Why don't I want to shower?
July 8, 2011 8:27 AM Subscribe
Why don't I want to shower? Even thinking about it makes me twitch a bit.
On a daily basis, I find myself reluctant to take a shower. I work from home a fair amount so I don't really need to shower all the time, but it is still perplexing just why I don't want to do it and I often get to the point where I actively feel dirty. I can't put my finger on it, but at the end of the day as I am lying in bed I realize that I managed to go another day without showering.
I usually do shower when I'm going to be around other people and as a result it doesn't get in the way of interactions with others (although it can be a problem if someone shows up unannounced and I don't have a chance to wash up beforehand, or if I'm suddenly running late and don't have time to shower1).
The weird thing is I actually usually enjoy the shower once I'm in it, but the reluctance to start the shower is great. I even feel a weird sort of dread just before I turn on the water.
I realize that hygiene is important, and I'm pretty sure the solution to this problem is just forcing myself to take a shower at the same time every day -- probably before bedtime so I can't use waking up a bit late as an excuse -- but man it would help if I could figure out why on earth I feel this way.
I think the situation is different than this AskMe where someone only showered or brushed their teeth twice a month and refused to change their behavior. First, though I'm also married my wife usually doesn't mind unless it's been a few days since my last shower. (She is less forgiving if I forget to brush. I do have only a slight, slight aversion to brushing/flossing and so it also gets left behind if I'm not conscientious about it, but I do care about losing my teeth.) Also, we're also talking about a worst-case scenario of me showering 2 times/week rather than just 2 times per month. The main difference, though, is I actively want to become someone who cleans myself more often. I just need to figure out why I'm so weirdly averse to it.
1 And yes, sometimes I feel that might be happening on purpose
Possibly useful data points: male, mid-30s, happily employed, ADHD, 2 cats. Had this as an issue for as long as I can remember.
On a daily basis, I find myself reluctant to take a shower. I work from home a fair amount so I don't really need to shower all the time, but it is still perplexing just why I don't want to do it and I often get to the point where I actively feel dirty. I can't put my finger on it, but at the end of the day as I am lying in bed I realize that I managed to go another day without showering.
I usually do shower when I'm going to be around other people and as a result it doesn't get in the way of interactions with others (although it can be a problem if someone shows up unannounced and I don't have a chance to wash up beforehand, or if I'm suddenly running late and don't have time to shower1).
The weird thing is I actually usually enjoy the shower once I'm in it, but the reluctance to start the shower is great. I even feel a weird sort of dread just before I turn on the water.
I realize that hygiene is important, and I'm pretty sure the solution to this problem is just forcing myself to take a shower at the same time every day -- probably before bedtime so I can't use waking up a bit late as an excuse -- but man it would help if I could figure out why on earth I feel this way.
I think the situation is different than this AskMe where someone only showered or brushed their teeth twice a month and refused to change their behavior. First, though I'm also married my wife usually doesn't mind unless it's been a few days since my last shower. (She is less forgiving if I forget to brush. I do have only a slight, slight aversion to brushing/flossing and so it also gets left behind if I'm not conscientious about it, but I do care about losing my teeth.) Also, we're also talking about a worst-case scenario of me showering 2 times/week rather than just 2 times per month. The main difference, though, is I actively want to become someone who cleans myself more often. I just need to figure out why I'm so weirdly averse to it.
1 And yes, sometimes I feel that might be happening on purpose
Possibly useful data points: male, mid-30s, happily employed, ADHD, 2 cats. Had this as an issue for as long as I can remember.
This is sort of me also. I hate to shower. I do like getting clean actually. I had a house that only had a bathtub and I felt that was the perfect way to go through life. My issues with the shower, basically irrational, are as follows
- I am always cold in the shower. Even if the water is hot, at first when I'm standing there before I get warm I'm naked and went and it's windy and my skin feels all "AAAAHHHH" and I hate it. I vaguely wonder sometimes if I have sensory processing problems.
- Getting the water temperature right. I'm sort of L/R dyslexic and can't remember which way to turn the faucet to adjust the water. This annoys me and sometimes scalds/freezes me.
- It's slippery and I am not so sure-footted
- It gets the bathroom all moist which I think I'll eventually need to clean
- My hair is long and washing it means getting hair everywhere which gets in the drain and plugs the drain and lalala
So all of these are minor but they add up to a situation that is less fun than the rest of my life with "getting clean" not really being more fun, on balance. So I try to make the shower a place I really want to be. I have shampoos and soaps that I really like [I like good scents so going into the shower is a place that smells awesome to me now]. I keep my towels clean and dry so they're good towels. I have a little routine for when I shower and I always tell myself that it's 15 minutes and the long-term benefit [for me and the bf and my neighbors] for me taking this 15 minutes is super-duper useful. And I do it before bed so I'm just getting into jammas [oh the wet bra! so terrible!] and I know I feel better afterwards. Sort of the same thing I do with tooth brishing. It's five minutes. I do it when the coffee's making. It's five minutes that makes the rest of the day [and my life] be better.
posted by jessamyn at 8:48 AM on July 8, 2011 [6 favorites]
- I am always cold in the shower. Even if the water is hot, at first when I'm standing there before I get warm I'm naked and went and it's windy and my skin feels all "AAAAHHHH" and I hate it. I vaguely wonder sometimes if I have sensory processing problems.
