When is it SPD and when is it a toddler being a toddler?
August 19, 2011 6:42 AM Subscribe
How do you know your toddler may have SPD vs a toddler being a toddler?
Our son is 2.5 years old and the joy of our lives. However, I (and now my DH) have always thought something was up with him to consider sensory issues.
1. he had severe colic as an infant. But he also had acid reflux. Even with meds though his colic didn't go away until he was almost a year.
2. he's high energy. My friends always comment on how "boy" and active he is. To me, he's a toddler though so this is least of my worries.
3. When he was 6 mo old we took him to a wedding and I had to take him home once the voices started to get more and more (you know how a crowded room has noise) and he freaked out screaming all the way home. When he walked in the door (quiet) it stopped.
4. He is extremely picky about his clothes. He refuses to change his shirt from the morning. He freaks out over solids or stripes and can even be really picky on which picture he wants for his shirt. I mean this can be complete fights in changing and meltdowns. My DH gave up and just lets him stay hin his pj top. Shorts changing doens't bother him (most are plaid or solid).
5. When I tried to put a cotton button down on him for pictures he freaked out saying no no no. He just wanted to wear his usual henley shirt.
6. He is always saying the airplanes are too loud (honestly, they're not). He's very sensitive to loud talking, arguing, etc. My husband has a very booming voice to the point where he often tells him "stop yelling at mom" and he's honestly not yelling at me.
7. Lately though he has complete meltdowns over the simplest thing if it's not 100% his way. Or if we can't even think of a reason. Yesterday he saw my DH's 1 golf club and freaked out screaming "club club I want club" we told him to get it. He refused like he was afraid or not the right club. But he kept telling my DH to get his clubs--he wanted the entire set to choose form.
We are thinking of getting him evaluated for SPD. Anyone else go through this? What do they do?
His motor, verbal, and social skills are very good so I honestly dont' believe it's autism spectrum/aspergers, etc. He's loving, interactive, active, talks all the time, is silly, etc. But these meltdowns are concerning to my DH.
My fear is if you are looking for a diagnosis, you'll get a diagnosis. I just don't want to go looking for trouble when it's not there.
Our son is 2.5 years old and the joy of our lives. However, I (and now my DH) have always thought something was up with him to consider sensory issues.
1. he had severe colic as an infant. But he also had acid reflux. Even with meds though his colic didn't go away until he was almost a year.
2. he's high energy. My friends always comment on how "boy" and active he is. To me, he's a toddler though so this is least of my worries.
3. When he was 6 mo old we took him to a wedding and I had to take him home once the voices started to get more and more (you know how a crowded room has noise) and he freaked out screaming all the way home. When he walked in the door (quiet) it stopped.
4. He is extremely picky about his clothes. He refuses to change his shirt from the morning. He freaks out over solids or stripes and can even be really picky on which picture he wants for his shirt. I mean this can be complete fights in changing and meltdowns. My DH gave up and just lets him stay hin his pj top. Shorts changing doens't bother him (most are plaid or solid).
5. When I tried to put a cotton button down on him for pictures he freaked out saying no no no. He just wanted to wear his usual henley shirt.
6. He is always saying the airplanes are too loud (honestly, they're not). He's very sensitive to loud talking, arguing, etc. My husband has a very booming voice to the point where he often tells him "stop yelling at mom" and he's honestly not yelling at me.
7. Lately though he has complete meltdowns over the simplest thing if it's not 100% his way. Or if we can't even think of a reason. Yesterday he saw my DH's 1 golf club and freaked out screaming "club club I want club" we told him to get it. He refused like he was afraid or not the right club. But he kept telling my DH to get his clubs--he wanted the entire set to choose form.
We are thinking of getting him evaluated for SPD. Anyone else go through this? What do they do?
His motor, verbal, and social skills are very good so I honestly dont' believe it's autism spectrum/aspergers, etc. He's loving, interactive, active, talks all the time, is silly, etc. But these meltdowns are concerning to my DH.
My fear is if you are looking for a diagnosis, you'll get a diagnosis. I just don't want to go looking for trouble when it's not there.
My daughter has this, and the freaking out about the clothes and the sounds are familiar, but you say that he is interactive (I assume he looks you in the eye? he can speak appropriately for his age?) which she wasn't.
She couldn't speak because she couldn't feel her tongue or lips, and she would spin or rock for hours. She still doesn't look people in the face; it's just too much sensory information.
Does he spin? Does he stuff his mouth with food? Does he make eye contact? Does he have repetitive behaviors that seem to soothe him? Is he potty trained? (Was it hard to train him?) Can he tell the difference between cold and hot?
Since you have always felt there was something not quite right, I go ahead and get him evaluated. If nothing else, then you find out you have a picky, high-energy kid. We had our daughter evaluated for all kinds of things, and the only diagnosis she got was the appropriate one.
