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Help me seduce a guy.
August 9, 2005 8:36 PM   Subscribe

Help me seduce a guy.

So this guy I have a thing for, but who lives on the other side of the country, is coming to visit and will stay with me for one night. I’ve had the hots for him since the moment I met him a few years ago. A friend who has seen us together said she definitely detected two-way sparks. Here’s the problem: he never makes any sort of move and neither do I, being very insecure. (I’m cute but 30 pounds overweight.) The last time I saw him, he walked me home after dinner and I invited him up (which is as forward as I get and really, can that be taken any other way?) but he declined. Obviously, the likely answer is that he isn’t attracted to me. But I can’t understand why such a smart, funny and hot straight 40-year-old guy is single in the first place. Could he just be hopeless around women? Here’s my shot to find out for good and all. What do I do? The idea is he will sleep in the living room but I want him in my bed. Yet, I don’t want to throw myself at him and be rejected and make the rest of the night painfully embarrassing for both of us. I was thinking of asking him flat out over drinks why such an attractive man is single. Is that a direct enough message? How can I make it plain that I’m hot to trot while protecting both of us from embarrassment if the feeling isn’t mutual?
posted by anonymous to Human Relations (104 answers total) 20 users marked this as a favorite
 
Risk the rejection. It's not that bad once you get over the fear of it, and it's the best way to get what you want.
posted by willnot at 8:48 PM on August 9, 2005


"I was thinking of asking him flat out over drinks why such an attractive man is single. Is that a direct enough message?"

No. That's not direct in any useful way whatsoever. You don't want to know why he's single, you want to know why he's not in your bed. These are two completely different questions, and asking one will not get you the answer to the other.

"How can I make it plain that I’m hot to trot while protecting both of us from embarrassment if the feeling isn’t mutual?"

Make him dinner, take his hand, and guide him to your bedroom. If he refuses, well, yeah that's embarassing, but it'll be water under the bridge.
posted by majick at 8:51 PM on August 9, 2005


Don't ask -- you're basically asking him what's wrong with him. Or you sound like his mother/aunts/etc. Both not conducive to getting any action.

If you've already invited him up once, and he's staying overnight at your house, he may have already accepted the fact that he's likely to wind up in your bed. (Not stereotyping men here, btw...just stereotyping single adults, including myself.)
posted by desuetude at 8:57 PM on August 9, 2005


Obviously, the likely answer is that he isn’t attracted to me. But I can’t understand why such a smart, funny and hot straight 40-year-old guy is single in the first place.

How do you know he's straight?
posted by Rothko at 9:03 PM on August 9, 2005 [1 favorite]


play it cool... super cool. nothing a guy likes more than the chase - if you want to seduce the mofo - make him think he's getting nowhere for the weekend... even better - don't let him get anywhere - wait for the next visit. set the stage

if all you are looking for is action in the short term, then just get a couple bottles of nice red wine - if not ... see above.
posted by specialk420 at 9:04 PM on August 9, 2005


play it cool... super cool. nothing a guy likes more than the chase

Well, diffrent guys like diffrent things. That said, a man may apreciate it more if he has to work for it, but the point here is to score. The best way for a woman to score is make sure the guy knows you want to fuck.

If you want to be subtle, don't ask "howcome you're single" ask, "When was the last time you got laid?" If he says something like "way to long" you've got a really good chance.

Just do your best to get him to talk about (and think about) sex. And get him drunk (but not too drunk, of course).

Sit close to him and rub your hands on his body. He might respond, or he might not. If he does nothing, then he's not saying know. If he pushes you away, then that's a No.

A lot of seduction is non-verbal.

After rubbing torqing his motor for a while, you can say something like "you can sleep in the bed with me, it'll be more comfortable, bla bla" Or whatever.

In general, seducing guys is very easy.
posted by delmoi at 9:14 PM on August 9, 2005


Be blunt. You'd be surprised how many guys are completely unable to pick up on the "signals" women think they're sending.
posted by aramaic at 9:22 PM on August 9, 2005


"nothing a guy likes more than the chase"

I try to appreciate that different people have different tastes, and that you might benefit from a variety of advice, but this sounds like complete crap to me. Playing hard-to-get makes you... hard to get. That doesn't further your goal of seduction at all.

Sure, pace things comfortably, maybe even draw the whole operation out over the duration of his stay, but don't play games. It's got a very significant chance of backfiring.
posted by majick at 9:30 PM on August 9, 2005


It sounds like you've been as forward as a girl can be without actually asking the direct questions necessary. I'd say if this hasn't worked, there's a good chance he's either not interested or completely socially inept. For that reason I'd say the direct approach is probably a real risk (and not to dash your hopes, but I've been a social retard my entire life, and I've never turned down an offer to 'come in' from a woman I'd be interested in sleeping with). The tried and true approach for nefarious men in your situation has for ages involved lots of alcohol. If spending the night together in combination with drinking leads to nothing then cut your losses.

Also, the only guys who likes coy girls, girls who play hard to get, or 'the chase' are guys who already tend to be overtly aggressive with the objects of their desire. When I even get a hint of the possibility that a girl is trying to play me like that, I either sever relations or go into treat-her-like-crap mode.
posted by drpynchon at 9:34 PM on August 9, 2005


Under no circumstances should you ask him why he is single. Others have said as much but it bears repeating. You will just be reminding him that he is single and alone. That is not a turn-on. (BTW, playing hard to get only works if he is already chasing you.)

He is staying at your place right? Make sure there is no were for him to sleep except your bed. Have a friend take away any sleeping bags, cots, extra mattresses, etc, for the weekend. Put something under the couch so that it is way too uncomfortable. Don't have extra sheets or pillows. (You might even place his bags in your bedroom when he arrives but that is sort of pushing it.) Basically arrange the environment so that no sane person would refuse sleeping in your bed. If he demurs (and you sense it is out of polite regard for you reputation) tell him that you've been looking forward to sleeping with him. It will probably help to consume just enough alcohol to relax both of you, no more.

If he still demurs, he is either gay or not into you at all. (It happens, that is no comment on you.)
posted by oddman at 9:38 PM on August 9, 2005


Yeah, another vote against the "play it cool/coy" technique here. There are plenty of guys (I'm dating one now, bless him) who can't stand that kind of game-playing -- whether for a single night of passion or in a long-term relationship.

