I really, really, really don't want him to be THAT guy.
June 6, 2012 6:24 AM Subscribe
My husband has the opportunity to buy a [lower-end luxury brand sports car] from an ill family friend for a great deal. I am totally against it.
posted by anonymous to human relations (146 answers total) 11 users marked this as a favorite
We're 28 and 30. We've been together ten years (whew!), have a fantastic relationship, and see eye-to-eye on most financial things, though he's always been spendier than me (even when we were restaurant servers in college). Now, he is an executive and makes ten times more money than I do. I am in a low-paying creative field. He considers his money our money -- for the most part. This is a rare impasse, but one that is strumming fundamental differences between us.
The car would cost $12k. It's worth $15k from a private party, $18k from a dealer.
His reasons for buying the car (I asked him):
-- It's an opportunity to buy a nice car at a fraction of the price.
-- He wants it.
-- It has sentimental value, because it belongs to a close family friend (a parent's best friend) with a terminal illness.
-- He's been driving his current truck since college, works hard, and has earned it – even deserves it, because he makes most of the money in the household.
-- He's the one who commutes (20 minutes each way), while I work from home.
-- My car (a hybrid, two years old, which he pays for, drives on occasion) cost more.
He makes very good money for his age, and has friends who make very good money. I run in creative circles, where even many hardworking friends are struggling. I have a lot of first world guilt over stuff like our house (we own two). We've both traveled a ton in developing countries, and that has profoundly affected my lifestyle and worldview. Additionally, my family has always struggled more with money than his. I recognize that all this biases the way I feel.
Reasons I don't want him to buy the car:
-- I am disgusted by flashy sports cars, and flashy signs of wealth in general. I know it's not that expensive, but the brand is a status symbol. I feel like a big part of him wants to be "the guy in the [sports car brand]". Whereas I would feel humiliated for my broke friends and struggling family to see it in my driveway.
-- We plan to try for a baby in the next six months. This is not a baby-friendly car; there is no backseat.
-- I try to be an environmentalist. It's important to me; I work hard at it. I drive a hybrid. 17/25 miles per gallon for a small car is terrible compared to what's out there (though maybe 10% better than his truck). In general, I resent his disinterest in hybrid/fuel-efficient cars.
He's been considering a new car for a while. However, not a single car he's considered has been any sort of sports car. This is totally out of left field – and only in the ballpark because it's a friend offering it (and a good deal). Spending big amounts of money makes me twitchy, especially with the massive home repairs we need to do. But I'd be on board with him buying a different, even more expensive car – just not a frigging flashy brand sports car meant for two when we're planning a family, even if it has sentimental value.
I want him to be happy and drive a car that makes him happy. However, I feel that buying this car would be extremely selfish on his part (excepting his not wanting to hurt the ill family friend's feelings); he agrees it'd be a mostly emotional purchase. Then again, he does make vastly more money than I do. And the car really is a good deal.
He's read, tweaked and approved this post. Basically, we just want your thoughts. How do we solve this without resentment on either side?