I'm in a terrible fix
August 21, 2012 3:32 PM Subscribe
How do you NOT have sex on the first or second date?
posted by anonymous to human relations (58 answers total) 26 users marked this as a favorite
I am 100% serious here. Female, 20s, big city, on OKCupid. Looking for something serious, and though I LOVE sex I am tired of having it with... everyone.
There comes a point on every first or second date where the guy asks if you'd like to go to his place. Maybe you've been making out on a park bench for an hour; maybe you've just been barhopping and it's late and, well, where should we go next, wink wink?
Well... I guess I'm just a girl who can't say no. Honestly, for me it's about 60% "I'm horny, so are you, I could be having sex RIGHT NOW let's do this!" and 40%... well, what the fuck am I supposed to say? I want them to stick around. I want them to want to go out with me again. And I don't know how to shut them down without shutting it ALL down and making them ditch me. Yes I know this is unhealthy behavior, I know I'm devaluing my worth as a person by thinking all guys want is to bone me, you don't need to tell ME that...
But yeah, so say I'm out with a guy, vibes are vibing, sparks are flying, and he asks me back to his. What do I say? I mean SPECIFICALLY, what do I say that implies "I would love to bone you but I'm tired of fucking every guy I meet, so I'm gonna turn you down every time you ask until the magical point where I don't."
Frankly I also don't know when I WOULD want to start having sex. Because I have literally always operated this way. I think I'd want to wait until I wanted to sleep with the guy because he's who he is, not because he's a generic guy who's there and willing. But I don't know how long that takes, I really don't. I lost my virginity on the second date way back when, and we dated for years afterwards, so I think that messed my calibration up a little. I really, honestly don't KNOW what I want. I only know I've lost count of my 'number' and it makes me feel bad about myself.
I can't ask my friends about this, because one half would think I was a total skank and the other half would go "umm, why do you NOT want to have sex on the first date??"