Can we get out of attending this expensive wedding?
May 23, 2012 5:23 PM Subscribe
Can we bail from this wedding? It's happening in 17 days.
Backstory: I'm friends with the groom; we were were coworkers several years earlier. We still talk sometimes online, mainly about politics, and my husband is on friendly terms with him as well. We hardly know his wife at all. The couple attended our wedding last year, which was in the city where we all live, so it was convenient for them. They gave us a $100 check. We see them maybe once every two years, despite our multiple invitations to parties and other social gatherings. They're homebodies though, so we don't take it personally.
So now they're getting married. Yay! However, the logistics are really expensive. The ceremony is 3 hours away from us, so we'll need to rent a car for the weekend (a $430 fee) and stay in a hotel in a tiny resort town with no fleabag options. The cheapest hotel we could find was $100/night.
There is no public transit option, so we're splitting the rental car with two other guests. I was hoping to drive upstate that Saturday, which would cut down on hotel and car rental fees, but all the hotels have a 2-night minimum, and one of our passengers is part of the wedding party, so she has to be upstate on Friday anyways.
After researching rental car companies today, I'm in sticker shock. As a non-driving city person who never takes trips, I didn't realize how expensive it would be to rent a car for a weekend. Even though we're splitting that fee with two other people, the excursion is costing us $415 already. The couple is not part of our regular circle of friends, so we don't know anyone who can split other fees with us, such as an extra couple to pile into the car or to share a cabin upstate. The weirdest part is that the guy and his wife are not wealthy (her parents are, though) and what few mutual friends we have together are also not terribly rich. I have no idea how they think anyone in our income bracket can afford this getaway.
It's my fault for not thinking through the cost options. I RSVPd thinking we'd be shelling out about $225, but now I see we'll have to pay nearly double thanks to the car rental.
On one hand, I know that how irritating last-minute cancellations can be. We've told two people we could split a rental car, so if we back out now they'll have to make other arrangements, like splitting a rental car between themselves. My husband and I enjoy socializing and wouldn't mind hanging out with friends of the bride and groom, so it's not like the actual event would be a chore.
On the other hand, I think it's simply insane to pay that kind of money to attend a wedding for two people whom we hardly ever see. We're not exactly rich, so shelling out over $400 for not-very-close friends seems extravagant.
What should we do? We have two days left to cancel our hotel reservations with no penalty, so in theory we could save all of our money and send them a check for $100 or even more. If we cancel, how can I word the apology email so that I don't sound like an impoverished, selfish jerkface? I'm embarrassed to admit that this trip is sort of out of our price range, and I don't want my friend to feel bad for the fact that we can't really afford to attend.
Or, given how late this cancellation would be, should we just tighten our belts and attend? If this is enormously bad etiquette, tell me how bad it is so I can feel better about paying all this money to attend the wedding!
Backstory: I'm friends with the groom; we were were coworkers several years earlier. We still talk sometimes online, mainly about politics, and my husband is on friendly terms with him as well. We hardly know his wife at all. The couple attended our wedding last year, which was in the city where we all live, so it was convenient for them. They gave us a $100 check. We see them maybe once every two years, despite our multiple invitations to parties and other social gatherings. They're homebodies though, so we don't take it personally.
So now they're getting married. Yay! However, the logistics are really expensive. The ceremony is 3 hours away from us, so we'll need to rent a car for the weekend (a $430 fee) and stay in a hotel in a tiny resort town with no fleabag options. The cheapest hotel we could find was $100/night.
There is no public transit option, so we're splitting the rental car with two other guests. I was hoping to drive upstate that Saturday, which would cut down on hotel and car rental fees, but all the hotels have a 2-night minimum, and one of our passengers is part of the wedding party, so she has to be upstate on Friday anyways.
After researching rental car companies today, I'm in sticker shock. As a non-driving city person who never takes trips, I didn't realize how expensive it would be to rent a car for a weekend. Even though we're splitting that fee with two other people, the excursion is costing us $415 already. The couple is not part of our regular circle of friends, so we don't know anyone who can split other fees with us, such as an extra couple to pile into the car or to share a cabin upstate. The weirdest part is that the guy and his wife are not wealthy (her parents are, though) and what few mutual friends we have together are also not terribly rich. I have no idea how they think anyone in our income bracket can afford this getaway.
It's my fault for not thinking through the cost options. I RSVPd thinking we'd be shelling out about $225, but now I see we'll have to pay nearly double thanks to the car rental.
On one hand, I know that how irritating last-minute cancellations can be. We've told two people we could split a rental car, so if we back out now they'll have to make other arrangements, like splitting a rental car between themselves. My husband and I enjoy socializing and wouldn't mind hanging out with friends of the bride and groom, so it's not like the actual event would be a chore.
