Where do people compromise?
December 6, 2012 1:38 AM Subscribe
Did you have expectations for a potential partner, then find someone, and they didn't fit them - and it worked out?
posted by Ashlyth to human relations (18 answers total) 15 users marked this as a favorite
It's a common response to people asking 'Are my expectations/wants from a future partner unreasonable' to say that yes, they are, and that they should lower their standards, or stop being picky. This is sometimes accompanied by a lot of other good advice - get to know people and give them a chance, don't start counting 'warning signs', date out of your usual circle, make sure they're realistic ideas, and consider what you yourself would fit.
I'm curious which preferences tend to be the ones that are 'settled' on, which just don't matter, and which tend to not change, in successful relationships.
You had a fair idea of what you wanted in a relationship/partner. You had some idea of dealbreakers, qualities they had to have, or criteria they had to fit. Then you found someone, and they didn't really match something that was a must-have or very-strong-want. And it worked anyway, and whatever they didn't fit didn't seem to matter any more.
What quality did your partner have or not have, that it turned out you didn't really mind?
Do you see it as settling, or a compromise, and how do you feel about it now?
Or is it just something you expected to care about and don't? Or something that in hindsight wasn't a big deal/unrealistic?
Or did your idea match reality?
(Particularly answers that aren't along the lines of arbitrary physical standards of attractiveness/physical features, and answers from successful relationships.)