Fair way to share vehicle expenses with SO
January 23, 2012 7:45 PM Subscribe
What is a reasonable and fair way to divide up car costs when you are sharing your vehicle with your SO?
I have a car that is 20 years old now. I'm not in a position to purchase a newer vehicle but will start looking in about 2years time.
My car has done reasonable kms, 319,000, mostly country miles and has been well maintained to date. It drives fine, its safe. Since 3 years ago it has started a bender on needing costly parts replacements (radiator, shock absorbers, wheel bearings, head gaskets, labor - etc). In the last 1.5 years Ive been sharing vehicle with SO. We've had many disagreements about the costs involved, mainly that I was paying all maintenance, servicing, rego and insurance cost while we each drove it. After 9 months of his driving it, he agreed to pay half rego and half insurance but no other costs.
My SO and I work different shifts so car-sharing suits us, however his home to work trip is greater distance than mine. He is adding about 3/4 of the kms on the clock each week while I add around 1/4, this is since he's been driving it (1.5yrs). I'm glad hes paying half rego and insurance however these costs are pale compared to the vast expensive of ongoing maintenance.
I'm starting to get annoyed that since he's been driving it, its been 100% my obligation to keep the car fully maintained at my expense. We've discussed it many times and whenever we do make an agreement its always verbal and that creates doubt when it comes time to do actual works (this lets him renege, or perhaps I have amnesia). As of this week (hooray!) we've agreed to pen an actual agreement so that we aren't getting frustrated at each other over the silly car. We either decide to this or we can't share the car due to ongoing disagreements.
His argument is that paying maintenance on a vehicle he doesn't own that is 20 years old is not good for him because he doesn't want to "buy in" to an old vehicle. He argues that most of the current costs for wear and tear are from the 20year span of the vehicle which was not his driving contribution. (Note I bought the vehicle in 2008).
I understand his point about buying into an old vehicle. My argument is why should I be paying 100% of maintenance wear and tear costs to keep the car in good nick, when he is now the primary driver since 1.5 years, (in terms of adding to the clock). All I see is that he has enjoyed a fully maintained vehicle for 1.5 years now while its cost me loads of money, I think he needs to contribute!
So my question is, what is a fair way to split ongoing maintenance costs given our situation and points of view? I am also keen to hear some thoughts on where to draw the line with buying expensive parts for an old vehicle? I think we need an "end-point" mutually agreed on before we can commit to such a deal.
Thanks in advance for your wonderful words of wisdom!
I have a car that is 20 years old now. I'm not in a position to purchase a newer vehicle but will start looking in about 2years time.
My car has done reasonable kms, 319,000, mostly country miles and has been well maintained to date. It drives fine, its safe. Since 3 years ago it has started a bender on needing costly parts replacements (radiator, shock absorbers, wheel bearings, head gaskets, labor - etc). In the last 1.5 years Ive been sharing vehicle with SO. We've had many disagreements about the costs involved, mainly that I was paying all maintenance, servicing, rego and insurance cost while we each drove it. After 9 months of his driving it, he agreed to pay half rego and half insurance but no other costs.
My SO and I work different shifts so car-sharing suits us, however his home to work trip is greater distance than mine. He is adding about 3/4 of the kms on the clock each week while I add around 1/4, this is since he's been driving it (1.5yrs). I'm glad hes paying half rego and insurance however these costs are pale compared to the vast expensive of ongoing maintenance.
I'm starting to get annoyed that since he's been driving it, its been 100% my obligation to keep the car fully maintained at my expense. We've discussed it many times and whenever we do make an agreement its always verbal and that creates doubt when it comes time to do actual works (this lets him renege, or perhaps I have amnesia). As of this week (hooray!) we've agreed to pen an actual agreement so that we aren't getting frustrated at each other over the silly car. We either decide to this or we can't share the car due to ongoing disagreements.
His argument is that paying maintenance on a vehicle he doesn't own that is 20 years old is not good for him because he doesn't want to "buy in" to an old vehicle. He argues that most of the current costs for wear and tear are from the 20year span of the vehicle which was not his driving contribution. (Note I bought the vehicle in 2008).
I understand his point about buying into an old vehicle. My argument is why should I be paying 100% of maintenance wear and tear costs to keep the car in good nick, when he is now the primary driver since 1.5 years, (in terms of adding to the clock). All I see is that he has enjoyed a fully maintained vehicle for 1.5 years now while its cost me loads of money, I think he needs to contribute!
So my question is, what is a fair way to split ongoing maintenance costs given our situation and points of view? I am also keen to hear some thoughts on where to draw the line with buying expensive parts for an old vehicle? I think we need an "end-point" mutually agreed on before we can commit to such a deal.
Thanks in advance for your wonderful words of wisdom!
One 'fair' way would have him pay the US IRS standard rate per mile into a maintenance fund. This is an amount designed to represent 'The standard mileage rate for business is based on an annual study of the fixed and variable costs of operating an automobile.'