On the other hand, I think it's simply insane to pay that kind of money to attend a wedding for two people whom we hardly ever see. We're not exactly rich, so shelling out over $400 for not-very-close friends seems extravagant.
What should we do? We have two days left to cancel our hotel reservations with no penalty, so in theory we could save all of our money and send them a check for $100 or even more. If we cancel, how can I word the apology email so that I don't sound like an impoverished, selfish jerkface? I'm embarrassed to admit that this trip is sort of out of our price range, and I don't want my friend to feel bad for the fact that we can't really afford to attend.
Or, given how late this cancellation would be, should we just tighten our belts and attend? If this is enormously bad etiquette, tell me how bad it is so I can feel better about paying all this money to attend the wedding!
I don't get why, anywhere in the United States, you would be paying more than $100/day for a rental car. I have never paid more than about $60/day (fees included) for a rental car, and that was when I had a company to cover the cost and had no incentive to reduce costs. Although this doesn't answer your question directly, I'd suggest you investigate Priceline or Hotwire for reducing the cost of your rental. If you can email me or memail me, I can provide more specific tips for reducing the cost of your rental car based on your dates and destination.
posted by saeculorum at 5:29 PM on May 23, 2012 [25 favorites]
posted by saeculorum at 5:29 PM on May 23, 2012 [25 favorites]
Hmmm. It's not that difficult to come up with an excuse not to attend, but I'd feel obligated to still pay my half for the car rental.
I'd be choosing between paying a lot to attend, or paying a little less to miss it.
God help you if you decide to go and the other couple doesn't and sticks you with the full car rental. See what I mean?
Also-- I'd put off the wedding gift until I'd recovered financially. Etiquette says you have a year, I believe.
posted by vitabellosi at 5:31 PM on May 23, 2012 [3 favorites]
I'd be choosing between paying a lot to attend, or paying a little less to miss it.
God help you if you decide to go and the other couple doesn't and sticks you with the full car rental. See what I mean?
Also-- I'd put off the wedding gift until I'd recovered financially. Etiquette says you have a year, I believe.
posted by vitabellosi at 5:31 PM on May 23, 2012 [3 favorites]
Yah that $430 price for the rental car sounds insane. I regularly reserve rental cars for $20-30 bucks a day. If you can have the mod add more information about your location, people can probably find ways to bring that car price down for you.
In terms of canceling on the wedding? It's not a problem to back on on attending, but backing out on splitting the car with people you already agreed to split it with is not cool. Then you're drastically increasing their costs at the last minute.
posted by Arbac at 5:33 PM on May 23, 2012 [4 favorites]
In terms of canceling on the wedding? It's not a problem to back on on attending, but backing out on splitting the car with people you already agreed to split it with is not cool. Then you're drastically increasing their costs at the last minute.
posted by Arbac at 5:33 PM on May 23, 2012 [4 favorites]
I mean are you onto being friends with them anymore? They have already paid for food and drink so they aren't getting that back. And you're screwing the other couple who you said you'd share the car rental with. If you really don't care about the friendship then sure bail, but I don't actually think the cost for a wedding is that extravagant. I'd actually be thrilled if any wedding I've been to in the last few years had $100 hotels. I'm not saying this to belittle your financial considerations, I think you are trying to make this sound like a very extravagant destination wedding when it isn't. Your friends invited you because they are your friends, they assumed you would determine whether you could attend and RSVP accordingly. They haven't pressured you into an expensive social obligation.
I think that if you cancel you should offer to pay whatever put of pocket cost they have incurred and pay for half the rental car. That's really the best you can do under the circumstances.
posted by whoaali at 5:34 PM on May 23, 2012 [3 favorites]
I think that if you cancel you should offer to pay whatever put of pocket cost they have incurred and pay for half the rental car. That's really the best you can do under the circumstances.
posted by whoaali at 5:34 PM on May 23, 2012 [3 favorites]
From an etiquette point of view: No, you can't back out now because you calculated the costs wrong. Think of this from the bride and groom's perspective. Even if you're not best friends with them and they won't be devastated that you're missing their day, you will be adding stress and annoyance that they don't need, AND you will be costing them money because they have prepaid for your meals, favors, etc. Tighten your belts and go, and think of it as a vacation. Definitely research cheaper transportation options.
posted by chickenmagazine at 5:35 PM on May 23, 2012 [8 favorites]
posted by chickenmagazine at 5:35 PM on May 23, 2012 [8 favorites]
If you really are sure that the rental price is prohibitive (did you try Googling for discount car rentals in your area by the way? I always wind up reserving through random sites, never through the regular ones; the discounts are significant) then I think you can cancel. You know better than us whether spending the money is going to mean that you don't get something else that you really want.
It'd be nice if you gave the two couples that need ride shares each other's phone numbers so that they can still hook that up if they want. And of course send a nice check.