Also, stop thinking of yourself as "cute but 30 pounds overweight." That sentence is exactly 4 words too long. You're cute. Period!
posted by scody at 9:42 PM on August 9, 2005 [1 favorite]


Ok this is embarrassing, but I've always had the long time friend initiate the seduction. I'm pretty gormless when it comes to making a move, but thankfully I've been with good women with more guts and sense than me. Here are some of the the trends that I've noticed:

1. You need to do a dinner, movie, DVD etc... something that you two can do together - it breaks the ice when you first meet for a long time and gets you chatting before during and afterwards. There's always this thin invisible film of awkwardness when you meet someone and the longer its been the harder it is to get through that. Doing the mindless social activity is good. (Bars are only good if you're seated and close to each other, if you're standing up and talking in a bar it's a problem... will delve into this later)

2. After this, you get chatting and here's where you chat about the things you enjoy talking about with this person. It doesn't need to be sexually charged, unless you both want it to be. But so long as you can comfortably meander through the evening together and both be at ease with each other, it's a cinch.

3. The more you chat, the more relaxed you two become, you connect on things that you have in common, you laugh, you share experiences and if you're both connecting, you'll find either yourself and this person edging closer together... be it actually moving closer, indirectly slumping, or leaning closer... to the point where you both are touching each other, say shoulder to shoulder, you don't need to face each other in a conversation... you just need to be close and comfortable with that person and whilst chatting away. Which is why it's important that you're seated. on something like a couch, the floor or bench or something. Not separate chairs.. because it doesn't quite work to pull or drag a chair closer. It needs to be a shared space that you or him can encroach upon each other with. Intimacy is all about letting someone into your personal space.. you simply can't do this standing or being separated.. there needs to be that no mans land that gradually dissapears as the night progresses.

4. Here's where it gets interesting. Now either you're listening to the music that's been playing in the background or you become deeply involved in a conversation on something - and then have exhausted that subject... usually you end up looking at each other searching for something to say or do. Don't strike up another topic - that breaks the intensity that you've been building up.. You keep eye contact with at that person... not staring at them like a madman/madwoman, but just looking and absorbing that person's presence... smiling to let them know you enjoy their company, you're already inches if not already touching that person arms and shoulder-wise, but there's the connection. You don't have to say or do anything.

This leads up to certain outcomes.

1. You continue looking at each other. This can sometimes turn quite comical and one or both of you start laughing for no reason... just to break the tension. This is not a problem you can either continue looking and smiling or start up a conversation and work up at building that intensity again.

2. You or that person touches your hand. If they do it... well it's in the bag love. If you do it... make sure you smile and don't grab, just stroke or touch... you're playing on the intensity you've already created in the past couple of hours and minute that you've been hanging together. If they reciprocate and allow you to touch, or start touching you... again bang... you're in.

- either way you can tell if they're uncomfortable or not into it by their face. It's very easy to distinguish. And if you're already friends, then it makes it a lot easier. You just need to both be comfortable and not come on too strong as that risks putting you both in a really suprised sort of awkwardness.

4. You lead in. You don't pounce. Pouncing only works on desperate/totally drunk people. And it risks being misinterpreted as uncaring/trashy/slutty/bastard-like/horny arseholish.

5. The touching is all you need to work out what you want to do next. You just take it slowly... before long he or she will be touching you in places that suprise you. Don't be too hot and heavy... just let them know that they're allowed to touch you and well.. you want them to. Just breathe and look at them.

6. If it ends up in pashing, it ends up in pashing... if it ends up in bed... it ends up in bed.

Don't ask "what they want to do next". Human interaction at this point is intuitive. Don't break the intensity by asking stupid questions that are fairly obvious. Eg. He's touching my breast... she's rubbing my crotch... "Do you like me?" or "Do you want to have sex?"

Any person that has to mutter "Do you want to have sex?" simply does not deserve it. Period. Sorry. No Dice.

But as I said... you will end up in bed with this person if you both want to.

So go to!! Seduce that poor unsuspecting sod and give him the time of his life...

Yeah?

Yeah!! ;-D
posted by JGreyNemo at 9:55 PM on August 9, 2005 [6 favorites]


Yeah, another vote against the "play it cool/coy" technique here.

And another here. I hated that stuff when I was dating. Hated it.
posted by agropyron at 10:24 PM on August 9, 2005


who said anything about "game playing" ... if you really like the guy - you probably won't earn his respect/longer term interest by trying to get him in the sack - the first chance you get - some romance - a little make out session. seperate beds for the first night. it will pay off in the long run. play it cool - a good rule of thumb even if some here beg to differ.
posted by specialk420 at 10:27 PM on August 9, 2005


specialk420 - I think you need to read parts of the question again:

lives on the other side of the country....will stay with me for one night....never makes any sort of move...

So, she has a specific deadline of just a few hours, and history indicates that the guy won't be chasing. How could playing it cool possibly help in that situation? Playing it cool may well be the reason that nothing has ever happened in the past (it may also be because the guy isn't interested, but you probably won't be able to say for sure unless you risk a little bit of embarrassment and be direct).
posted by willnot at 10:49 PM on August 9, 2005


I second the comment about men being easy to seduce. Men are different to women in this regard. There is a point at which almost any man will go with almost any woman. It's just a question of how hard she tries, how good she makes him feel, and how needy he is at that particular moment.

Not much of a booze fan, but this is one scenario in which a bit of drinking together could break the ice a bit. And the thing about not making it worthwhile to sleep anywhere other than your bed is fun - I've had people do that to me and I've done it to people. You say "you can sleep on the floor, but the bed's far more comfortable." From there on, you just have to flirt heavily and leave him to pick up the baton if he so chooses.
posted by skylar at 10:52 PM on August 9, 2005


"You're pretty hot, ya know."

May not get you laid, but coupled with, "You wanna fool around a little?" it might work wonders. Just be ready to go back to friendly laughing and movie-bonding if the answer's no. It hurts some, but it's not the end of the world. I mean, you already like the person, right? Whether or not you screw them won't change that, right?
posted by mediareport at 10:54 PM on August 9, 2005


"Look, I think you're really cute, and my bed's pretty big and empty with only me in it..."
posted by dirtynumbangelboy at 10:56 PM on August 9, 2005


A little alcohol, a little touching (have you been working out?), anything so he knows what's on your mind. Try to think like a guy, and flirt your heart out.
posted by slimslowslider at 11:00 PM on August 9, 2005


In general, seducing guys is very easy.

Satisfy his stomach, and the rest will follow. Seriously, a good meal, good company, and a bottle of good red wine ... the worst he can say is "no" and there's plenty of other guys out there, you know.

posted by WolfDaddy at 11:00 PM on August 9, 2005


Another male here who couldn't disagree more with specialk420. What earned my respect, when dating, was women who knew what they wanted and were ready to make it clear.

