Does my brain stutter?
November 19, 2011 11:33 AM
I've dealt with depression and anxiety all my life, and have just realized that I have a stuttering problem. Now I'm wondering about the correlation.
52, male, programmer, not looking for medical advice. I have an outstanding therapist and a great psychiatrist, and hope to have a speech/language pathologist soon. I'm just curious, and would like to hear anything that might lead to further discovery.
At my last visit with my therapist I was stammering and blocking so badly that she actually looked startled, but I only recognized that I was having more trouble speaking than usual. Since then I've read enough about stuttering to be able to identify it as being an important part of the puzzle.
I've also realized that, gee, maybe that's why I went to speech therapy in elementary school. I don't remember much about it except that I didn't really know what it was about. And I don't know how old I was, but I was able to read well by that time (which underscores another aspect of my life, the "obliviousness").
Something that strikes me about stuttering is the way many people to whom it's a problem are able to speak perfectly well in the right context. So now I'm wondering how context might affect cognitive function other than speech.
Not many programmers enjoy working with old and/or disorganized code, but I'm starting to think that it's more than just annoying for me. The stuttering session with my therapist came after working with particularly disorganized code for a couple of weeks. When I got back to writing new code it was like some sort of rebirth, as if my brain started working again, and my mood lightened considerably. Naturally there are plenty of other things that go on, but I think I'm starting to see a pattern.
I might also be seeing it in other areas, like the music stuck in my head. For example, right now I have a pretty complete version of 'Moonlight Serenade' going, but other times it'll be just a few notes, as if that day's ear worm is stuttering.
Is it possible that something like the organizational exercise of writing new code provides the context I need to have in order to function? How much are the depression and anxiety being driven by an unrecognized communication disorder vs a biochemical process?
Of course there are no black and white answers, and even if there were you couldn't provide them. I just can't figure out how else to pose the questions, and in fact it could probably be said that I'm actually looking for more questions along these lines rather than answers. In any event I'll be thankful for any input.
52, male, programmer, not looking for medical advice. I have an outstanding therapist and a great psychiatrist, and hope to have a speech/language pathologist soon. I'm just curious, and would like to hear anything that might lead to further discovery.
At my last visit with my therapist I was stammering and blocking so badly that she actually looked startled, but I only recognized that I was having more trouble speaking than usual. Since then I've read enough about stuttering to be able to identify it as being an important part of the puzzle.
I've also realized that, gee, maybe that's why I went to speech therapy in elementary school. I don't remember much about it except that I didn't really know what it was about. And I don't know how old I was, but I was able to read well by that time (which underscores another aspect of my life, the "obliviousness").
Something that strikes me about stuttering is the way many people to whom it's a problem are able to speak perfectly well in the right context. So now I'm wondering how context might affect cognitive function other than speech.
Not many programmers enjoy working with old and/or disorganized code, but I'm starting to think that it's more than just annoying for me. The stuttering session with my therapist came after working with particularly disorganized code for a couple of weeks. When I got back to writing new code it was like some sort of rebirth, as if my brain started working again, and my mood lightened considerably. Naturally there are plenty of other things that go on, but I think I'm starting to see a pattern.
I might also be seeing it in other areas, like the music stuck in my head. For example, right now I have a pretty complete version of 'Moonlight Serenade' going, but other times it'll be just a few notes, as if that day's ear worm is stuttering.
Is it possible that something like the organizational exercise of writing new code provides the context I need to have in order to function? How much are the depression and anxiety being driven by an unrecognized communication disorder vs a biochemical process?
Of course there are no black and white answers, and even if there were you couldn't provide them. I just can't figure out how else to pose the questions, and in fact it could probably be said that I'm actually looking for more questions along these lines rather than answers. In any event I'll be thankful for any input.
I'd recommend a neuropsychological evaluation. Your psychiatrist or your therapist should be able to recommend someone for you, if they don't do these themselves.
I have ADD (or ADHD, I forget the current proper term), and I'm having a full neuropsych assessment done to rule out the presence of any other learning disabilities and see what else is going on upstairs -- partially to help get some more support in the workplace (a documented health issue, for me, will mean more aid in getting accommodations like a quieter office or whatever), but also just because I want to know what's going on with my brain so I can address some issues and basically become more awesome, for lack of a better way to explain myself. (Also, while many adult ADD patients have depression and anxiety issues due to the low self-confidence that often comes with having ADD, I have the added bonus of having a mother and sister with raging bipolar disorder and apparently ADD and bipolar are comorbid and often mistaken for one another. Huzzah. So I need to make sure I'm doing the right things for my brain, which means figuring out how it works. You dig? Of course you do.)
