Loss for words
April 30, 2012 5:50 AM Subscribe
How do I fix a soured relationship?
posted by anonymous to human relations (27 answers total) 1 user marked this as a favorite
I'm still trying to figure this one out in my head. It's a new relationship, mind you, only a month old, but I'm really into this person, and about half the time, it seems like she's equally into me. I take her to meet my friends, and there's a bit of what I perceive as casual flirting between her and a friend - she may just be flirty, it doesn't matter. Anyway, I try to tell myself to just act normal, but I begin to move in the opposite direction, toward passive aggressiveness and resentment, and it's fairly obvious. At the end of the night, she asks me if I had an alright time, and not being able to hide anything, I say no... Anyway, flash forward. It's the weekend; she's busy all weekend. Fine. I accidentally bump into her out with a guy who she had been talking quite a bit about the week prior. Context: she interviews so it's not out of the norm for her to be out at a bar with some guy. But, since it's this guy, my mind goes where it shouldn't. I sort of stutter a hello and walk out of the bar and head home. Flash forward. I've been stewing, I don't know anything, I haven't asked her anything directly. I send her an email asking if our relationship is over (I say, "I hope I'm totally misperceiving things"). So I just shot the moon when it was completely uncalled for. She calls me and we meet over drinks to talk about it, me admitting I was wrong, her not giving an inch. I'm used to a kind of constant shifting of the ground in an argument, but with her, it didn't seem to do so at all. When she finishes her drink, I ask her if there's anything she wants from me. Her parting words are, in an angry tone: "No, I think you've explained yourself pretty well." I feel like I ruined something good. How the hell can I start picking up the pieces? I feel like I want to send flowers, but I also worry that that might be too forward in this circumstance, given that she's expressed uncertainty about ever wanting to see me again. An addendum: it's not that I don't date and this girl is the first person I've been with in a long time, rendering me a bumbling idiot. I date. A lot. The problem is, she gets under my skin - in good and bad ways - far more than anyone I've dated.