I support you... to a reasonable degree
September 18, 2012 6:42 PM Subscribe
Your SO is a performer who performs multiple times a week. How frequently do you go to their shows?
posted by anonymous to Human Relations (32 answers total) 9 users marked this as a favorite
I ask because I think I dealt with this situation poorly before, and I want to avoid swinging too far in the other direction with a new person.
I used to date a guy who was a talented performer. He usually had two to four shows a week. And because I was young and in love, and didn't have many friends of my own in a new town, and was insecure and wanted to make him happy, I went to almost every single show. This wasn't something I did against my will- I loved his fellow performers, I liked seeing his work, I always had fun at his shows- but after two years or so I realized, hey, I barely have my own life anymore! Any time we go out, it's to go to one of his shows, or a competing show, or to hang with his show friends! And I haven't made enough friends of my own because I'm always doing this! It wound up being one of the factors in our breakup, and it wouldn't have even been a problem if I had thought, early on, to establish better boundaries. I didn't know I needed them, or even think I wanted them, back then.
So now it's now, and there is a new guy, and I want to date him. But he is also a performer, with a similar time commitment to his work. And more than half of his invites to come hang out have been "come to my show and let's hang out afterwards." But I really don't want to be a groupie again. But I like him, and I know his schedule as a performer is limited on nights and weekends... and I do want to support him, and I like his work...
So basically, what's reasonable? Once a week, less, more? I did notice that, with my ex, I would barely ever see the spouses of his married co-performers at shows...