How can I respond to questions I don't want to answer without hurting peoples' feelings?
November 25, 2012 11:07 AM Subscribe
After posting this
question, I asked out a guy that I was interested in. It's going pretty great, except that my friends won't leave me the hell alone about it, and I want to think about something else!
posted by windykites to Human Relations (8 answers total) 1 user marked this as a favorite
So I've only gone out with this guy three or four times now, and my friends/family practically have us walking down the aisle already, and it's getting obnoxious. The last thing that I want to do is freak out over this new person and obsess over it. He's just a guy that I've been dating, he's not even my boyfriend, and I'm happy with the pace that things are moving at- slow and gentle. Historically, it's been my MO to rush into relationships, and I really don't want to do that this time.
My people, though, won't give me a moment's peace and I almost wish I'd never told them about him in the first place. I told my friends because I felt all squee and excited, but them asking about it so much is actually making me feel less excited. It's like listening to a song you like too many times until it's overplayed and you can't enjoy it anymore.
For example, the other night at dinner one of my friends brought him up and instantly, the entire table was bombarding me with interrogations about him, me, and "us", even though as far as I'm concerned we're not an "us" yet.
I don't feel like I want to hide him or avoid talking about him, but I want to share when I feel ready, not because I'm feeling so overwhelmed with questions that I have to answer. I hope it doesn't sound princessy to say that my new feelings are kind of small and delicate and I sort of want to keep them sheltered.
They also ask me questions about him that I don't know the answers to or don't feel comfortable speaking on his behalf about; like I said, it's only been a few dates! I don't think I can tell them his thoughts or feelings on various subjects and extensive details about him.
They're also pushing me for introductions, show them pictures of him, bring him to church, and just generally move things way faster than I feel comfortable with.
My one friends seems to expect this new fellow and I to be in touch every day and already "in a relationship", and wants to talk about this whole thing all the time and his tone and approach almost feel like he's trying to make me stressed out about stuff that I don't think is a big deal and that I do not want to be stressed about.
I'd really prefer it if we could talk about something else a lot of the time, but at the same time, I understand that they care about me and are interested in my life, and I don't want to shut them out.
And it's not that I don't want to share my feelings and experiences; I just don't want to feel pressured or to lessen the personal impact of my experiences by going over and over and over them and by constantly explaining or defending my feelings. So how can I approach this with my friends? How do I stop the barrage without walling them off completely?