- Getting the water temperature right. I'm sort of L/R dyslexic and can't remember which way to turn the faucet to adjust the water. This annoys me and sometimes scalds/freezes me.
- It's slippery and I am not so sure-footted
- It gets the bathroom all moist which I think I'll eventually need to clean
- My hair is long and washing it means getting hair everywhere which gets in the drain and plugs the drain and lalala
So all of these are minor but they add up to a situation that is less fun than the rest of my life with "getting clean" not really being more fun, on balance. So I try to make the shower a place I really want to be. I have shampoos and soaps that I really like [I like good scents so going into the shower is a place that smells awesome to me now]. I keep my towels clean and dry so they're good towels. I have a little routine for when I shower and I always tell myself that it's 15 minutes and the long-term benefit [for me and the bf and my neighbors] for me taking this 15 minutes is super-duper useful. And I do it before bed so I'm just getting into jammas [oh the wet bra! so terrible!] and I know I feel better afterwards. Sort of the same thing I do with tooth brishing. It's five minutes. I do it when the coffee's making. It's five minutes that makes the rest of the day [and my life] be better.
posted by jessamyn at 8:48 AM on July 8, 2011 [6 favorites]
How do you feel about baths? I find showers tedious because they're a maintenance thing. Washing and conditioning and shaving all while standing up and there's a time limit because the water is running and blah blah blah.
So instead I shower twice a week and take baths the other nights. I read a book. I decompress. And when I get bored I let the water drain out while I scrub up. Then I go to bed.
posted by elsietheeel at 8:50 AM on July 8, 2011
So instead I shower twice a week and take baths the other nights. I read a book. I decompress. And when I get bored I let the water drain out while I scrub up. Then I go to bed.
posted by elsietheeel at 8:50 AM on July 8, 2011
If you really think it's something you need to resolve, then the standard mefi answer is therapy. We're not going to be able to diagnose why you don't like to shower.
That said, I could have written most of what you wrote. The majority feel either required or enjoy to take one or more showers per day. I am not one of those people. While I enjoy the act of being in the shower, I dread taking one and hate drying off. It's such a gosh darn hassle to me.
I take a shower every few days and take a birdbath (the sweaty places) each night.
posted by royalsong at 8:54 AM on July 8, 2011
That said, I could have written most of what you wrote. The majority feel either required or enjoy to take one or more showers per day. I am not one of those people. While I enjoy the act of being in the shower, I dread taking one and hate drying off. It's such a gosh darn hassle to me.
I take a shower every few days and take a birdbath (the sweaty places) each night.
posted by royalsong at 8:54 AM on July 8, 2011
Because I house-sit, I have tried many, many different showers. I prefer baths to showers as a rule, but I find that many houses have showers which, IMHO, are awful; "water saver" heads which provide only a sticky mist of water, or a low-pressure trickle which is like trying to wash under a leaky drainpipe. And that's not even getting into the issue of hot/cold water. One house I love to sit for has an old style sprinkler-nozzle and good pressure, it's like a waterfall. Maybe finding a shower head that does what you like (massage? More water? Less water? one of those ones with a removable head?) would help make it a more enjoyable experience?
posted by The otter lady at 8:54 AM on July 8, 2011 [1 favorite]
posted by The otter lady at 8:54 AM on July 8, 2011 [1 favorite]
I would bet this isn't as weird of a problem as you think it is. I feel the same way about taking my vitamins, of all things. I wake up in the morning and think "oh goddamn I gotta open the medicine cabinet, open three bottles, and swallow vitamins again." It takes thirty seconds, but it feels like such hard work some mornings. I also regularly drag my feet on things like going to the gym, leaving work for the day, making dinner, going to bed, and sometimes even showering. In each case, it's like "ugggh, thing to do, too much work."
I could be totally off the mark here, but maybe your feelings are similar? Do you feel a similar reluctance to do other daily things? I don't really know how to solve that (I wish I did), but in my experience getting enough rest helps a lot.
Is your eventual goal to shower daily? Unless you get sweaty or dirty every day, you are probably fine showering every other day. Having that as a goal might take some of the pressure off.
posted by Metroid Baby at 8:57 AM on July 8, 2011
I could be totally off the mark here, but maybe your feelings are similar? Do you feel a similar reluctance to do other daily things? I don't really know how to solve that (I wish I did), but in my experience getting enough rest helps a lot.