JGreyNemo has a number of fine suggestions, especially the "watch a movie together on the same couch". By the way, place whatever munchies so that you have to lean across him to get them.

Your guy may well have internalized the converse advice to specialk420's -- being too forward makes a girl think a guy's only out for one thing, and that's undesirable. Taken to an extreme (as I well know), "too forward" can include "accepting offers to come upstairs". Crazy, huh? So I definitely wouldn't read this previous history as him not being into you.

Like everyone else has said, don't ask him why he's single!!! Done very carefully, you can mention old boyfriends in an attempt to get him to talk about old girlfriends (and whether they exist) -- don't make them sound great, definitely don't make them sound horrible, just make them sound firmly in the past.
posted by Aknaton at 11:00 PM on August 9, 2005


rassum frassum italics tags
posted by WolfDaddy at 11:01 PM on August 9, 2005


I forgot to mention -- go easy on the alcohol. He's possibly insecure about his experience, he's definitely 40, don't get him sloshed if you want any action.
MACDUFF
What three things does drink especially provoke?

Porter
Marry, sir, nose-painting, sleep, and urine. Lechery, sir, it provokes, and unprovokes; it provokes the desire, but it takes away the performance: therefore, much drink may be said to be an equivocator with lechery: it makes him, and it mars him; it sets him on, and it takes him off; it persuades him, and disheartens him; makes him stand to, and not stand to; in conclusion, equivocates him in a sleep, and, giving him the lie, leaves him.
(Macbeth, Act II, Scene 3)
posted by Aknaton at 11:09 PM on August 9, 2005


I hate the chase. It's all about the destination.
posted by wsg at 11:50 PM on August 9, 2005


I find there to be a fine line when it comes to directness.

Lines that were direct and suggestive enough to for this clueless bastard:
"I'm hopelessy unfaithful in relationships." + "I hate my boyfriend." + "I don't want to go home yet." (Nothing happened here. I don't like cheating, break up already..)

"Still have a headache? Want me to make it go away?" (Nothing happened here, 'cause I'm a jackass)

Lines that turned me off:
"Wanna come back to my place and watch some porn?"

Anything relating to me being "cute".

Basically, I don't want to hear about your insatiable appetite for schtupping, I want to feel that you are hungry right NOW. And I don't like being "cute".
Make of this what you will..
posted by Jack Karaoke at 11:54 PM on August 9, 2005


(Another reason guys can intentionally ignore signals is that in this day and age there's no standard for what's idle flirting and what's a real come-on, if indeed there ever was such a standard. What you think of as being very direct might be meaningless banter if said by someone else. Maybe they're accustomed to more directness than you are, or maybe they've just learned that accidentally taking flirting too seriously can be awfully awkward. So keep this in mind when trying to seduce.)

On the other hand, he might have the hots for you, but figure it couldn't be more than a one-night fling because of the distance, and maybe he's not into that.

I have to disagree with oddman's suggestion of just making the couch uncomfortable as a way of forcing him into your bed. If I were staying in some hot chick's apartment and went into her bedroom saying, "You know, your couch is really lumpy, so I thought I'd come in here and have sex with you, 'cause, y'know, your bed is softer" ... well, that's just really sleazy. No guy with any manners would use that excuse. A lumpy couch would just make me grumpy and self-sacrificing.

My suggestion, speaking as a frequently-clueless guy, is just not to save all your directness for the end of the evening. Mention you find him attractive: drop it into the conversation but don't force a response if you don't get one. (If you do get one, skip ahead.) Later say something else like, oh, "your [whatever] is really sexy". This lets the tension build (= hotter sex), and gets him into the right headspace for later when you kiss him / rip his shirt off / drag him into your bedroom. If he does have the hots for you, maybe he's been repeating to himself "remember, she's just a friend ... I'm just sleeping on her couch ... she trusts me not to take advantage of this situation ... she's just a friend ..." and you need to give him a chance to unwind that and realize, hey, he's not breaking a trust by having sex with you.

But reading the comments just reminds me that there's no single seduction technique that'll work on everyone (except of course for my patented HYPNO SPEED-SEDUXXXION TAPES, just send $15 to...). One guy hates 'the chase' and interprets it as mind-games and doesn't want that crap in his life; the next guy likes the dance as much as or more than the consummation. One guy thinks a bit of coyness is sweet, the next finds directness refreshing and arousing, the next thinks you're a tawdry slut if you're willing to sleep with him before marriage. And so on.
posted by hattifattener at 12:25 AM on August 10, 2005


Please, for heaven's sake, don't play the "guess what I'm thinking" game. I, er, men absolutely hate that.
posted by madman at 12:26 AM on August 10, 2005


is coming to visit and will stay with me for one night.

Don't say anything. Just do. As soon as you meet him, start with body contact, get him used to the idea early of you touching him and him touching you. Get a drink or two into him (and into yourself). Be in a comfortable place, not straight to the bedroom like it's a business, but somewhere like a nice comfortable couch or carpet where you can sprawl together, and make sure you're always touching him -- lean on him, put your head in his lap or on his shoulder, and something will happen if that's what he wants.

But (and this is important), if he's been traveling, maybe make sure he has time and place and privacy to clean up, to use the toilet and brush his teeth and have a shower. If he's been on the plane or something for a long time, running around all day, get him to your place, show him where the bathroom and towels are, then go out for wine and groceries and tell him you'll be back in X minutes or so. Then he'll feel good about himself physically and he'll be relaxed. Also, he might still be wrapped in a towel when you get back.
posted by pracowity at 12:28 AM on August 10, 2005


There's always some danger. Sometimes people are pretty comfortable being alone, you know? That being said, there's only one way to find out. As a guy, I can tell you that directness is definately the way to go. Snuggle if you can, and go easy on the drink - don't give him an excuse to say it was a mistake. Don't come on too strong, just make sure he's aware of the sitch.

Good luck!
posted by hoborg at 12:51 AM on August 10, 2005


I despise the stereotypical 'games' of love. Depending on his personality, be as straightforward as possible. But be charming. Better to know for sure than to twist in the wind.
Good luck to you :)
posted by Radio7 at 2:18 AM on August 10, 2005


A lot of what has been discussed here concerns the art of seduction - while that's valuable, the compressed time limit suggests other tactics may be in order.