Don't be afraid to look for an answer; professionals will tell you he's fine if he is.
posted by headspace at 6:52 AM on August 19, 2011
She couldn't speak because she couldn't feel her tongue or lips, and she would spin or rock for hours. She still doesn't look people in the face; it's just too much sensory information.
Does he spin? Does he stuff his mouth with food? Does he make eye contact? Does he have repetitive behaviors that seem to soothe him? Is he potty trained? (Was it hard to train him?) Can he tell the difference between cold and hot?
Since you have always felt there was something not quite right, I go ahead and get him evaluated. If nothing else, then you find out you have a picky, high-energy kid. We had our daughter evaluated for all kinds of things, and the only diagnosis she got was the appropriate one.
Don't be afraid to look for an answer; professionals will tell you he's fine if he is.
posted by headspace at 6:52 AM on August 19, 2011
I am not a doctor, of course, but this seems standard toddlerish behavior to me,
However, I can't say enough about how awesome Early Intervention programs are. Most (or all?) states offer free early intervention evaluations, we engaged them for two different issues (in two states) for our children. They come to your house and evaluate your child's progress, and if they in need of care, the care is provided free of charge. We had OT for our toddler, since he was late learning to walk (because, it turns out, of reflux), and we had an evaluation on our doctor's suggestion for annunciation, where we were told that our child is actually at or above the level they should be at. In both cases, it was a very easy experience.
You may need a note from your pediatrician, but not always. I would strongly suggest that you contact early intervention and put your fears to rest, or, if help is needed, they will provide it now, when it can do the most good.
posted by blahblahblah at 6:52 AM on August 19, 2011 [2 favorites]
However, I can't say enough about how awesome Early Intervention programs are. Most (or all?) states offer free early intervention evaluations, we engaged them for two different issues (in two states) for our children. They come to your house and evaluate your child's progress, and if they in need of care, the care is provided free of charge. We had OT for our toddler, since he was late learning to walk (because, it turns out, of reflux), and we had an evaluation on our doctor's suggestion for annunciation, where we were told that our child is actually at or above the level they should be at. In both cases, it was a very easy experience.
You may need a note from your pediatrician, but not always. I would strongly suggest that you contact early intervention and put your fears to rest, or, if help is needed, they will provide it now, when it can do the most good.
posted by blahblahblah at 6:52 AM on August 19, 2011 [2 favorites]
As a parent of a "unique" toddler, I'd suggest that you not worry about whatever people on the Internet say and focus on the following - working up to a professional opinion:
- Talk to your ped about these things.
- If your child has daycare providers that see a lot of kids, talk to them about this. They know what is outside of the range of normal in a way that peds don't.
- In the U.S., every child under 3 is eligible for an early intervention evalution. Ask your ped or just google around for it and set up an appointment to have them evaluate Little Poop's development. Getting evaluated isn't a big deal. (Although once they turn 3 things change, so call soon.)
- If it seems like your local early intervention people are working too slowly, make an appointment with a developmental ped.
But, for my Internet opinion, as the parent of a 2.75 year old, this all sounds within the range of normal. (For the clothes, I'd suggest giving him 2 choices and letting him pick.)
Also, my kid was/is edging on slightly obsessive behavior like this. Know what helped him/us a lot? Having a nanny that is much stricter with him. She doesn't let him carry on and on about a particular toy or object and it has reduced his obsessive behavior a lot.
posted by k8t at 6:55 AM on August 19, 2011 [1 favorite]
- Talk to your ped about these things.
- If your child has daycare providers that see a lot of kids, talk to them about this. They know what is outside of the range of normal in a way that peds don't.
- In the U.S., every child under 3 is eligible for an early intervention evalution. Ask your ped or just google around for it and set up an appointment to have them evaluate Little Poop's development. Getting evaluated isn't a big deal. (Although once they turn 3 things change, so call soon.)
- If it seems like your local early intervention people are working too slowly, make an appointment with a developmental ped.
But, for my Internet opinion, as the parent of a 2.75 year old, this all sounds within the range of normal. (For the clothes, I'd suggest giving him 2 choices and letting him pick.)
Also, my kid was/is edging on slightly obsessive behavior like this. Know what helped him/us a lot? Having a nanny that is much stricter with him. She doesn't let him carry on and on about a particular toy or object and it has reduced his obsessive behavior a lot.
posted by k8t at 6:55 AM on August 19, 2011 [1 favorite]
BTW, those meltdowns that you describe are what all my mommy friends talk about in our "omg, what is wrong with my toddler" emails.
posted by k8t at 6:56 AM on August 19, 2011 [1 favorite]
posted by k8t at 6:56 AM on August 19, 2011 [1 favorite]
Response by poster: @headspace--he's starting potty training. On and off with the peeing. School--pretty good. Going out--he will go. At home, he really doesn't want to do it unless it's time for bed/bath.
I don't see soothing patterns except everything goes in his mouth still. He gets highly impatient with utensils and eats with his hands still.
