Explain non-American football ("soccer") to me like I'm a 6-year-old.
I played soccer when I was a kid. I've been playing FIFA '13 and am addicted. But explain this sport to me like I'm an idiot (since I might be).
I'm a huge, huge fan of the big-four North American sports, so if it helps to explain rules or strategy with analogies to other sports, feel free. Despite the name, I get the sense that strategy and flow of the game more closely resembles hockey than American football.
(I'm hoping that, like hockey, once you explain penalties, offsides and icing, you know all the basic rules as well.)
Also, with the schedules (English clubs) - are they basically competing in multiple cups/leagues simultaneously? And explain how free agency/lending works.
And, bonus sub-question: While I've read this
, it was written six years ago. Who should someone new to the sport pick a Premier League team to follow? Ideally they'd closely resemble someone like the Peyton Manning-era Indianapolis Colts: a good mix of cerebral/blue-collar ethos, high-scoring and able to win a championship once or twice a decade. But without any weird band-wagon vibe.
Sorry for the multiple questions, but really want to learn and everything I'm finding online either assumes you know everything already.