You're not my mommy
July 26, 2011 1:04 PM Subscribe
Dad wants me to meet the woman he left Mom for. Do I have to?
posted by animalrainbow to human relations (50 answers total) 6 users marked this as a favorite
So, just about two years ago my father called me four days before a trip my parents had planned to visit me at college to tell me he had fallen in love with an old friend he had been emailing with and would be divorcing my mother. About six months after that he moved 2000 miles across the country to move in with her and her six year old daughter.
Needless to say, I was and am angry. I'm angry that he unilaterally decided to dissolve our family. I'm angry that he (and she) recklessly destabilized the living situation of a six year old. I'm angry that I'm now my mother's only source of financial support (only child.) I've met a wonderful, loving man who I want to build a future with, and when we talk about marriage it makes me positively livid to think about the impossibility of celebrating with my family. That said, I recognize that my dad is a human being who deserves happiness and while I might not agree with his choices, he's the only dad I get and I've worked really hard to keep our relationship positive.
But. I recently visited him and he mentioned repeatedly how much this woman would like to meet me. Apparently the two of them will be visiting my home town where my mother and I live (not to spend time with me, to go to a concert) and he thinks this would be a good opportunity to get to know one another. I just can't even deal with this idea. Frankly, I kind of hate this woman. She seems to have extremely dubious ethics and she's done something directly hurtful and traumatic to me. If it was up to me I'd never have to see her. It doesn't seem like she's going away, though. How do I deal with this? Do I have to have even a cordial relationship with her, eventually, and if so how the hell do I get there?