Is my neighbour being unreasonable or am I just being rude?
May 7, 2013 11:27 AM Subscribe
Last night, my next door neighbour flipped out and threatened to call the cops for opening and closing our patio door every night.
My roommate and I live in a small apartment complex comprised of three buildings, and our suites (ours and the neighbours) are on the ground level, facing the courtyard. Roommate and I are smokers, and while smoking IS allowed on premises, it is NOT allowed indoors. As such, the patio is utilized.
We both work later shifts, and get home between 11pm and 12am on days that we work, and go about our own business quietly until we've wound down enough to go to sleep. Winding down time includes smoking. This is unlikely to change anytime soon.
What I need help with is either a script for talking to Neighbour (who we've always gotten along with prior to this) before things turn sour, or some perspetive as to why the noise I'm making is unreasonable. Snowflakes ahoy!
-Roommate and myself are 26/27, generally quiet homebodies and have lived in the complex since Jan. 1st this year. That being said, we both look a LOT younger than we are (late teens/early 20's) and it's conceivable that he thinks we're just a couple of punk kids.
-Neighbour is an elderly man who we do not know very well, aside from saying hello in passing and the occasional conversation outside. He has lived here substantially longer, but keeps to himself. He is not a favourite in the complex by any means, and being less friendly with him isn't going to hurt our reputation with the landlord or anybody important.
-We are already whispering/not speaking at all while outside after dark. It's understood that noise echoes in a courtyard, and we try to be courteous while enjoying our space. It is absolutley about the noise the door makes when we open and close it.
Things we are willing to do:
-Smoke less after we get home.
-We will be actively trying to open and close the door more quietly, and will be cleaning out/oiling the tract so that it glides more smoothly thus causing less friction/noise. Please note that we are NOT slamming the door shut at this point, and that this step isn't going to make a huge difference, but it's the best that we can try.
Given that he snapped so harshly at us last night, I understand that this must have been grating on his nerves for some time. I am also aware that there isn't much the cops are going to do about somebody opening/shutting the door, and that he is most likely using it as an idle threat to intimidate what he perceives as two kids striking it out on their own for the first time.
What I need is either a script to open up a mature conversation or a kick in the pants for being an entitled brat. Have at me, MeFites.
-Roommate and myself are 26/27, generally quiet homebodies and have lived in the complex since Jan. 1st this year. That being said, we both look a LOT younger than we are (late teens/early 20's) and it's conceivable that he thinks we're just a couple of punk kids.
-Neighbour is an elderly man who we do not know very well, aside from saying hello in passing and the occasional conversation outside. He has lived here substantially longer, but keeps to himself. He is not a favourite in the complex by any means, and being less friendly with him isn't going to hurt our reputation with the landlord or anybody important.
-We are already whispering/not speaking at all while outside after dark. It's understood that noise echoes in a courtyard, and we try to be courteous while enjoying our space. It is absolutley about the noise the door makes when we open and close it.
Things we are willing to do:
-Smoke less after we get home.
-We will be actively trying to open and close the door more quietly, and will be cleaning out/oiling the tract so that it glides more smoothly thus causing less friction/noise. Please note that we are NOT slamming the door shut at this point, and that this step isn't going to make a huge difference, but it's the best that we can try.
Given that he snapped so harshly at us last night, I understand that this must have been grating on his nerves for some time. I am also aware that there isn't much the cops are going to do about somebody opening/shutting the door, and that he is most likely using it as an idle threat to intimidate what he perceives as two kids striking it out on their own for the first time.
What I need is either a script to open up a mature conversation or a kick in the pants for being an entitled brat. Have at me, MeFites.
Wait, was the anger directed at the sound of the door opening, or at the smoke? Because I live below a smoker, and while I could not care less about her weird late-night shenanigans, I care deeply about her smoking on her front porch, because that shit gets into everything. Cigarette smoke disperses poorly in areas that aren't completely open, and it's very possible that it's blowing into your neighbor's house and annoying him.
posted by Mayor West at 11:31 AM on May 7, 2013 [20 favorites]
posted by Mayor West at 11:31 AM on May 7, 2013 [20 favorites]
You'd be amazed how sound carries. I used to have a neighbour who'd be outside smoking around midnight to 1am and would carry on whispered conversations with friends on mobile phone. I got up for work at 5am those days and my sleep was always interrupted by door slamming shut and those whispered conversations.
Would it be possible to wind down elsewhere - on your way back from work, perhaps?
posted by kariebookish at 11:32 AM on May 7, 2013 [3 favorites]
Would it be possible to wind down elsewhere - on your way back from work, perhaps?
posted by kariebookish at 11:32 AM on May 7, 2013 [3 favorites]
Keep in mind sleeping well is very hard for us olds.
posted by srboisvert at 11:33 AM on May 7, 2013 [17 favorites]
posted by srboisvert at 11:33 AM on May 7, 2013 [17 favorites]
You're on the right track here, should you talk to him.
1. Empathize - "You sound frustrated, and if this has been waking you, we can see how that'd be frustrating."
2. Tell him your actions - "We're going to oil the door, etc., continue to whisper, etc"
If he's seeming especially reasonable, let him know that he can give you feedback on whether your steps are working. But, yeah, mostly it sounds like you guys are doing the right things.
posted by ldthomps at 11:34 AM on May 7, 2013 [1 favorite]
1. Empathize - "You sound frustrated, and if this has been waking you, we can see how that'd be frustrating."
2. Tell him your actions - "We're going to oil the door, etc., continue to whisper, etc"
If he's seeming especially reasonable, let him know that he can give you feedback on whether your steps are working. But, yeah, mostly it sounds like you guys are doing the right things.
posted by ldthomps at 11:34 AM on May 7, 2013 [1 favorite]
He probably thinks you were out drinking until late. He might be more friendly about it if he understood that you work late. If I were you I would compose a friendly note to him explaining the circumstances, asking him if he has any advice about what you should use to oil the track, giving him your phone number so he can call if you're bothering him. People who don't work at night don't understand how you have to unwind.
If he complained about the actual smoke then you're going to have to figure out another place to smoke if you want to be thoughtful. I smoke a bit myself but find that someone else's smoke wakes me up instantly if I'm asleep, he may have a similar problem.
posted by mareli at 11:34 AM on May 7, 2013
If he complained about the actual smoke then you're going to have to figure out another place to smoke if you want to be thoughtful. I smoke a bit myself but find that someone else's smoke wakes me up instantly if I'm asleep, he may have a similar problem.
posted by mareli at 11:34 AM on May 7, 2013
Seriously? You can't open and close your door at night? Or he's going to call the cops?