For looking at is in the eye, not really when we are scolding him. He refuses. He looks at us in general, happy times, loving times, but when in trouble, forget it. He's extremely defiant. The outburst with the tub is just not him. He gets highly angry and screams in my face. He's lately the king of "NO!" with everything.
Hot and cold---he seems to be sensitive to hot. He will only take a lukewarm to cool bath. Faucet for hands is warm and he wants it colder. He's also an easily sweaty baby. :) Refuses to have his feet covered with a blanket, wearing shoes, socks, etc. One of his fits yesterday was refusing to put on shoes to go outside.
like I said, I have no clue how toddlers are supposed to be. I know they can be little shits if they want to. But 5 meltdowns in a row had my DH concerned and me flustered. I was wondering if he was hungry/thirsty from being in school (last snack is about 3:30ish and we pick him up 5:30/6) so I tried getting him something to eat. He wanted everything we didn't have so meltdown city.
posted by stormpooper at 6:57 AM on August 19, 2011
I don't see soothing patterns except everything goes in his mouth still. He gets highly impatient with utensils and eats with his hands still.
For looking at is in the eye, not really when we are scolding him. He refuses. He looks at us in general, happy times, loving times, but when in trouble, forget it. He's extremely defiant. The outburst with the tub is just not him. He gets highly angry and screams in my face. He's lately the king of "NO!" with everything.
Hot and cold---he seems to be sensitive to hot. He will only take a lukewarm to cool bath. Faucet for hands is warm and he wants it colder. He's also an easily sweaty baby. :) Refuses to have his feet covered with a blanket, wearing shoes, socks, etc. One of his fits yesterday was refusing to put on shoes to go outside.
like I said, I have no clue how toddlers are supposed to be. I know they can be little shits if they want to. But 5 meltdowns in a row had my DH concerned and me flustered. I was wondering if he was hungry/thirsty from being in school (last snack is about 3:30ish and we pick him up 5:30/6) so I tried getting him something to eat. He wanted everything we didn't have so meltdown city.
posted by stormpooper at 6:57 AM on August 19, 2011
Response by poster: I also think it's concerning since my BFF always makes comments about how active my child is. But I let my child be a kid. She is a helicopter parent to the extreme and he's a year younger. I'm always hearing comments when I tell her of his tales (in a funny way because he is pretty funny for a kid) and I always hear "well, that is YOUR child" as if he's some spaz. (dad has ADHD)
posted by stormpooper at 6:59 AM on August 19, 2011
posted by stormpooper at 6:59 AM on August 19, 2011
Call your local school district and ask who provides screenings for kids 0-5. There should be a local program to provide screening as part of the local early intervention system. If your son does need occupational therapy, it may be covered. (I have a family member who does these screenings for a state; your state's programs may differ, but I think the local school district will still be the place to go. The local Head Start would know who does this, too.)
The worst-case scenario is that he gets the SPD diagnosis and they provide occupational therapy, which could be very helpful and certainly couldn't hurt. Much better to have OT early on; OT can be helpful for this at any point, but it's much less productive if you're diagnosed at 20 than if you're diagnosed at 2.
posted by pie ninja at 7:00 AM on August 19, 2011
The worst-case scenario is that he gets the SPD diagnosis and they provide occupational therapy, which could be very helpful and certainly couldn't hurt. Much better to have OT early on; OT can be helpful for this at any point, but it's much less productive if you're diagnosed at 20 than if you're diagnosed at 2.
posted by pie ninja at 7:00 AM on August 19, 2011
Pie Ninja - under age 3 it isn't done by the school, it is done by the State/County.
posted by k8t at 7:01 AM on August 19, 2011 [1 favorite]
posted by k8t at 7:01 AM on August 19, 2011 [1 favorite]
@StormPooper. Stop listening to your friend.
posted by k8t at 7:02 AM on August 19, 2011 [7 favorites]
posted by k8t at 7:02 AM on August 19, 2011 [7 favorites]
Now that you describe more of his fits, IMHO, not knowing your kid in the least, I'd say that you all need to start organizing a discipline system, regardless of any sort of additional challeges he may be facing. (The me of 4 years ago would be shocked to hear me say this... but man, active kids need it.)
You, Dad, and any other caregiver need to have a system in place as to how you're going to not only avoid, but to deal with temper tantrums and Little Poop not getting what he wants.
Personally we do 1-2-3 Magic to great success. Lots of other people use SuperNanny. I have some friends that use Happiest Toddler on the Block.
posted by k8t at 7:04 AM on August 19, 2011 [6 favorites]
You, Dad, and any other caregiver need to have a system in place as to how you're going to not only avoid, but to deal with temper tantrums and Little Poop not getting what he wants.
Personally we do 1-2-3 Magic to great success. Lots of other people use SuperNanny. I have some friends that use Happiest Toddler on the Block.
posted by k8t at 7:04 AM on August 19, 2011 [6 favorites]
And I'm totally with blahblahblah. Take advantage of the early intervention programs. When we first contacted them, it was only because our daughter wasn't talking. It was during the evaluation that we realized there was something bigger behind the language delay.
