Moving on from a bipolar ex
July 6, 2011 10:50 AM Subscribe
Recent break up, ex is bipolar, need some help.
posted by anonymous to Human Relations (9 answers total) 6 users marked this as a favorite
Just over a week ago I ended a long-distance relationship with my girlfriend of 9 months. She is biploar, and is untreated/unmedicated. As a result, there was a lot of drama and frustration, and I ended up feeling quite terrible about myself. For example:
- Before my first visit she 'disappeared' and didn't speak to me for two weeks. Got angry and told me she was just too busy with a new job to talk or text.
- When she sent me a Valentine's Day gift it arrived a few days early. I opened it. Apparently, although I was not told so, I was supposed to wait till the day of to open it. She didn't speak to me for three days and told me she might never be able to love me the same after that.
- Told me I never loved her, that it was all a lie, and I was never to speak of love again.
- Told me it was up to me to end the relationship because she felt it was all about me. I was selfish, and this was *my* relationship, so I had to end it.
- The final straw was my most recent planned visit to her. She read my flight times wrong and thought I was getting in earlier than I was. When I corrected her, she got mad that I was on a later flight, decided to cancel all her time off and work the whole visit. Told me I shouldn't bother to come at all. That's when I ended things.
I had my issues too, that I will admit. I have anxiety issues, and tend to need a lot of reassurance or signals that everything is ok or I assume the worst. It's hard for me to trust. During this time I tried to deal with my own issues by going back on meds and talking to a therapist briefly. But clearly this relationship was a disaster in the making for both of us.
All the manipulation, hot and cold, head games, etc. have really screwed with my sense of self-esteem and self-worth. A lot of times I took the blame for things that weren't my fault, or otherwise pacified her so as not to cause problems.
My question: I need resources on how to deal with the impact this has had on me. Are there any books or other resources about recovering from a situation like this?
Just in case it's relevant, we are both female, in our 30s, in Canada.
Oh, and I don't want to imply that dating someone with bipolar disorder is always like this, it's just that her disorder was clearly not being managed.