I'd buy the guy a 75 cent pair of ear plugs and call it good.
posted by toomuchpete at 11:34 AM on May 7, 2013 [14 favorites]
I'd buy the guy a 75 cent pair of ear plugs and call it good.
posted by toomuchpete at 11:34 AM on May 7, 2013 [14 favorites]
While I'm sure his distress is real, a request to stop opening a door at night is pretty unreasonable. You are awesome people for trying to lessen his discomfort though. I would just tell him that you hear him and tell him what you are going to do to try to make things better.
posted by grouse at 11:35 AM on May 7, 2013 [3 favorites]
posted by grouse at 11:35 AM on May 7, 2013 [3 favorites]
Send him a note:
"Hi Neighbour. I understand that the noise of the patio door is disturbing you. You are of course welcome to call the police as you see fit, but it may be more effective to contact the management company regarding the noise the track makes with sliding. We will be doing the same to see if they can provide some kind of maintenance for the door. Thanks, Your Neighbours."
In other words, accept no responsibility for the noise as you are in fact, not being noisy. The door is being noisy and that is down to the management company.
posted by DarlingBri at 11:36 AM on May 7, 2013 [21 favorites]
"Hi Neighbour. I understand that the noise of the patio door is disturbing you. You are of course welcome to call the police as you see fit, but it may be more effective to contact the management company regarding the noise the track makes with sliding. We will be doing the same to see if they can provide some kind of maintenance for the door. Thanks, Your Neighbours."
In other words, accept no responsibility for the noise as you are in fact, not being noisy. The door is being noisy and that is down to the management company.
posted by DarlingBri at 11:36 AM on May 7, 2013 [21 favorites]
"Well neighbor, we are doing all we can to open and close the doors as quietly as possible. Are your doors quieter than ours? We tried oiling it and everything after you let us know it seemed loud to you. Perhaps you can ask the landlord about installing quieter doors or adjusting the current ones?"
This ignores the idle threats (perhaps made in a fit of crankiness) and hopefully shifts his attention elsewhere.
posted by mikepop at 11:37 AM on May 7, 2013 [1 favorite]
This ignores the idle threats (perhaps made in a fit of crankiness) and hopefully shifts his attention elsewhere.
posted by mikepop at 11:37 AM on May 7, 2013 [1 favorite]
It seems like you're handling the situation well.
Allow me to recommend some paraffin wax on the door's tracks. Clean them first, and let them dry, then run the wax over the tracks. That should make it significantly quieter. You'll just have to be careful about slamming it shut.
posted by carsonb at 11:38 AM on May 7, 2013 [3 favorites]
Allow me to recommend some paraffin wax on the door's tracks. Clean them first, and let them dry, then run the wax over the tracks. That should make it significantly quieter. You'll just have to be careful about slamming it shut.
posted by carsonb at 11:38 AM on May 7, 2013 [3 favorites]
Smoke less after we get home
The rest of your accommodations sound very nice, above-and-beyond really.
With the above you've crossed a line into letting other people run your life.
posted by airing nerdy laundry at 11:40 AM on May 7, 2013 [7 favorites]
The rest of your accommodations sound very nice, above-and-beyond really.
With the above you've crossed a line into letting other people run your life.
posted by airing nerdy laundry at 11:40 AM on May 7, 2013 [7 favorites]
threatened to call the cops for opening and closing our patio door every night
Yeah, I don't think that call is going to go the way he thinks it's going to go.
Some level of noise from other units is part of living in a multi-unit building and he needs to deal with it. Honestly I think the steps you have described are very thoughtful and go above and beyond what is required here. I don't think you need to take any further steps beyond that. If he wants to call the cops, let him. Every noise ordinance I've ever heard of specifies a decibel level that is far in excess of the sound of a sliding door opening.
posted by enn at 11:41 AM on May 7, 2013 [2 favorites]
Yeah, I don't think that call is going to go the way he thinks it's going to go.
Some level of noise from other units is part of living in a multi-unit building and he needs to deal with it. Honestly I think the steps you have described are very thoughtful and go above and beyond what is required here. I don't think you need to take any further steps beyond that. If he wants to call the cops, let him. Every noise ordinance I've ever heard of specifies a decibel level that is far in excess of the sound of a sliding door opening.
posted by enn at 11:41 AM on May 7, 2013 [2 favorites]
I would write a note to let him know that you're sympathetic (if he does think you're selfish teenagers) and explain that you would like to be able to access your patio without waking him. Tell him that you will be careful to open the door quietly and suggest he contact you if you are keeping him awake. Best case may be to talk to him in person though. We did that earlier this year when our downstairs neighbor complained about creaking boards in the floor (something we could not control).
After explaining that you are trying to unwind quietly, you may ask him for his proposed solution. A lot of times people just want to be listened to. Or they assume that someone knows the unintended impact of their actions when they don't (and thus attribute insidious motive). Then again, he may be a jerk about it. At that point you may want to review your lease and the apartment guidelines to see what support you have.
Does your building have a quiet hours policy? You could consult this as well.
posted by SpicyMustard at 11:42 AM on May 7, 2013 [1 favorite]
After explaining that you are trying to unwind quietly, you may ask him for his proposed solution. A lot of times people just want to be listened to. Or they assume that someone knows the unintended impact of their actions when they don't (and thus attribute insidious motive). Then again, he may be a jerk about it. At that point you may want to review your lease and the apartment guidelines to see what support you have.
Does your building have a quiet hours policy? You could consult this as well.
posted by SpicyMustard at 11:42 AM on May 7, 2013 [1 favorite]
i agree with others that he does not have grounds for a police call and that he's being a dick by snapping. Merely suggesting ways to resolve it amicably and maintain good relations.
posted by SpicyMustard at 11:44 AM on May 7, 2013
posted by SpicyMustard at 11:44 AM on May 7, 2013
You should politely ask him if it's the smoke or the door that is bothering him.
We have smokers near us, and the smell is really gross. I don't smoke -never have -and my husband quit less than a year ago (it's kind of hard for him to smell it sometimes.) The smoke also bothers my eyes a lot. So maybe he is more bothered by that?
If so maybe you can go out the front or smoke before you come in the house? (By the street or a parking lot or something?)
Maybe you can talk to your management to see how they want to resolve it?
posted by Crystalinne at 11:48 AM on May 7, 2013 [2 favorites]
We have smokers near us, and the smell is really gross. I don't smoke -never have -and my husband quit less than a year ago (it's kind of hard for him to smell it sometimes.) The smoke also bothers my eyes a lot. So maybe he is more bothered by that?
If so maybe you can go out the front or smoke before you come in the house? (By the street or a parking lot or something?)
Maybe you can talk to your management to see how they want to resolve it?
posted by Crystalinne at 11:48 AM on May 7, 2013 [2 favorites]
I had to have several talks with a roommate about him shutting the front door too hard when he wandered in at 3 am, it's right below my bedroom and even though I wouldn't hear anything the vibrations would literally shake me awake. Very disconcerting. He wasn't exactly winding his arm up to shut it either, just too strong a push. Would it be possible for you to use a different door?
posted by Dynex at 12:01 PM on May 7, 2013 [2 favorites]
posted by Dynex at 12:01 PM on May 7, 2013 [2 favorites]
...intimidate what he perceives as two kids striking it out on their own for the first time.
Is there reason for thinking that would really be his motivation? It seems that the noise is bothering him, plain and simple.
posted by Dansaman at 12:01 PM on May 7, 2013 [2 favorites]
Is there reason for thinking that would really be his motivation? It seems that the noise is bothering him, plain and simple.
posted by Dansaman at 12:01 PM on May 7, 2013 [2 favorites]
I think you're being eminantly reasonable. Write him a note and let him know what you'll do to make the door quieter.
