Is it time for divorce, or can we work this out?
February 29, 2012 7:00 PM Subscribe
The spark is gone. I don't think it's coming back. I need advice.
posted by anonymous to human relations (25 answers total) 10 users marked this as a favorite
The man I married was one of my first boyfriends. He was much older than me, had an established career, and helped me get out of a bad situation. I loved him to death. We got married and I couldn't imagine myself in any other relationship.
I think part of our initial spark was the power differential and my need to be taken care of - but that's not an issue anymore. I've done well in the meantime, and I can take care of myself now.
I'm starting to feel restless and stifled. It's important to me to feel desired and valued, but I just don't get that feeling from him anymore. He tries, but it's as if his attention doesn't count anymore.
I feel terrible about it. I still love him and want him to be happy, but selfishly, I wonder what else is out there. I wonder what I've missed out on. There are things I want to do in my life that he has no interest in, and vice versa.
Looking at the future, many years together, never completing my "bucket list," stuck at home raising kids that I don't want ... I don't think I want this to be my life.
But on the other hand, it's many years of safety and stability with a person I get along with very, very well. He's always treated me with love, respect, and trust. He's a good man and doesn't deserve to be dumped. There's no guarantee that either of us will find another relationship like the one we enjoy now.
Please give me some advice.