Selfish or selfless? I can't tell.
November 23, 2012 9:56 AM Subscribe
I'm ready to leave my unhappy, borderline-abusive, caretaker-y marriage (details in a series of posts, most recently here
). Do I just wait until I've got all my ducks in a row and then go, or should I be kinder, and give my spouse some kind of notice period.
posted by six sided sock to human relations (69 answers total) 12 users marked this as a favorite
I've been round and round in circles about this many times, several times on Ask MeFi. After my most recent question, and several reaffirmations that I can't stay here any longer I've done all the hard stuff: I've found a place I want to live, I can move in next weekend (1st December). I'm just waiting for references to clear.
So when and how do I tell my wife? We've got a big social event this weekend that we're both due to attend, and we've both been looking forward to it (for separate reasons) for months. Do I tell her that I'm leaving now or do I leave it until after the weekend?
My gut is telling me that this weekend will be enjoyable for me as an individual, and for my wife too, and that I shouldn't spoil it, but other parts of me tell me that I'm being unfair to my wife by dragging things out. My counsellor has said that my desire to minimise my wife's pain is "admirable" but I don't know whether I'm just trying too hard and should instead get on with it and rip the band-aid off already.
Tell me, MeFi, am I doing the right thing by waiting a couple more days? Should I tell her in a couple of days and then not move for a couple of weeks, in order to let her adjust to the idea?