You pay the same rate per KM driven into the maintenance fund. The maintenance fund is used for all maintenance, and you (as the car owner) pay the overage since any additional maintenance needed is likely due to the age of the car. Any extra in the maintenance fund can be returned in proportion to the contributions, or used to save for a new car, or to have a fabulous party.
posted by true at 7:56 PM on January 23, 2012 [4 favorites]
You pay the same rate per KM driven into the maintenance fund. The maintenance fund is used for all maintenance, and you (as the car owner) pay the overage since any additional maintenance needed is likely due to the age of the car. Any extra in the maintenance fund can be returned in proportion to the contributions, or used to save for a new car, or to have a fabulous party.
posted by true at 7:56 PM on January 23, 2012 [4 favorites]
His argument is that paying maintenance on a vehicle he doesn't own that is 20 years old is not good for him because he doesn't want to "buy in" to an old vehicle. He argues that most of the current costs for wear and tear are from the 20year span of the vehicle which was not his driving contribution. (Note I bought the vehicle in 2008).
That is some serious weaseling on his part. If he moved into a house you already owned shouldn'the not be responsible for a fair share of it's upkeep? Hint: he should. Go for a 50/50 distribution of all car costs for ease and relative fairness.
posted by ghharr at 7:56 PM on January 23, 2012 [1 favorite]
That is some serious weaseling on his part. If he moved into a house you already owned shouldn'the not be responsible for a fair share of it's upkeep? Hint: he should. Go for a 50/50 distribution of all car costs for ease and relative fairness.
posted by ghharr at 7:56 PM on January 23, 2012 [1 favorite]
His argument is that paying maintenance on a vehicle he doesn't own that is 20 years old is not good for him because he doesn't want to "buy in" to an old vehicle.
This just isn't how owning a car works. If he were to buy an older used car now and start driving it, he - not the previous owner - would be responsible for maintenance.
I've been in a similar situation, and we just split repairs 50/50 (and gas, for that matter). Figuring out the finer details of who was driving more seemed like more stress than it was worth, at some point, because in the end it was probably pretty much the same, so ymmv on that point. Just splitting it evenly, while maybe one of us technically ended up "paying more than our share" or whatever, was worth it in the headaches it saved, imo.
posted by Lutoslawski at 7:57 PM on January 23, 2012 [1 favorite]
This just isn't how owning a car works. If he were to buy an older used car now and start driving it, he - not the previous owner - would be responsible for maintenance.
I've been in a similar situation, and we just split repairs 50/50 (and gas, for that matter). Figuring out the finer details of who was driving more seemed like more stress than it was worth, at some point, because in the end it was probably pretty much the same, so ymmv on that point. Just splitting it evenly, while maybe one of us technically ended up "paying more than our share" or whatever, was worth it in the headaches it saved, imo.
posted by Lutoslawski at 7:57 PM on January 23, 2012 [1 favorite]
Sorry, I mangled that second sentence, should be "..shouldn't he be responsible for a fair share..."
Anyway, point is, if he's sharing the use of the item he needs to share the cost, and not just the part he feels like.
posted by ghharr at 7:58 PM on January 23, 2012
Anyway, point is, if he's sharing the use of the item he needs to share the cost, and not just the part he feels like.
posted by ghharr at 7:58 PM on January 23, 2012
One thing I forgot to mention - the IRS rate includes gas/petrol, so you'd want to adjust for that by adjusting the rate to reflect the cost in your area, and to pay for all gas out of the fund.
posted by true at 8:00 PM on January 23, 2012
posted by true at 8:00 PM on January 23, 2012
I would suggest that you work out an agreement to share a generic car (including fuel, maintenance, repairs, insurance, registration, depreciation, interest, etc.). Work out some reasonable estimates for the total cost of ownership for a car that you might purchase or otherwise acquire to replace your old car. Then you can compare the costs between a newer car and your old car and see which comes out cheaper. If the old car is cheaper, then your SO will be able to see that he is spending less by contributing properly for your old car. On the other hand, it might make sense to get a newer car.
Realistically, a 20 year old car likely has a value of $500-$1000, if that. Perhaps it would be easier for the two of you psychologically if you declare the car joint property and then go from there.
posted by ssg at 8:01 PM on January 23, 2012 [1 favorite]
Realistically, a 20 year old car likely has a value of $500-$1000, if that. Perhaps it would be easier for the two of you psychologically if you declare the car joint property and then go from there.
posted by ssg at 8:01 PM on January 23, 2012 [1 favorite]
Either pay a prorated portion of repairs or per mile mileage rate, or purchase own car. It is kind of squirmy to try and not do this, he gets all the benefits with little of the cost.
posted by edgeways at 8:05 PM on January 23, 2012
posted by edgeways at 8:05 PM on January 23, 2012
His argument is that paying maintenance on a vehicle he doesn't own that is 20 years old is not good for him because he doesn't want to "buy in" to an old vehicle.
This just isn't how owning a car works. If he were to buy an older used car now and start driving it, he - not the previous owner - would be responsible for maintenance.
