Teenager wants to continue her studies, not be married off
June 28, 2011 7:59 AM Subscribe
I am looking for some facts to help buttress an argument, hoping to convince a mother to let my friend continue her schooling (as opposed to being shuffled off into an arranged marriage on her 18th birthday).
My Nepali friend (who I'll call "Barsha", and who I have known since she was 8) recently turned 17.
On a recent visit back to her hometown, she attended the marriage of a 15-year-old neighbor. When she showed me some cell-phone photos from the event, I said something about being sad because now the girl's schooling was finished.
Then it came out that Barsha's mother is planning on marrying Barsha off once she's 18. They have (or soon will have) an uncle looking for possible suitors. Apparently, it comes down to who will accept her as a wife in exchange for being given a certain amount of dowry. Barsha was telling me that since her skin is dark, she is seen as "bad" and so the dowry will have to be more than normal.
Currently, Barsha would like to be attending nursing school here in Kathmandu, but her parents won't pay for it (as it's seen that any money spent on a daughter is lost when she's married away and she becomes a part of someone else's family).
Barsha has been able to take other classes, but only to be a lab assistant.
My thinking is that some (about $6,000—a quarter of the amount) of this dowry money might be better spent on nursing school for Barsha (with any marriage waiting until she was finished)
—although perhaps I'd have to take up a collection or something, since this money would be coming out of the dowry money
(which, to the parents, might seem like them throwing away a big chunk of the money they'll need to marry her off).
Barsha doesn't want to get married yet, but she said she will do as her mother demands.
I have asked if a letter to her mother might help the situation.
She said it couldn't hurt.
So I want to write a respectful letter to her mother saying what a great job they have done raising Barsha to be smart and sweet and kind, but I also want to include some possible facts/findings such as:
• women who marry/have children later than 18 are healthier,
• women who have children later than 18 have healthier children
• women who continue their education have healthier kids (because they are able to afford better food, education, health care for their kids)
Can anyone point me to reports such as these by reputable institutions that I might include?
Thank you for reading, and for any suggestions.
My Nepali friend (who I'll call "Barsha", and who I have known since she was 8) recently turned 17.
On a recent visit back to her hometown, she attended the marriage of a 15-year-old neighbor. When she showed me some cell-phone photos from the event, I said something about being sad because now the girl's schooling was finished.
Then it came out that Barsha's mother is planning on marrying Barsha off once she's 18. They have (or soon will have) an uncle looking for possible suitors. Apparently, it comes down to who will accept her as a wife in exchange for being given a certain amount of dowry. Barsha was telling me that since her skin is dark, she is seen as "bad" and so the dowry will have to be more than normal.
Currently, Barsha would like to be attending nursing school here in Kathmandu, but her parents won't pay for it (as it's seen that any money spent on a daughter is lost when she's married away and she becomes a part of someone else's family).
Barsha has been able to take other classes, but only to be a lab assistant.
My thinking is that some (about $6,000—a quarter of the amount) of this dowry money might be better spent on nursing school for Barsha (with any marriage waiting until she was finished)
—although perhaps I'd have to take up a collection or something, since this money would be coming out of the dowry money
(which, to the parents, might seem like them throwing away a big chunk of the money they'll need to marry her off).
Barsha doesn't want to get married yet, but she said she will do as her mother demands.
I have asked if a letter to her mother might help the situation.
She said it couldn't hurt.
So I want to write a respectful letter to her mother saying what a great job they have done raising Barsha to be smart and sweet and kind, but I also want to include some possible facts/findings such as:
• women who marry/have children later than 18 are healthier,
• women who have children later than 18 have healthier children
• women who continue their education have healthier kids (because they are able to afford better food, education, health care for their kids)
Can anyone point me to reports such as these by reputable institutions that I might include?
Thank you for reading, and for any suggestions.
Just a thought, but would the parents be nefarious enough to use any nursing school money you provide to supplement Barsha's dowry, thereby making her a better marriage prospect?
posted by guessthis at 8:10 AM on June 28, 2011 [4 favorites]
posted by guessthis at 8:10 AM on June 28, 2011 [4 favorites]
You're talking about making suggestions that Nepali parents deviate from established cultural practice. These parents are going to set up an arranged marriage for their daughter. Citing public health publications isn't going to make a lick of difference here. The cultural values being implicated have little to do with the kinds of issues with which such publications concern themselves. Besides, any such findings are probably going to depend at least in part on cultural realities which do not obtain in Nepal.