Is your eventual goal to shower daily? Unless you get sweaty or dirty every day, you are probably fine showering every other day. Having that as a goal might take some of the pressure off.
posted by Metroid Baby at 8:57 AM on July 8, 2011
If you ever have the opportunity to try one of the public bath houses which are an institution among various ethnic groups, it might change your whole perspective. I started going to a bath house at one point and it taught me that bathing is one of the pleasures of life. The cultures that have these institutions have evolved some wonderful ways to get the most out of it, usually involving heat, lots of fluffy towels, companionship, rest, alcohol, wonderful-smelling oak sprigs, etc. Depending on where you live, there may be Russian, Korean, Jewish or other bath houses like this. You pick up the general sense of how to consume this pleasure and can then transfer some of that over to your own routines at home.
posted by Paquda at 9:09 AM on July 8, 2011
posted by Paquda at 9:09 AM on July 8, 2011
If you have other hygiene acts or even daily chores that you are reluctant to start, you may need to look into things a bit more.
If it's just the shower, maybe you need to do things differently. My granddaughter hates showers, but loves to turn the water on to the right temp, take a 2 qt plastic pitcher and use that to get clean with. She dumps water over her, soaps, then rinses several times. Eh, as long as she's clean, I don't care. She says the shower is 'too needle-y.'
Metroid: I hated my morning pill routine, and I've got 3 RX + 2 vits + calcium. What made the mornings vastly better was buying four of those big plastic pill holders at the dollar store and filling them all once a month. Get the biggest you can find for easy filling. Now no screwing around opening and closing containers every day, and the big bonus: I can tell if I've forgotten to take the blasted things. Don't call me old and forgetful--call me organized!
posted by BlueHorse at 9:22 AM on July 8, 2011 [1 favorite]
If it's just the shower, maybe you need to do things differently. My granddaughter hates showers, but loves to turn the water on to the right temp, take a 2 qt plastic pitcher and use that to get clean with. She dumps water over her, soaps, then rinses several times. Eh, as long as she's clean, I don't care. She says the shower is 'too needle-y.'
Metroid: I hated my morning pill routine, and I've got 3 RX + 2 vits + calcium. What made the mornings vastly better was buying four of those big plastic pill holders at the dollar store and filling them all once a month. Get the biggest you can find for easy filling. Now no screwing around opening and closing containers every day, and the big bonus: I can tell if I've forgotten to take the blasted things. Don't call me old and forgetful--call me organized!
posted by BlueHorse at 9:22 AM on July 8, 2011 [1 favorite]
Why is this such a weird aversion to have? Showering legitimately is kind of a drag, given that it sequesters you in a low-stimulation environment and makes you focus on dull, repetitive tasks for a good 20 minutes. Assuming you weren't that dirty to begin with, there's not even much in the way of concrete reward to look forward to. Plus, the ADHD thing may mean you're extra-susceptible to procrastinating and flaking on inherently boring and unrewarding tasks. That little twinge of reluctance at the beginning of the shower might just be your brain saying, Ugh, there's nothing in this for me.
Looking back on my life, the only time I've actively looked forward to dull jobs was when (a) they were a welcome diversion from some yet-more-onerous obligation, or (b) I could arrange to link them with some other pleasant or engaging activity. Perhaps you could think of stimulating ways to multitask during your shower-- listening to a guilty-pleasure podcast, for example? Or watching TV on a conveniently placed laptop? Mentally working through some sort of ongoing problem or project elsewhere in your life?
posted by Bardolph at 9:27 AM on July 8, 2011 [8 favorites]
Looking back on my life, the only time I've actively looked forward to dull jobs was when (a) they were a welcome diversion from some yet-more-onerous obligation, or (b) I could arrange to link them with some other pleasant or engaging activity. Perhaps you could think of stimulating ways to multitask during your shower-- listening to a guilty-pleasure podcast, for example? Or watching TV on a conveniently placed laptop? Mentally working through some sort of ongoing problem or project elsewhere in your life?
posted by Bardolph at 9:27 AM on July 8, 2011 [8 favorites]
Well, I shower once every 3 days, happily. I have no B.O. and my skin is healthier for it. But I understand your aversion to showering. I suspect I have ADHD myself and I tend to put off things that are in the forefront of my mind. Showering, sending that e-mail, or taking care of a bill can easily slip after I've managed to do 20 other things first and then I forget what initially I planned to do.
posted by InterestedInKnowing at 9:41 AM on July 8, 2011
posted by InterestedInKnowing at 9:41 AM on July 8, 2011
It's a chore. No matter how I attempt to simplify things, showering means thirty to forty-five minutes. This includes the undressing, the waiting for water to be just-so, the actually bathing (I'm a woman so that might take longer due to various high maintenance things that I do while bathing). It's washing your whole body. That's a big job. I always think to myself, okay, I'll just get in and shower real fast, but that never happens. Showering always takes this big chunk of time no matter what because once I'm in there, there isn't anything I'm actually willing to skip. Then, as mentioned above, there is the drying which can take forever, especially on humid days. It's either winter and I dread the cold of getting into the shower or it's summer, and, though I LOVE feeling clean, humidity guarantees that I will feel icky again in short order. Then there are lotions, then the dressing again. So, it's a chore. Nighttime showering is a good option. Then I'm showering 'for me'--to remove the day, to relax--as opposed to in the morning when I'm rushing and getting clean for reasons somewhat outside of taking care of myself. So, I don't know if it's that unusual to resist the whole thing a bit.
posted by marimeko at 9:52 AM on July 8, 2011 [5 favorites]
posted by marimeko at 9:52 AM on July 8, 2011 [5 favorites]
I despise maintenance showering. (Showering after a long, disgusting, hot activity is a different matter.)
