How long should we wait before trying to be friends?
September 21, 2012 12:30 PM Subscribe
How long should I wait before being friends with an ex? We tried going straight to being friends after breaking up, and it wasn't working so I asked for some time apart. We get along really well and could have a great friendship, but I want us to be ready and not screw up a potentially great friendship by not spending enough time apart? So how do I know when I'm really ready to be friends again?
posted by DoubleLune to Human Relations (42 answers total) 8 users marked this as a favorite
We dated for several months, and broke up because he didn't love me any more. On my end, I agreed that the break up was the right thing because for me he was a bit more Mr. Right Now than Mr. Right. We get along pretty well, but there are a few reasons why I couldn't see us lasting in a long term relationship. I had been sticking with it because I was in love, and it was fun, and I wasn't looking for anything too serious. So I was heartbroken, but knew it was for the best.
After the breakup we went straight to being friends, but it wasn't going so well. I finally decided we needed some time apart to really get over things and get used to being apart. He cried, I felt bad, I insisted, but we set a date that we were going to hang out (partially because we already had plans, partially because I felt like the open-endedness of "don't call me, I'll call you" was the hardest part). That is in 3 weeks. In the meantime, I asked him to block me on FB because I'd probably end up stalking him daily otherwise.
So how do I know when I'm really ready to be just friends? Right now I'm still in that phase where I see something funny and want to text him a picture, tell him about my day, etc. I don't know if that's a bad thing or not, because we are good friends. The part that was hard for me was when he would be a little flirty, or the idea of him with another girl, or the time he got super jealous when I flirted with another guy in from of him... So clearly we both have stuff to get over. Is a few weeks of absolutely no contact enough time? Should I just wait until the night we're planning on seeing each other and see how things are then? Should I force myself to wait the 3 weeks, or if I go a couple days without thinking about it is that a good sign?
For people who have become friends with an ex, how long did you wait and was it long enough or not and why?