You're probably better off suggesting that they might get a better "return" on their "investment" if they wait until she finishes nursing school, i.e. spending a little more money on education will reduce their eventual dowry payment. If it's only another couple of years, potential suitors are probably going to be just as interested as they are now, and the prospect of a wife with earning potential is likely to encourage them to accept a smaller dowry.
Not trying to sound mercenary or heartless here, but given my admittedly limited understanding of how these things work, that does sound like the better approach. But on that point, I think you're probably going to get a lot more helpful advice from talking to other people in the Nepali community. MetaFilter is composed, I'm given to believe, mostly of white Americans with college degrees who aren't particularly traditional in their outlook. We're talking about a non-American, non-white family who is traditional enough to be serious about arranging a marriage for their daughter. Ne'er the twain shall meet, etc.
posted by valkyryn at 8:12 AM on June 28, 2011 [15 favorites]
You're probably better off suggesting that they might get a better "return" on their "investment" if they wait until she finishes nursing school, i.e. spending a little more money on education will reduce their eventual dowry payment. If it's only another couple of years, potential suitors are probably going to be just as interested as they are now, and the prospect of a wife with earning potential is likely to encourage them to accept a smaller dowry.
Not trying to sound mercenary or heartless here, but given my admittedly limited understanding of how these things work, that does sound like the better approach. But on that point, I think you're probably going to get a lot more helpful advice from talking to other people in the Nepali community. MetaFilter is composed, I'm given to believe, mostly of white Americans with college degrees who aren't particularly traditional in their outlook. We're talking about a non-American, non-white family who is traditional enough to be serious about arranging a marriage for their daughter. Ne'er the twain shall meet, etc.
posted by valkyryn at 8:12 AM on June 28, 2011 [15 favorites]
To add to valkyryn's comment...furthermore, if she's dark skinned it will probably be harder to marry off as she gets older.
posted by elle.jeezy at 8:14 AM on June 28, 2011
posted by elle.jeezy at 8:14 AM on June 28, 2011
A lot of this really depends on what your relationship to the family (and the mother specifically).
If you're just "some Western friend" whom the family doesn't know or has never met, then your likely to be dismissed as someone who doesn't understand or value their culture and their traditions.
If you're close to the family, it's a different issue. You're still going to be treading in dangerous waters.
If you decide to forge ahead with this (and you may wish to reconsider), then you will need to bend over backwards and choose every bit of language extraordinarily carefully.
In the end, you have to find a way to tell these people that their beliefs and culture and traditions are wrong and that yours are right without insulting them or their beliefs or their traditions or their culture.
I wish you luck.
posted by DWRoelands at 8:20 AM on June 28, 2011 [1 favorite]
If you're just "some Western friend" whom the family doesn't know or has never met, then your likely to be dismissed as someone who doesn't understand or value their culture and their traditions.
If you're close to the family, it's a different issue. You're still going to be treading in dangerous waters.
If you decide to forge ahead with this (and you may wish to reconsider), then you will need to bend over backwards and choose every bit of language extraordinarily carefully.
In the end, you have to find a way to tell these people that their beliefs and culture and traditions are wrong and that yours are right without insulting them or their beliefs or their traditions or their culture.
I wish you luck.
posted by DWRoelands at 8:20 AM on June 28, 2011 [1 favorite]
You are fighting hundreds if not thousands of years of established cultural practice here, and your friend has already said she will do as her parents wish. If Barsha won't stand up for herself there is nothing you can do. Let it go, this is not your battle to fight.
posted by COD at 8:21 AM on June 28, 2011
posted by COD at 8:21 AM on June 28, 2011
As an American that spends time in countries where stuff like this happens that I don't agree with personally, I want to Nth what valkyryn said, but add that this might be an uphill battle AND there are dozens of other variables here that you're not privy too.
