Yay, we got married, it was awesome, perfect for us, we invited NO ONE! However, it is a first marriage for both us, who are each in our early thirties and I'm having a hard time reconciling competing ideas from friends, family, and even my silly head. Can you help me figure out to include our loved ones in the celebration in a way that is fun for everyone and stressful for no one? (This gets a little long and rambling)
About three weeks ago, I took off work a couple hours early, I met him at our house and we walked ourselves down to the courthouse married. I asked if he would pick up some flowers so I would have a bitty bouquet, he got pinwheels
because he is awesome and sweet. We told our parents just a couple of days beforehand so they didn't have time to freak out, drive down and crash the party. :)
are some more pictures.
Thanks for reading this mess.
I didn't want the fanfare, I'm not great at being the center of attention in a fawning way, if that makes sense. Its like, I don't mind commanding a room if I am being entertaining or am doing a kick ass lecture on something awesome, but I don't like the odd adoration weird reverance, gushy weirdness. He is also going to deploy sometime in the next handful of months, his parents and mine have latched onto that. Like, what we did wasn't "real" just something that we had to do in order to get the paperwork for the Navy fulfilled. What's worse is that I kind of feel like he bought into that too! I keep hearing from him, friends, his family, "oh, don't worry, you'll have a "real" wedding when he gets back". We had a real wedding! We just didn't invite you! We both have big, traditional families and this isn't sitting well with them.
So that's the set up we love each other very much and we are going to be awesome.
We are planning on a big celebration in a month or so at the bar I work at during the weekend. We would have a whole seperate, private area that we could designate as non-smoking, we can decorate, etc. I want all my friends no matter their marital status, their kid status, age, etc to come and have a grand old time. However, it is not a wedding, its a celebration of our joy and love and all that. The decorations I am picking up are much more colorful, like a birthday party, and I'm trying to work in a vintagey nautical theme too! Yay, cool!
So first question is about the invitations, I am mostly doing it all by FB and maybe evite for family friends who don't have FB, with business sized cards to hand out as little reminders. I am having trouble with wording. Things I wish to convey:
I'm married! I don't want to be sneaky about the fact I'm already married. I want to clear that this is a wedding celebration and not a wedding.
EVERYONE is welcome for as long and short as a time as they wish. We'll be there from 6pm to 2am and we expect people with kids and older folks to be ther early and the partyers to there later.
Light appetizers will be about and a cash bar plus a full dining menu is available if you need something more substantial.
The bartenders are my people, my friends, please for the love of god, tip appropriately and treat them kindly.
Lastly, we are going to be moving around the county. We don't need presents! I like the classic "We value your presence more than your presents", we have not registered anywhere.
This dovetails nicely into the whole "wedding" enterprise. People want to throw me showers. I am a little uncomfortable with this, I love love love small, heartfelt, thoughtful gifts, but people want to buy me "stuff". I've never been a gift card person, but that is increasingly seeming the way its going to go. I've been spreading the word discreetly (through MIL and such) that we won't be able to transport much, but gift cards or cash would be greatly appreciated.
Finally, the big question for me, I feel like this celebration is going to be our wedding celebration. I feel like its a little weird/greedy/attention seeking, something to have a tradtional church ceremony later. Sure, a part of me is just a sliver sad that I'll never get the dress and the attendents, and pictures and all that, but really just a little, because DAMN that shits expensive and really when I think about it, I just like playing dress up and taking pictures and you sure don't need a church for that. (Not to mention we aren't particularly religious, though our parents our hard core catholics and southern baptists, respectively). Is it secretly evil, to just pretend right now that, yeah sure, we are going to have a "real" wedding at some point, while knowing that is extraordinarily unlikely? I don't want people to be waiting, or feel like they are going to get me two sets of gifts, sigh.
Can you help me? You can tell me that all of the above is nonsense and just go to the bar and have fun, but the weight of the expectations is kind of getting to me.