I had always felt like something wasn't quite right (I mean honestly, how many six month old babies actively avoid eye contact?) It wasn't until a professional did a full inventory that we realized what was actually wrong. And the evaluation came with follow-up services, so our three year old who couldn't speak at all is now a wonderfully fluent chatterbox with no significant delay at 9 years old.
Taking those inventories, you'll be able to easily see the questions about behavior that in no way fit your child. Don't worry that you'll accidentally peg him as something he's not.
posted by headspace at 7:04 AM on August 19, 2011
I had always felt like something wasn't quite right (I mean honestly, how many six month old babies actively avoid eye contact?) It wasn't until a professional did a full inventory that we realized what was actually wrong. And the evaluation came with follow-up services, so our three year old who couldn't speak at all is now a wonderfully fluent chatterbox with no significant delay at 9 years old.
Taking those inventories, you'll be able to easily see the questions about behavior that in no way fit your child. Don't worry that you'll accidentally peg him as something he's not.
posted by headspace at 7:04 AM on August 19, 2011
Actually where I live 0-5 is done through the school system, just paid for by the state or county. We have CSE meetings for pre-school children.
The clothing sounds like normal 2 year old stuff. We would give choices of shirts to wear and 80% of the time it would work. That is he would actually make a choice. I have three children all very close in age and all three were very different at your sons age. One of mine was quite active. When your bff mentions how active your son is, just laugh or say "you'll see."
I would talk to your pediatrician about the sensitivity to sounds.
posted by JohnnyGunn at 7:07 AM on August 19, 2011
The clothing sounds like normal 2 year old stuff. We would give choices of shirts to wear and 80% of the time it would work. That is he would actually make a choice. I have three children all very close in age and all three were very different at your sons age. One of mine was quite active. When your bff mentions how active your son is, just laugh or say "you'll see."
I would talk to your pediatrician about the sensitivity to sounds.
posted by JohnnyGunn at 7:07 AM on August 19, 2011
For looking at is in the eye, not really when we are scolding him. He refuses. He looks at us in general, happy times, loving times, but when in trouble, forget it. He's extremely defiant. The outburst with the tub is just not him. He gets highly angry and screams in my face. He's lately the king of "NO!" with everything.
Welcome to the terrible twos.
posted by empath at 7:09 AM on August 19, 2011 [1 favorite]
Welcome to the terrible twos.
posted by empath at 7:09 AM on August 19, 2011 [1 favorite]
I'm a big fan of early intervention. My aspie son exhibited serious sensory issues; I didn't act quite as early as I should have because I thought it was just "toddler being toddler". Fortunately, I was also taking positive disciple classes at the same time, so I didn't accidentally make things worse.
I don't think the chronic over-diagnosing that happens with ADHD is so common with sensory issues. It's clear that your child is responding more strongly to stimuli than his peers... nothing wrong with checking it out. It's much easier to adapt behaviors and situations when they're young, before those patterns become rigid.
If nothing else, you should get him evaluated so that you can get direction for how to handle your child's issues (even if they're within the range of normal), so you can make appropriate behavioral choices for yourself. There are things you can do to help your child adjust. Starting now before academics is an issue is really important. How and when to teach your child coping skills isn't an instinctive parental knowledge! Mommy/Daddy training is crucial. My child's very high functioning now, and would probably not even show up on the spectrum, because we had a savvy preschool teacher who pointed us in the right direction.
You're obviously concerned. Kudos for paying attention to that little voice that tells you to act. Your family needs and deserves professional support. Whatever diagnosis, your care and attentiveness have you pointed in the right direction for a very positive outcome.
posted by theplotchickens at 7:10 AM on August 19, 2011
I don't think the chronic over-diagnosing that happens with ADHD is so common with sensory issues. It's clear that your child is responding more strongly to stimuli than his peers... nothing wrong with checking it out. It's much easier to adapt behaviors and situations when they're young, before those patterns become rigid.
If nothing else, you should get him evaluated so that you can get direction for how to handle your child's issues (even if they're within the range of normal), so you can make appropriate behavioral choices for yourself. There are things you can do to help your child adjust. Starting now before academics is an issue is really important. How and when to teach your child coping skills isn't an instinctive parental knowledge! Mommy/Daddy training is crucial. My child's very high functioning now, and would probably not even show up on the spectrum, because we had a savvy preschool teacher who pointed us in the right direction.
You're obviously concerned. Kudos for paying attention to that little voice that tells you to act. Your family needs and deserves professional support. Whatever diagnosis, your care and attentiveness have you pointed in the right direction for a very positive outcome.
posted by theplotchickens at 7:10 AM on August 19, 2011
Our oldest son, now 10, is very sensitive to things like clothes. It used to be so hard to find clothes that he was comfortable in that, for years, he wore nothing but sweat pants and t-shirts with the tags cut out. Even changing into a different familiar outfit was hard for him; as a young 'un, he used to routinely wear the same outfit, day and night, for four or five days at a time, so long as it wasn't smelly or visiblly spilled-upon.
