Divorcing a person with BPD
September 1, 2011 10:06 AM Subscribe
I need to end my marriage, but don't know how to tell my husband I want out, since I fear for my property and personal safety.
posted by anonymous to Human Relations (41 answers total) 5 users marked this as a favorite
I am not a psychiatrist, but my husband's behavior leads me to suspect that he may be suffering from Borderline Personality Disorder. I have been bending over backwards for several years to accommodate his frequent mood swings, groundless accusations and unstable behavior, but the latest (ongoing) episode is the final straw for me. I need to get out of this relationship before it destroys my own hold on sanity.
Before you ask: Yes, both I and his family (whom he has largely alienated) have been trying to get him professional help, but he steadfastly refuses to see any doctor or mental health professional, or even a marriage counselor.
When he is having one of his "episodes", he drinks himself into a stupor every day, and when he is drunk, he gets destructive. Today he destroyed the last two remaining chairs in the house, together with a bunch of dinnerware.
I have reached breaking point, and need to end this marriage now. My fear is that if and when I tell him that I am leaving him, he might go on a rampage, destroying everything in our house, and potentially attacking me and/or hurting our pets. This is a very real possibility, based on past behavior.
So, my question is how/where/when do I tell him I want out, and what steps should I take to minimize the possibility of violence?
Important details: 1) We are both male, so the resources available to females in an abusive marriage are not available to me. 2) He is younger, fitter and stronger than me and will be likely be able to overpower me in any physical confrontation 3) I brought the house and all the possessions we have into the marriage . He has never contributed a cent to anything we own, so I obviously cannot just walk away.