To clarify my point here - just because he hasn't purchased the car doesn't mean he doesn't have a sort of (non-legally binding) ownership in it, if he is using it on a regular basis, i.e. even if he doesn't own the car, he cannot expect to use the car as if he owns it while treating repairs as if he's only borrowing it occasionally.
posted by Lutoslawski at 8:06 PM on January 23, 2012 [1 favorite]
This just isn't how owning a car works. If he were to buy an older used car now and start driving it, he - not the previous owner - would be responsible for maintenance.
To clarify my point here - just because he hasn't purchased the car doesn't mean he doesn't have a sort of (non-legally binding) ownership in it, if he is using it on a regular basis, i.e. even if he doesn't own the car, he cannot expect to use the car as if he owns it while treating repairs as if he's only borrowing it occasionally.
posted by Lutoslawski at 8:06 PM on January 23, 2012 [1 favorite]
His argument is that paying maintenance on a vehicle he doesn't own that is 20 years old is not good for him because he doesn't want to "buy in" to an old vehicle.
Tell him if it's good for him to drive it, it's good enough for him to maintain it - I'd suggest 50/50 costs as a generous concession. Or he can 'buy in' to a newer one, either jointly or for himself.
Do the two of you live together? Are any other expenses joint? Background on how you've dealt with other financial issues is important for understanding the framework you're working on.
posted by jacalata at 8:09 PM on January 23, 2012 [3 favorites]
Tell him if it's good for him to drive it, it's good enough for him to maintain it - I'd suggest 50/50 costs as a generous concession. Or he can 'buy in' to a newer one, either jointly or for himself.
Do the two of you live together? Are any other expenses joint? Background on how you've dealt with other financial issues is important for understanding the framework you're working on.
posted by jacalata at 8:09 PM on January 23, 2012 [3 favorites]
He argues that most of the current costs for wear and tear are from the 20year span of the vehicle which was not his driving contribution.
Big fucking deal. Picking up on the analogy others have used, is he going to make that argument about paying for a leak in the roof because he hasn't lived under it since the moment it was put up? If he does, you make him sleep directly under it with a bucket on his head. This is passive aggressive bullshit, no different from leaving dirty dishes in the sink because the other person will crack first.
But anyway, I'll come up with another suggestion: you keep paying for the maintenance, and in return he gives you an equal amount that goes straight into the new/newer car fund so that you have a decent deposit when the time comes -- even though I get the feeling he'd come up with an equally flimsy excuse for not paying his share of maintenance on a new car.
posted by holgate at 8:18 PM on January 23, 2012
Big fucking deal. Picking up on the analogy others have used, is he going to make that argument about paying for a leak in the roof because he hasn't lived under it since the moment it was put up? If he does, you make him sleep directly under it with a bucket on his head. This is passive aggressive bullshit, no different from leaving dirty dishes in the sink because the other person will crack first.
But anyway, I'll come up with another suggestion: you keep paying for the maintenance, and in return he gives you an equal amount that goes straight into the new/newer car fund so that you have a decent deposit when the time comes -- even though I get the feeling he'd come up with an equally flimsy excuse for not paying his share of maintenance on a new car.
posted by holgate at 8:18 PM on January 23, 2012
Response by poster: Hi All,
Thanks for comments thus far.
I agree it seems far-fetched to think he can continue driving it without contributing some cost to maintenance. I also made the point that maybe we should try calling the previous owners to see if they will pay for some wear and tear (joke!).
Jacalata - we have lived together for about 5 months now and split all rent and bills evenly. My SO has been delayed in renovating his apartment and has had to pay essentially two mortgages since we moved in together. I am the higher earner, I also don't have mortgage repayments to make, only my rent. Currently, my financial position /cashflow is much better than his, although I don't own a property as he does. I do feel I should be considerate to my SO because he is making many adjustments for us to live together, BUT - the car sharing has been going on since 1.5 years now and has been relatively frustrating for me.
I was always taught to return things in a better condition than when you first borrowed it and also, to value something you must pay something, or else you don't value it at all.
Cheers.
posted by Under the Sea at 8:18 PM on January 23, 2012
Thanks for comments thus far.
I agree it seems far-fetched to think he can continue driving it without contributing some cost to maintenance. I also made the point that maybe we should try calling the previous owners to see if they will pay for some wear and tear (joke!).
Jacalata - we have lived together for about 5 months now and split all rent and bills evenly. My SO has been delayed in renovating his apartment and has had to pay essentially two mortgages since we moved in together. I am the higher earner, I also don't have mortgage repayments to make, only my rent. Currently, my financial position /cashflow is much better than his, although I don't own a property as he does. I do feel I should be considerate to my SO because he is making many adjustments for us to live together, BUT - the car sharing has been going on since 1.5 years now and has been relatively frustrating for me.
I was always taught to return things in a better condition than when you first borrowed it and also, to value something you must pay something, or else you don't value it at all.
Cheers.
posted by Under the Sea at 8:18 PM on January 23, 2012
Just going to Nth a 50/50 split is fair.
