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October 22, 2012 8:59 PM Subscribe
Miss Manners filter: What to do when I feel like my friend/roommate is trying to drive a small wedge in my relationship. I can't decide what the "I'm afraid that won't be possible" is for this situation. Small wall o' text inside.
posted by jorlyfish to Human Relations (22 answers total) 1 user marked this as a favorite
Boyfriend, roommate/friend ("D"), and myself all live together. My roommate makes snarky comments (as she is wont to do about just about any subject, though this is atypical in that it is directed at me instead of say, a dumb movie or whatever) at times about things like my boyfriend going out without me (something BF and I think is healthy/normal), especially if he is out later than I would like, or Boyfriend being in a sour mood, etc. My boyfriend and I are not fighting, but have both been under stress for different reasons - big life-change type stuff - and so things haven't been as smooth as usual, but it doesn't have anything to do with each other, just general stress. It feels like she is trying to get information out of me, like she wants in on what's going on in my relationship more than I would like to discuss, or that she's trying to get me to say I'm not happy with him/whatever he's doing or something. Frankly, there isn't really anything going on - it's just normal relationship stuff/people bein' people. Part of me thinks D's inviting conversation about it -- her snarky comment standing in for "Is everything OK?" (It is.).. but I don't want to give too much of a benefit of the doubt, y'know? Right now my tactic is just giving her a "Whaddayamean?" kind of look/response, and just kind of shrugging it off/ignoring it, but it is irritating. I would like to avoid confronting her about it directly (I know, I know..) because I don't know what her intentions are, and this has only been going on a few weeks. However, I come to you, O' Hive Mind, because playing dumb isn't really working.
Background that may or may not be (but is probably) relevant: Most important to note IMO is that D has never been in a relationship of any kind - no dates, no LTR, nothin'. Also important to note that D and boyfriend get along very well. They know each other through me but are good friends and we often all three hang out as a group. I have lived with D for 1.5-2 years, save for summers (we are in college; she goes home). My boyfriend and I decided we wanted to live together around February of this year and asked D to come with for a variety of reasons. We found a place together - nobody moved into anybody's apartment, we all moved - and moved in May. D has been living here since mid-Sept. as she left for the summer. More details as needed.