I started the process this week with a day of testing (about 4-5 hours), and I go back in two weeks for the last battery of tests (another 4 hours), and about four weeks after that I should have some more information about how my specific brain is functioning. The tests are all paper/pencil or verbal tests -- I had to copy a drawing first by looking at it, then by drawing from memory, look at pictures and identify what's missing, listen to a series of digits, add them in pairs and say the result out loud, define some words, et cetera. No electrodes strapped to my head or anything, no physical poking or prodding. Lots of family and personal history questions to help establish patterns, like the pattern you're noticing.
There's a very detailed article on neuropsych evaluations here, and if you want to MeMail me to ask about anything please feel free.
posted by palomar at 1:15 PM on November 19, 2011
I have ADD (or ADHD, I forget the current proper term), and I'm having a full neuropsych assessment done to rule out the presence of any other learning disabilities and see what else is going on upstairs -- partially to help get some more support in the workplace (a documented health issue, for me, will mean more aid in getting accommodations like a quieter office or whatever), but also just because I want to know what's going on with my brain so I can address some issues and basically become more awesome, for lack of a better way to explain myself. (Also, while many adult ADD patients have depression and anxiety issues due to the low self-confidence that often comes with having ADD, I have the added bonus of having a mother and sister with raging bipolar disorder and apparently ADD and bipolar are comorbid and often mistaken for one another. Huzzah. So I need to make sure I'm doing the right things for my brain, which means figuring out how it works. You dig? Of course you do.)
I started the process this week with a day of testing (about 4-5 hours), and I go back in two weeks for the last battery of tests (another 4 hours), and about four weeks after that I should have some more information about how my specific brain is functioning. The tests are all paper/pencil or verbal tests -- I had to copy a drawing first by looking at it, then by drawing from memory, look at pictures and identify what's missing, listen to a series of digits, add them in pairs and say the result out loud, define some words, et cetera. No electrodes strapped to my head or anything, no physical poking or prodding. Lots of family and personal history questions to help establish patterns, like the pattern you're noticing.
There's a very detailed article on neuropsych evaluations here, and if you want to MeMail me to ask about anything please feel free.
posted by palomar at 1:15 PM on November 19, 2011
I wonder if it is a function of mindfulness--the orderly code helps you focus. This is kind of random, but I wonder if you took up meditation or some kind of repetitive, detail-oriented hobby, if it would have the same effect.
posted by elizeh at 1:16 PM on November 19, 2011
posted by elizeh at 1:16 PM on November 19, 2011
Stuttering does tend to wax and wane, but I haven't found that I start stuttering in the same contexts consistently. Quite a few years ago I noticed that I tended to stutter when I was asked my name. Most commonly this would occur at a restaurant when I was making a to-go order. After a few years this was no longer an especially probable occasion for the stuttering to show up. But the overall amount of stuttering did not go down, it remained constant. I also haven't found it to correspond to stress or mood. I can be hanging out with close, long time friends in a relaxed setting and stutter quite badly. And there have also been stressful events, including public speaking, where I speak fluently. There is likely some tendency to stutter when I'm more conscious of speech being some sort of performance, but the randomness of its occurrence has been one of its more perplexing aspects.
On the other hand, it may be a failure on my part and I would notice a pattern if I had a record to look back on. Your question is making me think such a record could be useful.
If that interests you, besides a spreadsheet there are a few web utilities that could be used to track stuttering episodes and then review them with respect to any variable that may seem relevant, e.g. mood, diet, aerobic exercise, stress levels, settings, energy, etc. I don't know if your flowing data is active (there are posts on its Google Groups suggesting its inactive), but if so it would be a good candidate to track this.
Relatively few people stop stuttering completely. In most of the instances I've read about the person who leaves it behind attributes some of their success to committing to a regular schedule of meditation or relaxation exercises.
posted by BigSky at 7:51 AM on November 29, 2011
On the other hand, it may be a failure on my part and I would notice a pattern if I had a record to look back on. Your question is making me think such a record could be useful.
If that interests you, besides a spreadsheet there are a few web utilities that could be used to track stuttering episodes and then review them with respect to any variable that may seem relevant, e.g. mood, diet, aerobic exercise, stress levels, settings, energy, etc. I don't know if your flowing data is active (there are posts on its Google Groups suggesting its inactive), but if so it would be a good candidate to track this.
Relatively few people stop stuttering completely. In most of the instances I've read about the person who leaves it behind attributes some of their success to committing to a regular schedule of meditation or relaxation exercises.
posted by BigSky at 7:51 AM on November 29, 2011
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Stuttering has been correlated with three genes that control the neurotransmitter dopamine. The study also correlated these genes to ADHD, Tourette's syndrome, obsessive compulsive disorder (OCD), and tics. All five disorders are exacerabated by stress, and when the affected person tries harder to control the undesirable behavior, the behavior becomes stronger and more difficult to control.
posted by Serene Empress Dork at 1:04 PM on November 19, 2011