(To be honest, I was pretty annoyed when people last minute canceled attending my wedding though; it messed up my tables a fair bit. It is fairly rude.)
posted by fingersandtoes at 5:36 PM on May 23, 2012
It'd be nice if you gave the two couples that need ride shares each other's phone numbers so that they can still hook that up if they want. And of course send a nice check.
(To be honest, I was pretty annoyed when people last minute canceled attending my wedding though; it messed up my tables a fair bit. It is fairly rude.)
posted by fingersandtoes at 5:36 PM on May 23, 2012
Im current renting a car for 12.00 dollars a day with hotwire. My wife has rented cars for short spurts, you shouldn't be paying more than 50 dollars a day plus taxes.
posted by Fidel Cashflow at 5:36 PM on May 23, 2012 [1 favorite]
posted by Fidel Cashflow at 5:36 PM on May 23, 2012 [1 favorite]
of course you don't have to attend! but maybe you send your apology note on real note paper, not via email. and give them more than 100 dollars.
posted by honey badger at 5:38 PM on May 23, 2012
posted by honey badger at 5:38 PM on May 23, 2012
So your costs are ~$100/person for the car + fuel + $50/person for hotel + ~$100 for a gift. So unless the cost estimate was for the two of you, I don't see how you're that far off.
If you want to go for less money, it should definitely be possible. As others have said, it should definitely be possible to reduce your car rental costs by at least 2-4x or alternatively look into liftsharing with someone who owns a car or even hitching. For lodgings, why not look into couchsurfing or similar?
posted by turkeyphant at 5:38 PM on May 23, 2012 [1 favorite]
If you want to go for less money, it should definitely be possible. As others have said, it should definitely be possible to reduce your car rental costs by at least 2-4x or alternatively look into liftsharing with someone who owns a car or even hitching. For lodgings, why not look into couchsurfing or similar?
posted by turkeyphant at 5:38 PM on May 23, 2012 [1 favorite]
Normally, the only excuse you can use after accepting an invitation (especially to a wedding) is a death in your immediate family, emergency medical conditions or emergency work travel. As your excuse is your financial situation, my first inclination is to tell you to suck it up and go.
If you have the nerve, call the groom and feel him about about the wedding situation. If he mentions how much he's looking forward to seeing you etc etc, then shut your mouth and go.
What is absolutely not permitted: just not showing up. Have the common courtesy to inform the couple if you aren't coming. The no-show is beyond rude.
posted by jaimystery at 5:38 PM on May 23, 2012
If you have the nerve, call the groom and feel him about about the wedding situation. If he mentions how much he's looking forward to seeing you etc etc, then shut your mouth and go.
What is absolutely not permitted: just not showing up. Have the common courtesy to inform the couple if you aren't coming. The no-show is beyond rude.
posted by jaimystery at 5:38 PM on May 23, 2012
feel him out about (jeeze)
posted by jaimystery at 5:39 PM on May 23, 2012
posted by jaimystery at 5:39 PM on May 23, 2012
Definitely Hotwire or Priceline. Is Enterprise near you? If the trip is less than 100 miles a day you can sometimes get a weekend special for $39.
posted by JoeZydeco at 5:39 PM on May 23, 2012
posted by JoeZydeco at 5:39 PM on May 23, 2012
I actually think it IS rude to back out of attending the wedding at this late date. It's not a backyard BBQ -- you're throwing the seating arrangements into disarray and at the point the bride and groom have already paid for your meals and booze. They are expecting you to attend. Bailing because you didn't do the math until now would cheese me off, if I were the bride. Additionally, the people you're sharing the rental car with are counting on your splitting with them -- you don't know their finances either.
$100 a night is not an particularly extravagant suggestion for a hotel, regardless of where you are (I assume in the US), and if hotels are that reasonable, it's very hard for me to believe car rentals are exponentially pricy. I just rented a car in San Francisco for $20 a day thanks to Hotwire.
Rent a car on Hotwire, and go to the wedding and enjoy yourself!
posted by Countess Sandwich at 5:40 PM on May 23, 2012 [4 favorites]
$100 a night is not an particularly extravagant suggestion for a hotel, regardless of where you are (I assume in the US), and if hotels are that reasonable, it's very hard for me to believe car rentals are exponentially pricy. I just rented a car in San Francisco for $20 a day thanks to Hotwire.
Rent a car on Hotwire, and go to the wedding and enjoy yourself!
posted by Countess Sandwich at 5:40 PM on May 23, 2012 [4 favorites]
(I thought the OP was saying that the hotel stay was already costing them 415, and that they now needed to tack on the cost of the rental?)
