All the happy people in relationships will be busy that night

February 10, 2013 3:06 PM

What can I do to make the evening of Valentine's Day in an online chatroom suck less for everyone involved?

If previous years are any indication, the online chat I host weekly on Thursday nights will probably be filled with lonely, lonely people bemoaning the lack of a significant other in their lives and bringing everybody down myself included. What can I do to, hopefully, take everybody's mind off their romantic troubles myself included? I've been considering declaring it a "single's mixer" night with getting-to-know-you type questions, but not sure we'll get enough people of the right mix of demographics to make any love connections. Any ideas?

posted by Soliloquy to human relations (12 answers total)

Is it just a generic chat? Can you make it have a theme, like global warming or baking or zombie movies or somesuch? That could keep people focused on non romantic topics.
posted by sweetkid at 3:11 PM on February 10 [2 favorites]

Could you run an informal trivia quiz or something with funny virtual prizes? If your chat is related to a specific subject, maybe you could dig up some arcane facts relating to the field.

Honestly, I would steer clear of the love connection stuff. Keep it funny and lighthearted. Some people are actually happy to be single, or don't want to be reminded of it if they are not.
posted by ambrosia at 3:24 PM on February 10

Trivia night; I'd focus on break-up songs, infamous couples, famous divorces romantic comedies -- anything that gives people a reason to talk about romance in a way that doesn't focus on "I haven't got one."

FWIW I rip bandaids off in one go too.
posted by faineant at 3:24 PM on February 10 [6 favorites]

Missed the edit window...please pretend I wrote "famous divorces comma romantic comedies --" and added other commas where appropriate. Thank you.
posted by faineant at 3:32 PM on February 10

If previous years' chats have become unpleasant, I think it could potentially make sense to say something at the outset, along the lines of, "We're all choosing to spend this evening together. In past years, Valentine's Day chats have gotten sidetracked with people venting their frustrations about their relationship status. Let's skip that this year and enjoy each other's company."
posted by Meg_Murry at 3:42 PM on February 10

Is there some reason you all can't just agree to leave it behind and proceed as normal? As a perpetually single Valentines Day hater I've had the best success with just... pretending it's just another day. Which it is. I am wholeheartedly looking forward to spending this Thursday night just like I spend every Thursday night.
posted by Sara C. at 4:32 PM on February 10 [10 favorites]

I concur with Sara C. Everyone is home alone, they don't HAVE to be reminded that Valentine's Day is going on. Pretend it's another day. Do not focus on singledom, coupledom, or hating anything. Pick some entirely other random topic to talk about. Like Die Hard.
posted by jenfullmoon at 5:46 PM on February 10 [1 favorite]

This is a risky method, but if your online chat is like ones I'm familiar with, starting a rousing debate (just short of a flamewar) will get everybody excited and distracted and having fun - arguing about a harmless topic that people feel passionate about. What are the best movies ever? Was Steve Jobs awesome or overrated? Is Wikipedia philosophically sound? What's up with pop music these days? Is the paleo diet scientifically valid? Customize according to their interests!
posted by dreamyshade at 8:49 PM on February 10 [1 favorite]

Costume party? everyone has to change their ID to that of a well-known character (SherlockHolmes, BritneySpears, HobbesMinusCalvin, RenegadeLACOP etc) and stay in character while you play party games like Truth Or Dare or Spin The Bottle?
posted by The otter lady at 9:18 PM on February 10 [1 favorite]

don't even point it out or do anything different. People being reminded of the day and the fact that they are single at the same time are what creates this effect. Don't play into it.
posted by Ironmouth at 10:53 AM on February 11 [1 favorite]

Maybe celebrate Pan-Universal Be Who You Are Day?
posted by spindrifter at 12:59 PM on February 11

Eve Ensler (of Vagina Monologues fame) has declared February 14th V-Day, a " global activist movement to end violence against women and girls. " This year, in response to a UN report that 1 billion women around the world will suffer from gender-based violence (whether rape of physical abuse), the V-Day organization is promoting One Billion Rising, a synchronized day of action (among other things).
You could have the chatroom participate -signing on to the thunderclap, promoting through social media - and/or discuss the issue of gender-based violence. (a real upper, I know, but perhaps better than feeling shitty about yourself because Hallmark foisted a marketing campaign upon us so successfully.)
posted by HE Amb. T. S. L. DuVal at 4:56 PM on February 11