I’d much rather hit the snooze button (warm…), or keep reading or watching TV (interesting…) or whatever I’m doing (inertia…) than get undressed (cold!), stand fiddling with the temperature controls (cold and wet!), scrub hard-to-reach places on my back (awkward! hurts my arms!), dread turning off the warm water and dash for the towel (cold! wet! dripping! slippery!), try to dry myself completely (impossible!) or let myself air-dry (cold! itchy skin!), and then apply all the various after-shower emollients to my skin and hair (greasy! sticky! oily!). And then of course, the Wet Bra and all the other clothing that feels so much less comfortable than what I had on before the shower.
But it’s just procrastination. It’s the same reason I avoid doing anything that will yield immediate unpleasantness—whether it’s showering, brushing my teeth, ripping off a bandaid, calling someone—because I’m very good atdeceiving convincing myself that the future unpleasantness if I don’t do whatever it is is way off in the distance and not that big a deal yet. Like the frog in boiling water, except if the frog knew that the water was getting hotter but was like, “Uggghhh, I really do not feel like jumping out of this pot right now… Just one more episode…”
posted by thebazilist at 9:54 AM on July 8, 2011 [2 favorites]
I’d much rather hit the snooze button (warm…), or keep reading or watching TV (interesting…) or whatever I’m doing (inertia…) than get undressed (cold!), stand fiddling with the temperature controls (cold and wet!), scrub hard-to-reach places on my back (awkward! hurts my arms!), dread turning off the warm water and dash for the towel (cold! wet! dripping! slippery!), try to dry myself completely (impossible!) or let myself air-dry (cold! itchy skin!), and then apply all the various after-shower emollients to my skin and hair (greasy! sticky! oily!). And then of course, the Wet Bra and all the other clothing that feels so much less comfortable than what I had on before the shower.
But it’s just procrastination. It’s the same reason I avoid doing anything that will yield immediate unpleasantness—whether it’s showering, brushing my teeth, ripping off a bandaid, calling someone—because I’m very good at
posted by thebazilist at 9:54 AM on July 8, 2011 [2 favorites]
Sounds like me! When I was 11 or 12 and started stinking like a grownup, my parents pretty much had this argument with me every couple of days. My arguments against it then are the same as they are now:
-Taking a shower guarantees I will be cold at some point, which I hate.
-It's less interesting than almost anything else I can be doing with my time.
-It's less useful than many other things I could be doing with my time unless I am INCREDIBLY filthy.
-Feeling clean feels no different to me, even when I know I smell bad, so there's no sensory advantage.
The only difference now is that I'm a grownup and am aware that looking clean is part of the social contract, so I usually shower every other day. I have no good lifehacks except for not giving myself the option to skip the shower if I skipped it the day before.
posted by tchemgrrl at 9:56 AM on July 8, 2011 [1 favorite]
-Taking a shower guarantees I will be cold at some point, which I hate.
-It's less interesting than almost anything else I can be doing with my time.
-It's less useful than many other things I could be doing with my time unless I am INCREDIBLY filthy.
-Feeling clean feels no different to me, even when I know I smell bad, so there's no sensory advantage.
The only difference now is that I'm a grownup and am aware that looking clean is part of the social contract, so I usually shower every other day. I have no good lifehacks except for not giving myself the option to skip the shower if I skipped it the day before.
posted by tchemgrrl at 9:56 AM on July 8, 2011 [1 favorite]
OMG, I am so glad you asked this question. I am the same way. I thought I was a complete freak. But yeah, all that taking off of clothes and putting on others, it's so interruptive that you'd expect something awesome like sex to be involved, or Yorkshire puddings. But there isn't. It's just a damn shower.
posted by YamwotIam at 10:01 AM on July 8, 2011 [10 favorites]
posted by YamwotIam at 10:01 AM on July 8, 2011 [10 favorites]
"t's so interruptive that you'd expect something awesome like sex to be involved"
Sex does not have to be excluded from the shower activities, just sayin'.
My reasons are that I have long hair that's a pain to dry and I hate the feeling of being damp and putting on clothes.
My husband loves them but he has short hair and doesn't mind putting on cold jeans first thing in the morning. *shudder*
So anyway, I don't think you're weirdly adverse to it. If you to make it more enjoyable: get good smelling soap, lovely fluffy big soft towels, a shower radio, and check out this thread for more ideas.
posted by like_neon at 10:11 AM on July 8, 2011
Sex does not have to be excluded from the shower activities, just sayin'.
My reasons are that I have long hair that's a pain to dry and I hate the feeling of being damp and putting on clothes.