Bail if you need to, but understand that you should probably CALL TODAY and apologize to the other couples involved and put them in touch with each other. I'd also rec. contacting the maid of honor and best man, because they might be able to put those couples in touch with people who can be relied upon to give them rides.
posted by spunweb at 5:40 PM on May 23, 2012
Bail if you need to, but understand that you should probably CALL TODAY and apologize to the other couples involved and put them in touch with each other. I'd also rec. contacting the maid of honor and best man, because they might be able to put those couples in touch with people who can be relied upon to give them rides.
posted by spunweb at 5:40 PM on May 23, 2012
Other posters are right, backing out now would demand that you pay your share of the car anyway.
Reasons why the car is so expensive: sounds like they might be in NYC, probably renting from a non-airport location, and it's likely that there is lots of demand for weekend rentals on a nice late spring weekend.
posted by gjc at 5:42 PM on May 23, 2012
Reasons why the car is so expensive: sounds like they might be in NYC, probably renting from a non-airport location, and it's likely that there is lots of demand for weekend rentals on a nice late spring weekend.
posted by gjc at 5:42 PM on May 23, 2012
Oh, and it's pretty rude. They'll probably forgive you for it eventually though. It's rude, but not dealbreaker rude, ya know?
posted by spunweb at 5:42 PM on May 23, 2012
posted by spunweb at 5:42 PM on May 23, 2012
I don't know anything about renting cars but it sounds like a lot of people have options to get cheaper prices. What about the other couple? Can't they research and sort out the car part?
Also, I would say because it's late, they came to your wedding and the other people are depending on you, maybe you should just absorb the cost.
You and your husband might actually have a great time and become closer with the car people and the actual bride and groom in the process. That's probably worth $200.
(and as turkeyphant mentioned above, splitting the car cost 4 ways does drastically lower the price).
posted by bquarters at 5:42 PM on May 23, 2012
Also, I would say because it's late, they came to your wedding and the other people are depending on you, maybe you should just absorb the cost.
You and your husband might actually have a great time and become closer with the car people and the actual bride and groom in the process. That's probably worth $200.
(and as turkeyphant mentioned above, splitting the car cost 4 ways does drastically lower the price).
posted by bquarters at 5:42 PM on May 23, 2012
Don't airport locations have the surplus of rentals on weekend? The hurdle is getting to the airport to pick the car up and drop it off.
posted by JoeZydeco at 5:45 PM on May 23, 2012
posted by JoeZydeco at 5:45 PM on May 23, 2012
For lodging: How about couchsurfing? Or AirBNB? Check them out for cheaper lodging options.
For transportation: Usually car rental companies let you cancel up to the last minute. In the meantime, investigate buses. It might be a huge hassle, but it could be possible (and an adventure). Or Craigslist to share rides. You might be able to go on the SUPER cheap.
posted by 3491again at 5:49 PM on May 23, 2012 [1 favorite]
For transportation: Usually car rental companies let you cancel up to the last minute. In the meantime, investigate buses. It might be a huge hassle, but it could be possible (and an adventure). Or Craigslist to share rides. You might be able to go on the SUPER cheap.
posted by 3491again at 5:49 PM on May 23, 2012 [1 favorite]
It's rude to back out at this stage without an emergency. It conveys to the couple that you don't care that much about sharing in this special event with them (which, to be fair, apparently you don't). It also conveys to the folks you were traveling with that avoiding paying the price for your own poor planning is more important than the disruption you'll create to their own plans. (You can solve this problem by chipping in for the car you said you'd rent, as others have noted, but that will cost you money, which you apparently don't want to spend.)
I mostly wanted to chime in to say that if you do decide not to go, you should definitely say so in advance, and you definitely should *not* discuss the costs in the same explicit detail you have here. I doubt a person who thinks you are a friend will be sympathetic to learn that an unplanned marginal expense of $95 / person is more important to you than sharing in one of the milestone moments of his life.
posted by willbaude at 5:49 PM on May 23, 2012
I mostly wanted to chime in to say that if you do decide not to go, you should definitely say so in advance, and you definitely should *not* discuss the costs in the same explicit detail you have here. I doubt a person who thinks you are a friend will be sympathetic to learn that an unplanned marginal expense of $95 / person is more important to you than sharing in one of the milestone moments of his life.
posted by willbaude at 5:49 PM on May 23, 2012
so we'll need to rent a car for the weekend (a $430 fee)
Wait, no. A car does not cost $200/day, unless perhaps you're in Tokyo or Dubai or something. Please please try Hotwire (I usually pay about $30/day regardless there), and don't cancel this late, it's very rude.
posted by tristeza at 5:53 PM on May 23, 2012 [2 favorites]
Wait, no. A car does not cost $200/day, unless perhaps you're in Tokyo or Dubai or something. Please please try Hotwire (I usually pay about $30/day regardless there), and don't cancel this late, it's very rude.
posted by tristeza at 5:53 PM on May 23, 2012 [2 favorites]
Take a bus upstate and rent a car there - of course, you're really still responsible for your part of the rental car. Talk to those people. Maybe they have someone in mind that could easily take over your seats. Maybe they're also feeling a bit daunted by the cost and will take the bus with you.