I'd like for you to imagine all the outcomes of her making the choice to disobey her parents and the ways that this might impact her life for good and for bad FOREVER.
posted by k8t at 8:24 AM on June 28, 2011
I'd like for you to imagine all the outcomes of her making the choice to disobey her parents and the ways that this might impact her life for good and for bad FOREVER.
posted by k8t at 8:24 AM on June 28, 2011
Response by poster: Just a thought, but would the parents be nefarious enough to use any nursing school money you provide to supplement Barsha's dowry, thereby making her a better marriage prospect?
No, Barsha's parents are good people, but this is just the culture.
Barsha was saying that her mother's thinking was that marrying her off at 18 would take one thing off her plate...
...because Barsha has a 14-year-old sister who I'm sure their mother is worried about marrying off as well (although as Barsha pointed out, her sister's lighter skin will make the process easier).
I believe the thinking here is that any woman unmarried by 25 is kind of seen as un-marriable.
(A shopkeep I spoke to the other day asked me if I was married. I told him I hadn't met the right woman yet. He said, don't marry a woman, marry a girl. I think this guys thinking was that then the husband had more say in how the female behaved. Again, this was just this one guy, but...)
posted by blueberry at 8:27 AM on June 28, 2011
No, Barsha's parents are good people, but this is just the culture.
Barsha was saying that her mother's thinking was that marrying her off at 18 would take one thing off her plate...
...because Barsha has a 14-year-old sister who I'm sure their mother is worried about marrying off as well (although as Barsha pointed out, her sister's lighter skin will make the process easier).
I believe the thinking here is that any woman unmarried by 25 is kind of seen as un-marriable.
(A shopkeep I spoke to the other day asked me if I was married. I told him I hadn't met the right woman yet. He said, don't marry a woman, marry a girl. I think this guys thinking was that then the husband had more say in how the female behaved. Again, this was just this one guy, but...)
posted by blueberry at 8:27 AM on June 28, 2011
In my experience in other countries that operate sort of like this, there is some truth in the statement that it is significantly harder for women to get married after 25 or 26 or 27.
Again in my experience, families invest quite a bit into their late 'teens - early 20s daughters' wardrobes/hair/makeup/whatever in order to make them as marriageable as possible, but beyond that, people are less inclined to "invest" in education.
posted by k8t at 8:33 AM on June 28, 2011
Again in my experience, families invest quite a bit into their late 'teens - early 20s daughters' wardrobes/hair/makeup/whatever in order to make them as marriageable as possible, but beyond that, people are less inclined to "invest" in education.
posted by k8t at 8:33 AM on June 28, 2011
Response by poster: (Nursing school here in Kathmandu is about 3 years—Barsha would finish when she was about 20–21)
posted by blueberry at 8:52 AM on June 28, 2011
posted by blueberry at 8:52 AM on June 28, 2011
Please clarify a few points.
How long is nursing school? Are we asking the family to defer her marriage for a year or several years? Is this a deferral of marriage or is this possibly making her practically unmarriageable? What is the quality of life for an unmarried woman there?
I'm asking for two reasons. First your letter needs to address her eventual marriage prospects. Second, I'm inclined to contribute to her education fund, but I want to understand a bit more.
posted by 26.2 at 8:53 AM on June 28, 2011
How long is nursing school? Are we asking the family to defer her marriage for a year or several years? Is this a deferral of marriage or is this possibly making her practically unmarriageable? What is the quality of life for an unmarried woman there?
I'm asking for two reasons. First your letter needs to address her eventual marriage prospects. Second, I'm inclined to contribute to her education fund, but I want to understand a bit more.
posted by 26.2 at 8:53 AM on June 28, 2011
Even if she can't delay marriage, might it be possible to persuade her parents to specifically look for a husband that would support/allow her to continue her education?
posted by Salamandrous at 9:14 AM on June 28, 2011 [1 favorite]
posted by Salamandrous at 9:14 AM on June 28, 2011 [1 favorite]
In a society like this, no matter how much the parents love their daughter, she's not really theirs- she's going to become a member of someone else's family. The only argument that will carry much weight is the argument that more education=better deal on the dowry. I don't know if that's true or not, but it very well might be.
posted by showbiz_liz at 9:14 AM on June 28, 2011
posted by showbiz_liz at 9:14 AM on June 28, 2011
I wonder, are there any local examples of girls getting more education and then doing better economically? E.g., found a middle-class mate in school, got a job in the city and sent back money, etc.? I would think a local example would be more important than facts & figures.