I'm a super-light sleeper, and I'd be snappish if I were sleep-deprived.
You might slip something like this into the note:
While we're making a good faith effort to be as quiet as possible, it may just be that due to the acoustics of the courtyard, that even the slight swoosh of the door is waking you. If that's the case, perhaps you may want to check out a White Noise Machine. I know people who use them and they report that it really does help.
Other than that, I don't know what to tell you.
posted by Ruthless Bunny at 12:02 PM on May 7, 2013 [3 favorites]
I'm a super-light sleeper, and I'd be snappish if I were sleep-deprived.
You might slip something like this into the note:
While we're making a good faith effort to be as quiet as possible, it may just be that due to the acoustics of the courtyard, that even the slight swoosh of the door is waking you. If that's the case, perhaps you may want to check out a White Noise Machine. I know people who use them and they report that it really does help.
Other than that, I don't know what to tell you.
posted by Ruthless Bunny at 12:02 PM on May 7, 2013 [3 favorites]
It's late - really late - and some people become unreasonably angry that late at night.
Your door makes a lot of racket.
If it was me, I would be very very angry.
posted by KokuRyu at 12:04 PM on May 7, 2013 [10 favorites]
Your door makes a lot of racket.
If it was me, I would be very very angry.
posted by KokuRyu at 12:04 PM on May 7, 2013 [10 favorites]
Smoke less? Until you said that, I thought you meant you'd each go out for one cigarette when you got home. Are you actually going out every half hour until 3am or something like that? Because to me that would feel unreasonable, for instance.
posted by jacalata at 12:09 PM on May 7, 2013 [7 favorites]
posted by jacalata at 12:09 PM on May 7, 2013 [7 favorites]
I have neighbors that also either go to work or come home from work at 11pm and 1am, and I can sympathize with your neighbor. My neighbors aren't being purposefully loud but they are right underneath my bedroom window. Which means that them opening/shutting their car door, starting their car's engine, and, yes, whispering, sound like they're doing it INSIDE my room and it drives me bats. I'm reasonable enough to know that normal "living your life" noises are not actually something I can complain to them about, but MAN does it ratchet up my annoyance with them.
Part of the problem is that they are living in a neighborhood that is almost entirely middle aged or older adults. They are the only ones in the neighborhood who work a late night schedule, and the fact that the neighborhood is usually silent after 10pm or so is a huge plus for those of us who choose to live there. Another part of the problem is that their front door and driveway face my back door. So the back of my house, where I purposefully chose to put my bed because it should be a quiet space, is now actually louder than if I had chosen the bedroom that faces the street.
These might be things to think about in your situation. Are the majority of your neighbors closer in age to the complainer or to you? Is your location for public activities like smoking actually located in what someone else might expect to be their private, quiet space?
posted by MsMolly at 12:12 PM on May 7, 2013 [3 favorites]
Part of the problem is that they are living in a neighborhood that is almost entirely middle aged or older adults. They are the only ones in the neighborhood who work a late night schedule, and the fact that the neighborhood is usually silent after 10pm or so is a huge plus for those of us who choose to live there. Another part of the problem is that their front door and driveway face my back door. So the back of my house, where I purposefully chose to put my bed because it should be a quiet space, is now actually louder than if I had chosen the bedroom that faces the street.
These might be things to think about in your situation. Are the majority of your neighbors closer in age to the complainer or to you? Is your location for public activities like smoking actually located in what someone else might expect to be their private, quiet space?
posted by MsMolly at 12:12 PM on May 7, 2013 [3 favorites]
Get foam for the patio door track!
I think you want a bit of weatherstripping or the like in there. It won't stop the door from closing fully, but it will stop the door from slamming.
Yes, oil it.
I also think you should smoke out front because I've had bedrooms on courtyards before, and at night, noise carries. Even muffled sounds are a Big Deal in a courtyard at night, but, I don't know if that is safe or possible where you live.
Get the weatherstripping.
*NO. I would not talk to crazy old guy. Just oil, weatherstrip, and move the festivities out front if possible.
*Disclaimer: I've had shitty shitty elderly neighbors that harassed everyone with complaints. Talking to them usually escalated the complaints because showing a "vulnerability" by being nice increased the harrassment. If your neighbor is otherwise normal, treat him like a regular human being. If you think this might be the opening shot in a war that will be waged against you, make every reasonable accommodation, but freeze him out emotionally. If he's wacko, the less you engage, the better.
(I totally respect neighbors, the elderly, and all that. Sadly, some people are "off," and you gotta manage them appropriately if they are "off" so that they do not fixate on you. Good luck.)
posted by jbenben at 12:12 PM on May 7, 2013 [4 favorites]
I think you want a bit of weatherstripping or the like in there. It won't stop the door from closing fully, but it will stop the door from slamming.
Yes, oil it.
I also think you should smoke out front because I've had bedrooms on courtyards before, and at night, noise carries. Even muffled sounds are a Big Deal in a courtyard at night, but, I don't know if that is safe or possible where you live.
Get the weatherstripping.
*NO. I would not talk to crazy old guy. Just oil, weatherstrip, and move the festivities out front if possible.
*Disclaimer: I've had shitty shitty elderly neighbors that harassed everyone with complaints. Talking to them usually escalated the complaints because showing a "vulnerability" by being nice increased the harrassment. If your neighbor is otherwise normal, treat him like a regular human being. If you think this might be the opening shot in a war that will be waged against you, make every reasonable accommodation, but freeze him out emotionally. If he's wacko, the less you engage, the better.
(I totally respect neighbors, the elderly, and all that. Sadly, some people are "off," and you gotta manage them appropriately if they are "off" so that they do not fixate on you. Good luck.)
posted by jbenben at 12:12 PM on May 7, 2013 [4 favorites]
Your door makes a lot of racket.
If it was me, I would be very very angry.
Seriously? You'd be very very angry that someone was using a door as it was intended? The neighbor's anger is misdirected. If the door os noisy because it needs repair or replacement, that is the apartment complex management's problam, not the OP's. I live in a condo. I'm a light sleeper and an incessantly barking dog in the surrounding housing development might warrant a call to the police. My condo neighbor's garage door opening/closing, while it might wake me, is not something I have any right to complain about.
posted by Dolley at 12:17 PM on May 7, 2013 [8 favorites]
If it was me, I would be very very angry.
Seriously? You'd be very very angry that someone was using a door as it was intended? The neighbor's anger is misdirected. If the door os noisy because it needs repair or replacement, that is the apartment complex management's problam, not the OP's. I live in a condo. I'm a light sleeper and an incessantly barking dog in the surrounding housing development might warrant a call to the police. My condo neighbor's garage door opening/closing, while it might wake me, is not something I have any right to complain about.
posted by Dolley at 12:17 PM on May 7, 2013 [8 favorites]
Best answer: You know what makes people unreasonably angry? When they can't sleep night after night. Your behavior sounds reasonable, and his behavior (the crankiness, not the cops bit) is not too hard to understand either.