First off - two bottles of wine is out of the question. One at the most, and make sure he drinks his share, if you want to go down that road. But you don't have to.

At some point you will absolutely have to make your feelings known. Frottage is all very well if you have time, but you don't. You need the killer move.

Talk to him. Find out how is is, what he's been doing. And then admit you've been thinking about him (do not mention sex). Smile, and change the subject. This is the hook.

Crack the wine or serve the food. Talk about whatever (plan ahead if you're not good at small talk). Get him to talk about himself and what he's been up to. This will not only allow you to figure out if he's still available (just in case) but often the shape of his desires. If he's in lust with the astrophysicist in the next cubicle, retire gracefully. But if he isn't, talk about food and wine in terms of texture and sensation. This is the line.

Clean up. Let him help you with the dishes (he may be slobbish and not offer, but he's reached this age, so presumably he has some manners. If not, suggest he gives you a hand (and thus avoid churlishness)). Rinse and flatter gently and naturally.

Now comes the least important part. Many people wrongfully consider this the make or break section, but truth be told, if he's in the kitchen with you, wiping dishes, or even rinsing them for the dishwasher, you've totally won. Now is not the time to say "you know, I've always fancied you", or even, "My bed is so much more comfy than the couch". Now is the time to say "I'd forgotten how good you make me feel." But that is not the sinker. The sinker is in how you go for the kiss afterwards. You absolutely cannot go for the Lunge! That is an abomination! You must gently move toward him, allowing him every opportunity to escape. Because otherwise he will feel forced. Do Not Say "I want to kiss you". Do Not Say "Roger me insensible". Go for the kiss and nothing but, with every fibre and every intention of carrying it through. That is the sinker and you've just caught yourself a man.

Gut and fillet as you will.
posted by Sparx at 3:47 AM on August 10, 2005 [10 favorites]


Next time I have a date I'm going to e-mail Sparx for advice.
posted by rdr at 3:52 AM on August 10, 2005


I am a straight man, but this is the most amazing AskMe thread in history. You guys are giving me the willies.
posted by Plutor at 4:55 AM on August 10, 2005


Shoot, now I want to go out and seduce someone, just for the hell of it!
posted by youarejustalittleant at 5:38 AM on August 10, 2005


pracowity -- excellent, excellent point.

Also, reinforcing: Don't Call Him Cute.

Summing up: Relax. Watch a movie. Find a reason to touch him. Drink wine (1 bottle max.) Sit on the couch together. Flirt a little in a joking way occasionally throughout the evening. Be a fun date.
posted by desuetude at 6:14 AM on August 10, 2005


Aknaton's Macbeth quotation brought back some bad memories... and laughs. Definitely go easy on the alcohol.
posted by letitrain at 6:26 AM on August 10, 2005


You cannot both make it plain that you're hot to trot and protect yourself from embarrassment if it's not mutual. What you can do is make your position clear, keep the tone light, and also make it clear that the ball is in his court. The phrasing that I suggested to a friend of mine in a very similar situation (and that she used) was "I'm glad you came out here--I've been thinking about you a lot, and I'm really attracted to you. What do you want to do about it?"

(In the case in question, the guy in question actually wasn't interested, but my friend reported that the subsequent conversation was actually not especially painful or embarrassing--they were able to talk pretty bluntly about what was going on--and they're still getting along fine.)

The absolute worst technique ever used on me: she abruptly ripped off her shirt and said "Do you find me repulsive?" There is NO good response to that...
posted by 88robots at 6:26 AM on August 10, 2005


Another guy (44, single) chiming in to say disagree with specialk420. Maybe because like your friend, I'm "hopeless around women". I really enjoy/appreciate it when a woman is direct.

Also, don't ask why he's single. That's direct, but not what you want to know. Do as Sparx and pracowity say. (You guys rule!) I like the idea of regular "touching" - when leaning over for the chips, hand on leg; when he tells a joke, laugh and touch the shoulder, etc.

And, after you make your move (whatever it may be), if he's not interested, leave it be. Don't be hurt, don't apologize. Just get back to what you were doing, with a positive attitude. Shows you're a strong woman (which it sounds like you are), who can handle rejection.

Good luck!
posted by ObscureReferenceMan at 6:34 AM on August 10, 2005


if you really like the guy - you probably won't earn his respect/longer term interest by trying to get him in the sack

What is this, high school? This is ridiculous advice. What earns my respect/long term interest is maturity, directness and the confidence to throw me on the floor and curl my toes at the drop of a hat. There's nothing hotter than a woman who knows how to get what she wants. If I show up for the first time at woman's apartment that I've been interested in and instead of making it to dinner we end up sweaty and naked, that's a woman that's 75% of the way to keeping me permanantly.
posted by spicynuts at 6:40 AM on August 10, 2005


Another vote for pracowity's answer -- it pretty much sums up all the good advice everyone else offered and adds some stuff nobody else thought of.

And specialk420, next time read the goddam question before you try answering it, OK?
posted by languagehat at 6:52 AM on August 10, 2005


This is great.

My two penneth.. I've always been partial to a woman who is forceful, tells me what she wants and is forthright.

Namby pamby is for the playground. Whenever I namby pambied, girls treated me like I was invisible. Nice is nice, but when you're out of your teens life is too short.

Cut to the chase. If it goes down the pan, grow a skin and move on to your next victim. Good luck, and make sure we get a follow-up thread.
posted by Frasermoo at 7:08 AM on August 10, 2005


If he is coming to stay then he is either interested, a sociopath or wants to get to know you better. You have not given us any idea of what level of contact you enjoy with him (daily email, weekly sms, monthly missive, telephone calls every waking moment etc.), this makes it harder to give advice.

I have a friend who has been chasing a 40ish yo man for a year now, he is good looking, well-off and has plenty of female friends. She had given up the whole thing after staying at his house and having had him to stay with no action, and decided to be 'just friends'. Recently, he came to stay again and *oops* passion ensued. He explained that he had previously thought her vulnerable (there is a 16 year age difference).

Just FYI.
posted by asok at 7:46 AM on August 10, 2005


First off, I completely disagree with the "hard to get" advice. Please don't do this.

Secondly, everything Sparx said - only you could really boil this down to the essence pretty easily.

Thirdlymost, The absolute worst technique ever used on me: she abruptly ripped off her shirt and said "Do you find me repulsive?" There is NO good response to that...