Re facts and figures -- Piles of data about women in developing countries have been collected in connection with the UN's various documents on women's rights. Here's a country report from Nepal (unfortunately a bit old -- 1998). I'll google around but I'm certain those facts and findings are part of the UN data world.
posted by ClaudiaCenter at 9:19 AM on June 28, 2011
Re facts and figures -- Piles of data about women in developing countries have been collected in connection with the UN's various documents on women's rights. Here's a country report from Nepal (unfortunately a bit old -- 1998). I'll google around but I'm certain those facts and findings are part of the UN data world.
posted by ClaudiaCenter at 9:19 AM on June 28, 2011
Working on the assumption that they love her and want her to be happy - the issue comes down to a financial one. Presumably they want to marry her off as soon as possible to keep the dowry low (one assumes that younger = better = less dowry). Is it at all possible for her to work to pay for her nursing school and increased dowry?
posted by missmagenta at 9:22 AM on June 28, 2011
posted by missmagenta at 9:22 AM on June 28, 2011
Alan Guttmacher Institute also collects data -- see, e.g., here, here.
posted by ClaudiaCenter at 9:36 AM on June 28, 2011
posted by ClaudiaCenter at 9:36 AM on June 28, 2011
These women are likely to have this information upon request or to otherwise be allies. (Apologies if obvious filter for a Nepal-based MeFi.)
posted by ClaudiaCenter at 9:48 AM on June 28, 2011 [1 favorite]
posted by ClaudiaCenter at 9:48 AM on June 28, 2011 [1 favorite]
This Jezebel roundup is India-centric, but UNICEF info, etc., from the links may be helpful.
posted by nicebookrack at 9:51 AM on June 28, 2011
posted by nicebookrack at 9:51 AM on June 28, 2011
Not sure if this would apply in that particular culture. But could there be an argument for her going to school so that if the parents ever might need support in the future, she would have the skills and income to do so. Kind of like back up insurance for them?
posted by Vaike at 10:06 AM on June 28, 2011
posted by Vaike at 10:06 AM on June 28, 2011
According to Interpol, the age of "simple majority" in Nepal is 16, and the age of consent for marriage is 18 (with parental consent) or 21 (without). It sounds to me like Barsha is already a legal adult.
As for the tuition: if you and Barsha think it's a good idea, I have no doubt that MetaFilter can raise $6K for this. I have $50 right here that I'll contribute.
I've never used FirstGiving, but it looks like it might be a useful tool for raising that money.
This would have to be money given to Barsha, to spend as she sees fit, not to her parents. Depending on the law in Nepal, it might be best to hold it in escrow until she turns 18. (Are there any Nepalese lawyers in the house? If there's any site on the Web that might get an affirmative response to that question, it's MetaFilter...)
Obviously, Barsha would face some family fallout from this. Only she knows exactly what that fallout would be, and whether she's prepared to accept it in exchange for the opportunity to continue her education.
Let me know if you need any help organizing this. I'm totally not kidding. Who else has some spare cash to pledge?
Leave it be-this is not your culture and not your decision. Taking up this fight will just make you look like a culturally insensitive idiot. This is why Americans are disliked in Europe and the world-preach preach preach that WE know better...
Treating women as the legal, social, and economic equals of men, with the same opportunities—rather than second-class citizens condemned to illiteracy and dependence on their husbands—is better. If that's cultural imperialism, then boy howdy, I'm a cultural imperialist.
posted by ixohoxi at 10:16 AM on June 28, 2011 [7 favorites]
As for the tuition: if you and Barsha think it's a good idea, I have no doubt that MetaFilter can raise $6K for this. I have $50 right here that I'll contribute.
I've never used FirstGiving, but it looks like it might be a useful tool for raising that money.
This would have to be money given to Barsha, to spend as she sees fit, not to her parents. Depending on the law in Nepal, it might be best to hold it in escrow until she turns 18. (Are there any Nepalese lawyers in the house? If there's any site on the Web that might get an affirmative response to that question, it's MetaFilter...)
Obviously, Barsha would face some family fallout from this. Only she knows exactly what that fallout would be, and whether she's prepared to accept it in exchange for the opportunity to continue her education.
