Might he be interested in me?
July 29, 2011 9:42 PM Subscribe
This is silly, but might this guy be interested in me?
So before I explain, let me just say that this is not a crisis for me. My question is rooted in genuine curiosity about how people perceive flirtatiousness and romantic interest. So there's no issue of overanalyzing or worrying needlessly or even being desperate :)
There's a guy that some of my friends from my acting school last year know who, like me, is gay, apparently single, and very attractive. I saw him at a show last year, but never had the opportunity to talk to him because he graduated several years earlier and was visiting as an alum. A girl in my class who knows him posted a picture of him and several of our colleagues from an event which I didn't attend on Facebook. Here's how the comment thread went (the guy in question is "Hot Guy;" I'm "Me" and also "Akshay," which, don't worry, is not my real name; and my friends are "Colleague 1," "Colleague 2", etc.):
Hot Guy: Oye, I look like a dear in headlights!
Colleague 1: Shut up, Hot Guy. You never look bad!
Colleague 1: I love Melissa in these pictures….jumping to get in. lol
Me/Akshay: You all have beautiful smiles :)
Colleague 2: AKSHAYYYYYYYY!!!!!
Hot Guy: Colleague 2 ...are u speaking in tongue's??
Colleague 2: Bahaha. Akshay is our friend ;) He used to be in our class, but now he's doing bigger and better things...like appearing on Soap Opera X. ...but I can totally speak in tongues ;)
Hot Guy: Ah!! Now it all makes sense :) Congrats to Akshay...but he's missin out on some of my Super Aerobic Class...Soap Opera X is nice but...(my rival since I was on Soap Opera Y ...) guess he won since mine went off the air, he he!!!
Me/Akshay: HAHA. I love how when anyone says my name they sound possessed :) Actually, it was Soap Opera Z but it's all good. I'll be at Super Aerobic Class one of these days when I have some energy! And Colleague 2, we have to hang out ... it's been too long! I'll text you guys soon.
Colleague 2: Oh shite. Sowwy!!
Colleague 2: And yes...teeeext us. We need some Akshay lovin'. ;)
****
I thought about going to Super Aerobic Class, which he teaches, to at least meet him, but it's my own fault for being so shy and afraid of looking sweaty, gross, and unattractive in front of him! Anyway, what do you think? Does it sound like he's being flirtatious or just friendly? Keep in mind that we can all click on each other's profiles to see at least a profile picture, so he knows what I look like.
Again, this is all in good fun and not a huge deal at all! Thanks!
So before I explain, let me just say that this is not a crisis for me. My question is rooted in genuine curiosity about how people perceive flirtatiousness and romantic interest. So there's no issue of overanalyzing or worrying needlessly or even being desperate :)
There's a guy that some of my friends from my acting school last year know who, like me, is gay, apparently single, and very attractive. I saw him at a show last year, but never had the opportunity to talk to him because he graduated several years earlier and was visiting as an alum. A girl in my class who knows him posted a picture of him and several of our colleagues from an event which I didn't attend on Facebook. Here's how the comment thread went (the guy in question is "Hot Guy;" I'm "Me" and also "Akshay," which, don't worry, is not my real name; and my friends are "Colleague 1," "Colleague 2", etc.):
Hot Guy: Oye, I look like a dear in headlights!
Colleague 1: Shut up, Hot Guy. You never look bad!
Colleague 1: I love Melissa in these pictures….jumping to get in. lol
Me/Akshay: You all have beautiful smiles :)
Colleague 2: AKSHAYYYYYYYY!!!!!
Hot Guy: Colleague 2 ...are u speaking in tongue's??
Colleague 2: Bahaha. Akshay is our friend ;) He used to be in our class, but now he's doing bigger and better things...like appearing on Soap Opera X. ...but I can totally speak in tongues ;)
Hot Guy: Ah!! Now it all makes sense :) Congrats to Akshay...but he's missin out on some of my Super Aerobic Class...Soap Opera X is nice but...(my rival since I was on Soap Opera Y ...) guess he won since mine went off the air, he he!!!
Me/Akshay: HAHA. I love how when anyone says my name they sound possessed :) Actually, it was Soap Opera Z but it's all good. I'll be at Super Aerobic Class one of these days when I have some energy! And Colleague 2, we have to hang out ... it's been too long! I'll text you guys soon.
Colleague 2: Oh shite. Sowwy!!
Colleague 2: And yes...teeeext us. We need some Akshay lovin'. ;)
****
I thought about going to Super Aerobic Class, which he teaches, to at least meet him, but it's my own fault for being so shy and afraid of looking sweaty, gross, and unattractive in front of him! Anyway, what do you think? Does it sound like he's being flirtatious or just friendly? Keep in mind that we can all click on each other's profiles to see at least a profile picture, so he knows what I look like.