...so did this work, or not?
posted by odinsdream at 7:48 AM on August 10, 2005


Didn't work. I'd actually thought she was really cute, but that instantly undid any interest I might've had in her.
posted by 88robots at 7:51 AM on August 10, 2005


Well, I'll have to disagree with the whole 'watch a movie and drink some wine' vibe. Seduction and dating aren't the same thing. Being buddy-buddy with him and going to a movie might be a nice way to start a relationship but it won't get him into your bed in 24 hours. The whole being direct thing is also a bit off, in my mind. Some guys--heck, most guys--might enjoy it but it's a bit unsettling to have a girl make such an offer out of the blue. It reeks of desperation and desperation isn't sexy in women. (And usually not in men either though it's sometimes endearing). If you want to seduce him, you'll have to work at it. It's an art. The way I see it (and practice it) seduction is about gradually building up a sexual charge between your to the point where it's just unbearable. One advantage of the gradual approach is that you'll know long before bed time whether he's actually interested.

As far as concrete suggestions go, I'd start buttering him up as soon as I saw him. Take a long look at him, let your eyes slide up and down his body, and then look him in the eye and tell him he looks great. Don't smile (well, maybe smile a little) when you do this, otherwise he might think you're just being friendly. Right off the bat it should be clear to him what's going on. After that, the most important thing you can do is maintain eye contact. Not like you maintain eye contact at a job interview, but... well, your eyes can say a lot if you mean it. Yeah, he might get a little self-conscious. That's exactly what you want. Follow up the eye contact with shamless but tasteful flirting. You are not trying to send him signals that he has to decode. You want to make it clear, in plain language, that you are attracted to him. Lots of "I like your ...", "I like it when you...", "I want you to..." And of course, you can't get more direct than "I really like being here with you you." You don't have to talk about sex but you want to make the conversation personal. You want him to reveal things to you. And no matter what you end up talking about, always bring the conversation back to the moment. Touching is also key, of course. Little touches, long touches, anything you can get away with. In this case, as you're acting under a time constraint, it's better to be overly bold than overly cautious. Don't do friendly touches either. He is not your friend. Hold hands, light kisses, caresses, hugs that last a moment too long and are a bit too firm. Whenever possible, if you can touch and maintain that contact then go for it. Dance with him! Don't be afraid to show some cleavage skin. You want him to be aware of your body. Finally, go for the kiss. If you can get the kiss the rest becomes a foregone conclusion.

Really, sexual charge. Think of it like a batter you're charging or a bowl you're filling up. There is no real standard operating procedure, it's more an attitude. I tend to avoid cliches like questions about when they lost their virginity. They can work, but you don't need them.
posted by nixerman at 7:51 AM on August 10, 2005


"Roger me insensible"

What that line doesn't work? heh, first thing i've laughed at this week.

Lots of good advice in this thread.
take it as a good sign that he is staying at your apartment instead of a hotel, there is no better aphrodisiac then confidence imo.

good luck
posted by edgeways at 8:00 AM on August 10, 2005


Also, I would say watching a film together is fine when you have infinite time to burn, but in this case a meal and music would seem much more appropriate. Lounging on the couch afterward with a fine congac or whatever. Unless you are sitting down to Aardman Animations 'Creature Comforts' (which is short and funny and extemely touching, and comes in 10min sections, so you can stop and talk in between each).
You need to find out as much as you can about him as soon as possible. Maybe he's scared of falling in love, doesn't want to hurt you/himself or is into a non-mainstream form of heterosexual lovemaking. You need to know!
Touching is great unless you are dealing with someone who has aspergers/autistic spectrum or has issues around physical affection, in which case it may have the opposite to desired effect. Just try it and see.

Also, don't over plan or analyse the night in advance (i.e. by 9pm he should be drunk enough for me to say x). Most people appreciate some feeling of spontaneity.
posted by asok at 8:10 AM on August 10, 2005


Well, since everyone else is being so erudite and sensuously sensible, I don't have to:

TAKE OFF HIS PANTS!!

If he's aspie and/or nerdboy, sometimes "Hey, you're cute. Would you like to have sex?" is the *only* way to go. I know from experience. Trust me. Even when I was actively interested and hoping for such to happen, I often needed to be hit upside the head with a clue-by-four. "Uhm... uh... golly! OK!" *Commence highly-focused details-obsessed and results-oriented nerdly lovemaking*

Also: Hey specialk420? You need to send me your special stash. It's done your head in.
posted by loquacious at 8:28 AM on August 10, 2005


Hmm... I actually think that inviting a pal from out of town to crash at your pad for one night, and then springing a surprise bit of seduce and destroy on him, is a fairly bad idea. (This would be a really, really, really different thread if the gender roles were reversed, I think.) I suppose the worst that can happen is he'll be offended or pissed off, but still, it seems a little... shady-creepy? Offering shelter and then getting him drunk so he'll put out?

Is there no way you can get some communication done before he comes to town? I don't suppose a Hallmark card that says "I'd like to rock your bod!"is available or effective, but might a heads up be to your advantage? It sounds like you have actual romantic feelings towards the fellow, not just "I wanna do ya" feelings.

Of course, you'd lose the thrill of the seduction and all the endorphins that come with that if you act all mature and talk about your feeeeeelings first...

(Also, now's a good time to ditch all the "But I'm 30 pounds overweight and maybe I'm not attractive and you know what else is wrong with me..." b.s. shame-spiral in your head. Go get naked in front of the mirror and say to yourself 100 times, "I'm fucking sexy! Look how hot I am!")
posted by RJ Reynolds at 8:32 AM on August 10, 2005


As far as concrete suggestions go, I'd start buttering him up as soon as I saw him.

Yeah.. and then butter yourself up.

Then when you are both well buttered up.

Get funky.
posted by Frasermoo at 8:34 AM on August 10, 2005


Oh, and: inviting a man up to your apartment after dinner is not the most direct thing you can do. The most direct thing you can do is squeeze his package at your front door and say, "Hey, you're goddamn hot, I'd love to get naked with you and rut like goats."

I'm not necessarily recommending that (though it works, believe me, 9 times out of 10!), but perhaps there's a happy medium between the extremely coy behavior that it seems is your comfort zone and being, well, a fun-loving party skank.
posted by RJ Reynolds at 8:36 AM on August 10, 2005 [1 favorite]


Loquacious has the best advice in the thread. It sounds like this guy is just not getting the signals from you. If he's a straight male, he already wants to have sex with you, but he doesn't know that's all right with you, too.