My husband loves them but he has short hair and doesn't mind putting on cold jeans first thing in the morning. *shudder*
So anyway, I don't think you're weirdly adverse to it. If you to make it more enjoyable: get good smelling soap, lovely fluffy big soft towels, a shower radio, and check out this thread for more ideas.
posted by like_neon at 10:11 AM on July 8, 2011
It's a chore. No matter how I attempt to simplify things, showering means thirty to forty-five minutes. This includes the undressing, the waiting for water to be just-so, the actually bathing (I'm a woman so that might take longer due to various high maintenance things that I do while bathing). It's washing your whole body. That's a big job. I always think to myself, okay, I'll just get in and shower real fast, but that never happens. Showering always takes this big chunk of time no matter what because once I'm in there, there isn't anything I'm actually willing to skip.
Interestingly, I've fallen into the habit of taking two showers a day - somehow breaking the chore up into two pieces makes it more tolerable. I started doing that because I like to shower at night to wash off all the day's grime, but my hair looks awful unless I wash it in the morning. So now at night, I wash my face and body and leave my hair alone, and then in the morning I wash my hair and face and just rinse my body. Somehow it is such a relief to be in the shower at night and think "oh yeah, I don't have to wash my hair!", or to be in the shower in the morning and think "whoo hoo, I don't have to soap up!" And having the showers be so short makes the after-shower stuff seem less annoying.
posted by Neely O'Hara at 10:17 AM on July 8, 2011 [2 favorites]
Interestingly, I've fallen into the habit of taking two showers a day - somehow breaking the chore up into two pieces makes it more tolerable. I started doing that because I like to shower at night to wash off all the day's grime, but my hair looks awful unless I wash it in the morning. So now at night, I wash my face and body and leave my hair alone, and then in the morning I wash my hair and face and just rinse my body. Somehow it is such a relief to be in the shower at night and think "oh yeah, I don't have to wash my hair!", or to be in the shower in the morning and think "whoo hoo, I don't have to soap up!" And having the showers be so short makes the after-shower stuff seem less annoying.
posted by Neely O'Hara at 10:17 AM on July 8, 2011 [2 favorites]
I could have written this post, word for word. Your choice of the word "dread" completely describes how I feel. And like you, when I'm working or have someplace to be, I just plain do it, and even enjoy it once I'm under the water, but if I'm going to be home all day - and especially when I'm feeling any level of depression - it's an automatic skip. I do seem to have worked out that (at least in my own case) it's the getting naked that stops me. I second everyone suggesting it's the cold - I've always guessed it could be some subconscious / latent reaction from infancy. I can sometimes coax myself in by running the water and heat in the bathroom, so it gets steamy, so the cold factor goes away.
Or you could plan a place to be every morning that would "require" a shower - make breakfast appointments or sign up for a morning class or meetup - until showering every day becomes more of a habit.
But I will say that if you're reasonably clean and no one's complaining (especially the person you get naked with), then it's only as much of a problem as you want it to be. If anything, this thread (and its comments) is making me feel like my own problem is a lot more normal, and therefore a lot less problematic than I thought. So thanks!
posted by Mchelly at 11:38 AM on July 8, 2011
Or you could plan a place to be every morning that would "require" a shower - make breakfast appointments or sign up for a morning class or meetup - until showering every day becomes more of a habit.
But I will say that if you're reasonably clean and no one's complaining (especially the person you get naked with), then it's only as much of a problem as you want it to be. If anything, this thread (and its comments) is making me feel like my own problem is a lot more normal, and therefore a lot less problematic than I thought. So thanks!
posted by Mchelly at 11:38 AM on July 8, 2011
It's understandable if you don't feel like getting cold and wet. I hate early morning showers because they are ESPECIALLY freaking frigid.
But all things considered, if you regularly use deodorant, aren't doing anything particularly stinky-making that day, it's not 100 degrees out, and you massage your head while shampooing (keeps your hair clean for days, just like when you get a haircut), people are probably not going to notice if you skip a few days. I say this since I grew up in drought climate and my parents did not allow daily showering (the shower was in their bathroom and I had to get permission). It's doable.
posted by jenfullmoon at 11:39 AM on July 8, 2011
But all things considered, if you regularly use deodorant, aren't doing anything particularly stinky-making that day, it's not 100 degrees out, and you massage your head while shampooing (keeps your hair clean for days, just like when you get a haircut), people are probably not going to notice if you skip a few days. I say this since I grew up in drought climate and my parents did not allow daily showering (the shower was in their bathroom and I had to get permission). It's doable.
posted by jenfullmoon at 11:39 AM on July 8, 2011
Just wanted to jump back to say that the other thing that really worked for me was having a baby (now a toddler and still effective). Having times where I was not able to shower even when I wanted to (let alone when I really needed to) definitely made me appreciate it more and stall less when the opportunity presents itself. YMMV with this one, of course.
posted by Mchelly at 11:45 AM on July 8, 2011
posted by Mchelly at 11:45 AM on July 8, 2011
This was me up until fairly recently. I hated the whole process of showering, drying off, dressing, doing my hair, etc... I knew I had to do it, but, God, I didn't feel like it! I showered probably 2 times a week on average and really didn't think it mattered. and I didn't feel like my husband or friends cared or noticed and I always felt very confident that it was completely fine.