His argument is that paying maintenance on a vehicle he doesn't own that is 20 years old is not good for him because he doesn't want to "buy in" to an old vehicle.
Then he can go "buy in" to his own damn car.
posted by bitdamaged at 8:18 PM on January 23, 2012 [6 favorites]
His argument is that paying maintenance on a vehicle he doesn't own that is 20 years old is not good for him because he doesn't want to "buy in" to an old vehicle.
Then he can go "buy in" to his own damn car.
posted by bitdamaged at 8:18 PM on January 23, 2012 [6 favorites]
If he doesn't buy into it, he doesnt get to drive it.
posted by twblalock at 8:19 PM on January 23, 2012 [4 favorites]
posted by twblalock at 8:19 PM on January 23, 2012 [4 favorites]
His argument is that paying maintenance on a vehicle he doesn't own that is 20 years old is not good for him because he doesn't want to "buy in" to an old vehicle.
The flaw in this logic is that he is already "buying in" on it by using it 3/4 of the time. If he wants to "buy in" to something newer, let him buy his own damned car.
He should pay at least half of all expenses associated with the car. If he wants to benefit from the car (and, from what you describe, he is benefiting disproportionately), he needs to share the burden of maintenance.
Frankly, he sounds pretty immature and needs to grow up. If it's nice enough for him to drive, it's nice enough for him to help maintain.
posted by MegoSteve at 8:21 PM on January 23, 2012 [1 favorite]
The flaw in this logic is that he is already "buying in" on it by using it 3/4 of the time. If he wants to "buy in" to something newer, let him buy his own damned car.
He should pay at least half of all expenses associated with the car. If he wants to benefit from the car (and, from what you describe, he is benefiting disproportionately), he needs to share the burden of maintenance.
Frankly, he sounds pretty immature and needs to grow up. If it's nice enough for him to drive, it's nice enough for him to help maintain.
posted by MegoSteve at 8:21 PM on January 23, 2012 [1 favorite]
His argument is that paying maintenance on a vehicle he doesn't own that is 20 years old is not good for him because he doesn't want to "buy in" to an old vehicle.
Oh well, that's fine, he can just use that shiny new car then!
Except there isn't one.
So his choices in the real, non-magical, shiny-unicornless world we actually live in are: share old car with you or buy himself a car. This is really not difficult. Frankly, he's being a bit of a jerk over the whole car issue.
If he is not thinking of the two of you as a team now, then he shouldn't be "sharing" your car with you. And if he does think of the two of you as a united couple, he shouldn't want to screw you over by making you do more than your share with that car.
posted by misha at 8:23 PM on January 23, 2012 [3 favorites]
Oh well, that's fine, he can just use that shiny new car then!
Except there isn't one.
So his choices in the real, non-magical, shiny-unicornless world we actually live in are: share old car with you or buy himself a car. This is really not difficult. Frankly, he's being a bit of a jerk over the whole car issue.
If he is not thinking of the two of you as a team now, then he shouldn't be "sharing" your car with you. And if he does think of the two of you as a united couple, he shouldn't want to screw you over by making you do more than your share with that car.
posted by misha at 8:23 PM on January 23, 2012 [3 favorites]
we have lived together for about 5 months now and split all rent and bills evenly.
Then you can reasonably argue that having a car is a bill like any other, and you should split it the same as you do the rest. This also bypasses some of the built-up positions the two of you have around what 'should' be happening for the past 18 months, and replaces it with 'this change in our finances happened, we need to re-evaluate the car in that light.'
Once it's a joint expense, you can then have a joint discussion on whether keeping an old car with high maintenance costs is better for you right now than purchasing a new one, and if a new one makes more sense, then there's a whole extra discussion about ownership and title. You probably need to have a plan for what you'll do if the car breaks down completely/gets totalled, even if you decide to keep it for now.
posted by jacalata at 8:39 PM on January 23, 2012
Then you can reasonably argue that having a car is a bill like any other, and you should split it the same as you do the rest. This also bypasses some of the built-up positions the two of you have around what 'should' be happening for the past 18 months, and replaces it with 'this change in our finances happened, we need to re-evaluate the car in that light.'
Once it's a joint expense, you can then have a joint discussion on whether keeping an old car with high maintenance costs is better for you right now than purchasing a new one, and if a new one makes more sense, then there's a whole extra discussion about ownership and title. You probably need to have a plan for what you'll do if the car breaks down completely/gets totalled, even if you decide to keep it for now.
posted by jacalata at 8:39 PM on January 23, 2012
A car is not a house. He's not buying (or not not buying) equity in the car, because it has no actual long term value.
If you had bought a newer car with lower maintenance costs, you would have paid a higher price for it, which would have been more costs on you and still none on him. If he thinks it would be economically more sound for you as a couple to buy a newer, less expensive to maintain car, then that would be a reasonable joint decision for you two to come to, and then share the cost of.
With this car, it would be reasonable for you to split all costs 50-50 in keeping with your general arrangement. It would be reasonable for you to split all costs 75-25 in keeping with how much he drives it vs. how much you drive it. It would even be reasonable for him to reimburse you for half of the original cost of the vehicle and then contribute to the ongoing maintenance of the vehicle in either of the proportions above.