He's still pretty sensitive to sensations, textures, and smells (it affects his food choices) but well within the quirky-but-functional range.
If your kid is in the range where it doesn't really rise to a diagnosis but is still in the narrower part of the normal curve, it will be common for your friends to not get him or to think you should be parenting him differently. I have had to learn to remind myself that they are experts on their kids, but not on mine.
I have friends whose kids really do have SPD, and it seems to me to be more of a difference in degree and intensity from what my son deals with, rather than there being a sharp clear line. An evaluation probably can't hurt. In our area, this is done by the schools--I have friends who've had comprehensive evaluations done of their young children by the school district. In any case, if you call the school distrcit they will know where to send you. Even if your son isn't full SPD, you may then be pointed to resources for kids with SPD that you can apply or modify with good effect.
We found the book The Explosive Child tremendously helpful in dealing with our oldest. We got lots of suggestions that we needed more discipline for him, but for some kids that's really not the answer--when our son was in sensory overload, trying to impose discipline was futile and escalating, because he really could not get himself under control once his switch had flipped. We found The Explosive Child helpful in giving us tools for lowering our kid's load (since he was easily overloaded) to avoid meltdowns, rather than trying to impose discipline on him once one had started. It may not apply to your son--I've come to believe from talking to friends that kids have tantrums for different reasons. But it might be worth a look.
posted by not that girl at 7:14 AM on August 19, 2011 [1 favorite]
He's still pretty sensitive to sensations, textures, and smells (it affects his food choices) but well within the quirky-but-functional range.
If your kid is in the range where it doesn't really rise to a diagnosis but is still in the narrower part of the normal curve, it will be common for your friends to not get him or to think you should be parenting him differently. I have had to learn to remind myself that they are experts on their kids, but not on mine.
I have friends whose kids really do have SPD, and it seems to me to be more of a difference in degree and intensity from what my son deals with, rather than there being a sharp clear line. An evaluation probably can't hurt. In our area, this is done by the schools--I have friends who've had comprehensive evaluations done of their young children by the school district. In any case, if you call the school distrcit they will know where to send you. Even if your son isn't full SPD, you may then be pointed to resources for kids with SPD that you can apply or modify with good effect.
We found the book The Explosive Child tremendously helpful in dealing with our oldest. We got lots of suggestions that we needed more discipline for him, but for some kids that's really not the answer--when our son was in sensory overload, trying to impose discipline was futile and escalating, because he really could not get himself under control once his switch had flipped. We found The Explosive Child helpful in giving us tools for lowering our kid's load (since he was easily overloaded) to avoid meltdowns, rather than trying to impose discipline on him once one had started. It may not apply to your son--I've come to believe from talking to friends that kids have tantrums for different reasons. But it might be worth a look.
posted by not that girl at 7:14 AM on August 19, 2011 [1 favorite]
Response by poster: @k8t--I read Happiest Toddler but will admit it's a little confusing (talking like a caveman, etc). We have always done the time outs--minute per age and yesterday I changed it up with a lot of "I know it's hard and you're mad", etc. I think his routine is off since our 10 day vacation (time zone changes, skipped naps, going late to bed) so I'm trying to get him back on track.
posted by stormpooper at 7:15 AM on August 19, 2011
posted by stormpooper at 7:15 AM on August 19, 2011
He sounds maybe a little extra sensitive to me, but the meltdowns may be purely a way of getting attention or getting his way. Yes, even that something crazy extreme, can be a normal parent manipulation tactic, especially once it starts working (as it has with the clothes). He's starting to realize that he's not in control of anything that happens to him, and this is the only way he knows how to exert control.
Sweating out the meltdowns and sticking to your guns over something as trivial as a shirt or a food choice might seem equally extreme to you, but the line has to be drawn. When he begins a meltdown, turn around and go straight home. If you are already home, stop whatever you are doing and put him in his room. These episodes are purely voluntary (in that nothing is actively physically hurting him, that you know of) and when he is ready to rejoin the dialogue, welcome him back.
When I was a nanny one of the kids (3 years old) pulled this with her mom all the time. With me too for a few months, until I started corralling her in her room. The mom would come home and be aghast, asking, "Why is she crying?" and wanting to go fix it and comfort her. Over time, the girl never pulled this stuff with me anymore, but she'd still do it to mom all the time -- and it always worked on mom, who made herself into a nervous wreck each time, trying to figure out what she could do to make the crying STOP. She couldn't really ever believe that all this ended the moment she walked out the door.
I'd still get him checked out for stuff, just to be sure.
posted by hermitosis at 7:17 AM on August 19, 2011 [1 favorite]
Sweating out the meltdowns and sticking to your guns over something as trivial as a shirt or a food choice might seem equally extreme to you, but the line has to be drawn. When he begins a meltdown, turn around and go straight home. If you are already home, stop whatever you are doing and put him in his room. These episodes are purely voluntary (in that nothing is actively physically hurting him, that you know of) and when he is ready to rejoin the dialogue, welcome him back.