Do something about the noise, or get your landlord to do something. And tell your neighbor what you did. Knowing that you've done something may make him much less cranky. Knowing that you care may make him less cranky.
If it were me and the neighbors's door was thumping or scraping at midnight - 1am every night since January, and smoke was wafting in my room, I wouldn't be uppity about two young lads striking out on their own, I'd be uppity about two young lads who have introduced a novel source of noise and smoke into my sleep routine.
Multi-unit living means tolerating a certain amount of noise, but it also means being extra-considerate at late night / early morning hours. I'd recommend:
1. see if you can make the door quieter
2. possibly involve your neighbor in a test of opening and closing during daylight hours, to find out what sound it is that's getting to him. Scraping in the tracks, or whumping against the stops when the door is fully opened / closed?
3a. if it's whumping, then don't open the door all the way, and close it gently.
3b. if it's scraping, clean and lube the track and look for any scrapy bends / dents in the track and straighten them.
Also, your landlord may be able to relocate you or your neighbor to another unit, so this isn't an issue.
posted by zippy at 12:18 PM on May 7, 2013 [8 favorites]
Do something about the noise, or get your landlord to do something. And tell your neighbor what you did. Knowing that you've done something may make him much less cranky. Knowing that you care may make him less cranky.
If it were me and the neighbors's door was thumping or scraping at midnight - 1am every night since January, and smoke was wafting in my room, I wouldn't be uppity about two young lads striking out on their own, I'd be uppity about two young lads who have introduced a novel source of noise and smoke into my sleep routine.
Multi-unit living means tolerating a certain amount of noise, but it also means being extra-considerate at late night / early morning hours. I'd recommend:
1. see if you can make the door quieter
2. possibly involve your neighbor in a test of opening and closing during daylight hours, to find out what sound it is that's getting to him. Scraping in the tracks, or whumping against the stops when the door is fully opened / closed?
3a. if it's whumping, then don't open the door all the way, and close it gently.
3b. if it's scraping, clean and lube the track and look for any scrapy bends / dents in the track and straighten them.
Also, your landlord may be able to relocate you or your neighbor to another unit, so this isn't an issue.
posted by zippy at 12:18 PM on May 7, 2013 [8 favorites]
For crying out loud, don't write him a note. As scary as the prospect of confrontation is, it's much harder to be irrationally angry at someone who is speaking to you face to face and actually making an attempt to understand you.
Knock on his door some afternoon soon. Ask if you can come in (maybe bring some cookies). Apologize for past nighttime disturbances, let him know you're concerned and you're willing to make a good-faith effort to make things better for everybody. Try to find out if it's the noise that's bothering him, or the smoke. Let him know you're working on some fixes for the noise issue. DO NOT agree to any changes that would negatively impact your quality of life or comfort.
Ultimately even if you wind up making no substantial changes to your nighttime routine, he'll most likely have a better impression of you afterwards and will think of you as other human beings rather than "those damn kids knocking around at all hours." Probably. As with many issues in life, few things are certain.
posted by trunk muffins at 12:19 PM on May 7, 2013 [3 favorites]
Knock on his door some afternoon soon. Ask if you can come in (maybe bring some cookies). Apologize for past nighttime disturbances, let him know you're concerned and you're willing to make a good-faith effort to make things better for everybody. Try to find out if it's the noise that's bothering him, or the smoke. Let him know you're working on some fixes for the noise issue. DO NOT agree to any changes that would negatively impact your quality of life or comfort.
Ultimately even if you wind up making no substantial changes to your nighttime routine, he'll most likely have a better impression of you afterwards and will think of you as other human beings rather than "those damn kids knocking around at all hours." Probably. As with many issues in life, few things are certain.
posted by trunk muffins at 12:19 PM on May 7, 2013 [3 favorites]
We are already whispering/not speaking at all while outside after dark
I do not know what your door sounds like, but the talking might also be an issue. At my last house, my bedroom window was above an alley for parking automobiles and talking at normal conversational volume was quite disturbing late at night. It sounded as if they were in my bedroom with me. Luckily, the neighbor across the alley stopped having chatty smoke breaks there after we had a nice conversation once. I am sorry that your neighbor was gruff, but that does not make his complaint less valid.
posted by Tanizaki at 12:19 PM on May 7, 2013 [2 favorites]
I do not know what your door sounds like, but the talking might also be an issue. At my last house, my bedroom window was above an alley for parking automobiles and talking at normal conversational volume was quite disturbing late at night. It sounded as if they were in my bedroom with me. Luckily, the neighbor across the alley stopped having chatty smoke breaks there after we had a nice conversation once. I am sorry that your neighbor was gruff, but that does not make his complaint less valid.
posted by Tanizaki at 12:19 PM on May 7, 2013 [2 favorites]
Seriously? You'd be very very angry that someone was using a door as it was intended? The neighbor's anger is misdirected. If the door os noisy because it needs repair or replacement, that is the apartment complex management's problam, not the OP's.
Yes, seriously, bud. It's really late at night. Time for bed, not for opening and shutting a screen door. We have a courtyard here too, and drives me up the fucking wall when people are out whispering/talking after 11PM. Up the fucking wall. Noise carries. Too bad you're not sensitive to that.
posted by KokuRyu at 12:20 PM on May 7, 2013 [16 favorites]
Yes, seriously, bud. It's really late at night. Time for bed, not for opening and shutting a screen door. We have a courtyard here too, and drives me up the fucking wall when people are out whispering/talking after 11PM. Up the fucking wall. Noise carries. Too bad you're not sensitive to that.
posted by KokuRyu at 12:20 PM on May 7, 2013 [16 favorites]
I'm a really horribly light sleeper and I hate cigarette smoke so, so much, and I don't think you're doing anything wrong. If the guy is this sensitive, he needs to not live in an apartment complex.
posted by something something at 12:26 PM on May 7, 2013 [4 favorites]
posted by something something at 12:26 PM on May 7, 2013 [4 favorites]
I would try to talk to him, reasonably, during daytime. I would, at least for this once, cut him some slack for snapping. Because at least for me, few things are as rage-inducing as interrupted sleep, but it's a sort of temporary-insanity, red-mist thing. How he felt at that moment, scant seconds after being awakened, may not be representative of his overall disposition. Also, if he's never mentioned it before, he probably had a lot of bottled-up resentment to release.
Talk to him, and try to get down to specifics as to what you can do to alleviate the problem. Maybe he'll turn out to be a hugely unreasonable cranky old sod who can't be placated by any sane amount of effort, in which case too bad for him, I guess. But I think it's worth the minor effort of a personal approach to find out what it would take to keep him happy, because maybe it's something simple. Even on a purely pragmatic, non-altruistic level, it's useful to stay on good terms with neighbours whenever possible.
posted by pont at 12:37 PM on May 7, 2013 [1 favorite]
Talk to him, and try to get down to specifics as to what you can do to alleviate the problem. Maybe he'll turn out to be a hugely unreasonable cranky old sod who can't be placated by any sane amount of effort, in which case too bad for him, I guess. But I think it's worth the minor effort of a personal approach to find out what it would take to keep him happy, because maybe it's something simple. Even on a purely pragmatic, non-altruistic level, it's useful to stay on good terms with neighbours whenever possible.
posted by pont at 12:37 PM on May 7, 2013 [1 favorite]
Best answer: Yes, seriously, bud. It's really late at night. Time for bed, not for opening and shutting a screen door.
