I'm meeting all my responsibilities but I don't feel invested in my own life. All I care about are fictional characters.
22, female, last semester of college. I've seen this question
but my life situation's significantly different.
My life would actually be pretty awesome if I could care about it. Skilled campus job (10 hours a week, all I can get) and a bunch of unpaid stuff related to the post-graduation career I want (and used to be really interested in). Only two classes since they're all I need to graduate. Gym three times a week. Solid social group (though no one I'm super close to). Good roommate. Last semester, my fandom problem was just about as bad and I got straight A's and praise at my job. So what's the issue?
I barely care about any of the stuff I'm supposed to be doing. I just force myself to do it because I know that I should, and because I am at least invested in the idea of my future. While I'm doing fine by most objective measures, I struggle with procrastination, and I could be excelling if I cared about what I wished I did. I always hear that action precedes motivation but despite all my action, my only motivation is obligation.
So what do
I care about? Glee (specifically Brittana and Faberry). I'm embarrassed to even type that. I'm only specifying the fandom because it's NOT a cute, nerdy thing one can legitimately immerse oneself in intellectually. Its characters are inconsistent and its messages are occasionally even offensive. And yet I engage with it emotionally in a way that I just don't anymore with my real life. When things go my way on the show, I'm a smiling idiot for days. When they don't, I'm stomach-aching upset. I spend ~80% of my waking free time on Tumblr/LiveJournal/etc., even as I resist writing my own fic or making my own blog for fear of getting sucked in even more. Whenever I'm at work or in class, and even sometimes when I'm socializing, all I want is to get back home to my laptop.
WHY do I live for a show I don't even like half the time? Why do I feel so driven to escape a life that's tentatively going my way? I'm honestly baffled. Any insights or advice would be much appreciated.
Throwaway email: uselessfandom at gmail