times I shoot her, she shoots me. Occasionally we ask a passer-by, but strangers always do such a crappy job of framing shots and we usually look stiff and uncomfortable (I always look like I'm worried the person is going to walk away with my camera)/ We also pretty much stop at every single photo booth we see and take pictures that way.

Judging from photos I see on Facebook, photographers will absolutely come to you and shoot you in your natural setting. You could also probably ask a friend to do it, if you know someone who is handy with a camera or find a photography student looking for experience shooting portraits.

I'll back up those who say the goofy faces are great and you will cherish them later, but I also loved taking pictures of my daughter when she was sleeping at those ages because the peaceful slumber makes a nice contrast.
posted by looli at 9:33 PM on May 13, 2013

You definitely need a photographer with a lifestyle/documentary/photojournalistic approach!

Someone great with kids, quiet, who can photograph candids of your family. See if they can do a few sessions at different times/places to get a variety.

Posed photographs are nice, but real life is so much more meaningful.

All the best :)
posted by photojlisa at 6:21 AM on May 14, 2013

Pocket cameras are amazing these days. Turn off the flash and the "camera click" sound effect (or put adhesive tape over the speaker slot if you can't turn it off), turn it on and put it on a table sideways and concealed so the kids will forget about it. You can then pick it up and take shots before the kids notice.

Also, almost any videocam will extract single frames as stills.
posted by KRS at 7:04 AM on May 14, 2013

Interviews. My parents have cassette tapes (and later honkin huge camcorder vhs tapes) where they randomly interviewed me. They would ask me things like "Why did you put on this outfit today?"' (Because I have my Brownies meeting!) "did you learn anything today?" (No Cause its cwistofur co lumpus day and I didn't go to school!) "Where are we going?" (BEEEEEEEEEEAAAAACCCCCHHHHHHH make drippy castles, boardwalk ice cream)

It's staged a bit, but usually when kids are that young, they sort of forget the video camera is there when they go into deep thought to tell you about their lives.
posted by WeekendJen at 9:14 AM on May 14, 2013 [3 favorites]

By the way, have them sing a song with "eeees" in them. "Happy birthday to meee..." [click]
posted by tilde at 2:07 PM on May 14, 2013

Response by poster: Thank you for all of the great suggestions, it is much appreciated. I ♥ metafilter.
posted by numberstation at 1:50 PM on May 15, 2013

I was just going to suggest looking for a "lifestyle" photographer. Look at websites for photographers in your area with that description.
posted by pyjammy at 5:38 PM on May 15, 2013