Learning to be a grown-up

July 26, 2005 8:15 AM

What do you want to be when you grow up? How are you working to be that person?

I've recently started trying to figure out in more detail what I want to be like when I grow up, what personality characteristics I want to have. Once I've decided, I want to work on getting them. What do you want to be and how are you learning to change? What's worked in the past?

For example, is a yoga class likely to be help someone trying to be graceful? Or is a dancing class better? Furthermore, is it actually possible to learn to be witty or happy?

posted by stoneegg21 to grab bag (9 comments total)

Thinking about it, I should be more clear. The reason I'm asking is because I don't really know what I want to be like, and suggestions would be useful so I know what I can aspire to. As well, suggestions on how to become a better person would help.
posted by stoneegg21 at 8:37 AM on July 26, 2005

are you sure there aren't other, implicit, subconscious decisions behind what you just "decided"? or rather, since there always are, have you considered worrying about those? why do you feel the need to plan and change, for example? in my experience (as a grown up, i guess, looking back), that kind of approach (more introspective, less active) has been productive for me.

life happens. come to terms with who you are. there are enough chances for change without worrying about making more. in my experience.
posted by andrew cooke at 8:42 AM on July 26, 2005

On "learning to be happy" -- I have been told that one secret to happiness in life is Low Expectations. Practice entering projects with "I'll be pleased if this works out" rather than "I'll be disappointed if it doesn't".
posted by Aknaton at 8:45 AM on July 26, 2005

I'm 22, and just started a new job that is a really good step in the right direction for my career. But suddenly I'm doubting if it's really what I want to do, and where I want to be when I "grow up".

I think our goals change frequently as we grow up the goalposts keep moving. Whenever our circumstances change, so do our goals.

At the moment I'm aiming to be great at what I do, have a steady job with good income, and to be the best human being I possibly can.

How do I go about it? I havent a clue.
posted by lemonfridge at 8:45 AM on July 26, 2005

This is a question where I could go on forever, but I will just answer what I see as specific issues. For instance, yoga is completely about breathing, so if you want to learn to meditate yoga is great. If you want to learn a physical quality like gracefulness, a dance class would be best.

In terms of what you want to be like, I view humans as a social species, thus primarily learning from each other. I see what I like in others, in books, etc., what gets me excited, hits me as true, connects with me, so thus what essentially I believe in, and I do that. Then I examine the results, how it affects others, how it affects me, whether that is what I wanted, and adjust accordingly. The series of interactions in my life, I see them as opportunities to learn, and I try to be as open as possible to see what I need from those experiences.

But that comes from my specific perspective and convictions, which I guess I learned from this process, but I think you have to know what you beleive to know what you want.

I don't really know how to answer this question completely, so I'll just leave it at that.
posted by scazza at 8:54 AM on July 26, 2005

As a grown up (41), I've often looked back and thought about the decisions I made and how I could have made decisions that produced different (perhaps better) results in my current situation. With that in mind, I try to bring a little hindsight into current major life decisions.

Yoga is a good place to start, not for gracefulness as mentioned above, but for clearing your mind.

First, you have to gather all the big life decisions and think about where you want to be in 10 - 20 years. Married? Single? Children?

Do you see yourself traveling rather than settling down? If so, how can you make/save money now to support either lifestyle?

Once you decide your angle and start on a path doing what you really want to do, the happiness part should come naturally. If not, it's never too late to make adjustments.

And, of course, build in flexibility. Be prepared to make mistakes and learn from them. The life you think you are working toward might not exist once you get there.

It's difficult to know what kind of life you want to have in the future, but it is good to think about the possibilities and make decisions that support your choices.

Another aid is to read biographies of people you admire.
posted by strangeleftydoublethink at 10:18 AM on July 26, 2005

The sports/personality thing is something I've read a bit about lately. There's a guy in Montreal, James Gavin, who has written about choosing sports either to fit (so that you'll stick with it) or to alter your personality. For example, if you'd like to become more outgoing you might choose to play football rather than go swimming. Seems obvious, but you can also choose sports based on which are more (or less) agressive, spontaneous, risk taking etc.

You can read more and take the his "test" here.
posted by Cuke at 12:19 PM on July 26, 2005

As well, suggestions on how to become a better person would help.

Read. Learn to play an instrument. Take photographs. In other words: Become well-rounded.

I wanted to be a speechwriter, and I didn't want to learn from Peggy Noonan's book. So I went old school. I read Aristotle, and Quintilian, and Cicero. I studied vocal technique. I learned about dramatic kinesics. I found psychological studies examining speech rates, and presentation length, and variances in every aspect imaginable. I read every single Inaugural Address.

If I don't have work on a given day, I practice by picking a news story and writing a press release for one of the involved parties. I read nonfiction to inform my writing, and I read fiction to color it. I constantly find words I don't know, and I write them down and learn them.

There are professionals far above me on the speechwriting ladder who are far below me in terms of skill. There are also writers like William Safire or Ted Sorensen whom I don't know that I'll ever be able to rival. I learned to tell the difference, and the former don't provoke jealousy. I don't want to be at the top without being the best. That'll take another 30 years. I'm patient.
posted by cribcage at 9:21 PM on July 26, 2005

dead ... and i'm quite serious about that

don't grow up ... grow
posted by pyramid termite at 9:30 PM on July 26, 2005