I broke up with my first girlfriend of 2 years last night; did I do the right thing? / What am I doing with my life? *CAUTION: WALL OF TEXT *
posted by Snorlax to human relations (25 answers total) 2 users marked this as a favorite
When we first started dating, I was infatuated with her. I thought she was beautiful, and I had never dated before. We started dating 6 months before I graduated, she is 20 now and I am 19 (we both lost our virginity to each other).
What developed initially from a typical horney adolescent relationship turned into something strong and with actual integrity. She confides in me for almost anything she has to say, and we can talk to each other about pretty much anything. She has a lengthy dysfunctional family history, which she is currently seeing a therapist for. I think to some extent she finds stability with me for that reason. There is not a day that goes by where I doubt she loves me unconditionally, faults and everything.
Most days we get along great. Neither of us likes to go out much, and we’re totally content staying in and watching Netflix all weekend. We have a great chemistry and sometimes bicker at each other like we are some old couple. I can also make her laugh, which was a big confidence booster when I first met her. I consider her to be my best friend, and I’m pretty sure she does to, since both of us rarely hangout with other people. Although she never said she would marry me, she has told me she believes I am the person she is supposed to be with.
Now for the negative stuff..
The longer we have been together, the more I have an anxiety about whether I should be focusing on this relationship at this point in my life, and I started to realize all of the faults we have.
For instance, when it comes to movies, music she likes the more bubblegum shallow stuff (justin beiber,90210), which is fine and I realize nothing to break up over. But my interests are a lot deeper and passionate when it comes to movies and music. I try to expose her a bit to what songs and bands I like, but she just writes it off as ‘stoner music’. It’s probably not important but it bothers me a lot for whatever reason.
I mean, I think at a basic level, we’re just opposite personalities. She is very extroverted, very chatty and deals with her problems by talking them over with someone. But I am more introverted and feel better when I go over my problems internally. This can drive me up the walls sometimes, because she can just talk and talk and talk about things in the car without interruption about things I couldn’t care the slightest about, although not always. It frustrates me when I would rather enjoy my own thoughts.
Other things worth noting: She can be very emotional and irrational at times. I am very socially awkward when it comes to being at her house and chatting family, so I rarely go to her house (which she doesn’t like and finds rude). Although she works very hard, she is not very good with money. She has a maxed out credit card from buying a vehicle with it and owes money to several family member and myself for bad decisions she made in the past.
I guess I’ve been having these doubts since a few months ago when I decided I wanted to move to my dad’s (5 hours away) and go to university there. It has made me think about what I might be missing out on being in this relationship, and being in my first relationship, I don’t want to miss out on my university years of dating for a relationship which is already showing its cracks. But more than anything, I feel like I’m at an age where I should be figuring out what
I am doing and who I am. As trite as that sounds..
So I broke up with her last night. It killed, and now I have this awful sense of guilt. I had been distant weeks up to telling her, and I’m sure she could see it coming. We had a long talk on the phone and she was really emotional and just didn’t understand. It just sucks that I have hurt her so much, we were so close personally. A part of me regrets it.
But again, how am I supposed to know I am with the right person if I have never been in another relationship before? If breaking up was the right thing to do, why do I feel so terrible about it, and was it even the right thing to do? Or am I just being naive, letting a few nagging doubts ruin an overall good relationship?
I think what really caused my anxiety was I am not sure what I am doing with my life at this point. I didn’t want our relationship to hold me back from experiences. Although I have never really liked going out much, I feel like I should be going out at my age. Even if we are similar in that we don’t like to go out, maybe that isn’t such a great thing. To be totally frank we are both really boring people, and I don’t like the idea of settling for a boring life. Yet, now that we are broken up it’s not like I’m going out partying every day.
I don’t even know who I am or what I am doing in a lot of ways. I’m in the process of choosing a major, and even that has given me anxiety about what I am doing with my life. I don’t even really know what things I am really interested in or enjoy. I thought by breaking up with her would help me clear my head and figure things out, but so far it has just made me feel more depressed about everything. But at the same time, I feel like I need to be able to be happy with myself before I can be in a functional relationship with someone else.
I don’t know is anyone will be able to make sense of what I just wrote, but if anyone can draw from experiences in their own life, or just give some reassuring words in general. I realize this was very long and drawn out, it’s mostly just me venting in some sane manner, while also to be able to get some feedback. I really appreciate the AskMefi community for their great responses, and thought this would be the best place to put this