How did I lose all these friends?
July 4, 2012 6:10 AM Subscribe
Does time heal all wounds? My recent ex took a lot of formerly mutual friends with her. They won't talk to me let alone about why and I think I'm in the dog house simply for asking the question, "why?" Is there a practical way to recover these friendships? Should I even try? Would it be better for me to just walk away and shrug it off? Given time will some of them talk to me again or is it just over?
posted by anonymous to human relations (27 answers total) 7 users marked this as a favorite
I'd like to be on speaking terms or better with some of these formerly mutual friends, but it feels like maybe she and they thought that she did all the heavy lifting in friendships with them.
Or maybe there's more to it? I don't know what my ex may of said or not; I don't know whether it's all motivated just by sympathy for her and her suffering or if there's more than that being said about me and why people should stay away from me. The weird part for me is that most of the people who left are people I admire because they're generally such good communicators.
I'm cut off. Most of those gone won't respond to me and I don't want to force it. And I just have no idea what happened.
This is the first time I've had to deal with losing such numbers of friends post-breakup. Not only is it my pattern to get in long term relationships but before this I've never had to deal with so many leaving my company. Never so obviously, never so abruptly.
I still have all the friends I made myself, all my family and some new friends I've made anyhow. This is not a desperate situation. I'm not in some self-destructive, forlorn spiral. I just miss these former friends and am bewildered and would like to know what's going on. I'm sort of shell shocked by the whole situation. Some of these ex-friends were people I considered good friends until they left, and now I do not know what to think.
Is it too drama queeny to even feel badly about this? I think probably not, but I feel so knocked sideways that I don't know if my own responses are reasonable.
Finally, I'm worried about being some sort of crypto douchebag (unbeknownst even to myself) but have asked people I know and trust to seriously let me know if I drift into the douchebag zone.