Again, this is all in good fun and not a huge deal at all! Thanks!
It doesn't seem like he went beyond typical friendliness in any way.
posted by halogen at 9:54 PM on July 29, 2011 [1 favorite]
posted by halogen at 9:54 PM on July 29, 2011 [1 favorite]
He has no anything toward you except knowing your name.
posted by sanka at 9:56 PM on July 29, 2011 [1 favorite]
posted by sanka at 9:56 PM on July 29, 2011 [1 favorite]
Sorry, can't see it.
posted by Jubey at 9:57 PM on July 29, 2011 [2 favorites]
posted by Jubey at 9:57 PM on July 29, 2011 [2 favorites]
Not interested.
posted by ThePinkSuperhero at 9:57 PM on July 29, 2011
posted by ThePinkSuperhero at 9:57 PM on July 29, 2011
Response by poster: Yeah, that's what I figured. Thanks though!
posted by cscott at 10:01 PM on July 29, 2011
posted by cscott at 10:01 PM on July 29, 2011
If you want to know, nothing wrong with being a little more direct. Reading the tea leaves is a tough game to play.
posted by Miko at 10:03 PM on July 29, 2011 [2 favorites]
posted by Miko at 10:03 PM on July 29, 2011 [2 favorites]
I don't know how people are able to say with certainty that he's not interested (or, as the first comment says, "not not interested"). Why not go to his aerobics class and find out for sure?
posted by John Cohen at 10:34 PM on July 29, 2011
posted by John Cohen at 10:34 PM on July 29, 2011
Well sure, if you're just going to go and take his class and ask him, then this whole thing is out the window. We were working within a framework here.
posted by sanka at 10:46 PM on July 29, 2011
posted by sanka at 10:46 PM on July 29, 2011
Look, I don't agree with the decisive answers saying he's not interested, and I don't think there's definitely nothing there beyond Hot Guy knowing the OP's name. Hot Guy gave an opening for the OP to pursue this further. There might be something there. So I say, if the OP is interested enough to post this question, there's enough of a basis for thinking Hot Guy might be interested that it's worth going to the class to find out for sure. You're free to disagree, but that's my honest answer to the question.
posted by John Cohen at 11:03 PM on July 29, 2011 [1 favorite]
posted by John Cohen at 11:03 PM on July 29, 2011 [1 favorite]
Is it possible he's attracted to you? sure
Is it possible he's not attracted to you? sure
Is it possible he hasn't thought of either possibility? sure
the information you provided is not enough to determine whether any of these possibilities are facts.
Go to his aerobics class!
posted by bearette at 1:08 AM on July 30, 2011 [5 favorites]
Is it possible he's not attracted to you? sure
Is it possible he hasn't thought of either possibility? sure
the information you provided is not enough to determine whether any of these possibilities are facts.
Go to his aerobics class!
posted by bearette at 1:08 AM on July 30, 2011 [5 favorites]
Straight male here. Just chiming in to say exercise is sexy and you shouldn't be afraid to go to the class. Athletic prowess is attractive. I do bikram yoga occasionally, which is the sweatiest exercise possible, and yet the ladies remain quite beautiful. He's used to people looking haggard anyway, and will be just as sweaty as you.
I read the invitation as an opening. Go for it.
posted by troll at 1:24 AM on July 30, 2011 [3 favorites]
I read the invitation as an opening. Go for it.
posted by troll at 1:24 AM on July 30, 2011 [3 favorites]
All the transcript suggests is that he knows your name. He has indicated a way you could interact with him more in a public setting.
Neither of these things means he's attracted or not attracted but you think he is. Wishful thinking or intuition? Dunno.
Here's the thing. Attraction isn't set in stone. I don't think there are many things a peraon can do to induce attraction in a target who wouldn't otherwise feel it, but there are things you can do to increase attraction in someone who is on the positive side of neutral as it were. This also works the other way around; I have previously commented on how an attractive man can talk/behave away his face.
So if you want him to be attracted to you, being in his presence somehow is probably a good start of he was ever going to fancy you at all. Try not to do anything anti-seductive and let your intuution guide you.
posted by tel3path at 1:54 AM on July 30, 2011 [1 favorite]
Neither of these things means he's attracted or not attracted but you think he is. Wishful thinking or intuition? Dunno.
Here's the thing. Attraction isn't set in stone. I don't think there are many things a peraon can do to induce attraction in a target who wouldn't otherwise feel it, but there are things you can do to increase attraction in someone who is on the positive side of neutral as it were. This also works the other way around; I have previously commented on how an attractive man can talk/behave away his face.
