Email addresses and other people

August 7, 2012 1:03 PM

I've been using Gmail for several years as my primary email address and have an address that has no numbers tacked on to the end. Over time, more and more people are giving out my email address instead of their own. I'm sure they're doing this mistakenly and not maliciously, but so many websites don't have email verification set up that it's getting really irritating to get, for example, Louisiana Republican mailings when I'm a Canadian citizen. It can often take days or weeks for the unsubscribe to kick in (these 10-21 day unsubscribe policies are ridiculous, but they're out there). Often, people (as opposed to organizations/companies) will also email me, thinking that I'm their friend, because they forgot a number or something at the end of their friend's email address or some such thing. This is equally annoying, but at least all it (usually) takes is a quick email saying "hey, check with your friend because this isn't their email address, thanks". But that's still somewhat irritating. I do not want to give up my current Gmail address. What can I do to cope with all this?

Many, many moons ago, I also had a hotmail address, which I absolutely had to give up because of the same problem. The mistaken identity spam for hotmail was insane and only got worse, so I abandoned it. I'd really like to avoid that option, but I'm getting at least 10-20 emails a week that are emphatically not meant for me. Is there any way to work around people's stupidity?

posted by juliebug to computers & internet (28 answers total)

The most severe option (beyond just giving that address up) is to essentially create a whitelist of senders-- tell Gmail to bounce or filter any message from a sender not in your address book. Occasionally you'll have to go through the filtered messages and whitelist a few more addresses.
posted by supercres at 1:08 PM on August 7, 2012

I generally follow the Metafilter policy of "flag and move on", but in this case "flag" means "delete" or "mark as SPAM", depending on my mood. Most of the email I get on any given day is unwanted or of only marginal interest. I am not sure there is any less attention-requiring way to solve the problem.
posted by rocketpup at 1:13 PM on August 7, 2012 [3 favorites]

Is it not an option to block the address or report it as spam, instead of going through the unsubscribe route? Personal email is another matter -- a quick reply of 'you have the wrong person' is usually enough, as with a wrong number.

I had much the same problem, including one guy who was emailing his son and signing him up for various lists. The son had the same name as me, and the dad had -- coincidentally -- the same name as my Dad, who died a few years ago. So here I was, getting semi-regular email from beyond the grave, as it would at first seem, which was Unpleasant. I sent out a couple 'you have the wrong guy' replies, but buddy was lazy and would keep making the same mistake, so eventually I sent a nasty note and blocked his ass.
posted by Capt. Renault at 1:13 PM on August 7, 2012 [1 favorite]

Seconding the whitelist idea, it would be nice if Gmail had a filter for "people not in my address book".
posted by epo at 1:13 PM on August 7, 2012 [1 favorite]

I have the same issue - am an early-adopter of gmail and have a handle lots of other people want/think is theirs. You can also set up filters to auto-delete stuff without it ever appearing in your inbox. It takes a moment or two, but does cut down on the frustration factor.

Also, I save a folder of some of the more amusing ones - maybe I'll write a short story or a humorous article one day :)
posted by handful of rain at 1:15 PM on August 7, 2012 [1 favorite]

When I get automated emails that aren't super easy to unsubscribe from I just mark them as spam and Google's algorithm stops sending them to my inbox.

Not to minimize your problem, because this stuff bugs me too when it happens to me, but the best way to cope with it might be that hitting "delete" 10-20 times a week is less effort than maintaining a whitelist. I don't don't try to be a good Samaritan with mis-addressed emails generally, just *click* and gone.
posted by no regrets, coyote at 1:16 PM on August 7, 2012 [3 favorites]

I routinely get mistaken emails and sometimes have to have conversations wherein I try to convince them that I'm really not their friend. Someone keeps having their investment bank email me. In one case someone's class syllabus listed my email account. I have found that for the people it is useful to have a sentence or two that I paste in emphasizing where I live and that they should contact the person by a phone number to get the correct address. I mark most of the mailings as spam. Google is already too vigilant about putting useful emails into the spam filter, so I haven't done the whitelist option, but it might be a useful option.
posted by jetlagaddict at 1:17 PM on August 7, 2012

I've got a similar problem with my primary gmail account - wedding pictures, computer shipment notifications, invites to parties and groups and dating website accounts, sweepstakes entries and message board account/postings.

Gmail does have an 'Only send a response to people in my Contacts' option for vacations but I don't see one that would do the opposite of hat.

I wish gmail had an easy whitelist option for this and kid-related-mail reasons.

If you're not using it on a phone, maybe set up a rule that marks items from people in your contact list with a star, then floats them to the top?