And I'd like to address this:
The weirdest part is that the guy and his wife are not wealthy (her parents are, though) and what few mutual friends we have together are also not terribly rich. I have no idea how they think anyone in our income bracket can afford this getaway.
I don't really get how this is weird? Traditionally, the wedding is held in the bride's hometown - not always, but a lot of the time. If I'm correct in assuming you're in NYC, the costs are... prohibitive. It's a lot cheaper to hold it upstate, and I don't think the cost for guests can really be factored in too much compared to the baseline price for the wedding.
posted by coupdefoudre at 5:54 PM on May 23, 2012 [1 favorite]
And I'd like to address this:
The weirdest part is that the guy and his wife are not wealthy (her parents are, though) and what few mutual friends we have together are also not terribly rich. I have no idea how they think anyone in our income bracket can afford this getaway.
I don't really get how this is weird? Traditionally, the wedding is held in the bride's hometown - not always, but a lot of the time. If I'm correct in assuming you're in NYC, the costs are... prohibitive. It's a lot cheaper to hold it upstate, and I don't think the cost for guests can really be factored in too much compared to the baseline price for the wedding.
posted by coupdefoudre at 5:54 PM on May 23, 2012 [1 favorite]
Don't rent from central urban area car rental place. Go to the airport and get one there.
E.g. if you are in NYC, go to Newark Airport to get the car. It'll be $30/day instead of $150/day.
posted by joshu at 5:57 PM on May 23, 2012 [10 favorites]
E.g. if you are in NYC, go to Newark Airport to get the car. It'll be $30/day instead of $150/day.
posted by joshu at 5:57 PM on May 23, 2012 [10 favorites]
As someone who is getting married in less than two weeks: do not cancel this late unless you have a very, very, very compelling reason to do so. I just effing finished the seating charts, cut the checks for your food and booze, and wrote out your placecards. This goes double if another couple is counting on you to carpool with. Come on.
You really needed to figure this out before you RSVPd and made plans to share rides. You're committed, make the best of it.
posted by lydhre at 6:03 PM on May 23, 2012 [4 favorites]
You really needed to figure this out before you RSVPd and made plans to share rides. You're committed, make the best of it.
posted by lydhre at 6:03 PM on May 23, 2012 [4 favorites]
willbaude:I doubt a person who thinks you are a friend will be sympathetic to learn that an unplanned marginal expense of $95 / person is more important to you than sharing in one of the milestone moments of his life.
OP: I'm embarrassed to admit that this trip is sort of out of our price range, and I don't want my friend to feel bad for the fact that we can't really afford to attend.
Maybe? We don't know the details of the OP's finances, and it's been a bad year financially for a lot of us. This suggests to me that saving 100/person (200 for this couple all together) might be a big deal. I mean, for me that's as much as one of my bills.
I'm not saying it's not rude. But I am saying that if the bride and groom do actually consider the OP and her partner friends, they're not going to want them to get their lights turned off or whatever to go to their wedding.
posted by spunweb at 6:03 PM on May 23, 2012 [5 favorites]
OP: I'm embarrassed to admit that this trip is sort of out of our price range, and I don't want my friend to feel bad for the fact that we can't really afford to attend.
Maybe? We don't know the details of the OP's finances, and it's been a bad year financially for a lot of us. This suggests to me that saving 100/person (200 for this couple all together) might be a big deal. I mean, for me that's as much as one of my bills.
I'm not saying it's not rude. But I am saying that if the bride and groom do actually consider the OP and her partner friends, they're not going to want them to get their lights turned off or whatever to go to their wedding.
posted by spunweb at 6:03 PM on May 23, 2012 [5 favorites]
Also, remember that you really don't need to bring a gift at all. A nice card is perfectly acceptable!
posted by lydhre at 6:11 PM on May 23, 2012 [1 favorite]
posted by lydhre at 6:11 PM on May 23, 2012 [1 favorite]
Oh yeah, should have reiterated - no gift! You have a year!
posted by tristeza at 6:12 PM on May 23, 2012
posted by tristeza at 6:12 PM on May 23, 2012
If it's a neighborhood rental that's costing so much (I just rented a car for four days and paid $129 TOTAL, so your price is insane to me), then one of you need to go to the airport to pick up the car and return it there. Airport rentals are *insanely* cheap, like $15 a day cheap.
posted by jabes at 6:23 PM on May 23, 2012 [1 favorite]
posted by jabes at 6:23 PM on May 23, 2012 [1 favorite]
I think you ought to go - not so much for the bride and groom's sake as for the other people you're driving.
