Does your significant other ignore you when she/he's upset/mad?
October 14, 2012 4:43 PM Subscribe
When my SO is upset/mad at me, she would ignore me for days. Is this normal? Does your SO do this?
posted by feastorfamine to Human Relations (84 answers total) 8 users marked this as a favorite
My SO and I have been dating on and off for the past year and became serious (exclusive relationship) in the last month or so. We have gotten into a few fights over the course of our courtship, and more than once, she would ignore me - sometimes a few days, but on occasion, over a month or two (that's why we were on and off). And it drives me nuts. The fact that is drives me absolutely insane has to do with my own OCD/anxiety issue, but I'd like to hear comments from others whether ignoring your SO after a fight is common. Here is an example of our latest scuffle:
Day 1: I texted her and made a sarcastic joke. I didn't get any text back. In hindsight, I realize the joke probably didn't come across as one and if she didn't take it as a joke, it could sound like an insulting comment. So I called her to talk, clear the air, apologize if necessary. She didn't pick up. It was after 11pm when I called and although she doesn't normally sleep this early, there's a chance that she would be. So I left her alone, expecting her to call me back when she wakes up and sees my missed call.
Day 2: I don't hear from her at all. Not a call and not a text. In the past, I would've texted or called again. But like I said in the intro, this isn't the first time she's ignored me. I've learned from past experiences that she likes to be left alone when she's angry/upset. (But keep in mind that at this point, I'm not even 100% sure that she is angry/upset at me) I decided that this time I would give her space, something I hadn't been able to do in the past.
Day 3: I don't hear from her in the morning. So around noon, I send her a text stating facts - basically that I called two days ago and I haven't heard anything. I ended the text asking if she was ignoring me. The rest of the day I was going berserk. I would obsessively check my phone every 15 minutes. I realize that is my problem that I have OCD. Nonetheless I don't understand why she thinks this is a constructive way of dealing with our misunderstanding. If she was upset that I made the sarcastic comment and didn't want to talk to me in a few days, couldn't she just send a short text saying "You pissed me off. I need a few days away from you." That's all I'm asking. Instead, she ignores me, which drives me crazy because I don't know how she is feeling, what I need to do to remedy the situation, etc.
Day 4: I couldn't sleep all night due to my anxiety and at 3am I sent one more text stating how upset I am that she is ignoring me, not even giving me a chance to explain. When we were casually dating, I can see screening my calls and texts as her way to deal with me but now that we're in a serious relationship, isn't the best way to talk things through? I don't even know if I should be apologizing or not because I didn't make the comment intentionally to hurt her and I'm not even sure if she's upset or how she feels when she just screens my calls and texts!
I'm interested in knowing whether it is common that people ignore their SO when they are mad. I have very limited experience in dating in general, having only been in 2 long term relationships which lasted over 10 years combined. In those relationships, that never happened. If I did something that hurt the other person, I get to explain myself right away and apologize. My current SO's behaviour really hurts me so I want to know if it is a deal breaker or I am too insensitive/impatient.
Thanks in advance.