The OP has mentioned that they work nights; they clearly must "open and shut" doors just to get into their home. People are permitted to enter and leave their homes at the times when they need to do so; it is appropriate behavior pretty much any time of day, though it should be done considerately.
I'm a courtyard apartment dweller who's annoyed and annoyING in pretty much equal measure. Living in an apartment, where you share walls and courtyards, guarantees that sound levels will be problematic at times.
OP: your neighbor's inappropriate rage level aside (yes it is inappropriate to flip out at people who are merely annoying, though it is not inappropriate to be annoyed) he probably has a valid complaint. Treat him as reasonable until you have evidence otherwise, and speak to him in person to see what sort of methods you guys can employ to make his life better without curtailing your own totally reasonable behaviors.
posted by like_a_friend at 12:39 PM on May 7, 2013 [2 favorites]
The OP has mentioned that they work nights; they clearly must "open and shut" doors just to get into their home. People are permitted to enter and leave their homes at the times when they need to do so; it is appropriate behavior pretty much any time of day, though it should be done considerately.
I'm a courtyard apartment dweller who's annoyed and annoyING in pretty much equal measure. Living in an apartment, where you share walls and courtyards, guarantees that sound levels will be problematic at times.
OP: your neighbor's inappropriate rage level aside (yes it is inappropriate to flip out at people who are merely annoying, though it is not inappropriate to be annoyed) he probably has a valid complaint. Treat him as reasonable until you have evidence otherwise, and speak to him in person to see what sort of methods you guys can employ to make his life better without curtailing your own totally reasonable behaviors.
posted by like_a_friend at 12:39 PM on May 7, 2013 [2 favorites]
Mod note: Don't argue, helpful constructive answers please.
posted by jessamyn (staff) at 12:41 PM on May 7, 2013 [2 favorites]
posted by jessamyn (staff) at 12:41 PM on May 7, 2013 [2 favorites]
Seriously? You'd be very very angry that someone was using a door as it was intended?
After midnight, presumably more than once (since the OP specifically says doing it less is an option), into a shared courtyard on a weekday?
Hell, yeah, I'd be upset. If it repeatedly woke me up, I'd be livid, especially if it was a new development in what was previously a quiet complex.
posted by madajb at 12:42 PM on May 7, 2013 [3 favorites]
After midnight, presumably more than once (since the OP specifically says doing it less is an option), into a shared courtyard on a weekday?
Hell, yeah, I'd be upset. If it repeatedly woke me up, I'd be livid, especially if it was a new development in what was previously a quiet complex.
posted by madajb at 12:42 PM on May 7, 2013 [3 favorites]
What I need help with is either a script for talking to Neighbour (who we've always gotten along with prior to this) before things turn sour, or some perspetive as to why the noise I'm making is unreasonable.
Are the two of you the only people out in the courtyard late at night? Are there other people awake (if not outside) when you are out there, that is, are there lights and TVs going?
If your complex settles in to bed at 1030, and you are out making noise, however slight, then it is incumbent on you to accept the prevailing climate of your space and find somewhere else to smoke and chat.
If you can't, then you need to find another place to live and skip the midnight smoke break in the meantime.
If you look around the courtyard and see plenty of lights and other activity when you are out there, with only your complaining neighbor's apartment completely dark, then I think you are doing all you can to accommodate your neighbor.
Make sure you are within the terms of your lease, be polite and friendly, but clearly the environment of the complex is not right for your neighbor at this time, and hopefully he will realize that eventually.
posted by madajb at 12:51 PM on May 7, 2013 [4 favorites]
Are the two of you the only people out in the courtyard late at night? Are there other people awake (if not outside) when you are out there, that is, are there lights and TVs going?
If your complex settles in to bed at 1030, and you are out making noise, however slight, then it is incumbent on you to accept the prevailing climate of your space and find somewhere else to smoke and chat.
If you can't, then you need to find another place to live and skip the midnight smoke break in the meantime.
If you look around the courtyard and see plenty of lights and other activity when you are out there, with only your complaining neighbor's apartment completely dark, then I think you are doing all you can to accommodate your neighbor.
Make sure you are within the terms of your lease, be polite and friendly, but clearly the environment of the complex is not right for your neighbor at this time, and hopefully he will realize that eventually.
posted by madajb at 12:51 PM on May 7, 2013 [4 favorites]
It's an apartment, not a monastery. Quiet conversation on the patio late at night is allowed. Opening and closing the patio door in the ordinary way is allowed any time of the day or night. You didn't sign up to live in a boarding school.
Be polite, service the door if required, and let your landlord know you're getting some hassle.
posted by Slap*Happy at 12:55 PM on May 7, 2013 [21 favorites]
Be polite, service the door if required, and let your landlord know you're getting some hassle.
posted by Slap*Happy at 12:55 PM on May 7, 2013 [21 favorites]
I would definitely involve the landlord in your efforts to appease your neighbor. That way, if your neighbor remains unhappy and escalates things, your landlord will already be involved and know exactly what you've been doing to try to remedy the situation.
I think your idea about cleaning out/oiling the track for the door is great, and the landlord may even do this for you (or give you Good Tenant points mentally) if you bring it up. Is it possible to smoke outside the front of the building? Would you feel safe doing that? My husband smokes in our apartment complex's courtyard, and one of the reasons is that whenever he smokes out front, he gets hassled for cigarettes by passers-by. This also might be worth mentioning to the landlord if it applies.
posted by epj at 12:57 PM on May 7, 2013
I think your idea about cleaning out/oiling the track for the door is great, and the landlord may even do this for you (or give you Good Tenant points mentally) if you bring it up. Is it possible to smoke outside the front of the building? Would you feel safe doing that? My husband smokes in our apartment complex's courtyard, and one of the reasons is that whenever he smokes out front, he gets hassled for cigarettes by passers-by. This also might be worth mentioning to the landlord if it applies.
posted by epj at 12:57 PM on May 7, 2013
Best answer: Some level of noise from other units is part of living in a multi-unit building and he needs to deal with it.
You know, I scrolled down to post completely arming my keyboard to write something in total support of this, and tell them they're approach was wrong because this guy just had unrealistic expectations... But madajb got me thinking.
Because yea, the key thing is, what kind of apartment complex is this? I live in a place where many people are in bed by 11 or midnight, but it's also completely normal for several people to be up essentially all night, or get up to go to work when the bars close, etc. this place is basically noisy 24/7... But I also live in the core of town near lots of bars, two colleges, etc.
Some places in residential areas are a bit like that, some aren't. You really have to take some time to get a feel for the rest of the place. Because if you aren't the only people up then and the place is fairly awake, he's probably out of line. If, as madajb said, most people are asleep then you probably are.