So if you want him to be attracted to you, being in his presence somehow is probably a good start of he was ever going to fancy you at all. Try not to do anything anti-seductive and let your intuution guide you.
posted by tel3path at 1:54 AM on July 30, 2011 [1 favorite]
hey, cscott, I took a look at your questions history....now I don't mean to judge you based on your questions, but it seems all of them are in the "does he like me" category. And I mean, I am sure you are an attractive guy; you're on a soap opera, right? So, do you think you are little insecure and anxious when it comes to this stuff? Why do you think that is?
posted by bearette at 2:56 AM on July 30, 2011 [8 favorites]
posted by bearette at 2:56 AM on July 30, 2011 [8 favorites]
If any of these people are expressing interest in you here, it's Colleague 2.
But all in all there's not much here, it's just a random and not especially noteworthy facebook interaction. I have no idea at all how you jumped from this to 'omg does he like me does he like me?'
posted by ook at 6:09 AM on July 30, 2011
But all in all there's not much here, it's just a random and not especially noteworthy facebook interaction. I have no idea at all how you jumped from this to 'omg does he like me does he like me?'
posted by ook at 6:09 AM on July 30, 2011
The OP specifically said it's not a big deal and he's not looking for an analysis of why he's wondering.
posted by John Cohen at 6:33 AM on July 30, 2011 [1 favorite]
posted by John Cohen at 6:33 AM on July 30, 2011 [1 favorite]
Nothing there says he's interested in you. Which doesn't mean he's not, necessarily, but you're seriously overthinking this.
posted by J. Wilson at 7:31 AM on July 30, 2011
posted by J. Wilson at 7:31 AM on July 30, 2011
He's made exactly one comment directed toward you on Facebook, you have never met each other, and he made a comment about you "missing out on" his aerobics class (generally teachers of such classes want students in those classes). Absolutely nothing here suggests attraction to me. It's not a far cry from me wondering if a cute MeFite thinks I'm hot because they favorited my comment or responded wittily to something I say in thread (but hey please MeMail me if any of you do think I'm cute, pic in profile).
posted by jayder at 7:55 AM on July 30, 2011
posted by jayder at 7:55 AM on July 30, 2011
we cannot read his mind. figure out a way to be around him with your friends. flirt. see what happens.
posted by Ironmouth at 8:06 AM on July 30, 2011
posted by Ironmouth at 8:06 AM on July 30, 2011
While Hot Guy may very well find your picture attractive, it is borderline impossible for him to actually be attracted to *you* based on nothing more than a picture and some brief, completely unserious FB banter.
He may be intrigued by your picture, or, as jayder says above, he may just want more students in his class. Personally, I say take him up on it and go to the class. Hell, if it doesn't work out face-to-face, you'll still have gotten a good workout and who knows who else takes his class? Good luck!
posted by deep thought sunstar at 8:32 AM on July 30, 2011
He may be intrigued by your picture, or, as jayder says above, he may just want more students in his class. Personally, I say take him up on it and go to the class. Hell, if it doesn't work out face-to-face, you'll still have gotten a good workout and who knows who else takes his class? Good luck!
posted by deep thought sunstar at 8:32 AM on July 30, 2011
Simply wondering if there might be a cat in that box over there doesn't mean anything. If there is a cat in there, it's still both alive and dead. I'm afraid you're going to have to actually open it up and take a look.
Try going to his class and strike up a conversation afterwards. That should give you some better hints at least. At this point, nothing significant has happened.
posted by Naberius at 9:20 AM on July 30, 2011 [2 favorites]
Try going to his class and strike up a conversation afterwards. That should give you some better hints at least. At this point, nothing significant has happened.
posted by Naberius at 9:20 AM on July 30, 2011 [2 favorites]
He's either slightly interested in you or seeking to increase his class attendance.
posted by salvia at 9:26 AM on July 30, 2011 [1 favorite]
posted by salvia at 9:26 AM on July 30, 2011 [1 favorite]
It seems blatantly obvious to me that he is interested enough to want to get to know you. It seems like y'all both have soap operas in common and he wants you to KNOW that. Whether or not he wants to get to KNOW know you or just know you doesn't matter--it's always better to have more friends. Go to the aerobics class. I would bet that he thinks you are a cutie! FWIW, I would act the same way as he did if I were crushing based off of your profile.
posted by 200burritos at 9:26 AM on July 30, 2011
posted by 200burritos at 9:26 AM on July 30, 2011
Hot Guy: Oye, I look like a dear in headlights!