Then, one day, a friend of my husband and mine, was staying over for the weekend and I said "Hey [friend], the shower is available and there are towels in there if you want to shower" and he said back "Eh, honestly, I only shower once or twice a week and it's never been a problem, but thanks." to this I rejoiced "ME TOO! Seriously, it's not like I stink! So who cares, right?!" and we both shared a nice laugh about all those suckers wasting their time showering every day. My husband, overhearing this conversation said to us, very nicely... "No offence you two, but sometimes you guys DO stink. It's not BAD, but... just so you know". We both shrugged our shoulders and that was that.
I started showering more and more after this because I didn't want my husband to quietly think I smelled bad. I will tell you, it is the best life change I have made and I could not be happier that I fixed it. I am proud to say that I now shower EVERY DAY (sometimes twice) and after you get into a habit of doing it every day you won't feel like it is such a process.
I would recommend just doing it, probably when you get home from work or after dinner. Do it at the same time every day and eventually you won't feel so annoyed by it and you will start to feel like you feel gross without it. Enjoy lounging on the couch nice and clean before going to bed :) and enjoy knowing you smell fresh and clean when you hug people.
posted by LZel at 11:54 AM on July 8, 2011 [2 favorites]
Then, one day, a friend of my husband and mine, was staying over for the weekend and I said "Hey [friend], the shower is available and there are towels in there if you want to shower" and he said back "Eh, honestly, I only shower once or twice a week and it's never been a problem, but thanks." to this I rejoiced "ME TOO! Seriously, it's not like I stink! So who cares, right?!" and we both shared a nice laugh about all those suckers wasting their time showering every day. My husband, overhearing this conversation said to us, very nicely... "No offence you two, but sometimes you guys DO stink. It's not BAD, but... just so you know". We both shrugged our shoulders and that was that.
I started showering more and more after this because I didn't want my husband to quietly think I smelled bad. I will tell you, it is the best life change I have made and I could not be happier that I fixed it. I am proud to say that I now shower EVERY DAY (sometimes twice) and after you get into a habit of doing it every day you won't feel like it is such a process.
I would recommend just doing it, probably when you get home from work or after dinner. Do it at the same time every day and eventually you won't feel so annoyed by it and you will start to feel like you feel gross without it. Enjoy lounging on the couch nice and clean before going to bed :) and enjoy knowing you smell fresh and clean when you hug people.
posted by LZel at 11:54 AM on July 8, 2011 [2 favorites]
I also recommend night-time showering; then it feels like a pleasant wind-down that will culminate in being happy and clean on your now-staying-cleaner sheets.
On the other hand, I don't mind showering in general, so I am not speaking from experience.
In response to the "it's boring" claim, though (which I do get): I have started trying to be all mindful about the boringness of the shower, and sort of look at the shower as an additional opportunity to calm down and not try frantically to distract myself all the time. I mean, I'm stuck in there for 5-10 minutes at least, and I find that when I actively try to think of other things ("ok, while I'm in the shower I'll figure out what to wear tomorrow! or what to make for dinner! or what to do with that work project!") it is overall more agitating than if I just, y'know, take the damn shower. I pay attention to how nice the water feels, and how the various soapy things smell, and la la la ta-da Buddhist shower is complete!
posted by little cow make small moo at 12:01 PM on July 8, 2011 [1 favorite]
On the other hand, I don't mind showering in general, so I am not speaking from experience.
In response to the "it's boring" claim, though (which I do get): I have started trying to be all mindful about the boringness of the shower, and sort of look at the shower as an additional opportunity to calm down and not try frantically to distract myself all the time. I mean, I'm stuck in there for 5-10 minutes at least, and I find that when I actively try to think of other things ("ok, while I'm in the shower I'll figure out what to wear tomorrow! or what to make for dinner! or what to do with that work project!") it is overall more agitating than if I just, y'know, take the damn shower. I pay attention to how nice the water feels, and how the various soapy things smell, and la la la ta-da Buddhist shower is complete!
posted by little cow make small moo at 12:01 PM on July 8, 2011 [1 favorite]
I cannot believe so many people have this same issue - I thought it was just me.
My main thing is that my skin gets crazy dry. I get ashy just looking at water, to the point where I dread taking showers because all I can think about is how gross and sapped of moisture I will feel afterwards (even though I enjoy the shower itself).
Is there some experience or feeling you unconsciously associate with showers -- maybe not in the shower itself, but surrounding the shower ritual -- that you just hate? I do things to mitigate my skin's dryness, and they do help me overcome that knee-jerk revulsion. Maybe there's things you can do, not necessarily to get yourself to shower more, but to get yourself out of the mode where you hate some shower-related aspect of life, and lower the barriers to showering every day through that.