And either way, if you ever sell this car for more than $1.75, you can promise him half. I'm sure that'll make him feel better.
posted by jacquilynne at 8:57 PM on January 23, 2012
If you had bought a newer car with lower maintenance costs, you would have paid a higher price for it, which would have been more costs on you and still none on him. If he thinks it would be economically more sound for you as a couple to buy a newer, less expensive to maintain car, then that would be a reasonable joint decision for you two to come to, and then share the cost of.
With this car, it would be reasonable for you to split all costs 50-50 in keeping with your general arrangement. It would be reasonable for you to split all costs 75-25 in keeping with how much he drives it vs. how much you drive it. It would even be reasonable for him to reimburse you for half of the original cost of the vehicle and then contribute to the ongoing maintenance of the vehicle in either of the proportions above.
And either way, if you ever sell this car for more than $1.75, you can promise him half. I'm sure that'll make him feel better.
posted by jacquilynne at 8:57 PM on January 23, 2012
I would agree that 50-50 makes more sense in a healthy relationship but his attitude toward taking advantage of you is troubling. Nevertheless, two options to consider: he either pays 50% of the future expenses for the car (excluding gas, pay for your own gas) plus 50% of expenses for the past 1.5 years and 50 % of the value of the car when he began sharing it (not 50% of what you paid but higher than the current book value to be fair) OR he pays 75% of future expenses (again, gas paid seperately).
He logic is so bizarre that you should probably have a session a some point with a financial planner so you can both hash out a budget you are comfortable with.
posted by saucysault at 9:04 PM on January 23, 2012
He logic is so bizarre that you should probably have a session a some point with a financial planner so you can both hash out a budget you are comfortable with.
posted by saucysault at 9:04 PM on January 23, 2012
There are multiple fair ways to split the costs, including "owner pays," "biggest user pays," "split evenly," and "pay according to the fraction of the average mileage you put on the car." Since you currently split the bills fifty-fifty, the most straightforward thing to do is make the car a household expense and split its costs 50-50 too.
posted by willbaude at 9:06 PM on January 23, 2012
posted by willbaude at 9:06 PM on January 23, 2012
An important question: Does he only have to drive to work because he moved in with you? If so, I could see the calculations being a bit more complicated.
posted by dame at 9:26 PM on January 23, 2012
posted by dame at 9:26 PM on January 23, 2012
It sounds like you two need to have a larger conversation about budgets, so you don't have this fight the next time about the next big expense.
posted by Pants! at 9:26 PM on January 23, 2012 [1 favorite]
posted by Pants! at 9:26 PM on January 23, 2012 [1 favorite]
Response by poster: Dame - No, he previously drove to work using his car which completely bombed out about 1.5 years ago at which point he started using mine - I had to travel interstate for 3 months at that time and didn't really click about the ongoing arrangement of vehicle sharing until the bills started coming in. Both his former apartment / our current house is equal distance to his job.
Part of me feels that it would just be easier to just throw it in the too hard basket and say no more car sharing because I agree with the broad consensus here that it feels Im being "used" a bit.
But then we are both trying hard to make the effort in this relationship in various ways and I wonder if I'm being unreasonable because I don't understand SO's viewpoint on the money issues.
posted by Under the Sea at 9:34 PM on January 23, 2012
Part of me feels that it would just be easier to just throw it in the too hard basket and say no more car sharing because I agree with the broad consensus here that it feels Im being "used" a bit.
But then we are both trying hard to make the effort in this relationship in various ways and I wonder if I'm being unreasonable because I don't understand SO's viewpoint on the money issues.
posted by Under the Sea at 9:34 PM on January 23, 2012
A 50-50 split of all car bills is more than fair. If he doesn't want to pay it, he should get his own car.
posted by emd3737 at 9:41 PM on January 23, 2012
posted by emd3737 at 9:41 PM on January 23, 2012
Ask him how he justifies not being responsible for expenses on a car he's driving.
Not his reason for not wanting to pay them. His explanation of why he believes he is not ethically bound to pay them and/or how he believes that his reason for not wanting to pay the expenses is more important than his ethical responsibility to do so.
I mean, of course there's limited information here, not the whole picture, but based on your description, he promises to help pay bills and then "forgets", and resists paying for things because "it's not good for him financially" to maintain a car that he's driving, that belongs to someone who he ostensibly loves... well, it pretty much looks like he's leeching off you, from where I stand.
And if I were in your shoes, I would be very interested in getting a clearer picture of this guy's views on responsibility vs. morality vs. finance vs. romance to find out just where I stood before I'd gotten too used to living together. For whatever that's worth.
posted by mie at 10:09 PM on January 23, 2012 [1 favorite]
Not his reason for not wanting to pay them. His explanation of why he believes he is not ethically bound to pay them and/or how he believes that his reason for not wanting to pay the expenses is more important than his ethical responsibility to do so.