Colleague 1: Shut up, Hot Guy. You never look bad!
Colleague 1: I love Melissa in these pictures….jumping to get in. lol
Okay, what's going on here is Colleague 1 is sucking up to hot guy, who was fishing for compliments and/or just making a throw-away modest comment.
Me/Akshay: You all have beautiful smiles :)
You jump in from nowhere.
Colleague 2: AKSHAYYYYYYYY!!!!!
Hot Guy: Colleague 2 ...are u speaking in tongue's??
Colleague 2 likes you. Might even have a crush on you. Hot guy totally ignored you here, which is not a good sign. Ignored your "nice smiles" compliment. Kind of shamed colleague 2.
Colleague 2: Bahaha. Akshay is our friend ;) He used to be in our class, but now he's doing bigger and better things...like appearing on Soap Opera X. ...but I can totally speak in tongues ;)
Colleague 2 is advocating for you while sort of cringing in front of hot guy for hijacking his photo/facebook whatever.
Hot Guy: Ah!! Now it all makes sense :) Congrats to Akshay...but he's missin out on some of my Super Aerobic Class...Soap Opera X is nice but...(my rival since I was on Soap Opera Y ...) guess he won since mine went off the air, he he!!!
Hot guy is still not even talking directly to you. Not a good sign. Still ignoring your compliment. I think the "missing out" comment is sort of meant to be a territorial thing, not an invitation, like "whoever you are, you're an outsider and maybe you think you're better than us, but no"
Me/Akshay: HAHA. I love how when anyone says my name they sound possessed :) Actually, it was Soap Opera Z but it's all good. I'll be at Super Aerobic Class one of these days when I have some energy! And Colleague 2, we have to hang out ... it's been too long! I'll text you guys soon.
you make an awkward non sequitor and try to salvage something.
Colleague 2: Oh shite. Sowwy!!
Colleague 2: And yes...teeeext us. We need some Akshay lovin'. ;)
Colleague 2 genuinely likes you and wants to see you. Hot guy was kind of an ass and sort of territorial about his photo/friends group. I'm getting rival vibe more than liking vibe. If there's any romantic stuff going on, it's from Colleague 1 to hot guy, and colleague 2 to you.
Sorry.
posted by Nixy at 11:20 AM on July 30, 2011 [4 favorites]
Colleague 1: Shut up, Hot Guy. You never look bad!
Colleague 1: I love Melissa in these pictures….jumping to get in. lol
Okay, what's going on here is Colleague 1 is sucking up to hot guy, who was fishing for compliments and/or just making a throw-away modest comment.
Me/Akshay: You all have beautiful smiles :)
You jump in from nowhere.
Colleague 2: AKSHAYYYYYYYY!!!!!
Hot Guy: Colleague 2 ...are u speaking in tongue's??
Colleague 2 likes you. Might even have a crush on you. Hot guy totally ignored you here, which is not a good sign. Ignored your "nice smiles" compliment. Kind of shamed colleague 2.
Colleague 2: Bahaha. Akshay is our friend ;) He used to be in our class, but now he's doing bigger and better things...like appearing on Soap Opera X. ...but I can totally speak in tongues ;)
Colleague 2 is advocating for you while sort of cringing in front of hot guy for hijacking his photo/facebook whatever.
Hot Guy: Ah!! Now it all makes sense :) Congrats to Akshay...but he's missin out on some of my Super Aerobic Class...Soap Opera X is nice but...(my rival since I was on Soap Opera Y ...) guess he won since mine went off the air, he he!!!
Hot guy is still not even talking directly to you. Not a good sign. Still ignoring your compliment. I think the "missing out" comment is sort of meant to be a territorial thing, not an invitation, like "whoever you are, you're an outsider and maybe you think you're better than us, but no"
Me/Akshay: HAHA. I love how when anyone says my name they sound possessed :) Actually, it was Soap Opera Z but it's all good. I'll be at Super Aerobic Class one of these days when I have some energy! And Colleague 2, we have to hang out ... it's been too long! I'll text you guys soon.
you make an awkward non sequitor and try to salvage something.
Colleague 2: Oh shite. Sowwy!!
Colleague 2: And yes...teeeext us. We need some Akshay lovin'. ;)
Colleague 2 genuinely likes you and wants to see you. Hot guy was kind of an ass and sort of territorial about his photo/friends group. I'm getting rival vibe more than liking vibe. If there's any romantic stuff going on, it's from Colleague 1 to hot guy, and colleague 2 to you.
Sorry.
posted by Nixy at 11:20 AM on July 30, 2011 [4 favorites]
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