Though I should add that I have read that showering every day may be too much. It may strip your skin of too much beneficial bacteria and moisture. Of course, if you're going out every day and working in the muck or running a marathon, this doesn't apply, but it sounds like you're a perfect candidate for someone who should, ideally, shower every other day. Here's a fluff piece (with a couple good sources) about people who don't shower daily.
posted by lesli212 at 12:42 PM on July 8, 2011
My main thing is that my skin gets crazy dry. I get ashy just looking at water, to the point where I dread taking showers because all I can think about is how gross and sapped of moisture I will feel afterwards (even though I enjoy the shower itself).
Is there some experience or feeling you unconsciously associate with showers -- maybe not in the shower itself, but surrounding the shower ritual -- that you just hate? I do things to mitigate my skin's dryness, and they do help me overcome that knee-jerk revulsion. Maybe there's things you can do, not necessarily to get yourself to shower more, but to get yourself out of the mode where you hate some shower-related aspect of life, and lower the barriers to showering every day through that.
Though I should add that I have read that showering every day may be too much. It may strip your skin of too much beneficial bacteria and moisture. Of course, if you're going out every day and working in the muck or running a marathon, this doesn't apply, but it sounds like you're a perfect candidate for someone who should, ideally, shower every other day. Here's a fluff piece (with a couple good sources) about people who don't shower daily.
posted by lesli212 at 12:42 PM on July 8, 2011
I might not be the best help here as I love showering and baths and all the rituals lotions and potions that go with it. But from another POV do you have to shower every day? I mean I know you have to get clean, but if you are not doing anything that gets you all sweaty, you're at home all day so what's to stop you having a quick cat wash. Just wash ya know "the bits" and "the pits" as it were and change into fresh clothes and underwear.
If you did that every other day you'd still be hygienic but it only takes a few minutes in the bathroom sink and you'd only have to face the dreaded shower every other day and you'll still smell nice for your wife.
posted by wwax at 12:46 PM on July 8, 2011 [1 favorite]
If you did that every other day you'd still be hygienic but it only takes a few minutes in the bathroom sink and you'd only have to face the dreaded shower every other day and you'll still smell nice for your wife.
posted by wwax at 12:46 PM on July 8, 2011 [1 favorite]
try one of the public bath houses
Maybe not the best idea in the United States, unless you're sure it's just a place to get clean. If you google for bathhouse + city name, you're probably going to be talking about one of these.
posted by Deathalicious at 1:14 PM on July 8, 2011
Maybe not the best idea in the United States, unless you're sure it's just a place to get clean. If you google for bathhouse + city name, you're probably going to be talking about one of these.
posted by Deathalicious at 1:14 PM on July 8, 2011
Low bordeom threshold? It is boring and repetitive and I share an aversion to doing the same thing all over again - same routine, different day. Yawn. Not interesting.
I get over this with mental bribery. No coffee until shower!
posted by DarlingBri at 1:26 PM on July 8, 2011
I get over this with mental bribery. No coffee until shower!
posted by DarlingBri at 1:26 PM on July 8, 2011
Well, right now I need a shower and I need to finish an assignment. Obviously I should do the assignment first, because it's more important. So instead, I'm goofing off on mefi. Basically a low priority but not unpleasant task gets skipped in favour of a high priority, unpleasant task, which gets skipped in favour of doing something fun... And then nothing useful gets done.
posted by anaelith at 1:49 PM on July 8, 2011 [4 favorites]
posted by anaelith at 1:49 PM on July 8, 2011 [4 favorites]
I don't know why you don't want to shower. But why do you need to know the answer to that question to become someone who showers often? How will it help to have people explain to you that showering sucks because it's a tedious chore? I think you need to go a little more behaviorist on this problem.
Until the showering habit is well developed, how about this new self-imposed rule: the shower is the only place you're allowed to [insert euphemism of choice for, ah, self-gratification].
posted by ootandaboot at 2:30 PM on July 8, 2011
Until the showering habit is well developed, how about this new self-imposed rule: the shower is the only place you're allowed to [insert euphemism of choice for, ah, self-gratification].
posted by ootandaboot at 2:30 PM on July 8, 2011
Try showering with your wife a couple of times a week, if she's open to the idea (some people really like showertime to be alone time, especially if there are demanding children in the house).
Also: Shower first thing in the morning, every day. Schedule it and get it out of the way. This will allow you to start your day saying, "Hey, I'm off the hook for another shower for an entire day!" If you get skeeved out, remind yourself, "I like being clean. My wife likes it when I'm clean."
Finally: Pay yourself for every shower you take. A dollar, five bucks, whatever your budget can absorb. Use the money to buy something fun for yourself once a month, or spend it on some indulgence once a week or something.
Nthing the shower radio advice.
posted by thinkingwoman at 3:45 PM on July 8, 2011
Also: Shower first thing in the morning, every day. Schedule it and get it out of the way. This will allow you to start your day saying, "Hey, I'm off the hook for another shower for an entire day!" If you get skeeved out, remind yourself, "I like being clean. My wife likes it when I'm clean."
