How do I get out of this?
February 5, 2012 11:14 AM Subscribe
Escaping a bad life?
posted by SquidlyDigi to Grab Bag (35 answers total) 15 users marked this as a favorite
I am reaching the end of my rope here. My parents have become increasingly psychotic and desperate over the years. Not violent, but always with a fair risk of it. Gambling and drugs are involved, but I don't have these problems myself. I want to get out, but I see no options for escape or at least one with a future.
Some indepth background. I'm male. My family has always had relative poverty. I dropped out of middle school after experiencing severe depression. Technically, that wasn't legal. But I guess after I became 18 the statute of limitations had passed for any chance for child protections. For quite a while, I had no faith in myself at being able to accomplish anything. Most of my time was spent gaming.. eventually competitively. But, I made no real social connections at all. The social aspect kept me going at it, but in the end for all the gamers I grouped up with, Noone knew a thing about me or my life. I haven't even had an online chat of more than a few words long.
I gave up my attempts at competitive gaming at about the age of 20. I made roughly 300$ on a briefly lived service. The service then died after I put that money into a new computer, and I abandoned the idea of making money off competitive gaming. Aside from the poor return, I gave up on the idea because it was not my real dream in life. Among other things, I've wanted to make games, at least independently. Aside from games, I've wanted to learn more about the world and further science. I dabbled a bit in programming here and there since I was a child, but lacked the confidence to make anything. And I've lacked the confidence to work in a team and gain some sort of experience.
After the age of 20, I had a fairly ambitious idea for a game.. Which, well.. Ideas come cheap, especially ambitious ones.. And I've had my share. But in some ways, the nature of this one seemed to have much better core concepts than others I drew up. For me, it was a single spark of hope in life. I set to planning many of the things I thought would be problems. I learned a fair bit of programming. I set to making it and.. Kept losing motivation at points. There are various reasons.. The biggest, I think.. is that my parents at times literally felt like a threat to my own life. I'd freeze up and find some media to escape into. Eventually things calmed down, but these things are cyclical.
Would that I want to make money off my game project.. it would take a few years to complete. I've discounted it as a source of sustainable income in the interm. Finally, at 26.. I've had no job experience. No education.. aside from the internet. And little contact with the outside world.. even virtually.
It's a cold winter month here in Wisconsin. Reading about the economy is no cure for hopelessness. I barely have clothes to walk outside in. One decent pair of pants. Boxers are all ripped. My eyes have started to go bloodshot and I could be developing health problems. On the flipside, I'm at a healthy weight.
Welp. More yelling. More insanity. More silence.