Looking for a gynecologist who will not give me--28, no kids, not in a relationship--a hard time about getting a tubal ligation. How I can ascertain this from the website, a phone call, or (if necessary) the first visit? Maryland/DC area.
I am specifically not
looking for any answers here attempting to talk me out of this decision.
I've recently moved and need to find a gynecologist for my annual checkup in the Maryland/DC area--Gaithersburg, but I'd consider driving a bit for the right doc. I want to have a tubal ligation in 6-12 months (when I hope to have built up more of a social network in case the recovery is rough).
This is something I decided to do three years ago, and I've never wavered. But I've been putting it off because I'm anticipating the kind of patronizing age- and marital-status-related reactions described in this thread
. Several women in that thread were operated on by doctors who blatantly disrespected their choices, and I don't want to have to swallow a bunch of bile as I'm going under the knife.
Ideally I would like to figure out from the website or from calling the office whether the doctor's attitude is a good fit. I imagine that the receptionist can answer questions about what procedures the doc performs, but not so much about attitude--even if they have some idea, I'd expect them to be cautious about weighing in since the doc's attitude could somewhat understandably depend on my presentation and explanation of my situation**, which I think are reasonable.
I thought that advertising abortion as a service might be a good indicator, but the gynecologists I'd tend to go to for regular checkups as a person with reasonable insurance don't seem to do this. And if they advertise sterilization it's kind of a "we'll tie your tubes while we're in there doing your second Caesarian!" thing, so it's unclear what they'd think of my case. Providers who advertise abortion services online seem emergency-oriented and don't also advertise sterilization. Is there some other indicator I should look for? Do docs do email or phone conversations with prospective patients?
If pre-visit screening attempts are unsuccessful, I'm afraid that what'll happen is this: I go to someone for one of those long new-patient appointments. Either before or after the doc sticks his or her hand in my vagina, we talk about birth control and I bring up my intention to be sterilized and the doc refuses. Then I have to overcome increased anticipation of anger and pay out of pocket for appointments with different docs until I find one who's amenable.
I was on hormonal BC for 8 years and at the end was spending several hours per day crying, which stopped within two weeks of removing the last Nuvaring. Off HBC, my periods are not super regular--the reason for starting it at 16--and it's common for several months to pass with only a few episodes of light spotting. I feel good now and value my mental health too much to try any hormonal treatment again, either for contraception or for the irregularity. But basically, if I'm having intercourse I'm a wreck either because of HBC or because there's rarely the assurance of menstruation that I'm not pregnant. I don't trust condoms alone. Yeah, there are non-hormonal IUDs, but if I'm going to have a Procedure, I'd like to just get it over with and be free
Since I was 19, I've had four relationships lasting 1-2 years each. All four guys wanted children and it was a major source of incompatibility--when I was younger because I didn't really want them but thought I might have to have them to keep the guy, later because I'd done more thinking while single and was sure I didn't and had said so...and the last two were just kind of waffling around hoping I'd change my mind. Two offered to be stay-at-home dads and that arrangement held no appeal. So I don't even want
to date anyone until I've been sterilized: I won't have to worry about pregnancy and it will be clear that I'm serious about being childfree. The whole "what if you meet someone" thing--I already had that conversation with my mom, thanks, and I didn't mind her
asking--but hearing a potential mate talk about wanting children is a massive turnoff. And all of the people I want to sleep with have sperm-injectors, so...