When I was a nanny one of the kids (3 years old) pulled this with her mom all the time. With me too for a few months, until I started corralling her in her room. The mom would come home and be aghast, asking, "Why is she crying?" and wanting to go fix it and comfort her. Over time, the girl never pulled this stuff with me anymore, but she'd still do it to mom all the time -- and it always worked on mom, who made herself into a nervous wreck each time, trying to figure out what she could do to make the crying STOP. She couldn't really ever believe that all this ended the moment she walked out the door.
I'd still get him checked out for stuff, just to be sure.
posted by hermitosis at 7:17 AM on August 19, 2011 [1 favorite]
I have no general comments, but my understanding of SPD is that your kid would be freaking out over the texture and fit of the clothes because he literally can't handle how they feel. Your kid gets upset over their design, which has nothing to do with the material. The only thing that triggers a red flag for me is noises, but lots of kids are sensitive to weird noises without having SPD. Many kids are especially freaked out by loud male voices. There's a reason infants respond to high-pitched feminine voices, which signals nurturing and attentiveness. My 3 year old charge gets upset if someone is telling me a story about someone being a jerk; she's burst into tears and told the storyteller to stop yelling at me. Social nuances between storytelling and reality, or loud man voice and yelling, are beyond most kids right now.
Clothes are one of the very few provinces over which toddlers have much control. Your kid can't pick when it's time to go to the playground or when he must go to bed, so of course he feels very strongly about what shirt to wear. It doesn't seem like a big deal to you but it's a VERY big deal to him. Unless the shirt is falling apart or has grossness on it, just let him make that call. If you simply must make him change the shirt, just pin him down (you will feel like an ogre) and put the shirt on him. Don't wheedle, cajole, bribe or reason with him. He's too little to process any of it except that you're engaging in a power dynamic that he can win by virtue of being too little to get what you're doing.
The golf club thing is another kid weirdness. He was probably overstimulated (had dad just come home?), too tired, hungry or something else that put him on edge. It wasn't about the clubs, it was about getting attention and letting you know that he was having a rough time. Kids are weird. Wait til he starts asking a million nonsensical question ("WHAT NAME IS MY BED? WHY YOU HAVE A BLUE PLAYGROUND? WHY THAT DOOR BE THERE?") They are basically like cuter, more articulte, less hairy versions of cats until they're about four years old.
posted by zoomorphic at 7:18 AM on August 19, 2011 [13 favorites]
Clothes are one of the very few provinces over which toddlers have much control. Your kid can't pick when it's time to go to the playground or when he must go to bed, so of course he feels very strongly about what shirt to wear. It doesn't seem like a big deal to you but it's a VERY big deal to him. Unless the shirt is falling apart or has grossness on it, just let him make that call. If you simply must make him change the shirt, just pin him down (you will feel like an ogre) and put the shirt on him. Don't wheedle, cajole, bribe or reason with him. He's too little to process any of it except that you're engaging in a power dynamic that he can win by virtue of being too little to get what you're doing.
The golf club thing is another kid weirdness. He was probably overstimulated (had dad just come home?), too tired, hungry or something else that put him on edge. It wasn't about the clubs, it was about getting attention and letting you know that he was having a rough time. Kids are weird. Wait til he starts asking a million nonsensical question ("WHAT NAME IS MY BED? WHY YOU HAVE A BLUE PLAYGROUND? WHY THAT DOOR BE THERE?") They are basically like cuter, more articulte, less hairy versions of cats until they're about four years old.
posted by zoomorphic at 7:18 AM on August 19, 2011 [13 favorites]
Also, does daddy yell at mommy at other times? Because maybe that is what kiddo is reacting to later on with the regular deep speaking voice.
posted by hermitosis at 7:20 AM on August 19, 2011 [2 favorites]
posted by hermitosis at 7:20 AM on August 19, 2011 [2 favorites]
I have a two-year-old who exhibits a lot of these behaviors too. I have kind of wondered about SPD too, but a lot of her struggles with us seem to just come from being overwhelmed. We tried offering her choices about clothing, for example, until it became clear that it wasn't that she wanted to choose - it was that she didn't want to wear ANY clothes. Not really an option when she goes to daycare every day. So we stopped letting her choose and now we choose and it's still a struggle but a little bit less so. She has definitely followed me around the house, tugging at her shirt, wailing, "No dis shirt! No dis shirt!" but as soon as something distracting comes along she immediately turns off the waterworks.
I have also found that the more tired she is, the more these things (tantrums, crying, yelling, etc.) are likely to happen. Of course, getting her to bed at a good hour can be a struggle too, but we do notice a marked improvement in behavior when we really buckle down on her to go to bed early and take good naps. We also try to make sure she gets good, filling meals and snacks, because I think hunger causes a lot of meltdowns, too. A lot of what seems to work for my daughter is to have fairly rigid rules and structure that we give her a little bit of control over, if she seems willing to take it, but we will make decisions if she's unable to.
