How to make a move on someone I've been waiting to approach?
July 21, 2012 11:41 PM Subscribe
How do I approach a castmate I've developed feelings for? We've been working on a show together for about a month, and I've developed an attraction to him. I immediately determined I should wait until the show closed to make any obvious moves, but I'm not sure how to do it.
posted by lemoncakeisalie to human relations (35 answers total) 2 users marked this as a favorite
He's friendly and playful and teases me, but it's unclear whether he's interested. In addition, I recently learned that he's rather awkward at approaching women, having been in a years-long relationship from about age eighteen until a couple of years ago. (He's in his late 20s.) It seems plausible that he wouldn't make a move regardless of possible interest. He may not even quite know how, odd as that sounds.
I asked him to dinner about a week into rehearsals because it was clear we had a lot in common. We walked about twenty minutes, went to a shop, got coffee, and had dinner. He didn't offer to pay or anything, but he let us sit and talk for half an hour before ordering because "the company's good." After a long dinner, he walked me home because the area is a bit sketchy, but he sat on my steps with me for about twenty minutes so we could keep talking. All told, we spent five hours together. It was very relaxed and touchy-feely - no holding hands, but I got good vibes. (Again, though, we're theatre people. Touching may mean nothing - we touch a lot in our show.)
In the last few weeks, I've been flirting a lot - teasing him, little touches, all my best moves. Problem is, theatre people use banter and teasing and touches to make friends and establish rapport among the cast. So this is likely to be seen as friendly, not hitting on him. I'm also a hugely bubbly, energetic person. And my character has a crush on his character. So I think it may all be getting lost in the noise, so to speak.
Anyway, the show closes pretty soon. I want to have a plan. There's likely to be making out at the cast party, which probably will just mean fun with friends to anyone involved (including, usually, me - which he knows). I'm not sure how to make it clear that I'm attracted to him and not just as a friend / pair of lips. I also don't want to spook him or make things awkward, as it's likely we'll work together again at some point in the next few years (college theater, nothing professional).
So, how do I be delicate about this without leaving him guessing? Because he's said (and shown) that he's not too skilled at guessing.