Another thing I didn't see brought up was checking your lease. A lot of places have quiet hours. This is a joke at some places(mine says 8pm, lmao, nope) and serious at others.
If a bunch of people weren't awake, id call my on site manager and say "hey, I get off work late and I go out for a smoke, this other tenant is complaining, what should I be doing here?"
For what it's worth though, I'd kinda be on your side here. This is what patios are for, and gran torino dude here probably should just stuff it. Especially if its this, or going down the hall, down the stairs elevator, through the lobby, and out to the street unless you go on this patio/balcony(which were the options at every place I've ever seen). It would be one thing if you guys were cracking beers and being loud and drunk, but you're making an effort to be quiet and just living your damn life. You've already passed a big bar for considerateness there with me at least. Especially knowing that exact sliding door noise that's being complained about here. It's right in line with the people whinging on about cars starting. Seriously?
This guy reminds me an awful lot of my neighbor who complained voraciously about me walking around my house too loudly... I had a no shoes house, and thick carpet, and the complaint was lodged when two of my friends who are tiny ladies were over and I was just lounging in a chair. I would give this some consideration, but not be overly afraid to write it off as Apartment Entitlement Syndrome in the end if that really seemed like the case.
posted by emptythought at 1:18 PM on May 7, 2013 [1 favorite]
You know, I scrolled down to post completely arming my keyboard to write something in total support of this, and tell them they're approach was wrong because this guy just had unrealistic expectations... But madajb got me thinking.
Because yea, the key thing is, what kind of apartment complex is this? I live in a place where many people are in bed by 11 or midnight, but it's also completely normal for several people to be up essentially all night, or get up to go to work when the bars close, etc. this place is basically noisy 24/7... But I also live in the core of town near lots of bars, two colleges, etc.
Some places in residential areas are a bit like that, some aren't. You really have to take some time to get a feel for the rest of the place. Because if you aren't the only people up then and the place is fairly awake, he's probably out of line. If, as madajb said, most people are asleep then you probably are.
Another thing I didn't see brought up was checking your lease. A lot of places have quiet hours. This is a joke at some places(mine says 8pm, lmao, nope) and serious at others.
If a bunch of people weren't awake, id call my on site manager and say "hey, I get off work late and I go out for a smoke, this other tenant is complaining, what should I be doing here?"
For what it's worth though, I'd kinda be on your side here. This is what patios are for, and gran torino dude here probably should just stuff it. Especially if its this, or going down the hall, down the stairs elevator, through the lobby, and out to the street unless you go on this patio/balcony(which were the options at every place I've ever seen). It would be one thing if you guys were cracking beers and being loud and drunk, but you're making an effort to be quiet and just living your damn life. You've already passed a big bar for considerateness there with me at least. Especially knowing that exact sliding door noise that's being complained about here. It's right in line with the people whinging on about cars starting. Seriously?
This guy reminds me an awful lot of my neighbor who complained voraciously about me walking around my house too loudly... I had a no shoes house, and thick carpet, and the complaint was lodged when two of my friends who are tiny ladies were over and I was just lounging in a chair. I would give this some consideration, but not be overly afraid to write it off as Apartment Entitlement Syndrome in the end if that really seemed like the case.
posted by emptythought at 1:18 PM on May 7, 2013 [1 favorite]
Open and close the door more gently? If you are letting it just swing shut and slam, then yes, that's rude because screen doors make a loud noise when they swing shut like that. It's not unreasonable to think people are trying to sleep if it's like after 10 pm.
posted by AppleTurnover at 1:20 PM on May 7, 2013 [1 favorite]
posted by AppleTurnover at 1:20 PM on May 7, 2013 [1 favorite]
I don't think you did anything wrong. I think you are sweet for trying to make accommodations for him. That being said, I'd keep doing what you are doing, and when the cops show up, he'll look like the grumpy old fart. Pretty soon the cops won't even respond to his calls anymore.
Also. Quit smoking now before it kills you.
posted by QueerAngel28 at 1:25 PM on May 7, 2013
Also. Quit smoking now before it kills you.
posted by QueerAngel28 at 1:25 PM on May 7, 2013
Sorry, I thought you said it was a screen door. A sliding door should be pretty quiet. You can try talking to him about it, but he can't do anything about you using a sliding door. Still, I wouldn't feel comfortable making noise my neighbors could hear after they've gone to sleep. I would also be willing to bet your whispering is not as quiet as you think it is, especially if someone is alerted to your presence by the door. You could smoke on your commute home. I would, however, use this as an excuse to quit smoking because, ew.
posted by AppleTurnover at 1:29 PM on May 7, 2013
posted by AppleTurnover at 1:29 PM on May 7, 2013
It seems to me that you are passed the point of a reasonable discussion. I would tell the neighbor that he should discuss the issue with the building owner. If the opening and closing the door (normal use) makes so much noise that it disturbs him upstairs perhaps there is a structural problem in the house that the upstairs neighbor can discuss with the landlord. It doesn't seem like you need to be involved in this discussion. If your neighbor feels the need to call the police, then why not? Call away.
posted by jazh at 1:46 PM on May 7, 2013 [2 favorites]
posted by jazh at 1:46 PM on May 7, 2013 [2 favorites]
You know what, I despise--really @#%$$@#! hate--our new neighbors because they use their back porch at night and it happens to be 4 feet away from our bedroom window. Asshole is always out there, strumming his goddamn guitar, which his wife doesn't want to hear in her house, and I'm just trying to relax in my bed, with a drink and a good book.
But, honestly, that's my problem, not my horrible neighbor's. He doesn't stay out there until 3 am on a weeknight. He doesn't use an amplifier. He' rarely out there past 11:00, honestly. It's not his fault there's three feet between his house and mine and that the previous owners never used the backyard and I got used to never hearing any noise in my bedroom.
Which is by way of saying, yes, your patio noise is annoying. And yes, you should do what you can to minimize it--oil or pad the track, maybe leave it open while you're out there, or try not to open it four times in three minutes. Sit on the front stoop for your wind-down cigarette, maybe. But beyond that, there's nothing you can do to keep your patio use from annoying a neighbor who lives too close to your patio and doesn't want you using your patio while he's trying to sleep.
Be kind when you talk to the man who's complaining at you and be thoughtful while you're using your patio. Verify the rules and regulations of your apartment complex. Basically, what grouse said.
You can consider moving to a building with tenants whose lifestyles are more like your own, but you're never going to be able to live on the other side of a wall from a total stranger without pissing someone off.
posted by crush-onastick at 1:46 PM on May 7, 2013 [2 favorites]
But, honestly, that's my problem, not my horrible neighbor's. He doesn't stay out there until 3 am on a weeknight. He doesn't use an amplifier. He' rarely out there past 11:00, honestly. It's not his fault there's three feet between his house and mine and that the previous owners never used the backyard and I got used to never hearing any noise in my bedroom.