Let me know if you need any help organizing this. I'm totally not kidding. Who else has some spare cash to pledge?
Leave it be-this is not your culture and not your decision. Taking up this fight will just make you look like a culturally insensitive idiot. This is why Americans are disliked in Europe and the world-preach preach preach that WE know better...
Treating women as the legal, social, and economic equals of men, with the same opportunities—rather than second-class citizens condemned to illiteracy and dependence on their husbands—is better. If that's cultural imperialism, then boy howdy, I'm a cultural imperialist.
posted by ixohoxi at 10:16 AM on June 28, 2011 [7 favorites]
As valkyryn said, a lot of people here including me don't have the cultural background needed to really understand and strategize about this. But - one reason why it's good for women to have the education needed to have a better-paying job is that husbands can die, or become disabled, or be abusive and the wife needs to leave with the kids, etc. All kinds of things can go wrong, and if the woman is qualified to hold a good-paying job she has a lot more options for supporting herself, her kids (and her parents, if they don't have any sons).
posted by LobsterMitten at 11:38 AM on June 28, 2011 [2 favorites]
posted by LobsterMitten at 11:38 AM on June 28, 2011 [2 favorites]
As for the tuition: if you and Barsha think it's a good idea, I have no doubt that MetaFilter can raise $6K for this. I have $50 right here that I'll contribute.
Irregardless of anything else I have serious reservations that the MF administration will actual condone such fundraising under the Metafilter banner. You maybe/might be able to set something up through Projects as an independent project/goal, but people have been getting increasingly stroppy about direct fundraising.
posted by edgeways at 12:03 PM on June 28, 2011 [1 favorite]
Irregardless of anything else I have serious reservations that the MF administration will actual condone such fundraising under the Metafilter banner. You maybe/might be able to set something up through Projects as an independent project/goal, but people have been getting increasingly stroppy about direct fundraising.
posted by edgeways at 12:03 PM on June 28, 2011 [1 favorite]
There might be some helpful links or info in this recent MeFi thread.
In that thread, I linked to a report [pdf] by two development economists that includes data on how and why societal health is improved when women receive more education and delay marriage and childbearing past childhood/teenage years.
posted by hurdy gurdy girl at 12:34 PM on June 28, 2011
In that thread, I linked to a report [pdf] by two development economists that includes data on how and why societal health is improved when women receive more education and delay marriage and childbearing past childhood/teenage years.
posted by hurdy gurdy girl at 12:34 PM on June 28, 2011
Sorry, didn't check the link before posting. Here it is again [pdf of report].
posted by hurdy gurdy girl at 12:36 PM on June 28, 2011
posted by hurdy gurdy girl at 12:36 PM on June 28, 2011
Sorry—I didn't mean to suggest that any fundraiser would be sponsored or endorsed by the MetaFilter admins, or presented as A MetaFilter™ Project; merely that it could draw on the MetaFilter user base (among other sources) for contributions. MeFi has done amazing things before with little or no official involvement, just through large numbers of small acts of good will. Simply putting a link to the donation page in this thread would be sufficient to get the ball rolling, I think.
Obviously, it's up to the admins whether they want to lend any "official" endorsement, and how they want the fundraiser mentioned on the site (if at all).
Sorry if this is a derail. It just seems to me that the root problem is the lack of money for tuition. If her parents are reluctant to provide that money, a fundraiser would be one way (and, I think, an effective one) to get it.
posted by ixohoxi at 12:51 PM on June 28, 2011
Obviously, it's up to the admins whether they want to lend any "official" endorsement, and how they want the fundraiser mentioned on the site (if at all).
Sorry if this is a derail. It just seems to me that the root problem is the lack of money for tuition. If her parents are reluctant to provide that money, a fundraiser would be one way (and, I think, an effective one) to get it.
posted by ixohoxi at 12:51 PM on June 28, 2011
Upon closer examination, it looks like FirstGiving is really built to raise money for non-profit organizations, and probably wouldn't work for a situation like this.