There is new functionality that will attempt to unsubscribe you (systems that use an unsubscribe system they've sussed out),


One option might be to add everyone to your circle on google plus and "whitelist" them that way, filtering out anyone not in your circle.
posted by tilde at 1:19 PM on August 7, 2012

This happens to me all of the time too, on account of my very common name (Matt Brown), which is incorporated in to my email address. Two other Matt Browns out there constantly give out my email address by mistake (in fact, one of them, who in spite of his ineptitude somehow has a high-level finance job in the UK, has actually forwarded very sensitive work emails to my account on a number of occasions). I started by sending back friendly notes apprising them of their respective mistakes, but neither of these fuckwits has gotten the message, and the various companies they send my address to (a Canadian flower shop, a British dance club, an Australian travel agency) seem to care. GMail's spam filter is your friend here.
posted by saladin at 1:21 PM on August 7, 2012 [2 favorites]

Sorry, should say that the various companies don't seem to care.
posted by saladin at 1:22 PM on August 7, 2012

I have a filter in Gmail that does the following things:

1. Skips Inbox
2. Deletes FOREVER

When I get stuck in one of these loops of cruft, I add an applicable address to the filter rules.
posted by kbanas at 1:28 PM on August 7, 2012 [5 favorites]

I do not want to give up my current Gmail address

In the outside chance it is Gmail you are attached to, and not your specific email address, you can easily and cheaply get Google Apps for My Domain set up on whatever domain you might want to buy -- [e-mail] instead of [e-mail].
posted by Rock Steady at 1:30 PM on August 7, 2012

I know exactly what you're going through. My gmail account is my first two initials followed by a very common surname. So, even though my first name is "James" I get emails address to all kinds of folks: John, Jenny, Jean, Joe, Janine, Jared, on and on and on.

I used to try the unsubscribe thing and it just doesn't work all the time. In some cases I've gotten very personal emails from people, and even after I've informed them that they have the wrong email they continue to send me stuff.

So: into the spam folder they go. I don't even think about it anymore.
posted by Doleful Creature at 1:37 PM on August 7, 2012

I'm fiddling with google labs multiple inboxes but I can't get it to work at all. I logged out and back in again, but it's configurable, but not visible.
posted by tilde at 1:47 PM on August 7, 2012

Are you using Priority Inbox? That would be my solution. Google automatically puts into the Important category anything that's a response to something you sent, and stuff from people you frequently correspond with. With a little coaxing using the yellow pointers it learns more about what you think is important and what's not. Combine this with marking as spam those newsletters you don't want, and you're going to find that 99 percent of what your really want lands in the Important section. You still need to scan the Everything Else section, but when you do, on stuff you want to see, click the arrow to promote the item as Important before opening it.
posted by beagle at 2:04 PM on August 7, 2012

I think you have two possible approaches, one of which is covered above (ruthlessly filter the repeat offenders).

The other option is the whitelist, which you can create by adding a "." anywhere in your username. So make it jq.smith instead of [e-mail]

This goes to your inbox too (also you can add "+mytag" at the end, and it will label the email with mytag... but this is not accepted by all webforms). If you make a filter which upgrades this in priority, it could be useful. In fact, any number of .'s is allowable, go nuts. I use this for the reverse, giving my address to spamsites.
posted by tintexas at 2:04 PM on August 7, 2012

In my experience it is rarely if ever a good idea to reply and try to sort out the case of mistaken identity - some spammers intentionally include you on what appears to be confidential or regular private emails that appear to be conversations between colleagues or companies or private citizens, just with your name added to the cc list. Once you reply to sort out the 'mistake' they know your email address is live/real and start signing you up to untold spam lists, presumably for commission.

Block and move on.
posted by juiceanddoom at 2:37 PM on August 7, 2012 [4 favorites]

I'm in the same situation, down to the American political emails sent to little ol' Canadian me. And little league updates, and class syllabi, and job application call-backs, and eHarmony profile info, and family emails about What To Do About The Co-Owned Cottage (complete with legal contracts attached!), and so on and so on.

The "add a . in your email address" whitelist idea isn't ideal for me because I've used this address for years and I don't want to force my many legitimate contacts to update. And it doesn't matter if I get signed up for spam lists, because Gmail keeps all of that junk tucked away in the Spam folder. It's the non-spam email sent to me in error every week that is the issue.

I have a quick "wrong email address" reply that I send to individuals. I look for unsubscribe links for mailing lists AND I create a filter to send that mailing list out of my inbox. I make filters to weed persistently stupid people out of my inbox after I've tried to fix their error a couple of times. (Nope, still not interested in Random Family's reunion plans.)

But the most emotionally satisfying thing ever is to log into someone's dating profile ("I forgot my password" sends YOUR email a reset) and completely mess with it. Change the profile to a long and snarky spiel about how "you should totally date me!!! i cant even spell my own email address!! woo yeah!!! im a keeper yes i is." Update the photo(s) to something entirely unflattering. Oh and also take 2 minutes to change the email address associated with the account.