I mean, of course there's limited information here, not the whole picture, but based on your description, he promises to help pay bills and then "forgets", and resists paying for things because "it's not good for him financially" to maintain a car that he's driving, that belongs to someone who he ostensibly loves... well, it pretty much looks like he's leeching off you, from where I stand.
And if I were in your shoes, I would be very interested in getting a clearer picture of this guy's views on responsibility vs. morality vs. finance vs. romance to find out just where I stood before I'd gotten too used to living together. For whatever that's worth.
posted by mie at 10:09 PM on January 23, 2012 [1 favorite]
The Suze Orman book on women and finance seems to say that couples should split costs based on how much each contributes to the total income of the household -- does that seem like a workable solution? That way, he won't feel like he's spending more than he can afford, and you aren't covering everything.
posted by spunweb at 10:10 PM on January 23, 2012
posted by spunweb at 10:10 PM on January 23, 2012
Me and my OH car share. We split maintenance, tax etc equally. Whereas petrol is 2:1 with me taking the lions share as my commute is a 40m round trip whereas his is more like 2m. He is therefore subsidising me a little but it seems fair to us.
posted by Neonshock at 10:57 PM on January 23, 2012
posted by Neonshock at 10:57 PM on January 23, 2012
Your boyfriend is being kind of a jerk about this. It sounds like, even though you're the higher earner, he's pretty savvy about his own money but seems to see your money as disposable. He pays a mortgage (or two? I'm not sure) while you pay rent. He's looking at the car as a poor investment so for that reason only you should have to pay into it? Why isn't he concerned about your finances as well as his own?
I think the money issues here are bigger than whether he should help pay maintenance for the car, but in this instance, yes, I definitely think he should either agree to pay half for all repairs / breakdowns OR he should buy his own car. And if he buys a newer car and then expects you to keep driving the old one instead of coming to an agreement about sharing the nicer one - well, then that also should tell you something about him, and not something very nice.
This is the same boyfriend who was specifically not invited to your friend's wedding, right? I'm sorry to say I'm starting to think something doesn't smell right here.
posted by hazyjane at 11:30 PM on January 23, 2012 [4 favorites]
I think the money issues here are bigger than whether he should help pay maintenance for the car, but in this instance, yes, I definitely think he should either agree to pay half for all repairs / breakdowns OR he should buy his own car. And if he buys a newer car and then expects you to keep driving the old one instead of coming to an agreement about sharing the nicer one - well, then that also should tell you something about him, and not something very nice.
This is the same boyfriend who was specifically not invited to your friend's wedding, right? I'm sorry to say I'm starting to think something doesn't smell right here.
posted by hazyjane at 11:30 PM on January 23, 2012 [4 favorites]
He should be paying half of all ongoing costs related to the car now, if you want to be generous. If he is unwilling to pay them, then you can accept this with good grace and continue to pay it and not complain to him or to yourself, or you can tell him you cannot afford the maintenance on the car being used for two sets of commutes, the amount has increased in the past year and a half, and you'd like to stop the car-sharing arrangement.
posted by jeather at 4:16 AM on January 24, 2012
posted by jeather at 4:16 AM on January 24, 2012
Well, he uses this car as if it was his, right? So it only makes sense he pays as it if was (so at least 50/50 with you).
That's how it works in my couple, we both use my boyfriend's somewhat old car (not much resale value) and we split everything 50/50. When I still had my car, and we'd be using his more often, I'd only pay 50% gas cost, but now that I got rid of mine and I can use his/our car as much as I want, I get to pay for maintenance.
posted by domi_p at 4:43 AM on January 24, 2012
That's how it works in my couple, we both use my boyfriend's somewhat old car (not much resale value) and we split everything 50/50. When I still had my car, and we'd be using his more often, I'd only pay 50% gas cost, but now that I got rid of mine and I can use his/our car as much as I want, I get to pay for maintenance.
posted by domi_p at 4:43 AM on January 24, 2012
You're being used. That's why you feel like you might be. Tell him to start paying 50% or find his own vehicle.
He's pulling this after 5 months of living together? This is a caution sign, as (at least in my book) one's character is determinable by how one treats a romantic partner when dealing with the messy details - chores, finances, and so on.
posted by ellF at 5:16 AM on January 24, 2012 [2 favorites]
He's pulling this after 5 months of living together? This is a caution sign, as (at least in my book) one's character is determinable by how one treats a romantic partner when dealing with the messy details - chores, finances, and so on.
posted by ellF at 5:16 AM on January 24, 2012 [2 favorites]
Two solutions come to mind, if a straight 50/50 split is objectionable.
(First, it needs to be said that a car is an expense, not an investment. He's not "buying in" to a bad investment, he is sharing expenses.)
Both start with getting a mileage log book. Each driver logs her mileage, and shared trips are split 50/50. You can negotiate what constitutes a shared trip if you think this will be a point of argument in the future. Is it based strictly on who is in the car, or the purpose of the trip?