Which is by way of saying, yes, your patio noise is annoying. And yes, you should do what you can to minimize it--oil or pad the track, maybe leave it open while you're out there, or try not to open it four times in three minutes. Sit on the front stoop for your wind-down cigarette, maybe. But beyond that, there's nothing you can do to keep your patio use from annoying a neighbor who lives too close to your patio and doesn't want you using your patio while he's trying to sleep.
Be kind when you talk to the man who's complaining at you and be thoughtful while you're using your patio. Verify the rules and regulations of your apartment complex. Basically, what grouse said.
You can consider moving to a building with tenants whose lifestyles are more like your own, but you're never going to be able to live on the other side of a wall from a total stranger without pissing someone off.
posted by crush-onastick at 1:46 PM on May 7, 2013 [2 favorites]
Opening and closing a door is reasonable at any time of the day or night, as is conversation in low voices. Even if your lease has specified quiet hours, that means no yelling or loud music, not no talking or opening doors. You are entirely in the right here, from where I'm sitting, and if this happens again, I'd be talking to your landlord--to give him a heads up that cranky old dude is harassing you.
Also, guys, maybe stop fixating on the "smoking is bad, mmkay?" The OP is an adult who's allowed to smoke if they want to, and is living in a building in which smoking is explicitly allowed on the premises. They're not doing anything wrong, and if the neighbor has a problem with an explicitly permitted activity, that's the neighbor's problem, not the OP's.
(Does not smoke, has asthma, is sympathetic to not wanting cigarette smoke drifting in your window...but that's one of those things you have to suck up when you live in close quarters.)
posted by MeghanC at 1:47 PM on May 7, 2013 [4 favorites]
Also, guys, maybe stop fixating on the "smoking is bad, mmkay?" The OP is an adult who's allowed to smoke if they want to, and is living in a building in which smoking is explicitly allowed on the premises. They're not doing anything wrong, and if the neighbor has a problem with an explicitly permitted activity, that's the neighbor's problem, not the OP's.
(Does not smoke, has asthma, is sympathetic to not wanting cigarette smoke drifting in your window...but that's one of those things you have to suck up when you live in close quarters.)
posted by MeghanC at 1:47 PM on May 7, 2013 [4 favorites]
If it's the sound of door opening & closing that bothers him, and assuming you're doing it as quietly as you can (no slamming and such), then ignore him. I can just imagine what the cops would say if he did call them..... but if he's nutty enough to do it? Be nice and polite to the nice officers: explain how you're being as quiet as possible, don't get to yelling or calling the old guy names.
Smoke is another whole question: if that's his problem, well, a)you're smoking outside only, as per your lease; b)it's legal; and c)you're already trying to be nice and not bug him. But yeah: be nice and make sure the smoke isn't blowing into his bedroom; if it is, maybe go smoke that last cigarette of the night on the other side of the building or something.
posted by easily confused at 1:56 PM on May 7, 2013
Smoke is another whole question: if that's his problem, well, a)you're smoking outside only, as per your lease; b)it's legal; and c)you're already trying to be nice and not bug him. But yeah: be nice and make sure the smoke isn't blowing into his bedroom; if it is, maybe go smoke that last cigarette of the night on the other side of the building or something.
posted by easily confused at 1:56 PM on May 7, 2013
Not really the best answer for addressing the issue of how can you come to a mutual solution because it seems like you've already done everything you can.
I've had friends who are super sensitive to noise, which this sounds like to me, it is on the person who is super sensitive to do something to handle the issue as well. If you're willing to work on making the door sounds less loud, he should be willing to try ear plugs/white noise machine/noise damping curtains.
posted by forkisbetter at 1:58 PM on May 7, 2013
I've had friends who are super sensitive to noise, which this sounds like to me, it is on the person who is super sensitive to do something to handle the issue as well. If you're willing to work on making the door sounds less loud, he should be willing to try ear plugs/white noise machine/noise damping curtains.
posted by forkisbetter at 1:58 PM on May 7, 2013
Last night, my next door neighbour flipped out and threatened to call the cops for opening and closing our patio door every night. ...What I need help with is either a script for talking to Neighbour (who we've always gotten along with prior to this)
If last night was the first time he said anything about this, I'd assume the flip-out was at least partly driven by some other problems he's dealing with that have nothing to do with you. I would not engage him while he's in flip-out mode, but I would be civil anytime I saw him, and if he reacted in an at least moderately neighborly way, that's when I might look for a way to smooth things over and maybe see whether there's anything you can do to help him out. Don't ignore is concerns, but don't rush to make a lot of accommodations either, because you don't really know why he worked himself up into a lather over this.
posted by jon1270 at 1:59 PM on May 7, 2013
If last night was the first time he said anything about this, I'd assume the flip-out was at least partly driven by some other problems he's dealing with that have nothing to do with you. I would not engage him while he's in flip-out mode, but I would be civil anytime I saw him, and if he reacted in an at least moderately neighborly way, that's when I might look for a way to smooth things over and maybe see whether there's anything you can do to help him out. Don't ignore is concerns, but don't rush to make a lot of accommodations either, because you don't really know why he worked himself up into a lather over this.
posted by jon1270 at 1:59 PM on May 7, 2013
You can get these buffer strip things to line doorjambs with so that the doors shut more quietly, probably at almost any hardware store. They're not too pricey.
posted by windykites at 1:59 PM on May 7, 2013 [1 favorite]
posted by windykites at 1:59 PM on May 7, 2013 [1 favorite]
I would NOT advise you to bring up the smoking if you do talk to him. You don't need him seizing on that as - if not a valid complaint, at least one he'd get some sympathy for, since using a door without slamming it is... really not that valid. I don't know, I mean, it's not like you're losing a friendship or even a friendly acquaintanceship here. I wouldn't talk to him at all, but I would definitely contact the landlord to make sure they hear your side too, because you can be pretty darn sure he's contacted them and his version is probably not very reasonable or even accurate about your behavior.
posted by lemniskate at 2:05 PM on May 7, 2013 [2 favorites]
posted by lemniskate at 2:05 PM on May 7, 2013 [2 favorites]
I'm remembering one set of upstairs neighbors I had who never made a peep. Their predecessors were just the opposite (piano practice at 6 a.m.?!), so when this couple moved in and were silent, silent, silent, I sent every wave of goodwill I could in their general direction. Once when I had the flu, they were running water in the middle of the day and the water drained through a pipe in the wall by the head of my bed and it made me feel even sicker, and when I mentioned it to them (a totally and completely unreasonable request on my part) they were nice and stopped running water for a few hours so I could sleep. I still love these people, twenty years later.
I emulated them from that point on (or at least did my best) because I appreciated them so much. I considered it paying it forward, and I hope that someone loves me anonymously for having been like that most of the time.
You don't have to be these people, but they make the world a better place for all of us.
posted by Capri at 2:38 PM on May 7, 2013 [6 favorites]
I emulated them from that point on (or at least did my best) because I appreciated them so much. I considered it paying it forward, and I hope that someone loves me anonymously for having been like that most of the time.