An alternative idea: just set up a PayPal account, and slap up a one-page site explaining the situation, with a PayPal donation form. Dead easy to set up.
posted by ixohoxi at 2:51 PM on June 28, 2011 [1 favorite]
An alternative idea: just set up a PayPal account, and slap up a one-page site explaining the situation, with a PayPal donation form. Dead easy to set up.
posted by ixohoxi at 2:51 PM on June 28, 2011 [1 favorite]
I think the young woman needs agency in her life -- doing what she chooses, not what her parents think is best and not (respectfully) what you and I think are best -- and I think your well-meaning plan will only cause strife between her and her family. Really, she needs fewer people telling her what to do and making decisions for her or taking actions on her behalf. (And I get where you are coming from, but neither of us are coming from Nepal.) However,
because Barsha has a 14-year-old sister who I'm sure their mother is worried about marrying off as well
If you are addressing points in a letter anyway, you might address this one. My limited understanding is that the marriages of daughters goes from oldest to youngest. That is, the second-oldest daughter does not marry until the oldest one does. So, if your friend waits, then so does her sister if your friend does not finish school before her sister becomes of age.
Your understanding of her skin tone and an older age making her less-marriageable corresponds with my own understanding.
posted by Houstonian at 6:32 PM on June 28, 2011
because Barsha has a 14-year-old sister who I'm sure their mother is worried about marrying off as well
If you are addressing points in a letter anyway, you might address this one. My limited understanding is that the marriages of daughters goes from oldest to youngest. That is, the second-oldest daughter does not marry until the oldest one does. So, if your friend waits, then so does her sister if your friend does not finish school before her sister becomes of age.
Your understanding of her skin tone and an older age making her less-marriageable corresponds with my own understanding.
posted by Houstonian at 6:32 PM on June 28, 2011
Well, here's what Barsha thinks is best for Barsha:
Barsha would like to be attending nursing school here in Kathmandu
Barsha doesn't want to get married yet
posted by ixohoxi at 6:40 PM on June 28, 2011 [1 favorite]
Barsha would like to be attending nursing school here in Kathmandu
Barsha doesn't want to get married yet
posted by ixohoxi at 6:40 PM on June 28, 2011 [1 favorite]
Response by poster: Thanks to everyone who chimed in with helpful input and ideas.
Just to be clear, none of this was my idea.
The want of further schooling, the desire to attend nursing school, not wanting to get married in less than 12 months—this is all Barsha; a smart, funny, sweet, brave 17-year-old.
My only role in this is thinking (and hoping) that I might be able to help her achieve her goals.
Again, the nursing program is 3 years long and costs "4 lakh".
(400,000 Nepali rupees, approx. $5568.37 at today's exchange rate)
I spoke with Barsha again this afternoon.
She explained how her parents would sell some of their land to get the money for her dowry.
I asked if they might be able to do that on a smaller scale to raise money for schooling instead, but she said her mother wasn't interested in doing that.
"Well," I said, "if you had a dream where you were walking down the street and found a box with 4 lakh rupees in it, what would you do? Could you go to nursing school then? Or would your mother still say 'No, even with the funds, you need to get married at 18.'"
She said her mother would be okay with her going to nursing school in such a situation.
"Where would you live while you went to school?" I asked.
"Here with my family" she said. "Although once I got a job as a nurse, I'd probably live in a hostel [like a dorm apartment I think] because then I would be closer to the hospital."
She also mentioned that one of the staff that she works with at the hospital here (remember, she does lab work) encouraged her to go to nursing school. And, he said, if she did well, she might be eligible for [some kind of] a scholarship. Barsha wasn't sure what such a scholarship would cover, but it was nice to hear all the same.
Barsha asked me to help her set up an email account, which we have done. I am leaving Nepal on Friday, but the email will hopefully allow me to talk with her on a weekly-or-so basis (whenever she goes to the cybershop).
(I happen to have a relative back in the states who is very knowledgable about funding larger not-for-profits and such things, so I may run the idea past her, but...)
if anyone has more ideas about fund-raising for Barsha, I would be delighted to hear them.
My hope is there is something that can be set up similar to Kickstarter, with the money raised being kind of hands-off to everyone, and then it can be set up to just pay, say, the school directly or something. (I'm assuming that if anyone "touches" the money (like if I collected it in a coffee can), there'd be some sort of tax liability). I'm not sure if the nursing program is paid all up front, or if I could do fundraising in smaller amounts—say, a year's tuition at a time. I'll try to remember to ask her tomorrow if she knows what the payment situation is like.