The first method would be for you to decide that you guys aren't "sharing" the car, but that you own it and are renting it to him when he uses it. You would "charge" him the IRS (or your country's authority) per-KM automobile rate. (You could also use Zipcar's rate, which is about 40 cents a km) He would then submit gas receipts + cash to pay his bill. Then you pay for all maintenance and repairs. Remembering that when it comes time to sell the car, it remained YOUR car, and don't let him weasel into saying that since he contributed, he should get credit for some portion of the sale price of the car.
The second way, you get a credit card that you will use only for gas/repairs/maintenance, that stays with the car. When the bill comes, you split the bill based on the ratio of each drivers' miles for that period.
IE- He drove 300 km for work, you drove 200 km for work. And you both used the car 100 km for shared trips. His ratio is 350, yours is 250. He pays 58% of the bill, you pay 42%.
A third solution is for him to get his own car.
Finally, consider whether these are the sorts of arguments you want to have with a SO. Maybe I'm being overly optimistic, but a sign of a good relationship would be that each side would want to pay MORE than their fair share to avoid feeling like they are taking advantage of the other person.
posted by gjc at 5:25 AM on January 24, 2012
(First, it needs to be said that a car is an expense, not an investment. He's not "buying in" to a bad investment, he is sharing expenses.)
Both start with getting a mileage log book. Each driver logs her mileage, and shared trips are split 50/50. You can negotiate what constitutes a shared trip if you think this will be a point of argument in the future. Is it based strictly on who is in the car, or the purpose of the trip?
The first method would be for you to decide that you guys aren't "sharing" the car, but that you own it and are renting it to him when he uses it. You would "charge" him the IRS (or your country's authority) per-KM automobile rate. (You could also use Zipcar's rate, which is about 40 cents a km) He would then submit gas receipts + cash to pay his bill. Then you pay for all maintenance and repairs. Remembering that when it comes time to sell the car, it remained YOUR car, and don't let him weasel into saying that since he contributed, he should get credit for some portion of the sale price of the car.
The second way, you get a credit card that you will use only for gas/repairs/maintenance, that stays with the car. When the bill comes, you split the bill based on the ratio of each drivers' miles for that period.
IE- He drove 300 km for work, you drove 200 km for work. And you both used the car 100 km for shared trips. His ratio is 350, yours is 250. He pays 58% of the bill, you pay 42%.
A third solution is for him to get his own car.
Finally, consider whether these are the sorts of arguments you want to have with a SO. Maybe I'm being overly optimistic, but a sign of a good relationship would be that each side would want to pay MORE than their fair share to avoid feeling like they are taking advantage of the other person.
posted by gjc at 5:25 AM on January 24, 2012
He's definitely being a weasel and taking advantage of you on this, though I'm sure he's a great guy otherwise.
People have outlined a bunch of options for how to split the payments. 50/50 is the easiest, or you can prorate based on mileage. My guess is that if he has to pay, and he is using the car 3/4 of the time, he will want to go for the 50/50 option since it's cheaper.
Or, he can buy his own car and you don't need to have these arguments anymore.
Finally, consider whether these are the sorts of arguments you want to have with a SO. Maybe I'm being overly optimistic, but a sign of a good relationship would be that each side would want to pay MORE than their fair share to avoid feeling like they are taking advantage of the other person.
This, a million times over.
posted by Forktine at 5:50 AM on January 24, 2012
People have outlined a bunch of options for how to split the payments. 50/50 is the easiest, or you can prorate based on mileage. My guess is that if he has to pay, and he is using the car 3/4 of the time, he will want to go for the 50/50 option since it's cheaper.
Or, he can buy his own car and you don't need to have these arguments anymore.
Finally, consider whether these are the sorts of arguments you want to have with a SO. Maybe I'm being overly optimistic, but a sign of a good relationship would be that each side would want to pay MORE than their fair share to avoid feeling like they are taking advantage of the other person.
This, a million times over.
posted by Forktine at 5:50 AM on January 24, 2012
I've got it!
Since this is not a new issue and obviously you have both gotten entrenched you should use the old "split a cake method". Remember? One person splits the cake and the other chooses which slice they want?
So, ask HIM to decide a fair arrangement of splitting the costs/responsibilities without using names, just identifying the costs that Person 1 pays and that Person 2 pays. Then YOU get to decide to be Person 1 or Person 2.
posted by saucysault at 6:31 AM on January 24, 2012 [3 favorites]
Since this is not a new issue and obviously you have both gotten entrenched you should use the old "split a cake method". Remember? One person splits the cake and the other chooses which slice they want?
So, ask HIM to decide a fair arrangement of splitting the costs/responsibilities without using names, just identifying the costs that Person 1 pays and that Person 2 pays. Then YOU get to decide to be Person 1 or Person 2.
posted by saucysault at 6:31 AM on January 24, 2012 [3 favorites]
Tell him to read up on "sunk cost". Oh, and what an creep.
posted by kjs3 at 6:45 AM on January 24, 2012 [1 favorite]
posted by kjs3 at 6:45 AM on January 24, 2012 [1 favorite]
His argument is that paying maintenance on a vehicle he doesn't own that is 20 years old is not good for him because he doesn't want to "buy in" to an old vehicle.
