Help me at least TRY to flirt with my friend
December 31, 2012 4:21 AM Subscribe
Seeing as how I was an utter failure at my LAST crush, I’m determined to do things differently and boy do I want to move on from that nightmare. Help me figure out how to do it.
posted by christiehawk to human relations (12 answers total) 5 users marked this as a favorite
Mini backstory – 28 year old lesbian just starting to come out (it’s been a little over a year) and navigate dating and flirting with intent. Very slim dating history with guys, and they did all the work anyway. Still have not been with a girl. Making a first move scares the *%@# out of me. Being single for so long is beginning to really wear on me - I'm increasingly lonely and it makes rejection all the worse.
I’ve recently been hanging out with someone that I’ve known for a little more than a year. She is also a lesbian. We hadn’t really hung out one on one much or anything, and she got into a fight with some of my friends and they all had a falling out, which led to me kind of avoiding her a bit. Not being mean to her or anything like that, just not really engaging her. I didn’t know her very well at the time anyway, so it wasn’t like I was ditching her or something. Recently though she has moved into my town and we have more mutual friends.
She reached out to me to hang out a couple times and I accepted and we had fun. Mostly in groups and such. But recently we’ve been in touch/hanging out a bit more, mainly with other friends, and both initiating plans. And wouldn’t you know it, I’m kinda crushing on her. It’s probably because I always had a seed of a crush/attraction to her, and I guess the fact that she was suddenly hitting me up a lot, and then us having a few deep conversations about our mutual friends, made that grow into a regular crush.
So, what are some things I can do to steer this in a more romantic direction before I suddenly get lost in friend-ville and am doomed to suffer there for all eternity? This is pretty much all just starting so I have a fresh slate to work with here. There's good signs and bad signs from her end, and she's kind of hard to read at the moment. I probably am too.
I am suspicious of a friend of hers that she seems to be texting a lot, and that is giving a huge blow to my confidence here. I know she’s not dating her or in a serious relationship, and she might just be friends with her, but the thought that she might be interested in someone else destroys my resolve and is upsetting me more than I thought it would (whoops, guess my crush is bigger than I thought). I guess I’ll find out about that soon enough. And if she IS into someone else and hasn’t really thought of me that way, is it possible to spark an attraction in her?
I guess some people are going to say "ask her on a date." And that's a possibility, but I guess I'd like to see if I can make this a bit...smoother. I feel like the timing is not right to just ask her out just yet and it would be a little awkward, especially since we started out on the friends foot. I guess I want to gauge or provoke interest a bit more, if possible.
I've been doing a bit more than with my last crush, and we communicate better so I'm a bit more confident. I’ve been trying to do the eye contact thing. Today I mentioned something that made me think of her while I was with family for Christmas. I am going to try to hang out with her one on one more. Any other brilliant ideas? The problem is that when it’s another girl it’s always kind of hazy because you can think YOU’RE being flirty and the other person thinks you’re just being friendly. The thing is, it’s so hard for me to be direct with flirting. Guess I’m just wondering if anyone has any great ideas on how the progression should be, or even if there’s any other lesbians out there with anecdotes about what they did or do in this type of situation.