And I've also found if we make sure to run her around a little extra outside before bedtime, that helps too. She is very active all day at daycare but we do a quick run/walk around the block and that helps a lot to blow off steam from the day rather than more passive activities like watching cartoons or coloring.
I think many toddlers get sensory overload and it's not because they have SPD, it's just that they are small and still learning and there is a LOT to learn and experience. I think sometimes stuff like loud noises, lots of people, etc. can be so overwhelming to toddlers because they are so tiny. Everyone must seem SO loud and SO big and it's no wonder their only way of dealing with it is to cry or yell. Their language and emotional skills still aren't up to snuff yet so they don't have any way of saying, "Hey, I need to go sit in a quiet room for a moment to collect myself."
However, I think that if it might put your mind at ease, you should speak to your pediatrician and see about getting an EI referral/evaluation. Something like that seems pretty non-invasive and couldn't hurt.
posted by sutel at 7:37 AM on August 19, 2011
I have also found that the more tired she is, the more these things (tantrums, crying, yelling, etc.) are likely to happen. Of course, getting her to bed at a good hour can be a struggle too, but we do notice a marked improvement in behavior when we really buckle down on her to go to bed early and take good naps. We also try to make sure she gets good, filling meals and snacks, because I think hunger causes a lot of meltdowns, too. A lot of what seems to work for my daughter is to have fairly rigid rules and structure that we give her a little bit of control over, if she seems willing to take it, but we will make decisions if she's unable to.
And I've also found if we make sure to run her around a little extra outside before bedtime, that helps too. She is very active all day at daycare but we do a quick run/walk around the block and that helps a lot to blow off steam from the day rather than more passive activities like watching cartoons or coloring.
I think many toddlers get sensory overload and it's not because they have SPD, it's just that they are small and still learning and there is a LOT to learn and experience. I think sometimes stuff like loud noises, lots of people, etc. can be so overwhelming to toddlers because they are so tiny. Everyone must seem SO loud and SO big and it's no wonder their only way of dealing with it is to cry or yell. Their language and emotional skills still aren't up to snuff yet so they don't have any way of saying, "Hey, I need to go sit in a quiet room for a moment to collect myself."
However, I think that if it might put your mind at ease, you should speak to your pediatrician and see about getting an EI referral/evaluation. Something like that seems pretty non-invasive and couldn't hurt.
posted by sutel at 7:37 AM on August 19, 2011
k8t: Correct that in most states the screenings aren't done by the school. I'm suggesting checking there first because the school district will know the correct folks to call.
posted by pie ninja at 8:29 AM on August 19, 2011
posted by pie ninja at 8:29 AM on August 19, 2011
Along with raising this with your pediatrician, I would strongly suggest taking him to a pediatric ophthalmologist. I had similar issues (especially with clothing, textures, and noises) and they all but disappeared once everyone figured out that I was extremely near-sighted. When you can't see things clearly, your other senses kind of go into overdrive.
posted by charmcityblues at 8:57 AM on August 19, 2011
posted by charmcityblues at 8:57 AM on August 19, 2011
Response by poster: @young rope-rider. While I agree that was the assessment during a newborn phase, things have gotten significantly better including watching Ps, Qs, and tone/volume around him.
The rule is no fighting/yelling around him. I am not saying that past issues haven't affected sensitivity levels but I am saying that we are extremely mindful of how we communicate/behave in front of him. DH's voice IS and always has been naturally booming/louder than mine or anyone else's.
But it will be mentioned to therapist.
posted by stormpooper at 12:28 PM on August 19, 2011
The rule is no fighting/yelling around him. I am not saying that past issues haven't affected sensitivity levels but I am saying that we are extremely mindful of how we communicate/behave in front of him. DH's voice IS and always has been naturally booming/louder than mine or anyone else's.
But it will be mentioned to therapist.
posted by stormpooper at 12:28 PM on August 19, 2011
My worry is that, both as a newborn and now, your son's perfectly normal reaction to the stress in his environment is being treated as a problem or dysfunction in your son, when really it is a problem with his environment.
I have to strongly agree with the young rope-rider here, given that it's only been 3 months since you were ready to leave your husband. It doesn't matter that you don't yell in front of him; the kid knows something is wrong.
posted by desjardins at 2:30 PM on August 19, 2011
I have to strongly agree with the young rope-rider here, given that it's only been 3 months since you were ready to leave your husband. It doesn't matter that you don't yell in front of him; the kid knows something is wrong.
posted by desjardins at 2:30 PM on August 19, 2011
I re-read your previous post about toddler discipline. There is a ton of good advice in there.
But it doesn't sound like Happiest Toddler is going to work for you. (And honestly, the only people that I know that make it work are stay-at-home moms of very easygoing girls.) 1-2-3 Magic is great because EVERYONE can get it very quickly - parents and kid. But it works more in situations where you're trying to stop something, not prevent fits.