He's being a dick. He has the convenience and use of a car. He should pay for this convenience or buy his own damn car, especially if he is getting more than a tiny proportion of its usage. He wants to have his cake and eat it. He is already 'buying in' to an old car because he's using it. Don't want to buy in? Don't use the car. End of.
Maintenance is the cost of having the car, just as much as insurance is.
If he was using the car occasionally (like once at a weekend for grocery shopping, while you have a daily commute) then maybe it'd be different but this is a two person, one car household. All household costs should be split equally unless there is massively disparate usage - does he argue that you watch more TV than him so you have to pay the cable bill? Of course (hopefully) not.
posted by Brockles at 7:08 AM on January 24, 2012 [1 favorite]
He's being a dick. He has the convenience and use of a car. He should pay for this convenience or buy his own damn car, especially if he is getting more than a tiny proportion of its usage. He wants to have his cake and eat it. He is already 'buying in' to an old car because he's using it. Don't want to buy in? Don't use the car. End of.
Maintenance is the cost of having the car, just as much as insurance is.
If he was using the car occasionally (like once at a weekend for grocery shopping, while you have a daily commute) then maybe it'd be different but this is a two person, one car household. All household costs should be split equally unless there is massively disparate usage - does he argue that you watch more TV than him so you have to pay the cable bill? Of course (hopefully) not.
posted by Brockles at 7:08 AM on January 24, 2012 [1 favorite]
.. he previously drove to work using his car which completely bombed out about 1.5 years ago at which point he started using mine
Completely bombed out? He clearly needs an education on taking care of things - you, vehicles, relationships.
This is an awful situation and you seem pretty level-headed about it. I hope you can get the SO to be more reasonable.
posted by Lesser Shrew at 7:58 AM on January 24, 2012 [2 favorites]
Completely bombed out? He clearly needs an education on taking care of things - you, vehicles, relationships.
This is an awful situation and you seem pretty level-headed about it. I hope you can get the SO to be more reasonable.
posted by Lesser Shrew at 7:58 AM on January 24, 2012 [2 favorites]
passive aggressive version: "You know, my car has been really falling apart over the last year, and I think it's time to sell it. I'm tired of being a car owner. Maybe you could buy our next car?"
Realistically, are you guys in this for the long haul together? Your couplehood will likely last longer than the life of the car. Maybe it's time to talk about what your joint plan will be for when your car dies. Would it make sense for you to go shares on a newer car? And how would you split that maintenance? Talk about what you'd each see as an ideal arrangement. If there's likely to be a joint purchase, maybe you could start by each contributing $100/month into the car fund. Until the car dies, that's toward maintenance, and if you decide to junk the car, anything left over goes toward the next purchase.
Things to consider:
- what if the balance is less than the repairs, do you cover all the extra?
- what if you break up, do you just split the account balance 50/50?
- if you break up after he's contributed $N to keeping your car running, do you owe him anything for the privilege of taking your car with you when you go? (maybe you intuit my personal opinion on that, but it's worth at least trying to see from his perspective)
- hypothetical situation: if he were driving the car and got into a wreck that was entirely his fault (he falls asleep and hits a tree) would he owe you a replacement car? What would you expect him to do to take some financial responsibility? The repairs of an aging car are arguably not his fault (they would have happened no matter who was driving) but if you're having trouble working this out, it might be interesting to know what he *does* feel is his responsibility.
- since it's "your car" do your scheduling needs take priority, or is it really "his car" when it's time for his shift?
posted by aimedwander at 11:41 AM on January 24, 2012
Realistically, are you guys in this for the long haul together? Your couplehood will likely last longer than the life of the car. Maybe it's time to talk about what your joint plan will be for when your car dies. Would it make sense for you to go shares on a newer car? And how would you split that maintenance? Talk about what you'd each see as an ideal arrangement. If there's likely to be a joint purchase, maybe you could start by each contributing $100/month into the car fund. Until the car dies, that's toward maintenance, and if you decide to junk the car, anything left over goes toward the next purchase.
Things to consider:
- what if the balance is less than the repairs, do you cover all the extra?
- what if you break up, do you just split the account balance 50/50?
- if you break up after he's contributed $N to keeping your car running, do you owe him anything for the privilege of taking your car with you when you go? (maybe you intuit my personal opinion on that, but it's worth at least trying to see from his perspective)
- hypothetical situation: if he were driving the car and got into a wreck that was entirely his fault (he falls asleep and hits a tree) would he owe you a replacement car? What would you expect him to do to take some financial responsibility? The repairs of an aging car are arguably not his fault (they would have happened no matter who was driving) but if you're having trouble working this out, it might be interesting to know what he *does* feel is his responsibility.
- since it's "your car" do your scheduling needs take priority, or is it really "his car" when it's time for his shift?
posted by aimedwander at 11:41 AM on January 24, 2012
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posted by zia at 7:54 PM on January 23, 2012 [1 favorite]