To save costs: 1) delay giving them the gift and 2) get outside of the city to rent the car. Go to carrentals.com and enter in cities that you can reasonably get to on public transportation until you find one that is the right combination of cheap and convenient. If (as I'm guessing based on "upstate") you're in New York, it looks like prices are much cheaper in New Jersey than in New York (and only one of you has to go to New Jersey to pick up the car).
I think $15 a day is probably unrealistic for a holiday weekend in a major city, but $225 a day is way high. That's expense account pricing.
posted by mskyle at 6:31 PM on May 23, 2012 [1 favorite]
To save costs: 1) delay giving them the gift and 2) get outside of the city to rent the car. Go to carrentals.com and enter in cities that you can reasonably get to on public transportation until you find one that is the right combination of cheap and convenient. If (as I'm guessing based on "upstate") you're in New York, it looks like prices are much cheaper in New Jersey than in New York (and only one of you has to go to New Jersey to pick up the car).
I think $15 a day is probably unrealistic for a holiday weekend in a major city, but $225 a day is way high. That's expense account pricing.
posted by mskyle at 6:31 PM on May 23, 2012 [1 favorite]
Oh wait I see it's not this weekend, it's a couple of weekends away. So the holiday thing doesn't apply.
posted by mskyle at 6:33 PM on May 23, 2012
posted by mskyle at 6:33 PM on May 23, 2012
I think your attitude about this is out of line. Most of the weddings I've gone to cost at least this much just to fly to the city, and that's not counting accommodations and miscellaneous expenses. Obviously some people have a harder time affording stuff than others, but the total expense you're talking about isn't objectively outrageous for a wedding. The couple took the expense of going to your recent wedding and giving you a gift. You've RSVPed, and another couple is counting on you to split costs. It's fine not to accept all wedding invites because of expenses, but you missed your chance to decline this invite. It would not be socially acceptable to skip this wedding just because you don't feel like spending the money.
posted by John Cohen at 6:40 PM on May 23, 2012 [1 favorite]
posted by John Cohen at 6:40 PM on May 23, 2012 [1 favorite]
Okay, because I'm OCD, I checked the weekend of June 8th from JFK airport (assuming high prices based on your $400 figure). Through Hotwire, you can get an economy car, Friday-Sunday for 48 hours, for $82 total. A full-size car only sets you back $107.
posted by jabes at 6:41 PM on May 23, 2012 [11 favorites]
posted by jabes at 6:41 PM on May 23, 2012 [11 favorites]
I'd skip it and tell them asap (and send them a check for $150 as a gift).
If you can't afford it, you can't afford it.
posted by small_ruminant at 6:41 PM on May 23, 2012
If you can't afford it, you can't afford it.
posted by small_ruminant at 6:41 PM on May 23, 2012
meant to say, (assuming a high-priced location like JFK based on your $400 figure)
posted by jabes at 6:41 PM on May 23, 2012
posted by jabes at 6:41 PM on May 23, 2012
It isn't too late to cancel a rental car, in any sort of rental car situation I've ever been in! 17 days is plenty of time.
posted by small_ruminant at 6:42 PM on May 23, 2012 [1 favorite]
posted by small_ruminant at 6:42 PM on May 23, 2012 [1 favorite]
Totally gauche to cancel now. Can you tent rather than hotel? $100 night is pretty low for a room but camping would be much less.
posted by Pomo at 7:02 PM on May 23, 2012 [1 favorite]
posted by Pomo at 7:02 PM on May 23, 2012 [1 favorite]
You've RSVPd, therefore you have to go, unless you're willing to claim a death in the family. You should have budgeted before you RSVPd - too late now. Find a cheaper car rental, as others have said, and go and have a good time. If there isn't any gifts in your pricerange in the registry then you need to make your own gift that's special to the couple which you can afford.
The couple have invited you to be part of their special day, you should have told them beforehand if you couldn't afford it.
posted by goo at 7:13 PM on May 23, 2012
The couple have invited you to be part of their special day, you should have told them beforehand if you couldn't afford it.
posted by goo at 7:13 PM on May 23, 2012
Unless you don't actually want to be at the wedding, in which case you don't actually care who's invited because it's someone else's wedding and it's all good as long as xxyou can mazel tov the happy couple
posted by goo at 7:19 PM on May 23, 2012
posted by goo at 7:19 PM on May 23, 2012
Don't rent from central urban area car rental place. Go to the airport and get one there.
This isn't always cheaper. It depends on the airport. Renting at LAX can cost twice as much as just off the airport.
posted by bitdamaged at 7:21 PM on May 23, 2012
This isn't always cheaper. It depends on the airport. Renting at LAX can cost twice as much as just off the airport.
posted by bitdamaged at 7:21 PM on May 23, 2012
jabes: "If it's a neighborhood rental that's costing so much (I just rented a car for four days and paid $129 TOTAL, so your price is insane to me), then one of you need to go to the airport to pick up the car and return it there. Airport rentals are *insanely* cheap, like $15 a day cheap."