So, that's the info I have as of this rainy evening. I am encouraged to hear that her mother might be open to the idea, although until I have anything nailed down, I am hesitant to mention anything to Barsha yet, other than letting her know that I am actively thinking about her situation.
Again, thank you all so much for your helpful input!
posted by blueberry at 8:55 AM on June 29, 2011
Just to be clear, none of this was my idea.
The want of further schooling, the desire to attend nursing school, not wanting to get married in less than 12 months—this is all Barsha; a smart, funny, sweet, brave 17-year-old.
My only role in this is thinking (and hoping) that I might be able to help her achieve her goals.
Again, the nursing program is 3 years long and costs "4 lakh".
(400,000 Nepali rupees, approx. $5568.37 at today's exchange rate)
I spoke with Barsha again this afternoon.
She explained how her parents would sell some of their land to get the money for her dowry.
I asked if they might be able to do that on a smaller scale to raise money for schooling instead, but she said her mother wasn't interested in doing that.
"Well," I said, "if you had a dream where you were walking down the street and found a box with 4 lakh rupees in it, what would you do? Could you go to nursing school then? Or would your mother still say 'No, even with the funds, you need to get married at 18.'"
She said her mother would be okay with her going to nursing school in such a situation.
"Where would you live while you went to school?" I asked.
"Here with my family" she said. "Although once I got a job as a nurse, I'd probably live in a hostel [like a dorm apartment I think] because then I would be closer to the hospital."
She also mentioned that one of the staff that she works with at the hospital here (remember, she does lab work) encouraged her to go to nursing school. And, he said, if she did well, she might be eligible for [some kind of] a scholarship. Barsha wasn't sure what such a scholarship would cover, but it was nice to hear all the same.
Barsha asked me to help her set up an email account, which we have done. I am leaving Nepal on Friday, but the email will hopefully allow me to talk with her on a weekly-or-so basis (whenever she goes to the cybershop).
(I happen to have a relative back in the states who is very knowledgable about funding larger not-for-profits and such things, so I may run the idea past her, but...)
if anyone has more ideas about fund-raising for Barsha, I would be delighted to hear them.
My hope is there is something that can be set up similar to Kickstarter, with the money raised being kind of hands-off to everyone, and then it can be set up to just pay, say, the school directly or something. (I'm assuming that if anyone "touches" the money (like if I collected it in a coffee can), there'd be some sort of tax liability). I'm not sure if the nursing program is paid all up front, or if I could do fundraising in smaller amounts—say, a year's tuition at a time. I'll try to remember to ask her tomorrow if she knows what the payment situation is like.
So, that's the info I have as of this rainy evening. I am encouraged to hear that her mother might be open to the idea, although until I have anything nailed down, I am hesitant to mention anything to Barsha yet, other than letting her know that I am actively thinking about her situation.
Again, thank you all so much for your helpful input!
posted by blueberry at 8:55 AM on June 29, 2011
In addition to your efforts, she might look at applying for scholarships. Here are some examples:
- Nepali Women’s Global Network (NWGN) has several scholarships, including one to help women get education in nursing
- The Manakamana Women's Campus Fund helps women get education in health and education
- The Bo M. Karlsson Foundation has scholarships for people with financial hardships
- The American-Nepal Society of California lists two scholarships for needy Nepali people -- one specifically for women
- Women in Need, International operates several scholarships for women in Nepal
posted by Houstonian at 5:39 PM on June 29, 2011 [2 favorites]
- Nepali Women’s Global Network (NWGN) has several scholarships, including one to help women get education in nursing
- The Manakamana Women's Campus Fund helps women get education in health and education
- The Bo M. Karlsson Foundation has scholarships for people with financial hardships
- The American-Nepal Society of California lists two scholarships for needy Nepali people -- one specifically for women
- Women in Need, International operates several scholarships for women in Nepal
posted by Houstonian at 5:39 PM on June 29, 2011 [2 favorites]
Response by poster: Just a bit of an update.
