Will she be the one that gets away?
April 16, 2012 1:03 PM Subscribe
[Relationship Filter] Will she be the one that gets away?
I have recently entered an intimate relationship with a lovely lady. We are thoroughly enjoying the process of getting to know each other and spending our free time in each other's arms. Seeing as this is a relatively new relationship, we are still in the period of puppy love infatuation and neither of us can get enough. This is great, she is great, our chemistry is great, and our communication even better. I have had wonderful loving relationships in the past but our connection seems to surpass them all and it is inspiring to know someone as beautiful as her.
While this is all well and good, the trouble stems from the reality that I will graduate college in a month and she will stay behind to complete her final year. I have graduation plans across the country and she has post-graduation aspirations to move out of the country. We both understand this context and seek to fully enjoy the present rather than worry about the future, but I find this dilemma bringing up questions in my mind. Namely, if we end things on good terms and move many thousands of miles apart, will I forever look back on this relationship and see her as the one that got away? Will I wish that I had done whatever it took to be together?
I have spoken about this with her, more in theory than in practice, and we're both unsure. Is it silly for someone to alter their life plans in order to pursue young love, or is it following that which is important, as one might perceive it to be at a later stage in life? Perhaps later in life you are more developed and out of the primary growth period, but aren't we growing and changing throughout our entire life?
I understand that this relationship is newly developed and that we have just scratched the surface but every little thing I learn about her makes me love her even more. It honestly makes me want to spend the rest of my life with her. On the other hand, I know I am in a stage of puppy love infatuation and that there are other fish in the sea. Furthermore, I have had this feeling before in previous relationships after which we grew apart, though I now feel much more sure of myself and who I am.
There isn't really a clear question but rather I hope that this can begin a discussion of sorts with regards to making life decisions around a loved one and changing the course of one's life. At what point does it make sense to drop my plans and do whatever I can to be with this person? I honestly could see myself spending the rest of my life with this person, and would feel privileged to do so, but our relationship is so young, as we also are. Do I say goodbye when the time comes, keep in touch, hope to find ourselves in a similar place in life later on, and move on? I fear that in 10 years when I am looking to start a family I will look back on these days and always wonder what if.
Thanks!
I have recently entered an intimate relationship with a lovely lady. We are thoroughly enjoying the process of getting to know each other and spending our free time in each other's arms. Seeing as this is a relatively new relationship, we are still in the period of puppy love infatuation and neither of us can get enough. This is great, she is great, our chemistry is great, and our communication even better. I have had wonderful loving relationships in the past but our connection seems to surpass them all and it is inspiring to know someone as beautiful as her.
While this is all well and good, the trouble stems from the reality that I will graduate college in a month and she will stay behind to complete her final year. I have graduation plans across the country and she has post-graduation aspirations to move out of the country. We both understand this context and seek to fully enjoy the present rather than worry about the future, but I find this dilemma bringing up questions in my mind. Namely, if we end things on good terms and move many thousands of miles apart, will I forever look back on this relationship and see her as the one that got away? Will I wish that I had done whatever it took to be together?
I have spoken about this with her, more in theory than in practice, and we're both unsure. Is it silly for someone to alter their life plans in order to pursue young love, or is it following that which is important, as one might perceive it to be at a later stage in life? Perhaps later in life you are more developed and out of the primary growth period, but aren't we growing and changing throughout our entire life?
I understand that this relationship is newly developed and that we have just scratched the surface but every little thing I learn about her makes me love her even more. It honestly makes me want to spend the rest of my life with her. On the other hand, I know I am in a stage of puppy love infatuation and that there are other fish in the sea. Furthermore, I have had this feeling before in previous relationships after which we grew apart, though I now feel much more sure of myself and who I am.
There isn't really a clear question but rather I hope that this can begin a discussion of sorts with regards to making life decisions around a loved one and changing the course of one's life. At what point does it make sense to drop my plans and do whatever I can to be with this person? I honestly could see myself spending the rest of my life with this person, and would feel privileged to do so, but our relationship is so young, as we also are. Do I say goodbye when the time comes, keep in touch, hope to find ourselves in a similar place in life later on, and move on? I fear that in 10 years when I am looking to start a family I will look back on these days and always wonder what if.
Thanks!
This post was deleted for the following reason: Heya, if there's not a clear answerable question you need help with this is pretty much chatfilter. Maybe find a way to tighten this up and try again next week if there's a core question you want specific, concrete help with? -- cortex
I say when your young, you gotta find your own way first. Think about this situation the other way, if this relationship breaks up (and statistically that's likely...most relationships do) will you regret not having gotten yourself situated in life first before you chucked a bunch of your plans away to be with someone?
What ifs will happen. They always do. You can't avoid all of them. All you really can do is try to make your life as best as you can, one moment at a time.
posted by inturnaround at 1:13 PM on April 16, 2012 [1 favorite]
What ifs will happen. They always do. You can't avoid all of them. All you really can do is try to make your life as best as you can, one moment at a time.
posted by inturnaround at 1:13 PM on April 16, 2012 [1 favorite]
At what point does it make sense to drop my plans and do whatever I can to be with this person?
There is no such point, barring extraordinary circumstances like the world really *is* going to end in December.
There is only best-guess and hope-for-the-best (and plan for the worst). There is no certainty.
posted by rtha at 1:23 PM on April 16, 2012
There is no such point, barring extraordinary circumstances like the world really *is* going to end in December.
There is only best-guess and hope-for-the-best (and plan for the worst). There is no certainty.
posted by rtha at 1:23 PM on April 16, 2012
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This thread is closed to new comments.
The problem is, that's not really what ask metafilter is. In fact, you just described the definition of chatfilter.
Only you can know the strength of the relationship you're in. I graduated 9 months ahead of my then girlfriend and we got engaged when we reunited after those 9 months. That being said, it didn't work out in the end, mostly because relationships are especially challenging when two people's lives are headed in opposite directions after college.
I wish you the best of luck.
posted by 2oh1 at 1:08 PM on April 16, 2012