“When two divorced people marry, four people get into bed” Jewish proverb.
June 12, 2012 2:03 AM Subscribe
Is it ever OK to get involved in disagreements between my husband and his ex-wife?
posted by jacanj to human relations (13 answers total) 1 user marked this as a favorite
My gut response is “No, never” – but maybe I’m wrong?
Husband and ex-wife share roughly equally a Son who is 8.
I have been with my husband since Son was 1 year old.
All disagreements are regarding Son's life and are usually via text message and voice mail. I've always silently supported my husband and not been actively involved in any disagreements.
If it’s relevant, the ex-wife will start name-calling, yelling, and making off-topic disparaging remarks and accusations when my husband does not agree with her request/order. My husband is calm, respectful but firm - often revising text messages to de-snark them. His most antagonistic response is telling her that her behaviour is disgraceful.
Are there any circumstances where perhaps I should be getting involved?
For example, in these specific circumstances:
What if the ex-wife's husband gets involved in the disagreement (not helpfully – threats, put-downs)?
Or the ex-wife's decisions have serious consequences for Son's development (backed up by his teachers)?
Or ex-wife revokes a previous temporary schedule change – that benefited Son in allowing him to attend 2 activities – one medical, one sporting, and was actually very inconvenient for my husband - as punishment for my husband not agreeing to her latest request/order?
Or my husband is considering ignoring ex-wife and any of her requests/orders to try to avoid the disagreements?
If the answer is ever “Yes”, should I try to mediate or should I push my husband's view? I fear that I won’t be a good mediator because I think she’s totally wrong on most things.