If the pants thing doesn't work, try semaphor. Or spell it out in Lite-Brite.
posted by Hildago at 9:47 AM on August 10, 2005


How on earth will we ever know if it worked out for them? I want to know.
posted by Skyanth at 10:07 AM on August 10, 2005


Yeah, I've been invited up before after a date and didn't think it was invitation for sex. Or even anything, really. I might have been wrong, but what is obvious to women is not obvious to all guys.
posted by grouse at 10:45 AM on August 10, 2005


Damn, I wish I'd had this thread 2 weeks ago before I wasted that one dinner with a mad internet crush before he returned home to an entirely different continent. I even cleaned my house, you know, just in case, and wore my most cleavage creating halter top.

Then he spent half the night talking about seeing his ex-girlfriend at a wedding and making her jealous.

Sigh.
posted by jacquilynne at 11:21 AM on August 10, 2005


Slight derail: I started writing up my advice and wondered how useful it would be. Are my recollections of being seduced in my early 20s of any value in seducing a 40 year old? I don't know how these things scale, and I likely won't find out now that I'm married and being seduced by one's wife is a different proposition entirely.
posted by Shutter at 11:24 AM on August 10, 2005


This thread is fascinating--I am amazed at the variety of opinions and strategies--I also favor the direct approach but one that gives him some control--do what you will-- dinner, movie, some wine, chit chat and a willingness to subtly expose yourself sensuously--not lasciviosly--then at some point and I don't know when it will be--depends on the mood, personalities, etc--just say--"I have always been attracted to you and I hope we can sleep together tonight--what I want to do is sleep together and be close to you--if we have sex that would be nice--if we don't then we don't--this is difficult for me to say but you need to know where my heart is--if this is to much or not right for you then I hope I have not embarrassed you or myself--BTW--I still would lke to sleep with you--"--either he will say yes, no, or be ambiguous--at least it will give you an opportunity to understand more clearly where he is--BTW--I am assuming you do like him and want to have a relationship--if you just want to have sex and do not care about the future there has been plenty of good advice--good luck
posted by rmhsinc at 11:29 AM on August 10, 2005


It'd be great to be seduced. I get goddamn tired of doing all the work. Hopefully he'll be the same way. Sparx ideas seem the best to me. Sparx should write romance novels.
posted by sciurus at 11:33 AM on August 10, 2005


BTW-I don't think anyone has mentioned this, but I think (despite whatever you weigh) that you should look friggin HOT. Get yr hair did and if you're gonna stay in, wear something femine and comfortable. You never know what might tip the scales in your favor!
posted by black8 at 11:42 AM on August 10, 2005


Don't get me wrong. I'm all for subtlety and finesse in seduction. There's a lot of really great advice in here. I just wanted to make sure all the bases were covered, especially home base. If he doesn't respond to any or all of the better pieces of advice in this thread, he's either gay, not interested, or 'non-mainstream heterosexual' and scared of scaring you off.

In which case prompting him to talk about any fantasies or fetishes (at the appropriate time, of course, even if that time has to be led in to or manufactured) is a good way to start. Most fetishes are pretty damn harmless, anyway.

And if he's all that you say he is - single, apparently heterosexual and hot - I would say that chances are probably pretty good he's not mainstream. That, or he's just a major nerd. Or maybe he has specific religious convictions.
posted by loquacious at 12:03 PM on August 10, 2005


Regarding advice to look hot: Hot is very very subjective. I for one find hair that is just kept out of one's face in a quick easy manner to be infinitely more attractive than hair that has been "done" in a way that involved much effort.

(interestingly, the spell checker came up with many substitutes for "moer" but none of them were "more")
posted by Shutter at 12:25 PM on August 10, 2005


Take some pointers from Leon Redbone [mp3]:
I want to be seduced
Want a woman to take me out to dinner for two
Like to see her eyes gettin' moody
Flirtin' with the thought of what flirtin' ought to do

Like to be real cool
Let her think about gettin' little me in bed
Have a chat about Magna Carta, Puerto Vallarta, somethin' Gandhi said

I might demur politely, falter slightly
If she tried to fondle my knee
But I'm relatively certain I'd compromise if I know me
posted by kirkaracha at 12:29 PM on August 10, 2005 [1 favorite]


rmhsinc, maybe i'm off here, but hearing someone confess that -

I have always been attracted to you and I hope we can sleep together tonight--what I want to do is sleep together and be close to you--if we have sex that would be nice--if we don't then we don't--this is difficult for me to say but you need to know where my heart is--if this is to much or not right for you then I hope I have not embarrassed you or myself--BTW--I still would lke to sleep with you

would embarrass me (and i'm a woman). it might be me, but it sounds sort of too low self esteemish.
posted by mirileh at 12:39 PM on August 10, 2005


I do believe we need more guys like spicynuts.
posted by Radio7 at 12:44 PM on August 10, 2005


could be--fortunately I am hapily married because I might not make it in the seduction field--
posted by rmhsinc at 12:49 PM on August 10, 2005


lucky u :-)
posted by mirileh at 1:14 PM on August 10, 2005


But I can’t understand why such a smart, funny and hot straight 40-year-old guy is single in the first place.

Give him some viagra - as men & women tick to a different clock, "some" is the key here.

ps, using too much alcohol for gaining your way here, could have your wanting results tagged with the "r" word. That's not seducing if you’re asking me.
posted by thomcatspike at 1:14 PM on August 10, 2005


I have a date I'm going to e-mail Sparx for advice.
As a man, I'll second the "kiss" for scoring home.
posted by thomcatspike at 1:32 PM on August 10, 2005


But I can’t understand why such a smart, funny and hot straight 40-year-old guy is single in the first place.

By the way (and this is more for your personal mindset as you approach The Great Event and less in terms of seduction techniques per se), try not to get too hung up on the idea of "he seems great but he's 40 and single -- what could be wrong with him that he's not already in a relationship?" There are plenty of smart, funny, hot guys in their 40s who are single (granted, they sometimes seem to be fewer and farther between at that age!). Most have probably had previous long-term relationships that just didn't work out. Keep in mind that the notion that "all the good ones are taken" by a certain age is a myth that functions to make women feel panicky about their own prospects. There are great single guys of every age, just as there are assholes with girlfriends or wives (and sometimes both!). His relationship status doesn't necessarily say anything more about him as a person than it says about you. You're not any less attractive just because you happen to be currently single, right? :)
posted by scody at 2:51 PM on August 10, 2005


Wow, this is a really fun thread.

I'm (was) far from 40, but I'm completely blind to "subtle" signals and such and in one case I completely missed them for a couple of months. After a company dinner, a subset of us went clubbing and my seducer straight out said to me, "You're coming home with me tonight."