I spoke with Barsha again this afternoon and asked her if the entire 4 lakh was due at the beginning. No. Apparently, at the beginning there is a 1,500 rupee ($20.84) entrance exam, then a 60,000 rupee ($833.48) admission fee, and a monthly fee of 3,000 rupees ($41.67). I asked about books, but she wasn't sure what they might cost exactly. Also, she thought there might be a fee for the "practical" portion (I believe the part where she would be being trained in the actual hospital).
Thank you all for your input! I'm traveling the next couple of days, so may be out of touch, but please feel free to leave any more comments, suggestions, links, ideas. Thank you!
posted by blueberry at 9:19 AM on June 30, 2011 [1 favorite]
I spoke with Barsha again this afternoon and asked her if the entire 4 lakh was due at the beginning. No. Apparently, at the beginning there is a 1,500 rupee ($20.84) entrance exam, then a 60,000 rupee ($833.48) admission fee, and a monthly fee of 3,000 rupees ($41.67). I asked about books, but she wasn't sure what they might cost exactly. Also, she thought there might be a fee for the "practical" portion (I believe the part where she would be being trained in the actual hospital).
Thank you all for your input! I'm traveling the next couple of days, so may be out of touch, but please feel free to leave any more comments, suggestions, links, ideas. Thank you!
posted by blueberry at 9:19 AM on June 30, 2011 [1 favorite]
PayPal offers tools and advice specifically for fundraising. I haven't looked very closely at these links, so I don't know how useful they are—just throwing them out there.
I also found this advice. It's provided by the state of Massachusetts, but much of it is probably still applicable.
Key takeaway: "No matter what you choose to call your fundraising activity, it is not considered a charitable activity if it benefits only a specific individual or individuals. Donors to your fundraising campaign are essentially making a gift to the beneficiary."
In my mind, the only sticking point—and it's not a problem, really, just something that needs to be figured out—is the question of taxes. The government will probably want its cut at some point—who pays that tax, and when, and how?
I'm guessing that the ideal scenario would be for Barsha to open a bank account in her own name, and for donations to be made directly to that account. If that money would be taxable (and I suspect it would be), the fundraising goal would have to be more than $6,000 in order to cover the taxes (and the PayPal costs, which are small but non-zero).
You could probably get some helpful guidance on the tax issue with another AskMe question.
posted by ixohoxi at 7:48 AM on July 1, 2011
I also found this advice. It's provided by the state of Massachusetts, but much of it is probably still applicable.
Key takeaway: "No matter what you choose to call your fundraising activity, it is not considered a charitable activity if it benefits only a specific individual or individuals. Donors to your fundraising campaign are essentially making a gift to the beneficiary."
In my mind, the only sticking point—and it's not a problem, really, just something that needs to be figured out—is the question of taxes. The government will probably want its cut at some point—who pays that tax, and when, and how?
I'm guessing that the ideal scenario would be for Barsha to open a bank account in her own name, and for donations to be made directly to that account. If that money would be taxable (and I suspect it would be), the fundraising goal would have to be more than $6,000 in order to cover the taxes (and the PayPal costs, which are small but non-zero).
You could probably get some helpful guidance on the tax issue with another AskMe question.
posted by ixohoxi at 7:48 AM on July 1, 2011
Funneling donations into a simple private bank account—whether in Barsha's name, or yours—would probably keep things simplest, but I can see the argument for some kind of escrow.
I've never created or used an escrow account, so I don't much about it. However, these questions seem pertinent:
—Could individual donations be made directly to the escrow account? e.g., could a PayPal account be linked to that account, like any other bank account?
—What's involved in naming the school as the receiving party on the account? Is this likely to require more cooperation from the school than is practical? I can't imagine that a school would be interested in negotiating special-snowflake terms for receipt of tuition for a single student.
posted by ixohoxi at 8:11 AM on July 1, 2011
I've never created or used an escrow account, so I don't much about it. However, these questions seem pertinent:
—Could individual donations be made directly to the escrow account? e.g., could a PayPal account be linked to that account, like any other bank account?
—What's involved in naming the school as the receiving party on the account? Is this likely to require more cooperation from the school than is practical? I can't imagine that a school would be interested in negotiating special-snowflake terms for receipt of tuition for a single student.
posted by ixohoxi at 8:11 AM on July 1, 2011
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posted by 200burritos at 8:09 AM on June 28, 2011 [3 favorites]