I have almost always found the reverse to be true, especially after the taxes and fees that get tacked on at the airport. (I have not, however, rented in NYC) I would be surprised if it weren't possible to find a combination of rental company and coupon that could get the OP a car for $50 or so for the weekend. Maybe a little more since they'll need something larger than the tiniest econobox possible since there will be passengers.
Looking at Avis, even with my awesome corporate code it's freakin' expensive to rent in NYC proper. Go somewhere in New Jersey or Connecticut, where you can get a RAV4 for $150 or an intermediate car for around $100. OP, feel free to MeMail if you need discount codes. I have quite a few at hand for a few different companies.
posted by wierdo at 7:23 PM on May 23, 2012 [2 favorites]
I have almost always found the reverse to be true, especially after the taxes and fees that get tacked on at the airport. (I have not, however, rented in NYC) I would be surprised if it weren't possible to find a combination of rental company and coupon that could get the OP a car for $50 or so for the weekend. Maybe a little more since they'll need something larger than the tiniest econobox possible since there will be passengers.
Looking at Avis, even with my awesome corporate code it's freakin' expensive to rent in NYC proper. Go somewhere in New Jersey or Connecticut, where you can get a RAV4 for $150 or an intermediate car for around $100. OP, feel free to MeMail if you need discount codes. I have quite a few at hand for a few different companies.
posted by wierdo at 7:23 PM on May 23, 2012 [2 favorites]
I am super experienced at renting cars. Before we get into how you can make this work...
I don't get everyone above! 17 days is PLENTY of time for everyone to make other arrangements! Geez!
That said... For some reason I suspect you are in NYC, where I am from. OH YES, rent from Newark and not from in town! That's what we always did!!!
"As a non-driving city person who never takes trips, I didn't realize how expensive it would be to rent a car for a weekend."
- It sounds like the quotes you got were for you, personally as the driver, and from in town. Someone in the car-share who is older (under 25 yrs old is an issue) or has had their license longer than you will likely get quoted a lower rate. Ditto if the credit card used comes with car insurance (I'm sure my Amex does, I believe my old business Visa did not. YMMV.) I've never paid over $60 per day, and more usually in the $35 to $45 per day range for a 4 door Ford Focus-type vehicle. This was as a city rental driver with a relatively new license. In the past 5 years. Your quotes sound like NYC mid-town quotes!
- Everyone in the car does NOT need to be included on the car rental agreement as long as only drivers approved for the rental agreement drive the car.
Is someone in the party licensed and above 25 years old? Then only that person drives the car during the rental period to keep costs reasonable. Full stop.
See what I mean?
-----
Look. It seems like your initial sticker shock has clouded your thinking. Or maybe you really don't want to go? There are reasonable and affordable options out there, even if the hotel is expensive.
But really. If you just don't want to go, everyone else is responsible for themselves, notify them immediately that "unforeseen circumstances" prevent you from attending. Send a nice check.
In that option, NO NO NO - with 17 days to spare you are expressly not responsible for a rideshare cost. That is RIDICULOUS.
(I say that as someone of comfortable/modest means who just picked up a bill for a friend as a total gift, the bill being roughly equal to your expenditures here and it had nothing to do with me, but man was that the right thing to do since it was imperative and I could afford it. So I'm generous and into doing "The Right Thing." Picking up your share of the car rental with 17 to 15 days to go? Absolutely not! If you were 3 to 5 days away, sure! But 15 days is plenty for the other couple to come up with alternatives. Please, don't feel guilty. That's excessive. (Says she who is sometimes excessively generous.) If I don't know the difference, who does?)
Also. My first marriage was an expensive destination wedding. Really. Don't sweat this. Everyone will understand "unforeseen circumstances."
- Look into car rentals from nearby airports, first!
posted by jbenben at 8:28 PM on May 23, 2012 [3 favorites]
I don't get everyone above! 17 days is PLENTY of time for everyone to make other arrangements! Geez!
That said... For some reason I suspect you are in NYC, where I am from. OH YES, rent from Newark and not from in town! That's what we always did!!!
"As a non-driving city person who never takes trips, I didn't realize how expensive it would be to rent a car for a weekend."
- It sounds like the quotes you got were for you, personally as the driver, and from in town. Someone in the car-share who is older (under 25 yrs old is an issue) or has had their license longer than you will likely get quoted a lower rate. Ditto if the credit card used comes with car insurance (I'm sure my Amex does, I believe my old business Visa did not. YMMV.) I've never paid over $60 per day, and more usually in the $35 to $45 per day range for a 4 door Ford Focus-type vehicle. This was as a city rental driver with a relatively new license. In the past 5 years. Your quotes sound like NYC mid-town quotes!
- Everyone in the car does NOT need to be included on the car rental agreement as long as only drivers approved for the rental agreement drive the car.