Ended up at her place, she was showing me around then popped, "Come here."

Direct definitely is the way to go. Games are for highschoolers and 20 yo's.

Oh, and that's mighty fine advice on the letting him have a chance to clean up, pracowity
posted by PurplePorpoise at 3:23 PM on August 10, 2005


You know, thomcatspike, I hope you're not suggesting that she illegally obtain a prescription drug and slip it to a fellow without his knowledge for a purpose for which it's not indicated. Because that's really not a good idea.

Good point on the alcohol though.
posted by musicinmybrain at 4:10 PM on August 10, 2005


Post on his favorite web board and ask how he might be seduced.

Actualy, here's a thought. Bring up the context of sexual fantasies, and ask him how he'd like to be seduced. Then do it.
posted by delmoi at 4:15 PM on August 10, 2005


obtain a prescription drug and slip it to a fellow without his knowledge
No slipping from me, unless it's the tongue.
posted by thomcatspike at 5:02 PM on August 10, 2005


Actualy, here's a thought. Bring up the context of sexual fantasies, and ask him how he'd like to be seduced. Then do it.

From experience (it's true, I have no social skills) do not try this.
posted by rdr at 5:07 PM on August 10, 2005


I agree with RJ Reynolds. Too many people are not taking seriously the idea that he really may not be interested.

You should have made your feelings clear before you invited him to stay at your place. That you don't seem to know him very well at all, that he lives on the other side of the country, and that he is only staying with you for one night, all imply that this is a half-baked plan and that there is a lot to this situation that you're not telling us.

Communicate your interest now, so that if he's not interested, he can find somewhere else to sleep that night.
posted by bingo at 6:30 PM on August 10, 2005


You will, of course, let us know how it goes, right?

right?!?!
posted by TonyRobots at 7:00 PM on August 10, 2005


Separate from the goal, but still pertinent: in most cases, you're not scared that he'll say 'no', but that he'll say 'yes.'

Sparx sounds about right.

You could also wear something that buttons/zips down the back and discretely pop one button and ask for help, then correct him on what you mean by help.
posted by plinth at 7:02 PM on August 10, 2005


Drink, talk, and enjoy each other's company until the wee hours of the morning. When the conversation starts to lull, while you still think you'd be awake enough to get busy should the opportunity present, say "Wow it's late and I'm fading, do you want me to make the couch up for you, or would you like to come upstairs with me?" Work up your best come-hither look for this line. If he says "Make up the couch" or some variant, be graceful. Most guys I know wouldn't mind a pass like that as long as it was free to decline.

I'll post follow-up details for you if you'd like. Email's in profile.
posted by jessamyn at 7:52 PM on August 10, 2005 [1 favorite]


I just had a similar thing (sorry, I haven't read the full thread, just the first post). We live several hundred miles from each other, have always been mutually attracted, and rarely see each other. He came by, we had a drink and talked. We went out to the balcony for a cigarette and a drink and talked, talked, talked. We went out for groceries, having decided to cook rather than go out, and talked. I asked him if he would prefer to spend the night rather than risk driving; he said yes, but that meant nothing, as there was a couch. We cooked, set the table, our places opposite each other, and in the middle of dinner we were so much in agreement in our conversation and I was so full of affection that I said I wanted to kiss him, reached across the table, and did so.

He kissed me back. And there you go.
posted by goofyfoot at 11:29 PM on August 10, 2005


But I can’t understand why such a smart, funny and hot straight 40-year-old guy is single in the first place.

Lots of ways, as many as there are guys out there (and there are a lot of them). Scody covers some of the reasons above, but the major ones are that many of these guys are very career focussed and work in areas that don't bring them into much contact with women. Also, their social activities, usually sports of some variety, don't often involve women either (if women want to meet men, they should join a bike club or play coed soccer). Once past the mid-thirties, it's easy to give up on the dating game and get into a routine.

I know at least a dozen guys in this age bracket who are single, many of them having been through a previous long-term relationship, and most of them have given up the full-time pursuit of women as a younger man's game. It's certainly a low-hassle lifestyle, and that does appeal to a man of a certain age.
posted by bonehead at 6:47 AM on August 11, 2005


I (and others, I'm sure) really want to know how this turns out... if you do get some, anonymous, will you mark this response as the best answer?
posted by skryche at 1:10 PM on August 11, 2005


(If you don't, I guess you could mark this one.)
posted by skryche at 1:11 PM on August 11, 2005


you know, i braced myself when i saw this question thinking there was going to be lots of jawdroppingly depressing advice within (you know, like "be hotter, prop up your boobs, be bunnylike, act coy and stupid" whatever etc), but you guys have restored my faith. i laughed. i smiled. i felt better.

man, i can't stop laughing at rj's comment and 88robots' account (!) and "roger me insensible" (i'm so going to use that next time...). and i think scody's right too--four words too long. be confident! i hope it works/worked out!
posted by ifjuly at 2:18 PM on August 11, 2005 [1 favorite]


Anonymous dropped me an email and said she's let me know how it goes so I can let you all know.
posted by jessamyn at 2:58 PM on August 11, 2005


We're all waiting! How did this turn out?
posted by Raspberry at 10:13 AM on August 14, 2005


So, um, does he read MetaFilter?
posted by hank at 6:59 PM on August 16, 2005


Still waiting.
posted by FlamingBore at 12:56 PM on August 18, 2005


Haven't heard yet, I swear I will let you all know!
posted by jessamyn at 7:37 PM on August 18, 2005


Under no circumstances should you ever show him this thread.
posted by mfbridges at 9:49 AM on August 19, 2005


UPDATE FROM ANONYMOUS

So um, it didn't go well.
You guys were great and I'm really sorry to disappoint you but I basically chickened out. Yes there were sparks every time our eyes met, yes the conversation was sparkling and we had a great time, but I just got the strong impression from the first that he wasn't looking for the same thing I was and so never mustered the courage to try and change his mind. We spent most of the evening out with a bunch of people which put the whole promising dinner/couch/wine/rubbing scenario outlined above off the table. Thanks again for all the advice and interest in my stupid little quandary and let's hope someone else uses this thread to successfully curl someone's toes and have their own toes curled too. Believe me, I wish I had a better update. And it actually gets worse: where I was just in lust beforehand, now I'm in danger of being in love. The guy is just fantastic. Bummer. Now I'm off to drink myself
into a stupor or join the foreign legion or something.
posted by jessamyn at 4:36 PM on August 20, 2005


aw.
posted by kenko at 5:15 PM on August 20, 2005


Anonymous, that's heartbreaking.