You don't have to be these people, but they make the world a better place for all of us.
posted by Capri at 2:38 PM on May 7, 2013 [6 favorites]
It's not unreasonable to BE annoyed, but it is totally unreasonable to bring it up the way this guy did. This is not "you damn kids get off my lawn." He's telling you to get off your own lawn. Yes, talk to him to attempt to find a solution. I'd be polite about it but I wouldn't be apologetic. You haven't done anything wrong.
posted by selfmedicating at 2:58 PM on May 7, 2013 [1 favorite]
posted by selfmedicating at 2:58 PM on May 7, 2013 [1 favorite]
I am super sensitive to noises and have come to realize that double pane windows are a requirement for my ability to sleep. I used to live in a complex with single pane windows and a courtyard and occasionally had neighbors working 2nd or 3rd shift that would sit out and smoke/quiet conversation. It was probably over 30 ft away. I never talked to them because it was clear they were being generally quiet and respectful, but it woke me up in the middle of the night frequently. But that's something I know is on my end as a terrible sleeper.
If your complex has single pane windows you might mention off hand how much quieter things are if you move to double pane windows. I'm not sure if the neighbor or the complex would be willing to go for such a thing, but its a thought.
posted by Feantari at 3:17 PM on May 7, 2013
If your complex has single pane windows you might mention off hand how much quieter things are if you move to double pane windows. I'm not sure if the neighbor or the complex would be willing to go for such a thing, but its a thought.
posted by Feantari at 3:17 PM on May 7, 2013
Can you go out the front door and get to your patio that way? Patio doors can make some annoying noises, especially late at night.
I'm a night owl, so I feel for you. I live in a house, but I am still extremely careful about noise at night. I keep my TV down, I don't have parties that go late (only NYE.) and I'm very quiet late at night. People who don't work late do not handle noise well. They forget that those of us who are night people are asleep during the day and have to handle their noise.
posted by SuzySmith at 4:10 PM on May 7, 2013
I'm a night owl, so I feel for you. I live in a house, but I am still extremely careful about noise at night. I keep my TV down, I don't have parties that go late (only NYE.) and I'm very quiet late at night. People who don't work late do not handle noise well. They forget that those of us who are night people are asleep during the day and have to handle their noise.
posted by SuzySmith at 4:10 PM on May 7, 2013
In all seriousness, I'd get him a set of earplugs. The main problem is not the noise you're making, it's the fact that he's listening for it now, even if he doesn't intend to. I managed some apartments years ago which were right next to a traffic light on a fairly busy street and cars stopped and idled and started up again, screeched tires, screeched brakes, laughed and talked and fought between cars, etc - and there were police cars, ambulances, etc - it was nearly impossible to sleep. When I showed the apartments, I always warned new people about the noise and I handed out cheap foam earplugs, which worked like a charm. I now live in a downtown apartment building right across from the newspaper building and there are big trucks coming in and out all night - some even toot their air horns just to be friendly! - and I use the earplugs and some music for white noise to get through the night. They do a pretty fair job - and you can hear a smoke alarm through them.
posted by aryma at 4:28 PM on May 7, 2013
posted by aryma at 4:28 PM on May 7, 2013
I used to live in the downstairs unit of the house I live in. Now I live in the upstairs unit. When I was down there I had, NO IDEA, that not only the screen door ( a known issue, while light, it tended to close hard if you didn't baby it) but my front door, which I only closed very normally, literally shakes the facade and sounds like a boulder just knocked into the house. Its insane. Its incredibly insane and I never knew for a whole year!
Then I moved up here, and I can hear people running on the street in front of my house barefoot, it makes that little slap slap sound, as they giggle in hushed tones. I went down there and tacked up foam where I could. I really like the couple down there and I have a very flexible sleep schedule, so I never said anything to them, but I am confident that some very, very gentle closing of the door would help eliminate the vibrations that are what is really disturbing.
posted by stormygrey at 5:21 PM on May 7, 2013
Then I moved up here, and I can hear people running on the street in front of my house barefoot, it makes that little slap slap sound, as they giggle in hushed tones. I went down there and tacked up foam where I could. I really like the couple down there and I have a very flexible sleep schedule, so I never said anything to them, but I am confident that some very, very gentle closing of the door would help eliminate the vibrations that are what is really disturbing.
posted by stormygrey at 5:21 PM on May 7, 2013
Your neighbour sounds kind of jerky. Then again, I live in an old building where the doors literally shake the entire building (and sound like gunshots) when they are allowed to close "normally." It is ridiculous, but that's old buildings for you. I think it is great that you are willing to take steps to make your door quieter. That is what you should do. If he continues to complain, it's not your fault.
posted by Ouisch at 6:27 PM on May 7, 2013
posted by Ouisch at 6:27 PM on May 7, 2013
If the door track is damaged, you could suggest the apartment repair staff install a cover similar to this.
posted by txtwinkletoes at 7:45 PM on May 7, 2013
posted by txtwinkletoes at 7:45 PM on May 7, 2013
WD-40 goes a long way to quiet a noisy door.
posted by cecic at 8:27 PM on May 7, 2013 [1 favorite]
posted by cecic at 8:27 PM on May 7, 2013 [1 favorite]
I agree with jbenben that attempts at appeasing him may be taken as weakness and encourage another round of new unreasonable demands, from personal experience. You might want to do whatever you want to do without calling more of his attention to you (e.g., oil the door but not mention it to him).
posted by salvia at 10:58 PM on May 7, 2013 [2 favorites]
posted by salvia at 10:58 PM on May 7, 2013 [2 favorites]
If there is nothing in your lease that specifies the hours during which you're allowed to utilize your patio door, then I'd say just ignore the neighbor and let him call the police if he chooses. You're not breaking any laws nor apartment rules. If you engage him it's quite possibly all you'll get is more grief from him...."you're flushing your toilet too late", etc.
A few years back Mr. Adams and I lived in a small house and our elderly greyhound needed to go outside a few times during the night. Our next door neighbor shouted out her bedroom window one fine morning around 3AM that our porch light woke her up and did so every time we let the dog out and if we didn't cease she was going to call the police. I was overtired so of course I went back into the house in tears. Mr. Adams scoffed and said "Let her call the cops over a porch light." We found out later after chatting with other neighbors that this same woman had also called the police over the house across the street because the owner had painted the exterior light purple. So you never know what will set off a perpetually cranky neighbor.
posted by Oriole Adams at 2:12 PM on May 8, 2013 [1 favorite]
A few years back Mr. Adams and I lived in a small house and our elderly greyhound needed to go outside a few times during the night. Our next door neighbor shouted out her bedroom window one fine morning around 3AM that our porch light woke her up and did so every time we let the dog out and if we didn't cease she was going to call the police. I was overtired so of course I went back into the house in tears. Mr. Adams scoffed and said "Let her call the cops over a porch light." We found out later after chatting with other neighbors that this same woman had also called the police over the house across the street because the owner had painted the exterior light purple. So you never know what will set off a perpetually cranky neighbor.
posted by Oriole Adams at 2:12 PM on May 8, 2013 [1 favorite]
This thread is closed to new comments.
posted by dawkins_7 at 11:30 AM on May 7, 2013 [4 favorites]