Is someone in the party licensed and above 25 years old? Then only that person drives the car during the rental period to keep costs reasonable. Full stop.
See what I mean?
-----
Look. It seems like your initial sticker shock has clouded your thinking. Or maybe you really don't want to go? There are reasonable and affordable options out there, even if the hotel is expensive.
But really. If you just don't want to go, everyone else is responsible for themselves, notify them immediately that "unforeseen circumstances" prevent you from attending. Send a nice check.
In that option, NO NO NO - with 17 days to spare you are expressly not responsible for a rideshare cost. That is RIDICULOUS.
(I say that as someone of comfortable/modest means who just picked up a bill for a friend as a total gift, the bill being roughly equal to your expenditures here and it had nothing to do with me, but man was that the right thing to do since it was imperative and I could afford it. So I'm generous and into doing "The Right Thing." Picking up your share of the car rental with 17 to 15 days to go? Absolutely not! If you were 3 to 5 days away, sure! But 15 days is plenty for the other couple to come up with alternatives. Please, don't feel guilty. That's excessive. (Says she who is sometimes excessively generous.) If I don't know the difference, who does?)
Also. My first marriage was an expensive destination wedding. Really. Don't sweat this. Everyone will understand "unforeseen circumstances."
- Look into car rentals from nearby airports, first!
posted by jbenben at 8:28 PM on May 23, 2012 [3 favorites]
Mod note: From the OP:
Wow, apparently we're very inexperienced with renting cars. I don't know what service my partner used, but it wasn't nearly as useful as Hotwire. Thank you for pointing us to a better company. We found some much better deals and will be attending the wedding as planned.posted by jessamyn (staff) at 8:36 PM on May 23, 2012 [37 favorites]
Hooray! You get wedding cake AND utilities!
posted by spunweb at 9:44 PM on May 23, 2012 [5 favorites]
posted by spunweb at 9:44 PM on May 23, 2012 [5 favorites]
I've got to go against the recommendations of renting the car from an airport facility --- I find that that's usually MORE expensive than non-airport locations. Plus, what kind/size of car are you renting? The bigger it is, the more it'll cost: and for four people plus a weekend's worth of luggage you certainly don't need a giant SUV or luxury car.
posted by easily confused at 3:36 AM on May 24, 2012 [1 favorite]
posted by easily confused at 3:36 AM on May 24, 2012 [1 favorite]
glad to see that it was worked out!
just wanted to add that, where just being at the wedding is an expensive proposition, you should feel your burden on the gift front proportionally lightened -- for that matter, if you're feeling hard up about it all, get them a beautiful card and really add some nice sentiments, and leave it at that. I was much more invested in seeing people together on my day than in unwrapping a pile of loot later, and I certainly understood that travel was a big part of the gift.
(on the flip side, I think it's worth sending thank-yous to those who attended but didn't send gifts, since their presence was a gift in itself.)
posted by acm at 7:48 AM on May 24, 2012
just wanted to add that, where just being at the wedding is an expensive proposition, you should feel your burden on the gift front proportionally lightened -- for that matter, if you're feeling hard up about it all, get them a beautiful card and really add some nice sentiments, and leave it at that. I was much more invested in seeing people together on my day than in unwrapping a pile of loot later, and I certainly understood that travel was a big part of the gift.
(on the flip side, I think it's worth sending thank-yous to those who attended but didn't send gifts, since their presence was a gift in itself.)
posted by acm at 7:48 AM on May 24, 2012
I've got to go against the recommendations of renting the car from an airport facility --- I find that that's usually MORE expensive than non-airport locations.
That is not the case in NYC, generally. In-town locations are more because then you don't have to take the train out to the airport. It is a different economy.
That said another option is always taking MetroNorth to New Rochelle — there is a rental place at the train station and that can be even cheaper than the airport, plus you don't to deal with AirTrain crap.
posted by dame at 11:30 AM on May 24, 2012 [1 favorite]
That is not the case in NYC, generally. In-town locations are more because then you don't have to take the train out to the airport. It is a different economy.
That said another option is always taking MetroNorth to New Rochelle — there is a rental place at the train station and that can be even cheaper than the airport, plus you don't to deal with AirTrain crap.
posted by dame at 11:30 AM on May 24, 2012 [1 favorite]
Go. Get a cheaper car, wear your dancing shoes, and have a good time. If you state the town, someone on MeFi may be able to help you get a better hotel rate. It's late to back out, and you'll probably have a great time. I regret the good times I didn't have because I was(am) so frugal.
posted by theora55 at 7:09 PM on May 24, 2012 [1 favorite]
posted by theora55 at 7:09 PM on May 24, 2012 [1 favorite]
This thread is closed to new comments.
posted by xtine at 5:28 PM on May 23, 2012 [8 favorites]