It's annoying, it's unending, but it also comes with little gift-wrapped opportunities for harmless trolling which keep my stress levels down to a manageable level.
posted by heatherann at 2:57 PM on August 7, 2012 [2 favorites]

Previously, with some good suggestions.
posted by lunasol at 3:04 PM on August 7, 2012

Someone created a Facebook account using one of my gmail addresses earlier this summer. I was getting pretty tired of receiving Facebook friend requests - in French, no less! - so at some point I tried to log in. Though I didn't have a password, I was able to email it to myself using MY email address that this French kid had used to create the account. Fortunately, said kid wasn't able to do much with the FB account on the basis since he was never able to confirm the account via email. I deleted and have been unmolested by French Facebook emails since.
posted by mlo at 3:24 PM on August 7, 2012

Canned responses are a great way to fire off "mistaken identity" replies, if you feel moved to do so. You're under no obligation to respond to email sent to you by mistake. And yes, "Filter Messages Like These" > skip inbox, delete is your friend.
posted by trunk muffins at 3:26 PM on August 7, 2012 [2 favorites]

This happens to me constantly. At one point I determined another gmail user had set my email address as their reply to address after getting inquiries about a Craigslist ad and emailing them to feign interest. Their response came, I clicked reply, and it was addressed to my other account. When I tried to explain to this person (whose personal correspondence I had been getting for a few weeks, including medical appointment confirmations, replies from creditors about working out payments, notices of parties and other stuff) she decided her account had been hacked and closed it. I get welcome emails from forums on such wide ranging topics as knitting, clip art, mechanics, Russian poetry, gaming, etc. I am currently getting a steady influx of emails in Korean I can't seem to stop. One guy set up a Facebook acct with my address and then spent a good two days trying to cover it.

What I do... In some cases I have contacted the admins of the domains when I could get no satisfying unsubscribe done. I always, always, tell them they should add an email verification step, but I doubt many listen. I heavily use filters to send the repeat offenders emails to the trash. In one case I got an angry email from someone because a married man had been taking her out and had given her my email as his. I explained, we went back on forth on what an ass he was, and that was it. Oh, did I mention also the fairly steady influx of flight confirmations, cell phone bills, and the download links/confirmations of games purchased on bigfish.com? The latter actually included credit card info and addresses. It boggles my mind how some people can be so clueless.

I have also logged into these accts set up with my email and closed them. In one case I asked a site to ban my email after 3 different accts had been closed there with my address.
posted by routergirl at 5:09 PM on August 7, 2012

I have a similar problem in that my email address has a '.' in it between my first and last names. I set it up this way because that's how the navy at the time did their email addresses, so I followed suit with my gmail account. Turns out gmail doesn't 'see' the '.', so over the years more and more people somehow manage to find variants of my name to misspell and I end up getting their emails.

Although you say you don't want to give up your gmail address, that's the only solution that eventually worked for me. Outlook.com came out with a great web-based service, and that's what i've 'mostly' switched to.

It's a pain to make the switch, but at least I don't have to call a guy in London with my name to let him know that the time has been changed for his brother's wedding rehearsal dinner, not do I have to keep turning down WEEKLY sign up sheets for the Soccer League in Kentucky that I supposedly referee on... and I don't have to look over all these magazine subscriptions down in Australia that my other self keeps signing up for.
posted by matty at 6:50 PM on August 7, 2012

The other "me" is a psychiatrist at a rather large university and I get a lot of annoying, albeit interesting, emails. I reply to her patients when inclined and let them know, otherwise it continues on and on.

She really should find a different email address, it feels icky that her patients' very personal emails are reaching me.
posted by jerseygirl at 6:53 PM on August 7, 2012

Ugh, me too -- mine is just six letters (I got an invitation from someone who worked at Google that I randomly met at a party, back when it wasn't easy to get invites). I get genuine job offers, a real scholarship notice, christening photos, etc. etc. There's a group of friends and family in Mexico who have never figured out that I'm the wrong person. :| When it seems critical, I let them know, but ...

Also, yes, companies REALLY REALLY need to put double opt-in on their mailing lists! (If any of you are in a position to affect your company's policies, sign up for your own ML and see what happens!) Otherwise lots of us will mark your messages as spam.

I've asked before and never gotten a good solution, so I'm looking into transitioning over to one of my personal domains. What a pain after all these years. :/
posted by wintersweet at 8:59 PM on August 7, 2012

Get your own domain name?

So that, instead of [e-mail], you'd be [e-mail]. And no-one would be handing out [e-mail].

You'd have to spend a little while configuring it, but it's doable.
posted by sebastienbailard at 11:52 PM on August 7, 2012

I've had this same issue with Gmail on my '[e-mail]' address - and I've also not received mail that I know people have sent to me where they've not needed to type the address - for example, someone hit reply on an email and it didn't reach me (nor did it go to spam) and an email from American Airlines changing a flight didn't arrive (where the address is in their records so it's just a 'click button' exercise).

If I get someone else's mail and it's a one-off (I got an order confirmation for someone in Australia the other day) I email back and explain they must have got the wrong email address. If it's anything spammy I click the 'report spam' button.

I've now set up '[e-mail]' and hope this'll solve the problem of my mail going astray.
posted by essexjan at 2:54 AM on August 8, 2012

It's not just me?! Thank god!!! My address is first initial + surname (6 chars total) and as time has passed I get more and more emails intended for other people - wedding photos, bank account details, details of a shipment of guns, tea party newsletters: all a rather amusing snapshot of Americana for me sitting here in Ireland but annoying nonetheless. Once upon a time I tried being a good Samaritan and replying but it got me nowhere, now I just unsub from any lists and add the senders to a "Skip inbox, apply filter NotMe" filter.
posted by nfg at 8:23 AM on August 9, 2012