Might I suggest writing him a note or calling him up and just saying "You know, the weekend you were here? I can't stop thinking that there's something more than a friendship between us, how about you?"

If he's not otherwise involved you're not risking much other than a tiny bit of embarassment.
posted by FlamingBore at 10:15 AM on August 22, 2005


Damn, I was so hoping for a better ending to this question.

I second FlamingBore's advice, however I would put it a bit more general to avoid any embarasment. "You know, the weekend you were here? I really liked spending time with you and wondered if we could repeat it, but then just the two of us?"
posted by sebas at 10:27 AM on August 22, 2005


:(
posted by matteo at 5:08 PM on August 22, 2005


First Rule of Mistakes: They're not mistakes, just data-gathering instances

Hey, anonymous - I don't know what kind/how often of emails/conversation you two have, but whatever it is now you can always gradually/currently get to where you can ask him what his advice would be for "someone you know" who likes a guy in a similar (be vague to give you some room for play/him some room to be open) situation.

Be light and inject the query in the midst of other light subject matter, as though its on your mind and he's just one of the people whose opinions you're collecting on the issue. In the midst means be sure to add an unrelated thing afterward.

Nix the "staying for one night" detail and just go with the "likes a guy who lives cross-country and she's known for a while" scenario. Feel free to inject the phrase "just like you" as it opens the door for him to respond personally but it also is flattering and will get you a more well thought out answer, as it allows him to be an expert. Could be the convo will take itself to a discussion of you two that way, could be it will just be good food for thought.

I don't think anyone has brought this up but, it's possible that he could be totally hot for you, too, but maintaining an emotional distance because he knows/has been burned by the thought that a long-distance relationship very often does not work out, and he is hesitant to lose your friendship in such a case.

The one thing not mentioned here has been to go to the source for the answer. So I'm just suggesting a less direct way to do that.

Please don't give up, whatever you do. Although you can think of it as chickening out, maybe you just instinctively felt it wasn't the time, and acted correctly for the circumstance. You did not tell us what the atmosphere/details were like when you both got back to your apartment at sleeptime. But I bet there is a lot of info to be learned from those details that can help you to decide how to proceed.

Finally, who orchestrated the "group evening"? How did that come about? Was it him? Was it a third party? What was his action/reaction in either case? This could help to show if he initiated it as a protective measure (and what type: i.e., 'I'm afraid if we're alone I'll jump her bones" OR 'I'm afraid if we're alone she'll jump my bones' OR ' damn, why couldn't they leave us alone so we can jump each other's bones' OR 'I don't know how to proceed with her and wish someone would throw me a frickin' bone here'.

I for one am interested in still following this, particularly because you, anonymous, are also interested. Feel free to update me via email or jessamyn if you choose not to continue the thread (but you should keep the thread, cuz I don't think I'm the only one).
posted by thewhynotgirl at 8:56 AM on August 23, 2005


I have had success with "what do you think would happen if I tried to kiss you right now?". . .and try to be light about it and accept whatever answer you get. . .

It's led to a few interesting nights. . .
posted by Danf at 3:20 PM on August 23, 2005


Okay, so I ponied up for a sock puppet just to respond some more. (And yes, I'm secretly hoping there may one day be good news I can announce from the rooftops after the thread is closed.)

thewhynotgirl: He orchestrated the group evening, but honestly I don't think it was self-protection. I think he just sees me as a friend. The question is whether I can change that or not.
He's invited me to come stay with him sometime and I think I may just be wholly honest and tell him (via the emboldening wonder of email) that I happen to be attracted to him and therefore might find it somewhat torturous to stay with him.

Again, thanks to everyone. And the whole damn thing was worth it for "Roger Me Senseless."
posted by FailedSeductress at 7:19 AM on August 24, 2005


*sniff*

If you were in the UK I'd be marching you round to every single guy I know.
posted by Frasermoo at 7:50 AM on August 24, 2005


And they'd probably all want to just be friends. Sigh.
posted by FailedSeductress at 9:48 AM on August 24, 2005


if they were assholes, or gay, yes
posted by matteo at 5:25 PM on August 25, 2005


**IF YOU GO VISIT HIM**
Ask him if you should stay in a hotel or with him.

If he says, "I've got an extra couch," that's not necessarily a kibosh. A hotel is the kibosh.

Then you know.

ALSO: Were you sporting cleavage? Honestly, cleavage is a signal to him that you're available & interested. And when he sees you in something hot, either his whole face will light up, or it won't. If he's not nuts about you, YOU DON'T WANT HIM ANYWAY. Repeat that last sentence until you believe it.

You deserve someone who will adore you.
posted by tarintowers at 1:04 PM on August 26, 2005


Just the opnion of an inexperianced guy, so take with a grain of salt, but:

ask him what his advice would be for "someone you know" who likes a guy in a similar (be vague to give you some room for play/him some room to be open) situation.

---

cleavage is a signal to him that you're available & interested

I think the key here is direct communication, not sending signals and asking questions meant to imply something. A hidden message always seems much more obvious to the sender than the reciever. I say this simply because I would not get the cleavage signal at all, and I'd be very unlikely to think much of the question. I think FlamingBore has it right, it says what's on your mind, and there's a thousand ways for both of you to back out gracefully.
posted by Rictic at 3:05 AM on August 27, 2005


"Cleavage" here is the semiotic shorthand for "taking the time to dress up in fine, form-fitting duds, showing a. how sexy you are and b. how interested in spending extra time and going the extra mile for him you are. Not just "dressing up," but dressing up for him, and for him in public.

Sporting serious cleavage involves some serious voodoo -- you have to back up the outfit with the ability to wear it well, i.e. confidence and spark and the right kind of provocative attitude. It's instant mojo, if backed up by some prior one-on-one time with the mirror.

Cleavage is the shortcut to flirting. It's an automatic icebreaker; it's positioning onself as a sexual object in direct relation to one's date.

It's not all about the tits, but the tits are a good opener.

/tarin
posted by tarintowers at 3:11 AM on August 28, 2005



Joined this thread late.

I liked Sparx's advice, respectful of both parties and slow enough to give the guy a chance to tell her if he's not interested -- spot on.

Thumbs down for the whole get him drunk / hide the sleeping bags + make the couch as painful as possible to sleep on advice.

If a woman has resort to that type of behavior to get laid, she's not worth it.
posted by bandersnatch at 6:31 PM on September 1, 2005


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