Finally: Pay yourself for every shower you take. A dollar, five bucks, whatever your budget can absorb. Use the money to buy something fun for yourself once a month, or spend it on some indulgence once a week or something.
Nthing the shower radio advice.
posted by thinkingwoman at 3:45 PM on July 8, 2011
Google tells me that they make shower radios which hook up to your ipod! So you could pick something like a podcast you really like, or a book on tape that you find really compelling, and tell yourself you are ONLY allowed to listen to it in the shower. Go to the bathroom, turn on the radio, and then commence with the undressing. I use this strategy to do chores I find unpleasant (like folding laundry) and it works like a charm.
posted by showbiz_liz at 6:37 PM on July 8, 2011
posted by showbiz_liz at 6:37 PM on July 8, 2011
I also have this issue including brushing my teeth. I believe it has to do with being clinically depressed.
I don't dread showers and brushing my teeth, it's more like I don't want to spend the time doing it. There's always something better to do with my time. In truth, I don't do anything with that time except spend more time on the computer. And although I have been depressed many years (and on meds), this didn't start happening until about a couple years ago. I'm just now starting to shower every other day rather than once a week or *embarrassed face* even less than that. My last dentist appointment was less than stellar because of lack of brushing (some gum receding). That kind of scared me so I'm making a concerted effort to brush my teeth at least once a day.
Any chance you're depressed?
posted by deborah at 7:12 PM on July 8, 2011
I don't dread showers and brushing my teeth, it's more like I don't want to spend the time doing it. There's always something better to do with my time. In truth, I don't do anything with that time except spend more time on the computer. And although I have been depressed many years (and on meds), this didn't start happening until about a couple years ago. I'm just now starting to shower every other day rather than once a week or *embarrassed face* even less than that. My last dentist appointment was less than stellar because of lack of brushing (some gum receding). That kind of scared me so I'm making a concerted effort to brush my teeth at least once a day.
Any chance you're depressed?
posted by deborah at 7:12 PM on July 8, 2011
Do you (or did you as a kid) have an aversion to getting your face wet or doing swimming strokes that require putting your face in the water, etc?
I have this, and I think it's just an instinctive thing. I can overcome it readily enough but there is always that moment of resistance. Same thing about getting wet generally. Even when I'm looking forward to a shower or a swim, there's definitely a momentary instinctive part of me that says "but you're dry right now, and that stuff is all wet! if you don't get in there, you can stay nice and dry!"
To me this is a pretty visceral and primitive response, it's not any sort of conscious thing. It's easy enough to push through, and once I'm in the water, it's fine -- it's not a general fear of water or a dislike of swimming/bathing. But the lizard brain definitely wants me to stay dry if I'm already dry.
posted by LobsterMitten at 8:53 PM on July 8, 2011 [2 favorites]
I have this, and I think it's just an instinctive thing. I can overcome it readily enough but there is always that moment of resistance. Same thing about getting wet generally. Even when I'm looking forward to a shower or a swim, there's definitely a momentary instinctive part of me that says "but you're dry right now, and that stuff is all wet! if you don't get in there, you can stay nice and dry!"
To me this is a pretty visceral and primitive response, it's not any sort of conscious thing. It's easy enough to push through, and once I'm in the water, it's fine -- it's not a general fear of water or a dislike of swimming/bathing. But the lizard brain definitely wants me to stay dry if I'm already dry.
posted by LobsterMitten at 8:53 PM on July 8, 2011 [2 favorites]
I usually feel quite compelled to shower and enjoy it, but if I skip a day or two I get to a point where I procrastinate on it more and more and really have to make myself. Then when I get back in the routine it's okay.
So I'm just saying, if you can solve this problem in the short term and get yourself into the shower on a daily basis at the same time of day for a week or so, you might find you end up feeling like you have to keep doing it in order to stay clean.
posted by lollusc at 4:26 AM on July 10, 2011
So I'm just saying, if you can solve this problem in the short term and get yourself into the shower on a daily basis at the same time of day for a week or so, you might find you end up feeling like you have to keep doing it in order to stay clean.
posted by lollusc at 4:26 AM on July 10, 2011
When I was a kid, the shower kind of scared me. The water came out so fast, and it was kind of loud, and maybe I wonder about sensory processing issues, too. I used to have to get my sister to start the shower for me. Now I still have slight shower avoidance, but not much, because I focus on how great it feels to be in the shower. The water feels so good on my face, and I can get really, really warm in the horrible, cold winter. Good smelling soap and shampoo help, too. R My laundry is in the bathroom, so I put my towels in the dryer for a spin. Warm towels are nice. emind yourself oh how good it feels to be clean, how nice you will smell, how much nicer your skin will look, etc. After the shower, instead of more self-berating, tell yourself, Good job hopping in the shower, nice work.
posted by theora55 at 6:28 AM on July 11, 2011
posted by theora55 at 6:28 AM on July 11, 2011
This thread is closed to new comments.
Also, this may be a silly idea, but if you really dread getting it started, what if you asked your wife to start the shower for you?
posted by Neely O'Hara at 8:35 AM on July 8, 2011