But for real, you need to be hardcore. The more that Little Poop can walk all over it, the worse it is going to get. If you can set out real expectations for his behavior and being extremely conscious of not letting in, he'll fall into line.
For example:
"Lately though he has complete meltdowns over the simplest thing if it's not 100% his way. Or if we can't even think of a reason. Yesterday he saw my DH's 1 golf club and freaked out screaming "club club I want club" we told him to get it. He refused like he was afraid or not the right club. But he kept telling my DH to get his clubs--he wanted the entire set to choose form. "
Why did you let him have it in the first place?
Upon Little Poop's first "club club club I want club," you tell him "No, LP, you cannot have Daddy's golf clubs. Let's go do a puzzle." If LP continues, you say "LP, I already told you. You cannot have Daddy's golf clubs. Please let's go and play with your puzzle now." If LP continues, you get down to his level, look him in the eye and say, "LP. I told you that you are not allowed to touch Daddy's golf clubs. If you do not stop whining about it, you're going to get a timeout."
And then you gotta give a timeout. Don't look at him, don't be sad. Do it and be serious about it. All other caregivers need to as well. Tell your DH: "This is our discipline philosophy" and kick his ass into using it too. No pain, no gain. It is only going to get worse if kiddo thinks that he can walk all over you now. Don't be afraid that Little Poop is going to stop loving you or preferring you.
And a somewhat consistent day goes a LONG way. Meals at about the same time, bedtime routine solid... in my own kid I notice that the more we deviate, the harder time he has with stuff. Have rules in place -- we only eat at the dinner table. We put away our legos before we get out our blocks. We always wear a helmet on the bike. Our shoes goes in this cubby. It isn't that it is super important that shoes goes in this cubby, it is more that you're getting Little Poop to obey a rule and do what he is told so that he is more used to it overall.
posted by k8t at 8:51 PM on August 19, 2011 [1 favorite]
But it doesn't sound like Happiest Toddler is going to work for you. (And honestly, the only people that I know that make it work are stay-at-home moms of very easygoing girls.) 1-2-3 Magic is great because EVERYONE can get it very quickly - parents and kid. But it works more in situations where you're trying to stop something, not prevent fits.
But for real, you need to be hardcore. The more that Little Poop can walk all over it, the worse it is going to get. If you can set out real expectations for his behavior and being extremely conscious of not letting in, he'll fall into line.
For example:
"Lately though he has complete meltdowns over the simplest thing if it's not 100% his way. Or if we can't even think of a reason. Yesterday he saw my DH's 1 golf club and freaked out screaming "club club I want club" we told him to get it. He refused like he was afraid or not the right club. But he kept telling my DH to get his clubs--he wanted the entire set to choose form. "
Why did you let him have it in the first place?
Upon Little Poop's first "club club club I want club," you tell him "No, LP, you cannot have Daddy's golf clubs. Let's go do a puzzle." If LP continues, you say "LP, I already told you. You cannot have Daddy's golf clubs. Please let's go and play with your puzzle now." If LP continues, you get down to his level, look him in the eye and say, "LP. I told you that you are not allowed to touch Daddy's golf clubs. If you do not stop whining about it, you're going to get a timeout."
And then you gotta give a timeout. Don't look at him, don't be sad. Do it and be serious about it. All other caregivers need to as well. Tell your DH: "This is our discipline philosophy" and kick his ass into using it too. No pain, no gain. It is only going to get worse if kiddo thinks that he can walk all over you now. Don't be afraid that Little Poop is going to stop loving you or preferring you.
And a somewhat consistent day goes a LONG way. Meals at about the same time, bedtime routine solid... in my own kid I notice that the more we deviate, the harder time he has with stuff. Have rules in place -- we only eat at the dinner table. We put away our legos before we get out our blocks. We always wear a helmet on the bike. Our shoes goes in this cubby. It isn't that it is super important that shoes goes in this cubby, it is more that you're getting Little Poop to obey a rule and do what he is told so that he is more used to it overall.
posted by k8t at 8:51 PM on August 19, 2011 [1 favorite]
Listening to your neurotic friend is doing you no favours. Stop this. Welcome indeed to the terrible twos. You're going to have your work cut out for you but you'll be fine.
For what it's worth as a European it can be strange to listen to Americans obsess about autism spectrum disorders. It's not a 'hot diagnosis' at all here. We have our own weirdnesses - vaccination 'scares' haven't covered us in glory for example.
posted by dmt at 8:51 AM on August 20, 2011
For what it's worth as a European it can be strange to listen to Americans obsess about autism spectrum disorders. It's not a 'hot diagnosis' at all here. We have our own weirdnesses - vaccination 'scares' haven't covered us in glory for example.
posted by dmt at 8:51 AM on August 20, 2011
This thread is closed to new comments.
posted by kuanes at 6:48 AM on August 19, 2011 [3 favorites]